Monday, April 15, 2002
oh good lord...... 11 days, its a record....
well, a much needed break from all thought in general, or so i hoped. instead, i'm sitting here annoyed because i have all these thoughts that are LOST FOREVER!!!! its not that their lost, i'm just pissed because i didn't have a chance to work them all out, and such, in my head. so yeah, poop my own dick...
ok, 11 days is a lot of time, let me try to work this all out.
the 4th, last time i blogged. oh yeah, i showed back up and no one was there. update on this sort of thing, a few days ago, i just didn't show up at all. like, completely blew it off. no one noticed. even the person who is usually in my office. next day at work, she asked me what i did after i got home from work. this is why i will never leave my job..... it is too lax.
i'm on another "my job rocks" kick. well, not that it rocks, but more like "i'll never find another job that lets me slack" kick. its like, i've gotten into another little mindset here where i don't let work effect me. it is working out well. i'm sure soon, i'll get all pissed again, and i'll complain, and everyone will roll their eyes at me again, but right now i am happy.
i was explaining a little about my job, and my boss and such to my friend Jing online. hopefully he can sleep a little sounder tonight, because he always is convinced i'm going to get fired. i told him that it is more or less impossible for me to get fired, because we can't handle losing another person, even if it is just me and my spankity ass self. yeah, i mean, yeah... my job... everyone who knows anything about it shouldn't be doing anything more than laughing about it.... and the fact that i managed to fall into it. i mean, look at this. i'm fairly technology oriented. i'm a little geekish, spend my days on my computer. i go into UW hoping to either do computer science or chemical engineering, or biochem, something like that. yet here i am, with this pseudo career thing in the wonderful world of environmental restoration. here i am surrounded by hippies, environmentalists, and the rest of the liberal left. i mean, i consider myself as a fairly liberal guy, in that i don't connect to the conservative right, well, at all. but some of these people kind of make me laugh. i mean jesus. i guess it is just me striving for the middle again. i don't deal too well with extremist thinking. but yeah. somehow, me and my wired self are outside on our hands and knees every day pulling out weeds. not only that, the foundation i work for refuses to use anything mechanical to aide them (shunning technology, such as computers, major choice #1) or anything chemical (chemistry, chemical engineering, biochem, major(s) #2). here i am with a job, that conflicts with my major interests. i find this humorous. this also brings to light a new theory on how it is possible to care so little about something, like how i care so little about my job....
this weekend, well, was kind of a strange weekend for me. it was wierd, because i actually like, did stuff. oh yeah, and on friday i didn't drink. i can't remember the time i didn't drink anything on a friday.... but yeah, it was cool. it was really funny. shannon and matt had these free voucher things from some newspaper for free tickets to some movie. for some reason, the decided to invite their favorite 3rd wheel, me. its fun hanging out with them, i dunno why. probably because they are both fun people. maybe that has something to do with it, i dunno. just a hunch. anyways, we went to the uptown theater on queen anne. i really know that area fairly well, even though i didn't know it. well, i didn't know it was called queen anne, for some reason. there are so many hills and such in seattle, i always get confused. i've just resigned myself to ignoring neighborhood names and such. it works... so yeah, we didn't really know how to get there. well, it turns out that i did, but i didn't know it at the time. taking directions to that area is really tricky, because there are a lot of like merges and half turns and poorly marked streets and such. so, it became obvious we didn't know where we were going. i was driving, which was why i didn't drink :D so yeah, we are like, its not over here. so we stop, and i'm like, hey! i know were that is. and me and matt both felt kind of silly. shannon seemed content in the back listening to Ben Folds Five, lol, and just kind of let us fumble around. anyways, we get there, and matt is like HEY! i know this theater!!!! so we both knew where it was, but didn't. that was kind of funny...
so we get there, not really knowing what to expect. it was called Don't ask don't tell, it was kind of this mystery science theater type thing, except they dubbed over the entire thing. for some reason, they decided to add their own scene's in too, which were all just TERRIBLE. so, the beginning there were some funny parts, but they ran out of material after about 15 minutes. so they kept reusing the stupid jokes. it got pretty bad by the end. people were snoring. i was just kind of sitting. there was some guy with a CRAZY laugh behind us. i didn't know such a noise was even possible to make. but somehow he did. anyways, it was pretty awful, but we joked about it afterwards, and it was free, so we couldn't really complain :) the wierdest thing, like at the end, during the credits, we got up and left, but no one else did. it was surreal...... very... so we left. maybe we missed something really good, like the whole purpose behind the movie that would have made it good or something. somehow i sincerely doubt that, but it really made me wonder.
so, i dropped shannon and matt off, and went home and went to bed, and that was friday :) actually fun for what it was.
