why do i beat myself up over little things. why am do i always question myself. why does trav have to be so right, then go on and post more about ashleigh, lol. it is a confidence thing, in that i don't have any. I never have, really. I try to be confident, but it doesn't work. this is why i haven't had a girlfriend since highschool. It isn't that i couldn't get one, it was that i had convinced myself i couldn't get one. I convinced myself i was unattractive, boring, lazy, and annoying. I am lazy, and i can be annoying and boring at times, and i have no idea whether i am attractive or not, but i would not use these words to characterize myself right now. dammit trav you suck. you are making me think about myself, and my flaws, bastage ;) eventually i will have confidence, and i will be able to be normal, but i am not quite there yet. the trick is hiding this fact from everyone else, which i think i do an ok job at.

I like reading blogs. I get all sorts of insights on to who people are, things i never would have picked up on in conversations. I like to be able to say anything i want, and not care who reads it. this blog is open to anyone in the universe, if they happen to find it. sometimes i am kind of curious who actually reads this, but in other ways i don't care. this blog isn't for anyone but myself. I use this as a release.

oh yeah, my song was Dolly Parton - 9 to 5. doesn't get much worse.......

today is PAY DAY!!!! fuck yeah, i can pay off my credit card bill

frivved up by Ben at 6:07 PM