Friday, August 10, 2001
so what do i do about it. do i continue the way i am? working, going to
school, paying rent, paying bills, sitting at home alone with nothing to do.
what will this lead too? what will i do eventually at school. i still have
no idea. eventually, i will get a degree that has no real meaning, and will
be worthless in the real world. things i see as interesting or worthwhile
have been judged to be pointless by other people. therefore there is no
real need for them in the job market. so i continue on, working the job i
am now most likely, but i have a piece of paper to show that i wasted 4
years of my life to end up in the same job i used to finance my quest
through the rigors of academia. or, i focus on something completely
uninteresting, because i think it will make me money. take classes i have
no passion for. this leads to motivational issues, which leads to me not
going, which leads to failure, which leads to more years of college, and
eventually another useless degree because they give the good ones to
"motivated students." here i am, again, back in the same job, but with an
even more expensive useless piece of paper. or, i give up now, end up at
the same job anyways, always wondering if i could have done something more.
give up and cop out, without even trying. basically just stick my head up
my own ass and run around. they all lead to the same inevitable end. one
of them leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction, yet no results, a
completely worthless piece of paper, helplessly in debt with no future, and
the same stupid job. another leaves me with an inert feeling of failure,
still no results, an worthless piece of paper that i could con stupid people
into accepting somewhere down the road, even more helplessly in debt with a
crappy future, and still in the same stupid job. the last one leaves me
unsatisfied, feelings of failure and remorse, having quit, given in,
accepted defeat, no piece of paper to start at, revelling in a fake feeling
of accomplishment, much less debt, but still no future, and in the same damn
stupid job.
so what do i do? who knows, who cares, why bother thinking about it. it
just depresses me more anyways..
school, paying rent, paying bills, sitting at home alone with nothing to do.
what will this lead too? what will i do eventually at school. i still have
no idea. eventually, i will get a degree that has no real meaning, and will
be worthless in the real world. things i see as interesting or worthwhile
have been judged to be pointless by other people. therefore there is no
real need for them in the job market. so i continue on, working the job i
am now most likely, but i have a piece of paper to show that i wasted 4
years of my life to end up in the same job i used to finance my quest
through the rigors of academia. or, i focus on something completely
uninteresting, because i think it will make me money. take classes i have
no passion for. this leads to motivational issues, which leads to me not
going, which leads to failure, which leads to more years of college, and
eventually another useless degree because they give the good ones to
"motivated students." here i am, again, back in the same job, but with an
even more expensive useless piece of paper. or, i give up now, end up at
the same job anyways, always wondering if i could have done something more.
give up and cop out, without even trying. basically just stick my head up
my own ass and run around. they all lead to the same inevitable end. one
of them leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction, yet no results, a
completely worthless piece of paper, helplessly in debt with no future, and
the same stupid job. another leaves me with an inert feeling of failure,
still no results, an worthless piece of paper that i could con stupid people
into accepting somewhere down the road, even more helplessly in debt with a
crappy future, and still in the same stupid job. the last one leaves me
unsatisfied, feelings of failure and remorse, having quit, given in,
accepted defeat, no piece of paper to start at, revelling in a fake feeling
of accomplishment, much less debt, but still no future, and in the same damn
stupid job.
so what do i do? who knows, who cares, why bother thinking about it. it
just depresses me more anyways..
