Friday, April 27, 2001
blog blog blog
so yeah, hey everyone, i haven't been blogging as much as I would like too. There is so much I would like to say, but would like to keep to myself as well. There are some things that I would like to remain more or less private right now. At the same time, I want to shout them out and tell everyone how I feel. Oh well, I think I will hoarde them for myself. I think I have this subconcious fear that if I start telling people, the feelings will somehow start losing their validity, and I want to keep them for as long as I can... so yeah, I am not pouring my soul into this blog, at least for now... Eventually I will, I promise. I will not be able to keep this to myself for long. I will say that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. This past week has been literally one of the greatest of my life, and has looking forward to next week, because i know it will be just as good. I think I am finally pulling out of the strange depression that started setting in the middle of last school year, and almost disabled me in the few months right after christmas. I told myself during that time that I didn't need love, or even really female companionship. I saw my friends getting their hearts broken all around me, and I considered myself lucky because I didn't have to deal with any of it. Now that I have possibly both, I realize how misguided I was. I was the unlucky one. This past week has done more for me than anything I have told myself, justified to myself, or done for myself in the past year. I will always have this week, and no matter what happens in the weeks to come, I am a better person because of it.
in other (related) news, I had an incredible time last night with Ali (Al to the rest of you ;). Dinner was more of a formality, but it was enjoyable. She hurt her knee, so instead of trying to walk to the mix, or going to take a stroll at the seattle center like I had planned, we just went back to dan's place. We stood out on the balcony together for a while, just enjoying the view, and pointing out various locations, such as where we live, and where the coin took me a few weekends ago ;) eventually, we moved into the cluster room, then into dan's room to listen to music and such. We just sat their, enjoying each others company and the feel of each other's warmth. We didn't really need to talk. In fact, we didn't really talk that much the whole night. We talked about this today, and reflected about how beautiful the situation was. We had spent the past 3 nights talking and chatting pretty much constantly. Last night, there wasn't much that needed to be said, and it was wonderful :) at about 4, we finally took them home, and finally parted ways. It was hard to do, but both of us were still happy because we knew we would see each other again, eventually. She is going home for the weekend, so she won't be around. It will be tough not being able to see her. I am going to have to find a way to go see her next week. I can't wait for things to happen over the weekend. I am trouble enough not being able to see her today......
Anyways, I haven't felt this way in a long time. It is wonderful, I had forgotten what it was like. Everything reminds me of her. I was driving home from work yesterday, and almost turned around because this song reminded me so much of her and summed up my feelings at the moment so well that the fact that she was not their at the particular moment was unbearable. The song is BT - Remember if any of you want to further nestle yourselves into my mind. There is a part in the middle that goes
Searching for strength.
Can I face this day.
Blinded by your love we stay.
You're always there,
you're in my head
still chasing skies.
I need you.
Oh, I miss you.
This part hit me like a brick in the face (who ever knew a brick could feel so good), because this is what I had been thinking for the past 3 days. Combined with the songs gentle melodies and incredible vocals, this part of the song was just so powerful to me at the moment. When ever I miss her now, I go listen to this song. Needless to say, I have been listening to it a lot.
Trav, I think you are making the right decision by attempting to move on. I have been watching your blogs the past little while seeing the pain you are obviously pouring into your posts. I have a lot of respect for you because of your blog. I feel like you are confiding in me personally when i read it, even though i know you aren't. It is kind of cool. I can see how tough a time you are having with this, and we are here for you if you need it. She said friends listen. Friends don't tell friends to go away......
oh yeah, I would like to dedicate this little area of this blog to Tripat. That crazy mofo never ceases to amaze me. I never knew he was in a band until a few days ago, and now he pulls out some incredible poetry. If you wrote that Trip, you rule :) I wish Ali could be there with me to watch you play, but you can be damn sure I will be there if I can. I can't see anything pulling me away from it, so kick some ass :D
Alright, well, I kind of went back on my word, haha. It felt good to write some of this down, especially some of the things in the middle there. I don't know how many people read this, but I am glad to share it with you. I still have plenty in here to keep to myself, and it felt good to get some things out there. Check you all later, out.
