Sunday, August 19, 2001
.....
lets get this out of the way right off. the moral of last night is: "if chris asks you 'hey, do you wanna go to canada tonight?' you say HELL NO!"
first, the cast
Male Leads:
Ben
Ryan
Male supporting characters
Adam
Chris
Keegan
John
Blake
Female supporting characters
Abra
Renee
Joshie
Act 1: the plan
Act 1, scene 1: the question
ryan and ben, sitting around, possibly stoned. location, forgotten. ryan says "hey ben, we are going to canada this weekend to get sloppy drunk and listen to happy hardcore." ben says "cool, whatever"
Act 2: seattle preperation
Act 2, scene 1: the beginning
appx 5 pm. ben and ryan remember they are going to canada. ryan trys to contact friends. does not contact any friends. finally gets ahold of chris from bellingham. the plan: ben, ryan, abra and adam drive up from seattle to bellingham to meet the rest of the group. abra is to meet ryan and ben in seattle. they will then drive to woodinville to pick up adam. then, off to bellingham. ryan tells ben, get ready, abra will be here in a few minutes. ben gets dressed and passes time playing pool.
time elapses
appx 8 pm. ben is on his upteenth game of pool. he has wandered around the house. he has eaten 3 otter pops. he is just waiting patiently. ryan has still not gotten ahold of adam, but has directions to his house in woodinville, the butt ass end of woodinville, the part of woodinville that is technically duvall. still waiting for abra. abra finally shows up.
act 2 scene 2: getting adam
ben, ryan and abra roll out in two cars, headed towards woodinville. seahawks game = montlake is fucked. sun + stupid ass drivers = 520 is fucked. luckily ben and ryan are geniuses and lead them to lake city way. they drive to woodinville, out into the swank big house area of woodinville. they get to where the house should be. it is pitch black. it is about 9 pm or so. ben and ryan cannot distiguish any house numbers because the secluded bastards in the swank neighborhood need their privacy. after driving back and forth for a while, they see a figure running down the street after them. it is adam. they go up a pitch black driveway to a pitch black house. they hear a dog barking. adam explains that he needs to take his dog to redmond. ben and ryan say, whatever, lets go. the get the dog, a huge st. bernard, and head out to redmond.
act 2 scene 3: adam's house.
appx. 9:30 pm at adam's apartment in redmond. it is late, ben and ryan are laughing about how truely epic the night is becoming so far. ben and adam have a beer or two. it is all good. ben and ryan realize they are 3 blocks away from their friend blakes house. they decide that blake should go with them. they call blake, and tell him that he is coming to a rave, giving no more details. he says, ok. they roll out to blakes. abra and adam leave in the second car, going straight to bellingham.
act 2 scene 4: the abduction
appx. 9:50 pm. blakes house. they pick up blake, get him in the car, and drive away. after they leave, blake inquires about the details about the rave, asking how much it is, where it is, who is spinning, etc. ben responds only with "$25". ryan chimes in with "$25 american". blake is canadian, so he thinks this is just another joke. he asks again, "and where is it?" silence. blake asks again. ryan, with a straight face, says "canada." ben stifles laughter. blake laughs uncomfortably, and finally says "heh, you aren't joking, are you." ben and ryan start laughing hysterically. blake starts laughing finally. the night has begun.
act 2 scene 5: to bellingham
an uneventful ride up to bellingham. involved lots of looking for skanks. note, skanks are a good thing. saw way too many nasty hos. hos are a bad thing. saw a few sluts. sluts are a very good thing. it was an enjoyable ride. it was a ride that was a huge break from tradition for these 3. on any drive of any sort of real length, these 3 will put signs in the window. one will always say "room 4 sluts." today there were no signs. perhaps this is what sent things into a downward spiral.
Act 3: bellingham homeys.
Act 3 scene 1: renee's pad
appx 11:15. made good time to bellingham. show up at renee's place, and meet up with everyone else. the group includes 1 seventeen year old, keegan. this could pose a problem later. realization occurs to everyone that it is past 11. liquor stores close at 11 in canada. they don't sell alcohol anywhere but liquor stores in canada. this is a problem. all is not lost. there is a 19+ chill room at the rave. this means alcohol. this means we can still get drunk. all is not lost. we realize that adam and abra are not there. we managed to beat them. this is humorous. adam and abra shows up. ryan says, alright, lets get going to vancouver. a few of the people say, uhhhh, its not in vancouver. half the group goes, WHAT? the others respond back, yeah, it is here, in chilliwack. we have been there before, follow us. we say ok, and go out to the cars. the plan is to take 3 cars: keegans audi, holding keegan renee chris and adam; abra's little red toyota, holding abra, john and joshie, and ryans mcescort, holding ryan ben and blake.
