Tuesday, May 07, 2002
i have been having serious concentration issues lately. i can't keep my mind focused at all, let alone long enough to sit at a computer and write.
but yeah, anyways....
things are going fairly well.... work is work, and i just realized that another weekend has passed, and i'm already back working again. it doesn't seem like weekends exist at all, they seem to be more like an afternoon attached to friday. me and my sense of time have been having issues as well lately.
sometimes i wish i could find something consistant about myself. it seems like i am always in a state of internal redefinition. but really, i never change. it just seems like i do... in reality i am searching for a break in this consistancy. i wish i could change, so i am constantly trying to redefine myself. really, there ends up being no redefinition... even this search for definition is consistant... blah... what i all boils down too, is that i am bored. i am bored of myself. i am bored of pretty much everything. i get bored of anything in a few minutes. i think this is going to turn into one of my biggest disadvantages in life. this will be the most challenging thing to overcome. i can never find anything that can hold my concentration long enough to break out of this bored streak. everything i try turns into a waste. i can think of a thousand and one things i have bought, or tried, etc, in hopes that they would be the exception to this rule. none of them have. the thing that has held my interest the longest, like, well, ever is a video game, and even that has been off and on.
everything becomes a chore to me. when things i am supposed to like become a chore, everything else seems that much worse...
the weird thing is, i find a strange sense of comfort in this boredom. i am happy in this bored, lazy state i have built for myself, at least at the moment. there are probably things i could do to make things less of a chore, but i don't really want too. its strange sometimes...
short attention span kicking in in :
5....4.... blah, you know the rest, count yourself
but yeah, anyways....
things are going fairly well.... work is work, and i just realized that another weekend has passed, and i'm already back working again. it doesn't seem like weekends exist at all, they seem to be more like an afternoon attached to friday. me and my sense of time have been having issues as well lately.
sometimes i wish i could find something consistant about myself. it seems like i am always in a state of internal redefinition. but really, i never change. it just seems like i do... in reality i am searching for a break in this consistancy. i wish i could change, so i am constantly trying to redefine myself. really, there ends up being no redefinition... even this search for definition is consistant... blah... what i all boils down too, is that i am bored. i am bored of myself. i am bored of pretty much everything. i get bored of anything in a few minutes. i think this is going to turn into one of my biggest disadvantages in life. this will be the most challenging thing to overcome. i can never find anything that can hold my concentration long enough to break out of this bored streak. everything i try turns into a waste. i can think of a thousand and one things i have bought, or tried, etc, in hopes that they would be the exception to this rule. none of them have. the thing that has held my interest the longest, like, well, ever is a video game, and even that has been off and on.
everything becomes a chore to me. when things i am supposed to like become a chore, everything else seems that much worse...
the weird thing is, i find a strange sense of comfort in this boredom. i am happy in this bored, lazy state i have built for myself, at least at the moment. there are probably things i could do to make things less of a chore, but i don't really want too. its strange sometimes...
short attention span kicking in in :
5....4.... blah, you know the rest, count yourself
