Monday, February 04, 2002
into the dredges of insomnia i go.....
this feeling seems strangely familiar. i feel like i am sitting in my dorm room. i haven't slept all weekend, even though i have gotten drunk every damn day. you would think i would end up passing out or something. but no. sleep does not work. it is not exactly a trend i want to start up again. i wish i could just fall asleep. no, fuck that. i wish i didn't have any responsibilities. i wish i was insanely wealthy and i could sit on my ass all day. i wish i didn't have to work. i am really jealous of people like my boss who have so much money, that they just don't know what to do with it all. i can't imagine how it would feel to know that you could just do absolutely nothing for the rest of your life, and there would be no real consequences.
back to the real world... i have to make my money some how. i have to head out to my bullshit job, make my money so that by the end of the month i can pay some shmuck in an office X dollars a month to live in this run down house. so, i am funding his bullshit job with my bullshit job. every day we pay like $15 for a pizza, funding even more bullshit jobs. it is a never ending cycle. does anyone actually have a job that really, truely means anything any more? its seems like these days, the better you are at completely giving up in life, losing all sense of moral decency and pride, the more money you make, and the less you have to do, and the more recognition you get. i am firmly set on the path to the top, if this is truely the case. the problem is, the true bullshit artists conjure up this strange sense of ambition that i doubt i will ever find. thus, i am destined to live a life of mediocrity, not that this is actually a bad thing. there is a huge middle area where everyone is mediocre anyways. as long as i am going to be mediocre, i might as well be truely mediocre.
what is all REALLY boils down to is that i am lazy, and i just don't want to go to work tomorrow :P
this feeling seems strangely familiar. i feel like i am sitting in my dorm room. i haven't slept all weekend, even though i have gotten drunk every damn day. you would think i would end up passing out or something. but no. sleep does not work. it is not exactly a trend i want to start up again. i wish i could just fall asleep. no, fuck that. i wish i didn't have any responsibilities. i wish i was insanely wealthy and i could sit on my ass all day. i wish i didn't have to work. i am really jealous of people like my boss who have so much money, that they just don't know what to do with it all. i can't imagine how it would feel to know that you could just do absolutely nothing for the rest of your life, and there would be no real consequences.
back to the real world... i have to make my money some how. i have to head out to my bullshit job, make my money so that by the end of the month i can pay some shmuck in an office X dollars a month to live in this run down house. so, i am funding his bullshit job with my bullshit job. every day we pay like $15 for a pizza, funding even more bullshit jobs. it is a never ending cycle. does anyone actually have a job that really, truely means anything any more? its seems like these days, the better you are at completely giving up in life, losing all sense of moral decency and pride, the more money you make, and the less you have to do, and the more recognition you get. i am firmly set on the path to the top, if this is truely the case. the problem is, the true bullshit artists conjure up this strange sense of ambition that i doubt i will ever find. thus, i am destined to live a life of mediocrity, not that this is actually a bad thing. there is a huge middle area where everyone is mediocre anyways. as long as i am going to be mediocre, i might as well be truely mediocre.
what is all REALLY boils down to is that i am lazy, and i just don't want to go to work tomorrow :P