act 3 scene 2: hitting the road
we go out, get in our cars, and wait. eventually creep up to the intersection to look for them. find only john and joshie running around blindly. they come up to us, and say where the fuck did they go? we respond, we don't know, we thought you guys were with them. they are like no. we tell them to hop in. we now have 5 in our car. we drive up to where the other 2 cars were parked. we find only abra's red toyota, and no one else. they took one car, and are already gone. the only people with cell phones are in the other car. we drive to someones house we know, and call them. they are already on the freeway, about 5 miles down the road. we are just like fuck you. they are like, oh, sorry, our bad. we tell them to stop. they stop on the exit off ramp. we head out to meet them.
act 4: to chilliwack and beyond
act 4 scene 1: the offramp
appx 12 am. we finally find them. they are like, oops. we are like fuck you morons. we head out again. they swerve between cars, not signalling, seemingly purposefully trying to lose us. we frantically try to keep up. they finally swerve off an exit, almost losing us. we manage to cut somoene off and fo,.follow them. we head towards Sumas (pronounced Some Ass to all in the car). the other car proceeds to run red lights, drive fast, and pass not so slow moving vehicles. they have to be trying to lose us. we are mad. they keep doing it. eventually, they slow down, and throw a sandwich at our windshield. the war has begun. we are on the receiving end of several attacks between here and canada. we manage to get to the border all in one piece, and still together.
act 4 scene 2: the border crossing.
time unknown, somewhere between 12 am and 1 am. pull up to the border. see the lane with the big white arrow, instead of a big red x. the other car does not. the have to swerve across about 7 lanes to squeak in. let me explain a bit about border crossing into canada. here we are. 5 college aged kids packed into a car. obviously up to no good. you cannot, i repeat CANNOT tell them you are going to a rave. if you do, they pull you over and search your vehicle. if you are going to vancouver, you tell them you are going to a club. if you are anywhere else, you tell them you are going to a friends party. that is how it works. the car in front of us really gets grilled. they have to show ids and everything. we laugh, because we know they are morons. the entire trip from bellingham has been our car yelling about the moronocity of the car in front of us. they finally let them through. we pull up. he asks us how we are doing, we say fine. very suspicious looking guy. he asks us if we are with the car in front of us. we say yes. he asks us where we are from. ryan is driving, so we say seattle. he asks us where we are going. we say to a friends party. he asks us how the people in front of us are going to an outdoor rave, and we are going to a friends party if we are together. we curse the car in front of us, and explain about how we call raves parties, and we are following our friends, the people in front of us. he asks us if we know the promoters. we say no. he asks how it is our friends party if we don't know the person throwing it. saving us, out of the backseat joshie yells, we are going to see our favorite dj!!! the majority of the people going hate happy hardcore. we are going for the humor factor of going to see a happy hardcore rave. the border asks who our favorite dj is. everyone yells out anabolic frolic! he comments on how old he feels. we breath a sigh of relief. he made a joke. he is going to let us through. he asks us a few questions about happy hardcore and anabolic frolic, to enlighten an old man. we have actually a fun conversation with him. finally we pull out a cd and ask if he wants to hear some. he laughs, says no quickly and lets us go. we thank him, and go through. at this point, half the car really needs to go to the bathroom. ben and ryan, the other half, really want to get back at the other car for the sandwich.
act 4 scene 3: payback, mcdonalds style
we swerve in front of the other car, because they are not heeding our signalling, and force them to follow us to mcdonalds. one person proceeds to piss on the building. another squatting pissing under a tree. another out not so hidden in the grass. ryan finds some liquid (coke possibly?) in a mcdonalds cup, chases down the other car, and nails the back window. everyone cheers. they speed away. we gather into our car, and follow them. we watch them almost make another wrong turn. we comment about how big of morons they are. you can see the freeway we want to take from the intersection, and they almost turned the wrong way. we finally make it to the freeway, them in the lead.
act 4 scene 4: to chilliwack
we are following the car in front of us, who is speeding heavily. we make it to chilliwack. we pass the chilliwack exits. the other car does not seem to notice. we figure they know where they are going, because they have been there before. we finally realize they do not know where they are going. we pull up along side them, and motion for them to turn around. they seemingly understand, and get off on the next exit. they then proceed to get back onto the freeway, going the wrong way again. the yelling in our car is deafening. the morons in the car in front of us are simply astounding. we finally race ahead of them on the freeway, taking the lead for now. we get off on the next exit and turn around. when we get onto the freeway again, there is a sign that tells us we are almost 20 miles past chilliwack. we laugh. we can't do much more than laugh at this point. we drive back to chilliwack, and to the place the rave is supposed to be.
act 5: beautiful scenic chilliwack
act 5 scene 1: of course.
appx 1:15 am. we pull up to the place the rave is supposed to be. two cops block the road we are supposed to go down. there is no one parked, a bad sign. we go up to the cops. the tell us it is cancelled. it is only too fitting. we laugh. we laugh as we see our night spiralling deeper. we laugh as we see our only prospect to get sloppy drunk slip away. the info line for the rave says they have an alternate venue, and that we are supposed to call back in 10 min. we have no idea when the thing was recorded. we just laugh. we realize we need gas.
