The first really good thing to happen to me in a long time, and now I am questioning it, lol. I am questioning myself more than anything, and what I am going to do to screw it up. I know deep down that I have nothing to be afraid of, but still I am scared. What if I do find a way to blow it? Is it really as good as I am making it out to be? A few minutes ago, I got really scared. In a few more minutes, I will be happy again, but right now I am afraid. I have nothing to be afraid of. Everything is going to be fine. It is just that nothing really important has gone right for me in the past year or so, until possibly now. So now I am questioning it. I am a moron, and I keep wondering what I am going to do to screw it up, like I have screwed up everything in my life recently. I will not screw it up. Everything will be fine. I will perfectly happy and content again next time I talk to her, and all my fears will slip away again. The only problem is, she is visiting parents or something tonight. I miss talking to her already. I wish she could have come tonight, hell, I wish I could just see her, or know she was in the same room or on the other end of the phone....

I am completely smitten here, and with this intense feeling of joy comes the obvious fears that a life of depression always brings. She pulls me out of this depression, whenever I talk to her. We have only known each other for a week, and I am so happy I do. This week alone has boosted my confidence to levels I have rarely known, and even if nothing more happens, I will always remember this week. How is it that one week could effect my life in such a drastic way.....

frivved up by Ben at 12:47 PM