Wednesday, January 16, 2002
today is turning into a much better day than yesterday. now that i am inside, out of the cold, i don't really care that much. anger has receeded, total lack of emotion one way or the other is beginning to take over.
i woke up wishing for something catastrophic and cataclysmic to take places, say an earth-wrenching earthquake destroying half of seattle. after that, i wished someone would crash into my car on the drive over. after that, i accepted the fact that i had to work. work this morning was fairly annoying, but not as bad after the first 45 minutes went past. i got used to the cold, pushed all thoughts of rash suicide out of my head, chanted FREESTYLA a few times, and then got to the working. no one else wanted to be there, and wendy my coworker hadn't had her coffee, so no one wanted to talk. i kind of isolated myself, which was very good. this morning, my job represented everything that is evil and impure, and because of that my coworkers obviously were evil and impure. i went and pouted in my corner of the park, and distanced myself from everyone else, because they didn't deserve me being annoyed at them. it actually worked out very well. they were all avoiding everyone too, so it was all ok. it was cold, but it is winter. i couldn't get too mad at the cold. anyways, i'm in the office, my day is over halfway done, and i have the hard half over with. so, this day isn't half bad. i'm gonna go home, take a hot shower to defrost myself, and probably take a nap. all will be well.
i have always been the type of person who needs 8 hours of sleep. if i had my choice, i would get 12+ hours of sleep a night. one thing that sucks, is that i have fallen into a routine. 10 months straight of waking up before 7 has me always waking up before 7. even on the weekends, i'll jerk myself out of sleep at about 7:30, expecting to be late to work. i always end up getting back to sleep for a few more hours, but 8 hours of sleep in 3 chunks isn't quite the same. on top of that, i am a relatively light sleeper until i hit that deep sleep everyone wants. i have a lot of trouble getting to sleep in the first place, and even more trouble getting back to sleep and staying that way. this makes for a lot of restless nights, and a lot of exhausted day. i have groomed myself to function on my average 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, but it rarely goes beyond just functioning. i would try to go to bed earlier, but i can very very very rarely fall asleep before about 1, even if i try. there are a few times, where i lay down to take a nap or something in the evening, and wake up about 4 in the morning, and end up just laying there for a few more hours... basically, i am bemoaning the fact that i have adopted the sleep cycle of everyone in america with a full time job. i really enjoyed the days at college or at home, where i didn't really worry about when i went to sleep, or how long i stayed up. i don't think sleep is meant to be had in a pattern. i think your body should naturally fluctuate, that sometimes it is ok to stay up longer, and then sleep longer. it is kind of like the whole 3 meals a day thing. a lot of times, i won't eat 1 or even 2 of those meals, just because i feel i have to eat when the world says i should. in college, i would have been much more well fed if subway had been open 24 hours.
as much as i don't want my life to be bound by patterns, my mind has this strange urge to find patterns in everything. i like numbers that are even or the same, things to be just as tall as eachother, furniture to line up, blah blah blah. my mind picks out patterns in a lot of things. maybe we actually are supposed to sleep and eat in patterns. maybe my mind is just mooching all the patterns, and isn't leaving anything behind for my body.
