Saturday, November 10, 2001
Saturday, November 10, 2001
Yeahm, drunk again bitches. Like tha!
weelll me and wank are fucke dbeyond belidfe and we don't know ehre thye fuck wer area. and meatballs 3 is on tv.,.l; I also have th number of thksi girl that I met last week. I thin I can get her easily if I try enough. Wank didn'st ask for tina's njuber, howver I'll get th e motherdufcker fo rhim. He seeemed to klike tina in the humnpage way. I will have enaoither paty in a week or two in order to see if tina is Wanks typed. If not well fuck tii t.
\
OI am happy cause danielle lpretty much likes me, and she all chatted with mer in my room all alone.
posted by Harm User at 2:47 AM
man down, and i'm out, lol. so yeah, when the girls left, i didn't really know what was going on. the night is a blur, but apparently tina liked me, lol. i wasn't aware enough of my surroundings to get a phone number. they were all cool girls, it was a good time. the first question that was asked of me when i walked in the door was "have you ever sucked a guys dick." i said no, but it took some convincing to get them to believe me. it was pretty damn funny. shit, i should have gotten her number. my bad, out like trout, etc etc. gah, bwah, shiggity SHWA!!!! but really, would i do anything with the number? probably not. i'm too lazy, and hopefully there will be another gathering over there or something.
i just kind of feel like writing here. i will probably get bored half way through though.... update time, i guess. i'll just kind of write, and you can choose what to read...
-work-
so yeah, shit is hitting the walls all over the place. everyone is mad, and thinking of leaving. it is great, because it means we don't do any work, and when we do work we complain about it the entire time. i didn't even go back to the office tuesday or thursday, and friday i ended up going to this meeting with my coworkers away from my bosses.
this meeting, god. it basically was one of those "everything is fucked so we need to be united" things. we sat in the corner of tullys coffee house just bitching. i just sat around mostly, because i don't really care. i wasn't working, but i was getting paid, that is all that matters. anyways, i'll break it down for you here. linda, erin, lesley, and kirsten are the 4 people on the dearborne team these days. ann decided to change the focus of dearborne, so instead of having starflowers teach the class things, we are just supposed to give the teachers lesson plans so they can teach it. haha, yeah right, the teachers aren't going to touch those things. in fact, they already have lesson plans they don't use. the team went and talked to the teachers, and they were like, that is stupid, it would be a waste, we would never use them, etc etc etc. so dearborne team told ann this, but she was like, no keep doing it. so they were like fuck that, it is taking us 30 hours for each lesson plan, and we have to do 24, it is a waste of our time, we are not going to do it. so ann was like, either do it or quit. it was fucked.
she scheduled meetings with all 4 of them. erin was first. she said ann was just visibly furious, like shaking and shit, getting up all in erins face. erin said she was really scared. so ann just ripped into her, and at the end said "you can always withdraw your employment, i think you need to do some serious thinking." so erin started to leave because she thought the meeting was over, and ann jumped up and closed the door again and said i'm not finished or something. apparently she like almost dove to keep the door closed. she then told erin that she was learning to be a great teacher, she just needed some more training. that is such bullshit, because erin WAS a teacher before she came to this job. it was such an insulting thing to say.
anyways, that wasn't the worst of it. linda's meeting was next. ann really hates linda, i think, and she is threatened by her for some reason. so, during her meeting, ann was leaning in, all in linda's face, and just yelling at linda. linda was really scared, which isn't normal. linda said that she ended up just cowering in her chair, literally shaking in fright. linda just kept repeating "ann, you are making me uncomfortable, this is inappropriate, please stop" over and over, but ann kept yelling. eventually she stopped, but linda was still like, i feel really uncomfortable, that was inappropriate ann, i feel like you are attacking me, why are you so angry. ann kept threatening to have linda quit. linda said to us what kind of threat is that? you can't threaten to have me quit, you have to fire me, i'm not going to quit. that is so rad :D
anyways, kirsten's meeting took about 2 min, where basically ann just threatened kirsten, and told her she could always quit. lesley, in typical lesley fashion, showed up 30 minutes late, and ann had already gone, so she didn't even have to have a meeting :D awesome :)
anyways, most of our meeting at tullys was talking about this, and how stupid and unprofessional it all was. i don't really care though. ann is scared of me. i honestly believe this is true. she was really intimidated by me and ryan together, which is why we can get away with so much. this is why she won't approach me about things, because she is still uncomfortable around me. this is great. i sit around downstairs in my hole, not doing anything, its perfect.
