Friday, January 25, 2002
hooooAH!
so yeah, i've been chatting with my coworker about the project we are on together. we got to talking about working, and about how she came in 20 minutes early to make up for her "goof off time". it was like she was explaining appologetically why she was leaving so early, when she was actually leaving 20 minutes late. and here i am, i showed up like an hour and a half late, took a 30 minute break after going to the dump, and will probably leave right after she leaves (which she still hasn't by the way, even though it is 4:20 already). i just kind of humored her conversation, acting like i understood the 20 minutes of goof off time thing. it is just boggling. she has worked here for 3 years now, something like that. she is the most senior person on our staff. she is pissed about work now, which is the first time i have seen, from her. she seems to be giving in to the fact that a lot of things around here are bullshit. she mentioned in passing our next planting season, and she added on "if we are even still working here by then." that is the first time i have heard her say that. everyone else makes those jokes, and are looking for other jobs and such. i didn't think she will leave until she had too, until recently. it seems to me, at least, like she is getting more jaded like everyone else. i guess getting jaded is not the right term. maybe losing her naivety.
but still she worrys about leaving early one day. she works over like every day, and still marks down a 40 hour week. and one day she plans on leaving early, even though she is actually leaving late still, and she feels bad. i guess i don't understand. i mean, i feel kind of bad when i am at work and not working, at least when people are around in my office. but when i make it out the door and too my car, all worries disappear. actually, i really don't feel bad, it is more a slight fear of getting caught. i still have this remnant of my goodie two shoes boy scout past lurking just below the surface. i am afraid of getting caught when i am doing something i shouldn't be doing. i mean, usually i still do it, i just worry about it. it causes me to go to great lengths to cover my tracks, and give people the impression that i am not doing anything wrong. it actually kind of turns it into a game.
i sincerely doubt i will ever seriously get in trouble for what i do to this place. when you think about it, i have been "lying" on my time sheets for over a year and a half now. but it has never been a problem. i have never officially been called out on it. once, it was mentioned that i didn't come back to the office, and i just said that i had, and that was that. the week after that, i was afraid, and actually went to most of my shifts. but soon after, i was right back into the swing of things.
i don't really feel bad about doing this. if i stayed at the office the entire time, i wouldn't be doing anything anyways. what does it really matter if i do nothing at home, instead of half asleep staring at a blank screen on my laptop at work here. they never really give me any work to do. when i do get work, it is just complete bullshit to sate their need to have me actually work from time to time. half of it i ignore, because i know it doesn't really matter to them, and they will forget about it in a week or so. i come around and clean up the scraps. i get all the jobs no one else wants. if they were really important and needed to be done, someone else would have done them already. as it is, the stuff i do is just shit people have been putting off and have forgotten about for months, years in some cases. these things were handed to them when they were new, and they never did it, and now it is handed to me. so i am following with the tradition, and not doing them. the stuff that is actually important, i actually do. like the one major project i am on now, we have deadlines and stuff, and i meet them all. our worklog is always up to date, our monthly reports are always in on time. i think we are the only project where this is true. when we have something to do, i am attentive, and take a fair portion of the work, and i do the best i can on it. but, that takes like 2 hours a month, with like 8 hours of work every 3 months or something. i don't know how to do the rest of the stuff, or even what to do. in fact, i have no clue what the rest of my coworkers do with their time. they always seem to be doing something, i just can't figure out what it is. i don't think anyone actually does anything here. i think they just give themselves the impression that they are doing something, and convincing themselves that they are busy. when things finally do come along, and they are actually busy, it seems like they are busy beyond all reason. i don't have these notions. i know i'm not busy, so i just fuck around instead of busying myself with shuffling papers around, and making copies of old documents or whatever.
the thing is, i am really good at spacing out the things i actually do, so it seems like i am constantly producing results. that way, when people ask me what i have done, i can rattle off things i have done in the past 2 months or so, and then rattle off things i am working on (read going to do sometime in the next few months). i have become very good at bullshitting this stuff. you should have seen this presentation i gave at the end of summer. it was all complete crap, but it was what everyone wanted to hear. none of the stuff i said i was going to do actually got done. thats because most of it was completely fabricated, and really had no bearing on anything. so a bunch of the stuff i can say i did because in the long run it really doesn't affect anything, and really had no real purpose to begin with. over the summer, this wasn't such a big deal, but lately i have really been honing my skills at this.