i read this book recently. actually, it was this weekend. i started it on friday, finished on sunday, all 800 pages. it sucked me in, it was great. it was by one of my favorite authors. he used to be my favorite author, but now he is just one of my favorites after reading this book. it was a great book, i loved it, but there were a lot of silly things he did when he was writing it, that were really uncharacteristic of the rest of his books. i think he let his wife write too much of it. recently, he has been giving some writing credit to his wife, and i think let her do a little too much of this one. i'm all for a strong female characters, but all the female characters in this book were too strong. it was a fantasy book, so you expect the females to be somewhat princess-like, a little silly, and hopelessly addicted to romance. none of these female characters were, it was kind of disappointing. also, in the end, everyone got married. like, everyone paired off like a jr. high dance. it was just stupid, and it really annoyed me. there wasn't really any build up too it, they all just kind of ended up being in love. there was no falling in love period though, they were all just like, blink, ok, i'm in love. then the guy turned into a slave for his overly strong female character significant other. realllllly annoying, because the male characters could have been really cool. i mean, it is ok to have people fall in love, but it is nice if there is some sort of relationship, or build up, or anything between the two people. after the first 4 or so couples paired off, it got really predictable. there were also a few things about the writing style that annoyed me. one of the words in every phrase in every conversation was italicized to give emphasis to that particular word. now, italicizing for emphasis is good, if it is used in moderation. it should only be used for really important words, in my opinion. mostly, because when i am reading, and i find an italicized word, my mind reallllly stresses it. so the conversations were all out of wack in my head, because my mind kept elongating these words, and adding way too much emphasis. it gaves all interaction between the characters a comical, completely sarcastic quality. on top of that, all the characters were really sarcastic anyways. the book had a very dry humor. it gave the book a light fun tone, that i liked, but it could have been toned down slightly. like, it is really fun when one or two of the characters have a really dry wit, especially when those characters interact. but in this book, everyone had a dry sense of humor, so they were constantly cracking down on eachother. it just seemed out of place, at times. oh, another thing. they had all these sections within chapters, you know the type that end with just a double spacing, instead of beginning a new chapter? well, every one of these sections ended with one of the characters saying some completely over-exaggerated catch phrase type thing. like "Why me!" and stuff like that. it reminded me of a cheesy episode of Who's the Boss or something, or even worse, Home Alone. it seemed like you were supposed to be reading parts of these books with a laugh track in your head, with the authors holding up an applause sign at the end of each one of these sections. i'm sure they thought they were terribly clever when they were writing it, but after 800 pages it becomes very stupid, and not clever at all.
i feel really bad for picking apart this book, because i really liked it. only, it could have been SO much better. it was a great story. also, it was a stand alone novel. if it had been twice, or 3 times as long, maybe a trilogy or something, it would have been incredible.
end book critic mode, enter sneak out of the office mode. hopefully. people are having a meeting in the library, so i think i am out like all sorts of trout. we shall see...
i woke up wishing for something catastrophic and cataclysmic to take places, say an earth-wrenching earthquake destroying half of seattle. after that, i wished someone would crash into my car on the drive over. after that, i accepted the fact that i had to work. work this morning was fairly annoying, but not as bad after the first 45 minutes went past. i got used to the cold, pushed all thoughts of rash suicide out of my head, chanted FREESTYLA a few times, and then got to the working. no one else wanted to be there, and wendy my coworker hadn't had her coffee, so no one wanted to talk. i kind of isolated myself, which was very good. this morning, my job represented everything that is evil and impure, and because of that my coworkers obviously were evil and impure. i went and pouted in my corner of the park, and distanced myself from everyone else, because they didn't deserve me being annoyed at them. it actually worked out very well. they were all avoiding everyone too, so it was all ok. it was cold, but it is winter. i couldn't get too mad at the cold. anyways, i'm in the office, my day is over halfway done, and i have the hard half over with. so, this day isn't half bad. i'm gonna go home, take a hot shower to defrost myself, and probably take a nap. all will be well.
i have always been the type of person who needs 8 hours of sleep. if i had my choice, i would get 12+ hours of sleep a night. one thing that sucks, is that i have fallen into a routine. 10 months straight of waking up before 7 has me always waking up before 7. even on the weekends, i'll jerk myself out of sleep at about 7:30, expecting to be late to work. i always end up getting back to sleep for a few more hours, but 8 hours of sleep in 3 chunks isn't quite the same. on top of that, i am a relatively light sleeper until i hit that deep sleep everyone wants. i have a lot of trouble getting to sleep in the first place, and even more trouble getting back to sleep and staying that way. this makes for a lot of restless nights, and a lot of exhausted day. i have groomed myself to function on my average 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, but it rarely goes beyond just functioning. i would try to go to bed earlier, but i can very very very rarely fall asleep before about 1, even if i try. there are a few times, where i lay down to take a nap or something in the evening, and wake up about 4 in the morning, and end up just laying there for a few more hours... basically, i am bemoaning the fact that i have adopted the sleep cycle of everyone in america with a full time job. i really enjoyed the days at college or at home, where i didn't really worry about when i went to sleep, or how long i stayed up. i don't think sleep is meant to be had in a pattern. i think your body should naturally fluctuate, that sometimes it is ok to stay up longer, and then sleep longer. it is kind of like the whole 3 meals a day thing. a lot of times, i won't eat 1 or even 2 of those meals, just because i feel i have to eat when the world says i should. in college, i would have been much more well fed if subway had been open 24 hours.