we also talked about where everyone was in their job search. everyone on the staff has resumes out right now but me, its pretty funny. everyone is having trouble finding jobs, we all think it is because ann is badmouthing us when people call. that just sucks. so, we went around the table, asking what everyone was planning on doing. i was just like "i'll stay until you guys all leave, because you guys are the reason this job is so good." i told them how i was just in the background, and i don't really care, etc etc. they were kind of jealous, but were like right on as well, because at least someone was getting away with it.
***someone is haxoring the irc server i hang out on. this is wild***
its all good. we also chatted about these envelopes all the restoration teams are getting from ann. ryan, remember those management plans that all the teams slaved so hard over this summer? well it looks like she hasn't even read them. so these envelopes, basically are just maps of the park, with handwritten notes all over it about what should be done. half of the notes are the shit they put in the management plans, and the other half are just kooky. ann suggested putting inverted cones around the trees at greg davis to make weeding easier. it was like those collars you put on dogs so they don't lick them selves. how this was supposed to help, i don't know, it was such a fucked up thing. so yeah jeremy is absolutely furious. he feels insulted by these, as he should. pritchard got three maps, with all these barely legible notes. crazy. we haven't gotten one genesee yet. that one is going to end up on my desk soon, i know it. i'm just going to throw it out haha. so yeah, everyone is pissed about those too.
all of this shit just swirls around me at work. i just sit back and watch, and stay out of it. the thing is, i don't really care about my job. it is just a job to me, a way to pay rent. i'm not attached to it like everyone else is. all my coworkers know this. its all good.
-girls-
nothing to report really. gathering at harms house was really fun last night. i am realizing, i don't remember a lot of it, always good. i think i spilled something, and harm cleaned it up, i don't remember. i vaguely remember the girls leaving, and i think i remember harm getting the one girls number. i remember throwing up, and i remember watching part of meatballs 3. i remember typing some on irc. the log is in here on the second page http://forums.prounreal.com/viewtopic.php?topic=779&forum=12&47 we were both super trashed. i don't really know how to pick up women. i used to be worried about it, but now i really don't care. i never expect anything to happen, which is probably why nothing ever does happen. now thats logic for ya :D i am more out to have a good time, than to score or anything. i'm a poser. i act all horny, but really i don't care. it isn't a driving force in my life.
but then again, sometime i a struck with pangs of lonelyness. i've never really had a serious relationship. i have had very few relationships period. what am i missing out on? fucked if i know. it isn't like i don't have opportunities. i just fail to act on them. i don't recognize them until to late, or i am to scared to do anything, blah blah blah, so many excuses. for all practical purposes, i shouldn't be a 20 year old virgin. i am not disfigured or anything. in fact, i am coming around to think i might be more attractive than i give myself credit for. but then again, how the hell am i supposed to know? i thought i looked pretty damn good in that halloween picture. i used to think i was a gomer, but now, i think i am ok. i have more of those days where i look in the mirror and think damn i'm looking good. i would say i just haven't had the chance, but in reality, i have plenty. i am just stupid. i am coming to accept this. i don't really care. i find that i don't really care about a lot of things. there is very little i actually care about, sometimes it scares me.
-drugs-
ryan said something to me that i thought was true. people either have a natural affinity for alcohol, or for pot. i really love drinking. i love the way it makes me feel, but i am not as big a fan of smoking. so i drink all the time. ryan is the opposite. he really doesn't care about drinking, but he loves smoking, so he smokes all the time. i wish i was less lazy, and had other things around. K was really fun, shrooms were really fun, E is really fun, it would be awesome to have a nitrous tank sitting around like they had in bellingham, i'd like to try acid, etc etc etc etc.
escaping reality is such a great thing. i love the way alcohol and drugs twist reality, so it is still there, but changed enough that everything seems completely different. i am a big fan of dreams. my subconcious rocks, i wish i could hang out with it more. drugs are a way for me to try and merge with my subconcious, in a way i guess. i really wish i could do it more.