then saturday, i got up early to help my dad build his deck... so, he's building this whole elaborate deck thing, with all this fancy wood and such. but first he needed to put these beams in place. thats where i come in. i was the brute force, the grunt labor. i did this fairly well. i lifted, i held, i hammered, i shoved, basically did whatever. it is shaping up pretty well. i hear he had to replace one of the beams, because he cut it too short, but yeah, apparently things are shaping up. it was all that hard work, but it would have been impossible without me, so i was glad i could help. i mean, this is a major project and my dad is really into it, so it was the least i could do. he hasn't made me help too much with the whole backyard makeover up to this point. so we did that, it went pretty well i thought, even if we did make a few miscalculations. who knows if i'll have to go back again to help. i don't really want too, but i would i suppose. anyways, my parents took me to dinner, which was the real reason i went over ;) hard to pass up a free meal. it was nice, because my parents mostly gossipped about my sister instead of me. very relieving, they didn't ask me much at all. it was great.
one thing i have been thinking about for a while. ok not a while, for like a week maybe. going back to redmond kind of brought all this back again. where is home? i mean, i have been moving around so much in the past 3 years, its like where is home? i've lived at this house for a longer duration than than anywhere in the past 3 years, more or less... i guess you would have to count mcmahon freshman year as 9 months, but there was spring break, and christmas break.... ok, i guess this is the second longest period. but still, it is 7 months. everywhere else has been 4 months here, 6 months here, 3 months here, etc... so where exactly is home? its hard to think of a place where home is. its hard to commit to someplace after all this skipping around, you know things like changing the permanent address on my checks... i guess i should have changed it to here. but who knows if we will resign the lease here? in 3 months i might be changing to a new house again. home home usually refers to my parents house, but i can't keep getting stuff sent there. i mean, i never get it. i don't go home often at all. i dont' really see my parents often at all... its just a wierd thing to think about, where is home?
when i think about it, this has been more home than anywhere else. its a wierd feeling, yet it isn't at the same time. i dunno, its hard to describe...
i finished harry potter 4 last night. yet another series i pick up in the damn middle, and have to wait literally years to finish. anyways, i completely agree with jing now, when he said that harry potter isn't a childens book. after reading the end of book 4, it can completely see where he was coming from. anyways, it was a good book. i can't wait for the movies, and i completely can't wait for the next one to come out :P i was trying to find out a release date online, and heard all the rumors, which got me even more worked up. shiot...... anyone who hasn't read harry potter yet should start now. i mean, good books, they are fun. there are of course a few things that bother me about them, like how childish some of the adults act, and how hopeless things seem at points, and how they kind of work themselves out. but a lot of fantasy books are like that, and i still love them, so its all good.
speaking of having problems with books... i don't know if i blogged about this. the book i read before harry potter. its like the 6th, 7th book in the series. the book before, went on this whole thing with the main characters being seperated, shit going down, and then at the very end they get back together and it just like ends, pfft, cuts off, you don't know whats up. so i am stoked about the next one, to see what happened. instead of writing about them, the author introduces 2 new main characters out of the blue. after like 700 pages of just them, no mention of the real main characters, you finally meet up with them for like 50 pages :P it was really annoying, because it is like why should i care about these people? it was even more annoying, because they were both in league with the enemy, and being brainwashed towards the enemy's crazy ideals. its like, you had to put up with the real main character having to submit himself too them because he was enslaved by this woman, and now the new main characters willingly submit themselves to it. it was just, bah. i still enjoyed the book, but i was slightly disappointed. i am still surprised i was only slightly disappointed. i should have been really disappointed. but i wasn't...
i really wish i could read more. i really wish it didn't take authors years to write books, and longer for them to come out on paperback so i can read them. i really wish i could be motivated enough to write a novel of myself. that has been something i have been saying i was going to do since i was 15. i actually sat down and created this world when i was about 16. i had countries, main charaters, a map, the start of a basic plotline... but then i just dropped it. i never followed up. that seems to be the way i work. i get really interested in something, invest time and money in it, then just lose all interest and am able to just drop it. i haven't quite decided whether this is a good quality or not. i kind of enjoy it, but it has major downsides. its almost like i am wasting my chances to be interested in certain things. like, maybe if i had decided to get intrested in this later, when i did have the motivation, something could actually become of it. but no, i'm doing it now, and kind of blowing it. but, in other cases. its like, this thing was really stupid to begin with. yet, i'm able to just drop it, and be like fuck you, you are stupid, instead of wasting time, money and effort on it.