as much as i don't want my life to be bound by patterns, my mind has this strange urge to find patterns in everything. i like numbers that are even or the same, things to be just as tall as eachother, furniture to line up, blah blah blah. my mind picks out patterns in a lot of things. maybe we actually are supposed to sleep and eat in patterns. maybe my mind is just mooching all the patterns, and isn't leaving anything behind for my body.
i read this book recently. actually, it was this weekend. i started it on friday, finished on sunday, all 800 pages. it sucked me in, it was great. it was by one of my favorite authors. he used to be my favorite author, but now he is just one of my favorites after reading this book. it was a great book, i loved it, but there were a lot of silly things he did when he was writing it, that were really uncharacteristic of the rest of his books. i think he let his wife write too much of it. recently, he has been giving some writing credit to his wife, and i think let her do a little too much of this one. i'm all for a strong female characters, but all the female characters in this book were too strong. it was a fantasy book, so you expect the females to be somewhat princess-like, a little silly, and hopelessly addicted to romance. none of these female characters were, it was kind of disappointing. also, in the end, everyone got married. like, everyone paired off like a jr. high dance. it was just stupid, and it really annoyed me. there wasn't really any build up too it, they all just kind of ended up being in love. there was no falling in love period though, they were all just like, blink, ok, i'm in love. then the guy turned into a slave for his overly strong female character significant other. realllllly annoying, because the male characters could have been really cool. i mean, it is ok to have people fall in love, but it is nice if there is some sort of relationship, or build up, or anything between the two people. after the first 4 or so couples paired off, it got really predictable. there were also a few things about the writing style that annoyed me. one of the words in every phrase in every conversation was italicized to give emphasis to that particular word. now, italicizing for emphasis is good, if it is used in moderation. it should only be used for really important words, in my opinion. mostly, because when i am reading, and i find an italicized word, my mind reallllly stresses it. so the conversations were all out of wack in my head, because my mind kept elongating these words, and adding way too much emphasis. it gaves all interaction between the characters a comical, completely sarcastic quality. on top of that, all the characters were really sarcastic anyways. the book had a very dry humor. it gave the book a light fun tone, that i liked, but it could have been toned down slightly. like, it is really fun when one or two of the characters have a really dry wit, especially when those characters interact. but in this book, everyone had a dry sense of humor, so they were constantly cracking down on eachother. it just seemed out of place, at times. oh, another thing. they had all these sections within chapters, you know the type that end with just a double spacing, instead of beginning a new chapter? well, every one of these sections ended with one of the characters saying some completely over-exaggerated catch phrase type thing. like "Why me!" and stuff like that. it reminded me of a cheesy episode of Who's the Boss or something, or even worse, Home Alone. it seemed like you were supposed to be reading parts of these books with a laugh track in your head, with the authors holding up an applause sign at the end of each one of these sections. i'm sure they thought they were terribly clever when they were writing it, but after 800 pages it becomes very stupid, and not clever at all.
i feel really bad for picking apart this book, because i really liked it. only, it could have been SO much better. it was a great story. also, it was a stand alone novel. if it had been twice, or 3 times as long, maybe a trilogy or something, it would have been incredible.
end book critic mode, enter sneak out of the office mode. hopefully. people are having a meeting in the library, so i think i am out like all sorts of trout. we shall see...