alright, so i was watching dateline NBC, and they were having this special on E, and in particular this guy named Strike who put out a book about making E. he has this recipe that makes it really easy, and works really well. so, being the curious fuck i am, i went and looked it up on the internet. i found this site, that basically has the thing from his book in there. god, they told you how to do everything. the site is down now, fucked. i am sure i could find it again. i should just buy that book and see what it has to say. that would be awesome. but yeah, basically, this recipe was all stuff i could do. it would just take about $500 in glassware, and i would have to set up a little vaccum aspirator thing, which i am way too lazy to do. you can get all the stuff to make it at photo shops or the hardware store. the end result was 15 grams of more or less pure MDMA. fucking a, thats like 150 hits. it was very tempting to do, i mean shit. i think it would be more just to do it, than for the end result. it would be fun i think to have a little lab set up, haha. the book walks you all the way through it, telling you how to buy, where to buy, what to buy, etc etc etc.crazy. if you want to look it up, its called total synthesis II
-life-
sometimes i really think i am fucking up my life. i lack motivation, and it is very destructive. i had a nice talk about school and things with one of my coworkers, Jeremy. he is about the closest thing i have to a role model. he trys to look out for me, he's a lot like a big brother. i really wish i was old enough to go out drinking with him sometime. anyways, we were talking about school, and how much i am blowing it by not going. sometimes i get really angry at myself, because i know i won't be able to take it seriously again. if i go back, i will just fuck things up again. this is scary, because eventually i will go back, but when will that be? am i going to be stuck making $11 an hour scrambling for rent payments for the rest of my life? sometimes i wish i had a sense of security. life is frightening.
like i said earlier, it is really frightening that i can't find things to really be passionate about. if only i could find something that excited me, and would hold my attention at school. i wish i knew what i wanted to be when i grow up. i was like that when we did all those career day things and shit when we were little. i never had any idea. i always dreaded those things, because i knew i was going to have to make something up, and then try to explain myself. i just have no clue. it is really scary. i have these huge fears of failure.
bah, i want to write more, but can't get inspired to do it. i'll write later
Yeahm, drunk again bitches. Like tha!
weelll me and wank are fucke dbeyond belidfe and we don't know ehre thye fuck wer area. and meatballs 3 is on tv.,.l; I also have th number of thksi girl that I met last week. I thin I can get her easily if I try enough. Wank didn'st ask for tina's njuber, howver I'll get th e motherdufcker fo rhim. He seeemed to klike tina in the humnpage way. I will have enaoither paty in a week or two in order to see if tina is Wanks typed. If not well fuck tii t.
\
OI am happy cause danielle lpretty much likes me, and she all chatted with mer in my room all alone.
posted by Harm User at 2:47 AM
man down, and i'm out, lol. so yeah, when the girls left, i didn't really know what was going on. the night is a blur, but apparently tina liked me, lol. i wasn't aware enough of my surroundings to get a phone number. they were all cool girls, it was a good time. the first question that was asked of me when i walked in the door was "have you ever sucked a guys dick." i said no, but it took some convincing to get them to believe me. it was pretty damn funny. shit, i should have gotten her number. my bad, out like trout, etc etc. gah, bwah, shiggity SHWA!!!! but really, would i do anything with the number? probably not. i'm too lazy, and hopefully there will be another gathering over there or something.
i just kind of feel like writing here. i will probably get bored half way through though.... update time, i guess. i'll just kind of write, and you can choose what to read...
-work-
so yeah, shit is hitting the walls all over the place. everyone is mad, and thinking of leaving. it is great, because it means we don't do any work, and when we do work we complain about it the entire time. i didn't even go back to the office tuesday or thursday, and friday i ended up going to this meeting with my coworkers away from my bosses.