act 5 scene 2: gas station #1
we congregate at the nearest gas station. we get out. our car yells to find the nearest bar. it is too late to make it back to the US before 2. hope of alcohol is all but gone. we are belligerent, and we aren't even drunk. but payback is ours. blake takes a handful of peanut butter, runs up and fwaps it down right into the middle of their windshield. they got straight up owned. our car celebrates. we ask the gas station guy where the nearest bar is. he says there is a really hot club called area 51 close by. we are stoked. he says that there won't be anyone spinning, but it is still a cool club, and that it is a bar too. we are happy. we run around. he calls the cops on us. we drive away fast before they get there.
act 5 scene 3: to area 51!
the car in front of us got the directions. they are simple to follow. we drive, go past the canton gardens restaurant. they fuck them up. they find a crazy guy riding a bicycle down the middle of the road. they ask him where the club is. he tells them. we are awestruck that they actually asked this crazy looking guy. it is hilarious. we stop in a parking lot, and they tell us how to get there. we end up stopping out in front of a liquor store. i am gravitated towards it. i go look inside, longingly. everyone follows me. no one laughs, we just look. it was a low point of the night, the fact that there was all that alcohol, and we could have none. someone takes a picture of us all looking in. we realize that someone has called the cops on us, because we are loud in the parking lot. we leave fast, and head out towards the club. they are leading. they still almost miss it. it is right next to the transmission shop, the hot spot in town.
act 5 scene 4: outside the club
everyone in town is there. it is bumpin. we show up. we realize that keegan is only 17. we say fuck it. there are a few hos standing outside drunkenly eyeing us. the whole town is ugly. we are hot. we are also cynical and belligerant. they see this and avoid us. keegan gets to the bouncer. he is a moron. he shuffles through his wallet. he doesn't find anything. the bouncer is getting edgy. drunk people, stumble up to the bouncer, telling him how much they love him, etc. keegan just walks in. he is saved. the rest of us get in
act 5 scene 5: inside the club.
appx 1:50 am. we get in. we see a sign that they close in 10 min, at 2 am. we are like shit. they try to get us to pay a cover. we go to pay cover. the hick chick behind the counter looks at us funny and gives us our money back. we go whatever. the club. inside, there is a bar. a shittly little bar with a few tables, and some pool tables. it looks like a hick bar. attached is a dance floor. on the dance floor, they have several tiered platforms, and 2 party cages. it is small, but somewhat promising. it could have been fun stealing the 3 hot slutty chicks that live in chilliwack from the locals, until they beat our asses. instead, we decide to drown our sorrows. the line at the bar is too long. they have a tub in the middle of the bar room with a semi attactive girl in a white shirt with big breasts. the tub has beer in it. cheap beer. we fluster her with american money. blake, ben and ryan walk off with 12 beers for $22 or something rediculous. we work are way through the dance floor, over to the stairs to the vip area, where we meet everyone else. we are making every attempt to get as drunk as possible. ben and ryan slam 5 beers apiece. shots are done. pitchers are drunk. rum and cokes are consumed. we made a truely heroic attempt to get drunk. i was impressed with our efforts. we are all buzzing at least. the only problem is, the club portion of the place is playing country music. the croud is going wild. the are dancing all country style. there are people in cowboy hats. they are all singing along. the entire fucking place is singing. there are people in the party cages slapping their fucking boots. people in party cages dancing to fucking country. there is an irish drinking song. more hilarity. our group is laughing so hard. it is the most hick thing we had ever seen, until we got outside. everyone gets kicked out. we don't care at this point. we wish we could drink more, but they won't sell us anything. we are bummed. we leave.
act 5 scene 6: disaster almost strikes.
time means nothing at this point. in front of our car, there is a group of drunk guys, just chilling. we don't care, we chill with them, talking and stuff. some of the girls flirt a little bit, for the fun of it. one of our guys says something to the effect of, you can't have her, but you can have me. things go down hill. they start yelling what he meant by that. they start yelling homophobic slurs. we kind of laugh, and ask them if they have a problem with homosexuality. they yell damn right we hate fags. we kind of laugh, because they are such hicks. chris is smoking a cigarette. joshie is pretending to be his girlfriend it is hilarious. she jumps on him, and they spin around. joshie is small, but chris is really small, about 5'4 120 i would say. so this is humorous. his cigarette gets close to someone. they start yelling that he fucking burned them. all of the guys start picking on chris. he doesn't stand down. he is getting pushed like mad. the rest of us our laughing. we don't see the seriousness of the situation. we pull chris off. they don't back off. we are outnumbered. we are like fuck. we take off jackets, get ready to throw down, etc. abra and renee run off to the sidelines to get out of the way. one of their guys goes to get a knife. a fucking knife. we know we are going to get our asses kicked. they have more guys than us, a knife, and we are still right in front of the club so all of their friends a little ways away. we are like fuck. we are ready to scrap. we are not as drunk as they are. keegan steps into the middle of them. we are like fuck. we are definitely not going to throw the first punch. the realize we aren't backing down. they keep on pushing us, saying come on, etc. we don't back down. we don't throw any punches. we see it fizzling out. we breathe a breath of relief. i kind of wander into th background, so i am still around if i am needed. one of their guys comes up to me and starts talking. he is cool. he is like "welcome to chilliwack, i hate this town." we both laugh. we have a cool conversation, about snowboarding, about weed, about how funny chilliwack is. we were going to go to another party to get really drunk, a chilliwack house party. but these guys heard we were going. we decide not to go. we are disappointed, because we realize this is all the drunk we are going to get. they finally back off our cars, and we leave.