so yeah, hey everyone, i haven't been blogging as much as I would like too. There is so much I would like to say, but would like to keep to myself as well. There are some things that I would like to remain more or less private right now. At the same time, I want to shout them out and tell everyone how I feel. Oh well, I think I will hoarde them for myself. I think I have this subconcious fear that if I start telling people, the feelings will somehow start losing their validity, and I want to keep them for as long as I can... so yeah, I am not pouring my soul into this blog, at least for now... Eventually I will, I promise. I will not be able to keep this to myself for long. I will say that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. This past week has been literally one of the greatest of my life, and has looking forward to next week, because i know it will be just as good. I think I am finally pulling out of the strange depression that started setting in the middle of last school year, and almost disabled me in the few months right after christmas. I told myself during that time that I didn't need love, or even really female companionship. I saw my friends getting their hearts broken all around me, and I considered myself lucky because I didn't have to deal with any of it. Now that I have possibly both, I realize how misguided I was. I was the unlucky one. This past week has done more for me than anything I have told myself, justified to myself, or done for myself in the past year. I will always have this week, and no matter what happens in the weeks to come, I am a better person because of it.
in other (related) news, I had an incredible time last night with Ali (Al to the rest of you ;). Dinner was more of a formality, but it was enjoyable. She hurt her knee, so instead of trying to walk to the mix, or going to take a stroll at the seattle center like I had planned, we just went back to dan's place. We stood out on the balcony together for a while, just enjoying the view, and pointing out various locations, such as where we live, and where the coin took me a few weekends ago ;) eventually, we moved into the cluster room, then into dan's room to listen to music and such. We just sat their, enjoying each others company and the feel of each other's warmth. We didn't really need to talk. In fact, we didn't really talk that much the whole night. We talked about this today, and reflected about how beautiful the situation was. We had spent the past 3 nights talking and chatting pretty much constantly. Last night, there wasn't much that needed to be said, and it was wonderful :) at about 4, we finally took them home, and finally parted ways. It was hard to do, but both of us were still happy because we knew we would see each other again, eventually. She is going home for the weekend, so she won't be around. It will be tough not being able to see her. I am going to have to find a way to go see her next week. I can't wait for things to happen over the weekend. I am trouble enough not being able to see her today......
Anyways, I haven't felt this way in a long time. It is wonderful, I had forgotten what it was like. Everything reminds me of her. I was driving home from work yesterday, and almost turned around because this song reminded me so much of her and summed up my feelings at the moment so well that the fact that she was not their at the particular moment was unbearable. The song is BT - Remember if any of you want to further nestle yourselves into my mind. There is a part in the middle that goes
Searching for strength.
Can I face this day.
Blinded by your love we stay.
You're always there,
you're in my head
still chasing skies.
I need you.
Oh, I miss you.
This part hit me like a brick in the face (who ever knew a brick could feel so good), because this is what I had been thinking for the past 3 days. Combined with the songs gentle melodies and incredible vocals, this part of the song was just so powerful to me at the moment. When ever I miss her now, I go listen to this song. Needless to say, I have been listening to it a lot.
Trav, I think you are making the right decision by attempting to move on. I have been watching your blogs the past little while seeing the pain you are obviously pouring into your posts. I have a lot of respect for you because of your blog. I feel like you are confiding in me personally when i read it, even though i know you aren't. It is kind of cool. I can see how tough a time you are having with this, and we are here for you if you need it. She said friends listen. Friends don't tell friends to go away......
oh yeah, I would like to dedicate this little area of this blog to Tripat. That crazy mofo never ceases to amaze me. I never knew he was in a band until a few days ago, and now he pulls out some incredible poetry. If you wrote that Trip, you rule :) I wish Ali could be there with me to watch you play, but you can be damn sure I will be there if I can. I can't see anything pulling me away from it, so kick some ass :D
Alright, well, I kind of went back on my word, haha. It felt good to write some of this down, especially some of the things in the middle there. I don't know how many people read this, but I am glad to share it with you. I still have plenty in here to keep to myself, and it felt good to get some things out there. Check you all later, out.
