Saturday, May 12, 2001
ok, so we crashed Matt's house last night, and pissed everyone off. sorry about that, lol :)
Alright, where to begin. Things between Ali and I are over. I don't know if she knows that they are completely over, or wants them to be completely over, but I am ready to wash my hands of this situation. Bring us to thursday night. One of her friends is talking to me on messenger. She tells me all this stuff about how I was going to get kicked to the street and I was being played like a tool, but I saw the truth in it, and it is nothing I hadn't thought about. It was just really really harsh, and it pissed me off. Then she made a pass at me, and told me that Ali was tired of me and trying to set me and her up. I was just like bah, ignored the comment, and chatted politely with her for a little bit longer then went to bed. I was pissed, because at this point I thought it was all true. I couldn't sleep of course, so finally I got up and told work I wasn't coming in, and sent a message to Ali asking her why she did it. She got pissed at me at first, then I told her everything her friend had said, then she got mad at her friend. Then she told me she would never, do anything like that, and that she really liked me and wanted to be with me and all that jazz. Basically said she would never kick me to the curb like her friend said. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but at least now I was hoping it wouldn't happen for a while. So basically I am feeling good, because she had said it was all untrue, and I believed her. Hence the need to do something Friday night, so I can see her.
That was friday morning, emotionally draining, but leaving me feeling good (even through the exhaustion). I went over around noon or so to check out a house with Jay, then we hung out for a bit. Eventually, we went over to Dans, called some friends over and tried to figure out what to do. The outlook is bleak, as Matt tells us nothing is going on, even though a few of the usual suspects are over there. They tell us not to come over, which we ignore. So, Alicia gets home, things are ok, she is fine with us being there, until Ali and her gang showed up, lol. My bad guys, I appologize ;) So, we leave, and go to someone else's house. things are going ok, i guess. I was drinking, which is always good, but Ali is acting a little distant. I am just like shit... So eventually, she pulls me out into my car, and gives me the whole "I can't limit myself to one guy right now" speech. What the fuck. Pisses me off. I get booted to the curb, exactly what she promised not to do THE SAME FUCKING MORNING. I wish I could remember that conversation a little better. I was pretty drunk. Actually, I probably don't want to remember it all, it would just make me more mad. So yeah. I'm not sure what she thinks is going to happen, but I assume she is just going to cast me aside, never to be heard from again. After all that shit that morning about how there was no way she was going to do this.
This really makes me mad. She has been leading me on for 3 weeks now, and doing a really good job at it. She actually had me convinced she wanted to be with me, even through all the doubts. Even after I called her out on it Friday morning, she convinced me back. All lies. She didn't really want me. She was just jerking me around the entire time. Whatever, it happens a lot. I brought it on myself by being way too attached way too early. I believe she knew what she was doing. She wrapped me around her little finger knowing this would happen, and just kept wrapping tighter. Finally she got bored of having me as her little toy so she tosses me in the trash. It is all a scenario I had played out in my head and that her friend legitamized, but still I didn't want to believe it. Stupid. I saw it coming, which lessens the blow. But still, it makes me a little mad. A lot of things make me mad about it. The fact that she has been lying, that makes me really mad. Why would she say these things that she doesn't really mean. Why did she let me say what I did, and come right back with the same things when she didn't really mean them. Why did she feel the need to jerk me around. Why didn't she just tell me in the morning, instead of lying again, leading me on more, only to do it that fucking night, successfully ruining it. She didn't even wait till the end of the party, it was right in the middle. Why did she do that, that was just cruel.
So yeah, I really shouldn't be complaining. It was a fun 3 weeks. Even if she did just use me, she picked me to jerk around. My confidence is still higher than it has been in a long time because of this. She had to have seen something in me, otherwise she would have just brushed me off. I think she did actually like me at some point. I don't believe everything she said was a lie. I believe there was a point where she had genuinely strong feelings for me. I believe she wasn't just using me as toy the entire 3 weeks. I believe she is just a fickle, indecisive woman with an extremely short attention span. I was just the flavor of the week, so to speak. So yeah, I had fun, it takes something truely monumental to actually get me down, and this wasn't. It was only 3 weeks, its not like we had a real relationship or anything. By tomorrow it will be more or less forgotten, and I will be back to normal :) I try not to dwell on things. live and learn. things happen. things aren't always good. there is nothing you can do about it.