act 5 scene 7: tim hortons #1
we pull into tim hortons to use the bathroom and get donuts. inside, we are loud and belligerent, making fun of what had just happened. in hind sight, it was really damn funny. we realize that the people working there are calling the cops. we leave, really fast, once again, just as the cops pull up.
act 5 scene 8: gas station #2
we pass the canton gardens again. we recongregate at another gas station to figure out what to do. some people want to go clubbing in vancouver. a few of us lay in the middle of the road, hoping we get hit. there are no cars, so we get up and say fine whatever. we realize that this gas station attendant has called the cops on us. we drive away. we head out to vancouver.
act 5 scene 9: tim hortons #2
we stop for a bathroom break at another tim hortons. we find some people in line calling the info line. they tell us the rave is back on, according to the info line, back in chilliwack. we decide to go check it out. we see the people inside the store on the phone. at this point, we know damn well what this means. we drive away fast.
act 5 scene 10: lost in chilliwack again.
for some reason, the other people are still leading. not only are they morons, but they are drunk morons now. they go back to chilliwack. we pass the canton gardens again. they decide they don't want to go to the rave, just back to vancouver. we are like, fuck it. we say FINE we are leading now. we drive off. they don't follow us. we pass the canton gardens, and realize they are not behind us. we are like WHAT THE FUCK. we go back and get them. they are like, we saw a sign that said go this way. we are like what the FUCK. we go whatever, and let them lead, because they won't follow us. we follow them. we know we are headed in the wrong direction. we follow this road that circles through residential chilliwack. the roads drops us off right next to the canton gardens. we just laugh. we finally find the highway, and head towards vancouver.
act 6: back to bellingham
act 6 scene 1: home, kind of
we all know we aren't going to vancouver. we just drive, try to follow them. they are going like 85. we just keep up. they turn to go back to Sumas. i am in the back seat, with john and joshie. they get comfortable. joshie lays down on john. i have about half my seat to sit in. my ass is on fire, and i can't shift positions. i will be like this for the next hour or so. we get to the border crossing, finally. we just hope they let us back in.
act 6 scene 2: crossing back into a real country
the car in front of us figures out what lane to go in this time. we applaud them. the car in front of us really gets grilled. the cop goes and looks in their trunk. he looks in the wheel well. finds no drugs, and lets them through. we get up, he asks us three questions. 1. did your thing get cancelled? yes. 2. what was this thing? an electronic music festival. 3. are you bringing anything back in? no. alright, you can go. our first lucky break of the night. we thank him and drive off.
act 6 scene 3: lost and miraculously found
we are driving back to bellingham. we get to a stop sign. there is a sign that point straight that says bellingham. there is a sign that points left that says some other random towns. they turn left. we are pissed. we follow them anyways. *note* at this point, we are only following them because we have to take adam home to his house in redmond. otherwise, they would have been ditched long ago. we wind through the cow ass area east of bellingham. we see nothing. just a road, leading no where. we get to a stop sign. we turn, we still have no idea where we are. eventually, out of no where, we see a sign that says now entering bellingham. we are astounded. we know that the car in front of us didn't know the road was going to lead them right back. our second lucky break of the night. we get to a street we know, and finally make it back to renee's house. we pick up adam and leave.
this is basically how the story ends. the ride home was fairly uneventful. ryan fell asleep and almost crashed. adam got behind the wheel and got lost in woodinville, his home town. finally, everyone got home, to their respective houses, and passed out, except me. i sat at my computer on irc, laughing about my night. i finally got to sleep, only to wake up to loud music after about 3 hours. i had this horrible feeling i was in the car again. luckily, it was only dan, who's music woke me up. i was thankful, and got up.
ryan drove the whole night, until the end. i think he logged almost 500 miles. i am not sure. i do not envy him. blake has to explain to his girlfriend how he told her he didn't want to do anything, then ended up in canada ass randomly. i do not envy him. i just sat back and watched. it was a humorous night.
