Tuesday, August 27, 2002
alright, so bloggin. why do i put it off? its not like i don't have stuff to say.
every since i read that stupid site where the dude talked about getting fired because he blogged, i've been paranoid. so i don't blog from work, like ever. i mean that was some scary shit.
so yeah, not blogging... stupid wank. BAD WANK, BAD BAD!!!! oh yeah, and i have several addictions to cater too. like video games, and lazyness. and nuts. i love the nuts, can't get enough of them. BAD WANKBAD.
blaaaaarg. ok, here's the deal. i have no real reason to be stressing out, but i have been. several things are going crazy. first, we just found a place on saturday. that was like 6 days before we have to move out of this place. so that was like shit... i wasn't sleeping well and stuff, not eating. i think i've lost wieght again which sucks. but yeah, thats over now, kind of, you know. now i have to pack. that is just stupid. i mean, crap. its all crap. when you really think about it, i'm loading up a bunch of crap from the bottom of my closet so it can go lay at the bottom of another closet somewhere else. i don't really like packing. its funny, but i never feel like i really settled into this room here. maybe because its a crappy room thats always hot and uncomfortable, and that i just piled shit everywhere. yeah, thats it. this is a crappy little house i'm living in now. the new place isn't quite so crappy, but its pretty small. it will take some adjusting. it will be similar to moving into the dorms again i think, only without the sluts. that kind of sucks. the great thing is, its really a cheap place, which is great, because i'm busting my ass to part time at the end of september so i can go to school again. thats another thing i've been stressing about. i mean really, i'm only going to get so many chances at this school thing. i better do well this time or i'm pretty much fucked for another 70 years or so. thats not a very nice prospect. i mean, its not like this quarter of part time night classes is going to dictate the rest of my future, but i build it up to be in my head because i'm stressing. i dunno, once i get moved, and through the first week of school and work and stuff, hopefully things will get better. but lately, i've just been out of sorts. it happens.
i can't say that much has really happened to me lately. i've been shibbying an awful fucking lot. the past few days have been hard, because of the massive quantities of weed ryan and i have smoked in the past week and a half. i mean, i've never smoked so much where it was physically painful for the next few days. i did this weekend. like, yesterday and today, fuck me. they were rough. i'm not going to smoke until the weekend, i'm not going to smoke until the weekend. the funny thing is, normally i don't even want to smoke. i just feel obligated too. but then i do, and its the fucking coolest thing i could have done. the hard part is forcing yourself to keep smoking so you don't just pass out after a half hour. i don't really smoke much, so any time ryan suggests something new its just like, the most genius thing ever. air is the same way, he'll be like, wooo look what i invented, and its just insanity. me, getting a bong was like a huge innovation :p but, i'd like to thing i've come up with a way of smoking that has brought things to a new level. i mean i'm sure people have done this before, but it was something i had never heard of. you find a cd, preferably something just crazy and cracked out. i chose this happy hardcore cd called Happy 2 B Hardcore by anabolic frolic. i'm sure i've mentioned it before. anyways, its like techno, but 5 times as fast, and with cheesy happy lyrics. its insanity. so, i pop the cd into ryans computer and plopped myself down in the shibby room (ryans closet) with a gravity bong, some water, 2 lighters and a phat sack of weed. i forced myself to hot box until the last song was finished. it was one of the most intense experiences i have ever had in my life. i have hot boxed before, but always with a pipe, so it takes a long time to fill the room, and its tough to keep it filled. with the gravity bong, huge clouds. i swear after like 2 hits it was hotboxed, and i still had 64 minutes to go on my cd. i admit, there were times that i had to pause for a minute or two to collect myself. it was great. there is no light in there, the only light you get is when you light the lighter to pull up the bong. when you are stoned, your mind starts making up enhancements to your vision, but in the dark, these enhancements are the only thing you see. when you are utterly anhialated, you see a whole fuck ton of shit. for a while, i was a race car driver going through what could only be described as a cross between tron and a destiny's child video. then this one song kept making butterfly wings everywhere, it was cracked out. it took a lot of determination to keep smoking. it was seriously tough. an hour is a long time. after a while your throat starts to hurt, but you have to take another hit. after a while, i was just like, thats the rule, i have to do it. there wasn't any other option besides smoke. anyways, it was fucktabular. i don't think i'll be able to do it again for a while, but i just wanted to brag about it :) i thought it was kind of impressive.