anyways, i'm not really sure where i am going with this. i'm not really sure where i am going with anything, and you know, it is kind of comforting. i heard someone say this on tv or something. "i have dreams, i just haven't had yet" or something to that nature. i will do something with my life. i have aspirations to do this thing. i just haven't figured out what it is yet :P
well, a much needed break from all thought in general, or so i hoped. instead, i'm sitting here annoyed because i have all these thoughts that are LOST FOREVER!!!! its not that their lost, i'm just pissed because i didn't have a chance to work them all out, and such, in my head. so yeah, poop my own dick...
ok, 11 days is a lot of time, let me try to work this all out.
the 4th, last time i blogged. oh yeah, i showed back up and no one was there. update on this sort of thing, a few days ago, i just didn't show up at all. like, completely blew it off. no one noticed. even the person who is usually in my office. next day at work, she asked me what i did after i got home from work. this is why i will never leave my job..... it is too lax.
i'm on another "my job rocks" kick. well, not that it rocks, but more like "i'll never find another job that lets me slack" kick. its like, i've gotten into another little mindset here where i don't let work effect me. it is working out well. i'm sure soon, i'll get all pissed again, and i'll complain, and everyone will roll their eyes at me again, but right now i am happy.
i was explaining a little about my job, and my boss and such to my friend Jing online. hopefully he can sleep a little sounder tonight, because he always is convinced i'm going to get fired. i told him that it is more or less impossible for me to get fired, because we can't handle losing another person, even if it is just me and my spankity ass self. yeah, i mean, yeah... my job... everyone who knows anything about it shouldn't be doing anything more than laughing about it.... and the fact that i managed to fall into it. i mean, look at this. i'm fairly technology oriented. i'm a little geekish, spend my days on my computer. i go into UW hoping to either do computer science or chemical engineering, or biochem, something like that. yet here i am, with this pseudo career thing in the wonderful world of environmental restoration. here i am surrounded by hippies, environmentalists, and the rest of the liberal left. i mean, i consider myself as a fairly liberal guy, in that i don't connect to the conservative right, well, at all. but some of these people kind of make me laugh. i mean jesus. i guess it is just me striving for the middle again. i don't deal too well with extremist thinking. but yeah. somehow, me and my wired self are outside on our hands and knees every day pulling out weeds. not only that, the foundation i work for refuses to use anything mechanical to aide them (shunning technology, such as computers, major choice #1) or anything chemical (chemistry, chemical engineering, biochem, major(s) #2). here i am with a job, that conflicts with my major interests. i find this humorous. this also brings to light a new theory on how it is possible to care so little about something, like how i care so little about my job....
this weekend, well, was kind of a strange weekend for me. it was wierd, because i actually like, did stuff. oh yeah, and on friday i didn't drink. i can't remember the time i didn't drink anything on a friday.... but yeah, it was cool. it was really funny. shannon and matt had these free voucher things from some newspaper for free tickets to some movie. for some reason, the decided to invite their favorite 3rd wheel, me. its fun hanging out with them, i dunno why. probably because they are both fun people. maybe that has something to do with it, i dunno. just a hunch. anyways, we went to the uptown theater on queen anne. i really know that area fairly well, even though i didn't know it. well, i didn't know it was called queen anne, for some reason. there are so many hills and such in seattle, i always get confused. i've just resigned myself to ignoring neighborhood names and such. it works... so yeah, we didn't really know how to get there. well, it turns out that i did, but i didn't know it at the time. taking directions to that area is really tricky, because there are a lot of like merges and half turns and poorly marked streets and such. so, it became obvious we didn't know where we were going. i was driving, which was why i didn't drink :D so yeah, we are like, its not over here. so we stop, and i'm like, hey! i know were that is. and me and matt both felt kind of silly. shannon seemed content in the back listening to Ben Folds Five, lol, and just kind of let us fumble around. anyways, we get there, and matt is like HEY! i know this theater!!!! so we both knew where it was, but didn't. that was kind of funny...
so we get there, not really knowing what to expect. it was called Don't ask don't tell, it was kind of this mystery science theater type thing, except they dubbed over the entire thing. for some reason, they decided to add their own scene's in too, which were all just TERRIBLE. so, the beginning there were some funny parts, but they ran out of material after about 15 minutes. so they kept reusing the stupid jokes. it got pretty bad by the end. people were snoring. i was just kind of sitting. there was some guy with a CRAZY laugh behind us. i didn't know such a noise was even possible to make. but somehow he did. anyways, it was pretty awful, but we joked about it afterwards, and it was free, so we couldn't really complain :) the wierdest thing, like at the end, during the credits, we got up and left, but no one else did. it was surreal...... very... so we left. maybe we missed something really good, like the whole purpose behind the movie that would have made it good or something. somehow i sincerely doubt that, but it really made me wonder.
so, i dropped shannon and matt off, and went home and went to bed, and that was friday :) actually fun for what it was.