how do you answer when chris asks you if you want to go to canada? you pick him up and throw his ass into oncoming traffic ;)
lets get this out of the way right off. the moral of last night is: "if chris asks you 'hey, do you wanna go to canada tonight?' you say HELL NO!"
first, the cast
Male Leads:
Ben
Ryan
Male supporting characters
Adam
Chris
Keegan
John
Blake
Female supporting characters
Abra
Renee
Joshie
Act 1: the plan
Act 1, scene 1: the question
ryan and ben, sitting around, possibly stoned. location, forgotten. ryan says "hey ben, we are going to canada this weekend to get sloppy drunk and listen to happy hardcore." ben says "cool, whatever"
Act 2: seattle preperation
Act 2, scene 1: the beginning
appx 5 pm. ben and ryan remember they are going to canada. ryan trys to contact friends. does not contact any friends. finally gets ahold of chris from bellingham. the plan: ben, ryan, abra and adam drive up from seattle to bellingham to meet the rest of the group. abra is to meet ryan and ben in seattle. they will then drive to woodinville to pick up adam. then, off to bellingham. ryan tells ben, get ready, abra will be here in a few minutes. ben gets dressed and passes time playing pool.
time elapses
appx 8 pm. ben is on his upteenth game of pool. he has wandered around the house. he has eaten 3 otter pops. he is just waiting patiently. ryan has still not gotten ahold of adam, but has directions to his house in woodinville, the butt ass end of woodinville, the part of woodinville that is technically duvall. still waiting for abra. abra finally shows up.
act 2 scene 2: getting adam
ben, ryan and abra roll out in two cars, headed towards woodinville. seahawks game = montlake is fucked. sun + stupid ass drivers = 520 is fucked. luckily ben and ryan are geniuses and lead them to lake city way. they drive to woodinville, out into the swank big house area of woodinville. they get to where the house should be. it is pitch black. it is about 9 pm or so. ben and ryan cannot distiguish any house numbers because the secluded bastards in the swank neighborhood need their privacy. after driving back and forth for a while, they see a figure running down the street after them. it is adam. they go up a pitch black driveway to a pitch black house. they hear a dog barking. adam explains that he needs to take his dog to redmond. ben and ryan say, whatever, lets go. the get the dog, a huge st. bernard, and head out to redmond.
act 2 scene 3: adam's house.
appx. 9:30 pm at adam's apartment in redmond. it is late, ben and ryan are laughing about how truely epic the night is becoming so far. ben and adam have a beer or two. it is all good. ben and ryan realize they are 3 blocks away from their friend blakes house. they decide that blake should go with them. they call blake, and tell him that he is coming to a rave, giving no more details. he says, ok. they roll out to blakes. abra and adam leave in the second car, going straight to bellingham.
act 2 scene 4: the abduction
appx. 9:50 pm. blakes house. they pick up blake, get him in the car, and drive away. after they leave, blake inquires about the details about the rave, asking how much it is, where it is, who is spinning, etc. ben responds only with "$25". ryan chimes in with "$25 american". blake is canadian, so he thinks this is just another joke. he asks again, "and where is it?" silence. blake asks again. ryan, with a straight face, says "canada." ben stifles laughter. blake laughs uncomfortably, and finally says "heh, you aren't joking, are you." ben and ryan start laughing hysterically. blake starts laughing finally. the night has begun.
act 2 scene 5: to bellingham
an uneventful ride up to bellingham. involved lots of looking for skanks. note, skanks are a good thing. saw way too many nasty hos. hos are a bad thing. saw a few sluts. sluts are a very good thing. it was an enjoyable ride. it was a ride that was a huge break from tradition for these 3. on any drive of any sort of real length, these 3 will put signs in the window. one will always say "room 4 sluts." today there were no signs. perhaps this is what sent things into a downward spiral.
Act 3: bellingham homeys.
Act 3 scene 1: renee's pad
appx 11:15. made good time to bellingham. show up at renee's place, and meet up with everyone else. the group includes 1 seventeen year old, keegan. this could pose a problem later. realization occurs to everyone that it is past 11. liquor stores close at 11 in canada. they don't sell alcohol anywhere but liquor stores in canada. this is a problem. all is not lost. there is a 19+ chill room at the rave. this means alcohol. this means we can still get drunk. all is not lost. we realize that adam and abra are not there. we managed to beat them. this is humorous. adam and abra shows up. ryan says, alright, lets get going to vancouver. a few of the people say, uhhhh, its not in vancouver. half the group goes, WHAT? the others respond back, yeah, it is here, in chilliwack. we have been there before, follow us. we say ok, and go out to the cars. the plan is to take 3 cars: keegans audi, holding keegan renee chris and adam; abra's little red toyota, holding abra, john and joshie, and ryans mcescort, holding ryan ben and blake.