i spend 99% of my time at the office doing absolutely nothing. i keep putting out results at a steady pace, so it gives the illusion of accomplishment and dilligence.
it all comes down to the fact that i really don't care. they all seem to care. thats good for them, but i think they would be under a lot less stress if they just realized what bullshit this whole thing is.
so, i blog about it. if anyone from work ever reads my blog... ok, this would never happen. this is just speaking hypothetically, for the sake of conversation :) lets say someone read my blog, and actually went through and read everything about work. if it was one of my bosses, i would have some explaining to do, but i could pretty easily explain it. i would talk about exaggeration (obviously a lot of what i write is exaggerated, as is just about everything). of course, when i talk about exaggeration, i would exaggerate that. pretty soon that would tie into entertainment. i would say to them that there are shreds of truth to it all, but in reality is just makes for a good story. i could very easily get myself out of that pickle. if one of my coworkers read it, at first they would be slightly annoyed, but i think all of them have the ability to laugh about it, and think me as a genius. the initial uneasyness would be, well, uneasy, but it actually might make things easier. a lot of what i do at work is try to convince my coworkers that i am actually working. it is very easy to fool my bosses, because they are blissfully ignorant about a lot of things. but if i didn't have to stay until just after my coworkers leave, to give the impression of me staying late, or flip to an excel sheet whenever someone comes downstairs.... jesus, i don't even want to think about it. for me to actually be in cahoots with all my coworkers.
it would be a dream come true :)
anyways, speaking of which.
Operation: Sneak out of work
Code name: money for nothing
Status: IN PROGRESS
we have a code green. begin weekend algorithmorgasms in
5
4
3
2
1
.......
peace out, have a good weekend everyone :) i hope something happens, and i get to see some of you guys.
so yeah, i've been chatting with my coworker about the project we are on together. we got to talking about working, and about how she came in 20 minutes early to make up for her "goof off time". it was like she was explaining appologetically why she was leaving so early, when she was actually leaving 20 minutes late. and here i am, i showed up like an hour and a half late, took a 30 minute break after going to the dump, and will probably leave right after she leaves (which she still hasn't by the way, even though it is 4:20 already). i just kind of humored her conversation, acting like i understood the 20 minutes of goof off time thing. it is just boggling. she has worked here for 3 years now, something like that. she is the most senior person on our staff. she is pissed about work now, which is the first time i have seen, from her. she seems to be giving in to the fact that a lot of things around here are bullshit. she mentioned in passing our next planting season, and she added on "if we are even still working here by then." that is the first time i have heard her say that. everyone else makes those jokes, and are looking for other jobs and such. i didn't think she will leave until she had too, until recently. it seems to me, at least, like she is getting more jaded like everyone else. i guess getting jaded is not the right term. maybe losing her naivety.
but still she worrys about leaving early one day. she works over like every day, and still marks down a 40 hour week. and one day she plans on leaving early, even though she is actually leaving late still, and she feels bad. i guess i don't understand. i mean, i feel kind of bad when i am at work and not working, at least when people are around in my office. but when i make it out the door and too my car, all worries disappear. actually, i really don't feel bad, it is more a slight fear of getting caught. i still have this remnant of my goodie two shoes boy scout past lurking just below the surface. i am afraid of getting caught when i am doing something i shouldn't be doing. i mean, usually i still do it, i just worry about it. it causes me to go to great lengths to cover my tracks, and give people the impression that i am not doing anything wrong. it actually kind of turns it into a game.
i sincerely doubt i will ever seriously get in trouble for what i do to this place. when you think about it, i have been "lying" on my time sheets for over a year and a half now. but it has never been a problem. i have never officially been called out on it. once, it was mentioned that i didn't come back to the office, and i just said that i had, and that was that. the week after that, i was afraid, and actually went to most of my shifts. but soon after, i was right back into the swing of things.