this meeting, god. it basically was one of those "everything is fucked so we need to be united" things. we sat in the corner of tullys coffee house just bitching. i just sat around mostly, because i don't really care. i wasn't working, but i was getting paid, that is all that matters. anyways, i'll break it down for you here. linda, erin, lesley, and kirsten are the 4 people on the dearborne team these days. ann decided to change the focus of dearborne, so instead of having starflowers teach the class things, we are just supposed to give the teachers lesson plans so they can teach it. haha, yeah right, the teachers aren't going to touch those things. in fact, they already have lesson plans they don't use. the team went and talked to the teachers, and they were like, that is stupid, it would be a waste, we would never use them, etc etc etc. so dearborne team told ann this, but she was like, no keep doing it. so they were like fuck that, it is taking us 30 hours for each lesson plan, and we have to do 24, it is a waste of our time, we are not going to do it. so ann was like, either do it or quit. it was fucked.
she scheduled meetings with all 4 of them. erin was first. she said ann was just visibly furious, like shaking and shit, getting up all in erins face. erin said she was really scared. so ann just ripped into her, and at the end said "you can always withdraw your employment, i think you need to do some serious thinking." so erin started to leave because she thought the meeting was over, and ann jumped up and closed the door again and said i'm not finished or something. apparently she like almost dove to keep the door closed. she then told erin that she was learning to be a great teacher, she just needed some more training. that is such bullshit, because erin WAS a teacher before she came to this job. it was such an insulting thing to say.
anyways, that wasn't the worst of it. linda's meeting was next. ann really hates linda, i think, and she is threatened by her for some reason. so, during her meeting, ann was leaning in, all in linda's face, and just yelling at linda. linda was really scared, which isn't normal. linda said that she ended up just cowering in her chair, literally shaking in fright. linda just kept repeating "ann, you are making me uncomfortable, this is inappropriate, please stop" over and over, but ann kept yelling. eventually she stopped, but linda was still like, i feel really uncomfortable, that was inappropriate ann, i feel like you are attacking me, why are you so angry. ann kept threatening to have linda quit. linda said to us what kind of threat is that? you can't threaten to have me quit, you have to fire me, i'm not going to quit. that is so rad :D
anyways, kirsten's meeting took about 2 min, where basically ann just threatened kirsten, and told her she could always quit. lesley, in typical lesley fashion, showed up 30 minutes late, and ann had already gone, so she didn't even have to have a meeting :D awesome :)
anyways, most of our meeting at tullys was talking about this, and how stupid and unprofessional it all was. i don't really care though. ann is scared of me. i honestly believe this is true. she was really intimidated by me and ryan together, which is why we can get away with so much. this is why she won't approach me about things, because she is still uncomfortable around me. this is great. i sit around downstairs in my hole, not doing anything, its perfect.
we also talked about where everyone was in their job search. everyone on the staff has resumes out right now but me, its pretty funny. everyone is having trouble finding jobs, we all think it is because ann is badmouthing us when people call. that just sucks. so, we went around the table, asking what everyone was planning on doing. i was just like "i'll stay until you guys all leave, because you guys are the reason this job is so good." i told them how i was just in the background, and i don't really care, etc etc. they were kind of jealous, but were like right on as well, because at least someone was getting away with it.
***someone is haxoring the irc server i hang out on. this is wild***
its all good. we also chatted about these envelopes all the restoration teams are getting from ann. ryan, remember those management plans that all the teams slaved so hard over this summer? well it looks like she hasn't even read them. so these envelopes, basically are just maps of the park, with handwritten notes all over it about what should be done. half of the notes are the shit they put in the management plans, and the other half are just kooky. ann suggested putting inverted cones around the trees at greg davis to make weeding easier. it was like those collars you put on dogs so they don't lick them selves. how this was supposed to help, i don't know, it was such a fucked up thing. so yeah jeremy is absolutely furious. he feels insulted by these, as he should. pritchard got three maps, with all these barely legible notes. crazy. we haven't gotten one genesee yet. that one is going to end up on my desk soon, i know it. i'm just going to throw it out haha. so yeah, everyone is pissed about those too.
all of this shit just swirls around me at work. i just sit back and watch, and stay out of it. the thing is, i don't really care about my job. it is just a job to me, a way to pay rent. i'm not attached to it like everyone else is. all my coworkers know this. its all good.