act 3 scene 2: hitting the road
we go out, get in our cars, and wait. eventually creep up to the intersection to look for them. find only john and joshie running around blindly. they come up to us, and say where the fuck did they go? we respond, we don't know, we thought you guys were with them. they are like no. we tell them to hop in. we now have 5 in our car. we drive up to where the other 2 cars were parked. we find only abra's red toyota, and no one else. they took one car, and are already gone. the only people with cell phones are in the other car. we drive to someones house we know, and call them. they are already on the freeway, about 5 miles down the road. we are just like fuck you. they are like, oh, sorry, our bad. we tell them to stop. they stop on the exit off ramp. we head out to meet them.
act 4: to chilliwack and beyond
act 4 scene 1: the offramp
appx 12 am. we finally find them. they are like, oops. we are like fuck you morons. we head out again. they swerve between cars, not signalling, seemingly purposefully trying to lose us. we frantically try to keep up. they finally swerve off an exit, almost losing us. we manage to cut somoene off and fo,.follow them. we head towards Sumas (pronounced Some Ass to all in the car). the other car proceeds to run red lights, drive fast, and pass not so slow moving vehicles. they have to be trying to lose us. we are mad. they keep doing it. eventually, they slow down, and throw a sandwich at our windshield. the war has begun. we are on the receiving end of several attacks between here and canada. we manage to get to the border all in one piece, and still together.
act 4 scene 2: the border crossing.
time unknown, somewhere between 12 am and 1 am. pull up to the border. see the lane with the big white arrow, instead of a big red x. the other car does not. the have to swerve across about 7 lanes to squeak in. let me explain a bit about border crossing into canada. here we are. 5 college aged kids packed into a car. obviously up to no good. you cannot, i repeat CANNOT tell them you are going to a rave. if you do, they pull you over and search your vehicle. if you are going to vancouver, you tell them you are going to a club. if you are anywhere else, you tell them you are going to a friends party. that is how it works. the car in front of us really gets grilled. they have to show ids and everything. we laugh, because we know they are morons. the entire trip from bellingham has been our car yelling about the moronocity of the car in front of us. they finally let them through. we pull up. he asks us how we are doing, we say fine. very suspicious looking guy. he asks us if we are with the car in front of us. we say yes. he asks us where we are from. ryan is driving, so we say seattle. he asks us where we are going. we say to a friends party. he asks us how the people in front of us are going to an outdoor rave, and we are going to a friends party if we are together. we curse the car in front of us, and explain about how we call raves parties, and we are following our friends, the people in front of us. he asks us if we know the promoters. we say no. he asks how it is our friends party if we don't know the person throwing it. saving us, out of the backseat joshie yells, we are going to see our favorite dj!!! the majority of the people going hate happy hardcore. we are going for the humor factor of going to see a happy hardcore rave. the border asks who our favorite dj is. everyone yells out anabolic frolic! he comments on how old he feels. we breath a sigh of relief. he made a joke. he is going to let us through. he asks us a few questions about happy hardcore and anabolic frolic, to enlighten an old man. we have actually a fun conversation with him. finally we pull out a cd and ask if he wants to hear some. he laughs, says no quickly and lets us go. we thank him, and go through. at this point, half the car really needs to go to the bathroom. ben and ryan, the other half, really want to get back at the other car for the sandwich.
act 4 scene 3: payback, mcdonalds style
we swerve in front of the other car, because they are not heeding our signalling, and force them to follow us to mcdonalds. one person proceeds to piss on the building. another squatting pissing under a tree. another out not so hidden in the grass. ryan finds some liquid (coke possibly?) in a mcdonalds cup, chases down the other car, and nails the back window. everyone cheers. they speed away. we gather into our car, and follow them. we watch them almost make another wrong turn. we comment about how big of morons they are. you can see the freeway we want to take from the intersection, and they almost turned the wrong way. we finally make it to the freeway, them in the lead.
act 4 scene 4: to chilliwack
we are following the car in front of us, who is speeding heavily. we make it to chilliwack. we pass the chilliwack exits. the other car does not seem to notice. we figure they know where they are going, because they have been there before. we finally realize they do not know where they are going. we pull up along side them, and motion for them to turn around. they seemingly understand, and get off on the next exit. they then proceed to get back onto the freeway, going the wrong way again. the yelling in our car is deafening. the morons in the car in front of us are simply astounding. we finally race ahead of them on the freeway, taking the lead for now. we get off on the next exit and turn around. when we get onto the freeway again, there is a sign that tells us we are almost 20 miles past chilliwack. we laugh. we can't do much more than laugh at this point. we drive back to chilliwack, and to the place the rave is supposed to be.
act 5: beautiful scenic chilliwack
act 5 scene 1: of course.
appx 1:15 am. we pull up to the place the rave is supposed to be. two cops block the road we are supposed to go down. there is no one parked, a bad sign. we go up to the cops. the tell us it is cancelled. it is only too fitting. we laugh. we laugh as we see our night spiralling deeper. we laugh as we see our only prospect to get sloppy drunk slip away. the info line for the rave says they have an alternate venue, and that we are supposed to call back in 10 min. we have no idea when the thing was recorded. we just laugh. we realize we need gas.