So yeah, whats up tonight, lol ;)
Alright, where to begin. Things between Ali and I are over. I don't know if she knows that they are completely over, or wants them to be completely over, but I am ready to wash my hands of this situation. Bring us to thursday night. One of her friends is talking to me on messenger. She tells me all this stuff about how I was going to get kicked to the street and I was being played like a tool, but I saw the truth in it, and it is nothing I hadn't thought about. It was just really really harsh, and it pissed me off. Then she made a pass at me, and told me that Ali was tired of me and trying to set me and her up. I was just like bah, ignored the comment, and chatted politely with her for a little bit longer then went to bed. I was pissed, because at this point I thought it was all true. I couldn't sleep of course, so finally I got up and told work I wasn't coming in, and sent a message to Ali asking her why she did it. She got pissed at me at first, then I told her everything her friend had said, then she got mad at her friend. Then she told me she would never, do anything like that, and that she really liked me and wanted to be with me and all that jazz. Basically said she would never kick me to the curb like her friend said. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but at least now I was hoping it wouldn't happen for a while. So basically I am feeling good, because she had said it was all untrue, and I believed her. Hence the need to do something Friday night, so I can see her.
That was friday morning, emotionally draining, but leaving me feeling good (even through the exhaustion). I went over around noon or so to check out a house with Jay, then we hung out for a bit. Eventually, we went over to Dans, called some friends over and tried to figure out what to do. The outlook is bleak, as Matt tells us nothing is going on, even though a few of the usual suspects are over there. They tell us not to come over, which we ignore. So, Alicia gets home, things are ok, she is fine with us being there, until Ali and her gang showed up, lol. My bad guys, I appologize ;) So, we leave, and go to someone else's house. things are going ok, i guess. I was drinking, which is always good, but Ali is acting a little distant. I am just like shit... So eventually, she pulls me out into my car, and gives me the whole "I can't limit myself to one guy right now" speech. What the fuck. Pisses me off. I get booted to the curb, exactly what she promised not to do THE SAME FUCKING MORNING. I wish I could remember that conversation a little better. I was pretty drunk. Actually, I probably don't want to remember it all, it would just make me more mad. So yeah. I'm not sure what she thinks is going to happen, but I assume she is just going to cast me aside, never to be heard from again. After all that shit that morning about how there was no way she was going to do this.
This really makes me mad. She has been leading me on for 3 weeks now, and doing a really good job at it. She actually had me convinced she wanted to be with me, even through all the doubts. Even after I called her out on it Friday morning, she convinced me back. All lies. She didn't really want me. She was just jerking me around the entire time. Whatever, it happens a lot. I brought it on myself by being way too attached way too early. I believe she knew what she was doing. She wrapped me around her little finger knowing this would happen, and just kept wrapping tighter. Finally she got bored of having me as her little toy so she tosses me in the trash. It is all a scenario I had played out in my head and that her friend legitamized, but still I didn't want to believe it. Stupid. I saw it coming, which lessens the blow. But still, it makes me a little mad. A lot of things make me mad about it. The fact that she has been lying, that makes me really mad. Why would she say these things that she doesn't really mean. Why did she let me say what I did, and come right back with the same things when she didn't really mean them. Why did she feel the need to jerk me around. Why didn't she just tell me in the morning, instead of lying again, leading me on more, only to do it that fucking night, successfully ruining it. She didn't even wait till the end of the party, it was right in the middle. Why did she do that, that was just cruel.
So yeah, I really shouldn't be complaining. It was a fun 3 weeks. Even if she did just use me, she picked me to jerk around. My confidence is still higher than it has been in a long time because of this. She had to have seen something in me, otherwise she would have just brushed me off. I think she did actually like me at some point. I don't believe everything she said was a lie. I believe there was a point where she had genuinely strong feelings for me. I believe she wasn't just using me as toy the entire 3 weeks. I believe she is just a fickle, indecisive woman with an extremely short attention span. I was just the flavor of the week, so to speak. So yeah, I had fun, it takes something truely monumental to actually get me down, and this wasn't. It was only 3 weeks, its not like we had a real relationship or anything. By tomorrow it will be more or less forgotten, and I will be back to normal :) I try not to dwell on things. live and learn. things happen. things aren't always good. there is nothing you can do about it.
So yeah, whats up tonight, lol ;)