-girls-
nothing to report really. gathering at harms house was really fun last night. i am realizing, i don't remember a lot of it, always good. i think i spilled something, and harm cleaned it up, i don't remember. i vaguely remember the girls leaving, and i think i remember harm getting the one girls number. i remember throwing up, and i remember watching part of meatballs 3. i remember typing some on irc. the log is in here on the second page http://forums.prounreal.com/viewtopic.php?topic=779&forum=12&47 we were both super trashed. i don't really know how to pick up women. i used to be worried about it, but now i really don't care. i never expect anything to happen, which is probably why nothing ever does happen. now thats logic for ya :D i am more out to have a good time, than to score or anything. i'm a poser. i act all horny, but really i don't care. it isn't a driving force in my life.
but then again, sometime i a struck with pangs of lonelyness. i've never really had a serious relationship. i have had very few relationships period. what am i missing out on? fucked if i know. it isn't like i don't have opportunities. i just fail to act on them. i don't recognize them until to late, or i am to scared to do anything, blah blah blah, so many excuses. for all practical purposes, i shouldn't be a 20 year old virgin. i am not disfigured or anything. in fact, i am coming around to think i might be more attractive than i give myself credit for. but then again, how the hell am i supposed to know? i thought i looked pretty damn good in that halloween picture. i used to think i was a gomer, but now, i think i am ok. i have more of those days where i look in the mirror and think damn i'm looking good. i would say i just haven't had the chance, but in reality, i have plenty. i am just stupid. i am coming to accept this. i don't really care. i find that i don't really care about a lot of things. there is very little i actually care about, sometimes it scares me.
-drugs-
ryan said something to me that i thought was true. people either have a natural affinity for alcohol, or for pot. i really love drinking. i love the way it makes me feel, but i am not as big a fan of smoking. so i drink all the time. ryan is the opposite. he really doesn't care about drinking, but he loves smoking, so he smokes all the time. i wish i was less lazy, and had other things around. K was really fun, shrooms were really fun, E is really fun, it would be awesome to have a nitrous tank sitting around like they had in bellingham, i'd like to try acid, etc etc etc etc.
escaping reality is such a great thing. i love the way alcohol and drugs twist reality, so it is still there, but changed enough that everything seems completely different. i am a big fan of dreams. my subconcious rocks, i wish i could hang out with it more. drugs are a way for me to try and merge with my subconcious, in a way i guess. i really wish i could do it more.
alright, so i was watching dateline NBC, and they were having this special on E, and in particular this guy named Strike who put out a book about making E. he has this recipe that makes it really easy, and works really well. so, being the curious fuck i am, i went and looked it up on the internet. i found this site, that basically has the thing from his book in there. god, they told you how to do everything. the site is down now, fucked. i am sure i could find it again. i should just buy that book and see what it has to say. that would be awesome. but yeah, basically, this recipe was all stuff i could do. it would just take about $500 in glassware, and i would have to set up a little vaccum aspirator thing, which i am way too lazy to do. you can get all the stuff to make it at photo shops or the hardware store. the end result was 15 grams of more or less pure MDMA. fucking a, thats like 150 hits. it was very tempting to do, i mean shit. i think it would be more just to do it, than for the end result. it would be fun i think to have a little lab set up, haha. the book walks you all the way through it, telling you how to buy, where to buy, what to buy, etc etc etc.crazy. if you want to look it up, its called total synthesis II
-life-
sometimes i really think i am fucking up my life. i lack motivation, and it is very destructive. i had a nice talk about school and things with one of my coworkers, Jeremy. he is about the closest thing i have to a role model. he trys to look out for me, he's a lot like a big brother. i really wish i was old enough to go out drinking with him sometime. anyways, we were talking about school, and how much i am blowing it by not going. sometimes i get really angry at myself, because i know i won't be able to take it seriously again. if i go back, i will just fuck things up again. this is scary, because eventually i will go back, but when will that be? am i going to be stuck making $11 an hour scrambling for rent payments for the rest of my life? sometimes i wish i had a sense of security. life is frightening.
like i said earlier, it is really frightening that i can't find things to really be passionate about. if only i could find something that excited me, and would hold my attention at school. i wish i knew what i wanted to be when i grow up. i was like that when we did all those career day things and shit when we were little. i never had any idea. i always dreaded those things, because i knew i was going to have to make something up, and then try to explain myself. i just have no clue. it is really scary. i have these huge fears of failure.
bah, i want to write more, but can't get inspired to do it. i'll write later