act 5 scene 2: gas station #1
we congregate at the nearest gas station. we get out. our car yells to find the nearest bar. it is too late to make it back to the US before 2. hope of alcohol is all but gone. we are belligerent, and we aren't even drunk. but payback is ours. blake takes a handful of peanut butter, runs up and fwaps it down right into the middle of their windshield. they got straight up owned. our car celebrates. we ask the gas station guy where the nearest bar is. he says there is a really hot club called area 51 close by. we are stoked. he says that there won't be anyone spinning, but it is still a cool club, and that it is a bar too. we are happy. we run around. he calls the cops on us. we drive away fast before they get there.
act 5 scene 3: to area 51!
the car in front of us got the directions. they are simple to follow. we drive, go past the canton gardens restaurant. they fuck them up. they find a crazy guy riding a bicycle down the middle of the road. they ask him where the club is. he tells them. we are awestruck that they actually asked this crazy looking guy. it is hilarious. we stop in a parking lot, and they tell us how to get there. we end up stopping out in front of a liquor store. i am gravitated towards it. i go look inside, longingly. everyone follows me. no one laughs, we just look. it was a low point of the night, the fact that there was all that alcohol, and we could have none. someone takes a picture of us all looking in. we realize that someone has called the cops on us, because we are loud in the parking lot. we leave fast, and head out towards the club. they are leading. they still almost miss it. it is right next to the transmission shop, the hot spot in town.
act 5 scene 4: outside the club
everyone in town is there. it is bumpin. we show up. we realize that keegan is only 17. we say fuck it. there are a few hos standing outside drunkenly eyeing us. the whole town is ugly. we are hot. we are also cynical and belligerant. they see this and avoid us. keegan gets to the bouncer. he is a moron. he shuffles through his wallet. he doesn't find anything. the bouncer is getting edgy. drunk people, stumble up to the bouncer, telling him how much they love him, etc. keegan just walks in. he is saved. the rest of us get in
act 5 scene 5: inside the club.
appx 1:50 am. we get in. we see a sign that they close in 10 min, at 2 am. we are like shit. they try to get us to pay a cover. we go to pay cover. the hick chick behind the counter looks at us funny and gives us our money back. we go whatever. the club. inside, there is a bar. a shittly little bar with a few tables, and some pool tables. it looks like a hick bar. attached is a dance floor. on the dance floor, they have several tiered platforms, and 2 party cages. it is small, but somewhat promising. it could have been fun stealing the 3 hot slutty chicks that live in chilliwack from the locals, until they beat our asses. instead, we decide to drown our sorrows. the line at the bar is too long. they have a tub in the middle of the bar room with a semi attactive girl in a white shirt with big breasts. the tub has beer in it. cheap beer. we fluster her with american money. blake, ben and ryan walk off with 12 beers for $22 or something rediculous. we work are way through the dance floor, over to the stairs to the vip area, where we meet everyone else. we are making every attempt to get as drunk as possible. ben and ryan slam 5 beers apiece. shots are done. pitchers are drunk. rum and cokes are consumed. we made a truely heroic attempt to get drunk. i was impressed with our efforts. we are all buzzing at least. the only problem is, the club portion of the place is playing country music. the croud is going wild. the are dancing all country style. there are people in cowboy hats. they are all singing along. the entire fucking place is singing. there are people in the party cages slapping their fucking boots. people in party cages dancing to fucking country. there is an irish drinking song. more hilarity. our group is laughing so hard. it is the most hick thing we had ever seen, until we got outside. everyone gets kicked out. we don't care at this point. we wish we could drink more, but they won't sell us anything. we are bummed. we leave.
act 5 scene 6: disaster almost strikes.
time means nothing at this point. in front of our car, there is a group of drunk guys, just chilling. we don't care, we chill with them, talking and stuff. some of the girls flirt a little bit, for the fun of it. one of our guys says something to the effect of, you can't have her, but you can have me. things go down hill. they start yelling what he meant by that. they start yelling homophobic slurs. we kind of laugh, and ask them if they have a problem with homosexuality. they yell damn right we hate fags. we kind of laugh, because they are such hicks. chris is smoking a cigarette. joshie is pretending to be his girlfriend it is hilarious. she jumps on him, and they spin around. joshie is small, but chris is really small, about 5'4 120 i would say. so this is humorous. his cigarette gets close to someone. they start yelling that he fucking burned them. all of the guys start picking on chris. he doesn't stand down. he is getting pushed like mad. the rest of us our laughing. we don't see the seriousness of the situation. we pull chris off. they don't back off. we are outnumbered. we are like fuck. we take off jackets, get ready to throw down, etc. abra and renee run off to the sidelines to get out of the way. one of their guys goes to get a knife. a fucking knife. we know we are going to get our asses kicked. they have more guys than us, a knife, and we are still right in front of the club so all of their friends a little ways away. we are like fuck. we are ready to scrap. we are not as drunk as they are. keegan steps into the middle of them. we are like fuck. we are definitely not going to throw the first punch. the realize we aren't backing down. they keep on pushing us, saying come on, etc. we don't back down. we don't throw any punches. we see it fizzling out. we breathe a breath of relief. i kind of wander into th background, so i am still around if i am needed. one of their guys comes up to me and starts talking. he is cool. he is like "welcome to chilliwack, i hate this town." we both laugh. we have a cool conversation, about snowboarding, about weed, about how funny chilliwack is. we were going to go to another party to get really drunk, a chilliwack house party. but these guys heard we were going. we decide not to go. we are disappointed, because we realize this is all the drunk we are going to get. they finally back off our cars, and we leave.
