Wednesday, May 23, 2001
alright, beyotches. bloggin time
so yeah, i was sitting at work, not doing anything in the office. i am wondering, do any of you ever get really paranoid that other people know what you are thinking? like, there are several different levels of thinking. there is the outer level, like the loudest one, the one you can control and shit, to think about stuff. then there are like other levels, where you can't really control it, it is what you are actually thinking. well, i dunno, my different levels sometimes get into arguements. no shitting, i am wondering if this is normal. i am constantly telling my outer thoughts to shut the hell up, because i am paranoid that people can hear me. it sucks, but i do it all the fucking time. i don't know why. it is really wierd. does anyone else ever do this? like, if you are with someone, like at work or something, and you just think like "i want to kill that person with my weeding tool and steal their shoes" or some shit, something that you are afraid they are going to hear, but you don't want them to hear, so you force yourself to think about other shit, just in case they hear it. shit like having an attractive female co-worker bend over and see their underwear poking out and then thinking about them with their pants off or something, something you really don't want to do, because it makes it uncomfortable. then you make excuses about it in your head, just in case they can hear it to explain yourself. i don't think this is normal behavior. i think it is borderline schitzophrenia. I do believe i have multiple personalities sometimes, because i have arguements with myself. damn, this post is making me feel uncomfortable. anyways, this is what i have been thinking about. I have been thinking a lot lately. it has been a thinking week instead of a daze out and don't think week. yes i have both. maybe this is the whole multiple personality thing again....... fuck, i am messed up. people go to therapy for this kind of shit, and i am writing it all in something called a BLOG......
so yeah, i was sitting at work, not doing anything in the office. i am wondering, do any of you ever get really paranoid that other people know what you are thinking? like, there are several different levels of thinking. there is the outer level, like the loudest one, the one you can control and shit, to think about stuff. then there are like other levels, where you can't really control it, it is what you are actually thinking. well, i dunno, my different levels sometimes get into arguements. no shitting, i am wondering if this is normal. i am constantly telling my outer thoughts to shut the hell up, because i am paranoid that people can hear me. it sucks, but i do it all the fucking time. i don't know why. it is really wierd. does anyone else ever do this? like, if you are with someone, like at work or something, and you just think like "i want to kill that person with my weeding tool and steal their shoes" or some shit, something that you are afraid they are going to hear, but you don't want them to hear, so you force yourself to think about other shit, just in case they hear it. shit like having an attractive female co-worker bend over and see their underwear poking out and then thinking about them with their pants off or something, something you really don't want to do, because it makes it uncomfortable. then you make excuses about it in your head, just in case they can hear it to explain yourself. i don't think this is normal behavior. i think it is borderline schitzophrenia. I do believe i have multiple personalities sometimes, because i have arguements with myself. damn, this post is making me feel uncomfortable. anyways, this is what i have been thinking about. I have been thinking a lot lately. it has been a thinking week instead of a daze out and don't think week. yes i have both. maybe this is the whole multiple personality thing again....... fuck, i am messed up. people go to therapy for this kind of shit, and i am writing it all in something called a BLOG......
