Tuesday, June 19, 2001
blog :P
so this is what i have been reduced too. i keep going back over that fucking blog from yesterday and yelling at myself. what a bitter asshole i have become. fuck me. the one good thing to happen to me in the past 6 months, and i turn it all around as a way to feel sorry for myself. what the fuck. i am an asshole. fucking read that shit!! good lord, i was happy about what i did. that is just bad. bah. fucking eh. i have no reason to be bitter. i have no reason to be mean to ali. i have no reason to not be trying to get her back. my one relationship (no matter how bs it was) in the past year and a half, and i fucked it all up. now i have all these chances to rectify the situation, but i use that time to be a jerk off. what the hell. why did i do that? what the hell kind of crack am i smoking. why am i not trying to get her back or anything. why am i just sitting here bitching about it.
I think i need to change again. I put a pull up, answer it if you want. i have been thinking about myself. ever since college, i have never gone out of my way to find a relationship. in fact, i pretty much avoid them. i don't see parties as a way to hook up and score. any flirting i do is friendly, not meant to woo people to me. i don't look at girls as potential girlfriends. i am thinking maybe i should. i was completely different when i had a girlfriend. i don't know which me i liked better. maybe i should have a girlfriend. maybe i should be looking for one, instead of avoiding it. who knows, maybe i am destined to be the dumbass single guy who is always hanging around doing funny things. bah. i don't know.
now that i am driving her away, i miss ali...... why do i have to be mad at her.
CD of the day is No Doubt - Return of Saturn or whatever it is called. there are some pimp songs on there. i really like new.
so this is what i have been reduced too. i keep going back over that fucking blog from yesterday and yelling at myself. what a bitter asshole i have become. fuck me. the one good thing to happen to me in the past 6 months, and i turn it all around as a way to feel sorry for myself. what the fuck. i am an asshole. fucking read that shit!! good lord, i was happy about what i did. that is just bad. bah. fucking eh. i have no reason to be bitter. i have no reason to be mean to ali. i have no reason to not be trying to get her back. my one relationship (no matter how bs it was) in the past year and a half, and i fucked it all up. now i have all these chances to rectify the situation, but i use that time to be a jerk off. what the hell. why did i do that? what the hell kind of crack am i smoking. why am i not trying to get her back or anything. why am i just sitting here bitching about it.
I think i need to change again. I put a pull up, answer it if you want. i have been thinking about myself. ever since college, i have never gone out of my way to find a relationship. in fact, i pretty much avoid them. i don't see parties as a way to hook up and score. any flirting i do is friendly, not meant to woo people to me. i don't look at girls as potential girlfriends. i am thinking maybe i should. i was completely different when i had a girlfriend. i don't know which me i liked better. maybe i should have a girlfriend. maybe i should be looking for one, instead of avoiding it. who knows, maybe i am destined to be the dumbass single guy who is always hanging around doing funny things. bah. i don't know.
now that i am driving her away, i miss ali...... why do i have to be mad at her.
CD of the day is No Doubt - Return of Saturn or whatever it is called. there are some pimp songs on there. i really like new.