i don't really feel bad about doing this. if i stayed at the office the entire time, i wouldn't be doing anything anyways. what does it really matter if i do nothing at home, instead of half asleep staring at a blank screen on my laptop at work here. they never really give me any work to do. when i do get work, it is just complete bullshit to sate their need to have me actually work from time to time. half of it i ignore, because i know it doesn't really matter to them, and they will forget about it in a week or so. i come around and clean up the scraps. i get all the jobs no one else wants. if they were really important and needed to be done, someone else would have done them already. as it is, the stuff i do is just shit people have been putting off and have forgotten about for months, years in some cases. these things were handed to them when they were new, and they never did it, and now it is handed to me. so i am following with the tradition, and not doing them. the stuff that is actually important, i actually do. like the one major project i am on now, we have deadlines and stuff, and i meet them all. our worklog is always up to date, our monthly reports are always in on time. i think we are the only project where this is true. when we have something to do, i am attentive, and take a fair portion of the work, and i do the best i can on it. but, that takes like 2 hours a month, with like 8 hours of work every 3 months or something. i don't know how to do the rest of the stuff, or even what to do. in fact, i have no clue what the rest of my coworkers do with their time. they always seem to be doing something, i just can't figure out what it is. i don't think anyone actually does anything here. i think they just give themselves the impression that they are doing something, and convincing themselves that they are busy. when things finally do come along, and they are actually busy, it seems like they are busy beyond all reason. i don't have these notions. i know i'm not busy, so i just fuck around instead of busying myself with shuffling papers around, and making copies of old documents or whatever.
the thing is, i am really good at spacing out the things i actually do, so it seems like i am constantly producing results. that way, when people ask me what i have done, i can rattle off things i have done in the past 2 months or so, and then rattle off things i am working on (read going to do sometime in the next few months). i have become very good at bullshitting this stuff. you should have seen this presentation i gave at the end of summer. it was all complete crap, but it was what everyone wanted to hear. none of the stuff i said i was going to do actually got done. thats because most of it was completely fabricated, and really had no bearing on anything. so a bunch of the stuff i can say i did because in the long run it really doesn't affect anything, and really had no real purpose to begin with. over the summer, this wasn't such a big deal, but lately i have really been honing my skills at this.
i spend 99% of my time at the office doing absolutely nothing. i keep putting out results at a steady pace, so it gives the illusion of accomplishment and dilligence.
it all comes down to the fact that i really don't care. they all seem to care. thats good for them, but i think they would be under a lot less stress if they just realized what bullshit this whole thing is.
so, i blog about it. if anyone from work ever reads my blog... ok, this would never happen. this is just speaking hypothetically, for the sake of conversation :) lets say someone read my blog, and actually went through and read everything about work. if it was one of my bosses, i would have some explaining to do, but i could pretty easily explain it. i would talk about exaggeration (obviously a lot of what i write is exaggerated, as is just about everything). of course, when i talk about exaggeration, i would exaggerate that. pretty soon that would tie into entertainment. i would say to them that there are shreds of truth to it all, but in reality is just makes for a good story. i could very easily get myself out of that pickle. if one of my coworkers read it, at first they would be slightly annoyed, but i think all of them have the ability to laugh about it, and think me as a genius. the initial uneasyness would be, well, uneasy, but it actually might make things easier. a lot of what i do at work is try to convince my coworkers that i am actually working. it is very easy to fool my bosses, because they are blissfully ignorant about a lot of things. but if i didn't have to stay until just after my coworkers leave, to give the impression of me staying late, or flip to an excel sheet whenever someone comes downstairs.... jesus, i don't even want to think about it. for me to actually be in cahoots with all my coworkers.
it would be a dream come true :)
anyways, speaking of which.
Operation: Sneak out of work
Code name: money for nothing
Status: IN PROGRESS
we have a code green. begin weekend algorithmorgasms in
5
4
3
2
1
.......
peace out, have a good weekend everyone :) i hope something happens, and i get to see some of you guys.