act 5 scene 7: tim hortons #1
we pull into tim hortons to use the bathroom and get donuts. inside, we are loud and belligerent, making fun of what had just happened. in hind sight, it was really damn funny. we realize that the people working there are calling the cops. we leave, really fast, once again, just as the cops pull up.
act 5 scene 8: gas station #2
we pass the canton gardens again. we recongregate at another gas station to figure out what to do. some people want to go clubbing in vancouver. a few of us lay in the middle of the road, hoping we get hit. there are no cars, so we get up and say fine whatever. we realize that this gas station attendant has called the cops on us. we drive away. we head out to vancouver.
act 5 scene 9: tim hortons #2
we stop for a bathroom break at another tim hortons. we find some people in line calling the info line. they tell us the rave is back on, according to the info line, back in chilliwack. we decide to go check it out. we see the people inside the store on the phone. at this point, we know damn well what this means. we drive away fast.
act 5 scene 10: lost in chilliwack again.
for some reason, the other people are still leading. not only are they morons, but they are drunk morons now. they go back to chilliwack. we pass the canton gardens again. they decide they don't want to go to the rave, just back to vancouver. we are like, fuck it. we say FINE we are leading now. we drive off. they don't follow us. we pass the canton gardens, and realize they are not behind us. we are like WHAT THE FUCK. we go back and get them. they are like, we saw a sign that said go this way. we are like what the FUCK. we go whatever, and let them lead, because they won't follow us. we follow them. we know we are headed in the wrong direction. we follow this road that circles through residential chilliwack. the roads drops us off right next to the canton gardens. we just laugh. we finally find the highway, and head towards vancouver.
act 6: back to bellingham
act 6 scene 1: home, kind of
we all know we aren't going to vancouver. we just drive, try to follow them. they are going like 85. we just keep up. they turn to go back to Sumas. i am in the back seat, with john and joshie. they get comfortable. joshie lays down on john. i have about half my seat to sit in. my ass is on fire, and i can't shift positions. i will be like this for the next hour or so. we get to the border crossing, finally. we just hope they let us back in.
act 6 scene 2: crossing back into a real country
the car in front of us figures out what lane to go in this time. we applaud them. the car in front of us really gets grilled. the cop goes and looks in their trunk. he looks in the wheel well. finds no drugs, and lets them through. we get up, he asks us three questions. 1. did your thing get cancelled? yes. 2. what was this thing? an electronic music festival. 3. are you bringing anything back in? no. alright, you can go. our first lucky break of the night. we thank him and drive off.
act 6 scene 3: lost and miraculously found
we are driving back to bellingham. we get to a stop sign. there is a sign that point straight that says bellingham. there is a sign that points left that says some other random towns. they turn left. we are pissed. we follow them anyways. *note* at this point, we are only following them because we have to take adam home to his house in redmond. otherwise, they would have been ditched long ago. we wind through the cow ass area east of bellingham. we see nothing. just a road, leading no where. we get to a stop sign. we turn, we still have no idea where we are. eventually, out of no where, we see a sign that says now entering bellingham. we are astounded. we know that the car in front of us didn't know the road was going to lead them right back. our second lucky break of the night. we get to a street we know, and finally make it back to renee's house. we pick up adam and leave.
this is basically how the story ends. the ride home was fairly uneventful. ryan fell asleep and almost crashed. adam got behind the wheel and got lost in woodinville, his home town. finally, everyone got home, to their respective houses, and passed out, except me. i sat at my computer on irc, laughing about my night. i finally got to sleep, only to wake up to loud music after about 3 hours. i had this horrible feeling i was in the car again. luckily, it was only dan, who's music woke me up. i was thankful, and got up.
ryan drove the whole night, until the end. i think he logged almost 500 miles. i am not sure. i do not envy him. blake has to explain to his girlfriend how he told her he didn't want to do anything, then ended up in canada ass randomly. i do not envy him. i just sat back and watched. it was a humorous night.
how do you answer when chris asks you if you want to go to canada? you pick him up and throw his ass into oncoming traffic ;)