then saturday, i got up early to help my dad build his deck... so, he's building this whole elaborate deck thing, with all this fancy wood and such. but first he needed to put these beams in place. thats where i come in. i was the brute force, the grunt labor. i did this fairly well. i lifted, i held, i hammered, i shoved, basically did whatever. it is shaping up pretty well. i hear he had to replace one of the beams, because he cut it too short, but yeah, apparently things are shaping up. it was all that hard work, but it would have been impossible without me, so i was glad i could help. i mean, this is a major project and my dad is really into it, so it was the least i could do. he hasn't made me help too much with the whole backyard makeover up to this point. so we did that, it went pretty well i thought, even if we did make a few miscalculations. who knows if i'll have to go back again to help. i don't really want too, but i would i suppose. anyways, my parents took me to dinner, which was the real reason i went over ;) hard to pass up a free meal. it was nice, because my parents mostly gossipped about my sister instead of me. very relieving, they didn't ask me much at all. it was great.
one thing i have been thinking about for a while. ok not a while, for like a week maybe. going back to redmond kind of brought all this back again. where is home? i mean, i have been moving around so much in the past 3 years, its like where is home? i've lived at this house for a longer duration than than anywhere in the past 3 years, more or less... i guess you would have to count mcmahon freshman year as 9 months, but there was spring break, and christmas break.... ok, i guess this is the second longest period. but still, it is 7 months. everywhere else has been 4 months here, 6 months here, 3 months here, etc... so where exactly is home? its hard to think of a place where home is. its hard to commit to someplace after all this skipping around, you know things like changing the permanent address on my checks... i guess i should have changed it to here. but who knows if we will resign the lease here? in 3 months i might be changing to a new house again. home home usually refers to my parents house, but i can't keep getting stuff sent there. i mean, i never get it. i don't go home often at all. i dont' really see my parents often at all... its just a wierd thing to think about, where is home?
when i think about it, this has been more home than anywhere else. its a wierd feeling, yet it isn't at the same time. i dunno, its hard to describe...
i finished harry potter 4 last night. yet another series i pick up in the damn middle, and have to wait literally years to finish. anyways, i completely agree with jing now, when he said that harry potter isn't a childens book. after reading the end of book 4, it can completely see where he was coming from. anyways, it was a good book. i can't wait for the movies, and i completely can't wait for the next one to come out :P i was trying to find out a release date online, and heard all the rumors, which got me even more worked up. shiot...... anyone who hasn't read harry potter yet should start now. i mean, good books, they are fun. there are of course a few things that bother me about them, like how childish some of the adults act, and how hopeless things seem at points, and how they kind of work themselves out. but a lot of fantasy books are like that, and i still love them, so its all good.
speaking of having problems with books... i don't know if i blogged about this. the book i read before harry potter. its like the 6th, 7th book in the series. the book before, went on this whole thing with the main characters being seperated, shit going down, and then at the very end they get back together and it just like ends, pfft, cuts off, you don't know whats up. so i am stoked about the next one, to see what happened. instead of writing about them, the author introduces 2 new main characters out of the blue. after like 700 pages of just them, no mention of the real main characters, you finally meet up with them for like 50 pages :P it was really annoying, because it is like why should i care about these people? it was even more annoying, because they were both in league with the enemy, and being brainwashed towards the enemy's crazy ideals. its like, you had to put up with the real main character having to submit himself too them because he was enslaved by this woman, and now the new main characters willingly submit themselves to it. it was just, bah. i still enjoyed the book, but i was slightly disappointed. i am still surprised i was only slightly disappointed. i should have been really disappointed. but i wasn't...
i really wish i could read more. i really wish it didn't take authors years to write books, and longer for them to come out on paperback so i can read them. i really wish i could be motivated enough to write a novel of myself. that has been something i have been saying i was going to do since i was 15. i actually sat down and created this world when i was about 16. i had countries, main charaters, a map, the start of a basic plotline... but then i just dropped it. i never followed up. that seems to be the way i work. i get really interested in something, invest time and money in it, then just lose all interest and am able to just drop it. i haven't quite decided whether this is a good quality or not. i kind of enjoy it, but it has major downsides. its almost like i am wasting my chances to be interested in certain things. like, maybe if i had decided to get intrested in this later, when i did have the motivation, something could actually become of it. but no, i'm doing it now, and kind of blowing it. but, in other cases. its like, this thing was really stupid to begin with. yet, i'm able to just drop it, and be like fuck you, you are stupid, instead of wasting time, money and effort on it.
anyways, i'm not really sure where i am going with this. i'm not really sure where i am going with anything, and you know, it is kind of comforting. i heard someone say this on tv or something. "i have dreams, i just haven't had yet" or something to that nature. i will do something with my life. i have aspirations to do this thing. i just haven't figured out what it is yet :P