what else...
i guess i've been kind of meaning to post about this for a while, but just have never gotten around too it. i often wonder if people think i'm gay or not and stuff. i'll put it down here, i'm straight. i mean, my life would make more sense to me if i was gay, but when i whack off i can't think of anything other than hot naked women. the only guy allowed in the picture is me, otherwise it just doesn't work. i think anyone who says they aren't a little bi is lying. i think everyone has a little bisexuality in them. this goes along great with my whole no absolutes policy. i think people just shun the idea of homosexuality all together, and any gay feelings or whatever have been suppressed for so long that they just don't now how to let them out. so when you bring up the idea of being gay everyone gets all huffy like oh oh oh i'm not gay blah blah fag. and i'm just like, whatever dude, i don't care. i don't think you are gay, i don't even think you are bi. i just think everyone has bi tendancies some times. i think understanding this makes me seem a little fruity some times. like, i don't really try to suppress it. so, sometimes i'll say or do something that seems a little gay. i'm not talking about over the top things, like kissing guys during spin the bottle, or humping people. i do that for humor value. i don't care if it makes me look gay, i think its damn funny. but other stuff, subtle things that make other people think. the problem is, how do i react when someone asks? usually i'm just like, yeah i'm gay, because it seems so rediculous to me. but this weekend, angie and meagan asked (if i remember correctly, i was stoned beyond coherency) and i was like sure i'm gay. then matt chimed in about us having sex 24/7 and it turned out pretty hilarious. but i think they think i'm gay now. i dunno, that just seems funny. this thing kind of rambled here.......... i still think i'd make a better girl than a guy, but i'd definitely be a lesbian if i was.
blah, packing. i don't like packing. i don't like doing a lot of stuff though. and this is something i HAVE to do. maybe thats why its so daunting. its like necessary, and something i don't want to do, so all my willpower just shuts off completely. i get distracted easily under normal circumstances, but today, holy shit. i think i've spent an hour and a half total tonight playing with this wonderful gem i found on manuels site. and i'll leave you with this... (you might not want to play with it at work. this is true for a lot of things)................
http://members.lycos.co.uk/boobfun/boobfun.swf
every since i read that stupid site where the dude talked about getting fired because he blogged, i've been paranoid. so i don't blog from work, like ever. i mean that was some scary shit.
so yeah, not blogging... stupid wank. BAD WANK, BAD BAD!!!! oh yeah, and i have several addictions to cater too. like video games, and lazyness. and nuts. i love the nuts, can't get enough of them. BAD WANKBAD.
blaaaaarg. ok, here's the deal. i have no real reason to be stressing out, but i have been. several things are going crazy. first, we just found a place on saturday. that was like 6 days before we have to move out of this place. so that was like shit... i wasn't sleeping well and stuff, not eating. i think i've lost wieght again which sucks. but yeah, thats over now, kind of, you know. now i have to pack. that is just stupid. i mean, crap. its all crap. when you really think about it, i'm loading up a bunch of crap from the bottom of my closet so it can go lay at the bottom of another closet somewhere else. i don't really like packing. its funny, but i never feel like i really settled into this room here. maybe because its a crappy room thats always hot and uncomfortable, and that i just piled shit everywhere. yeah, thats it. this is a crappy little house i'm living in now. the new place isn't quite so crappy, but its pretty small. it will take some adjusting. it will be similar to moving into the dorms again i think, only without the sluts. that kind of sucks. the great thing is, its really a cheap place, which is great, because i'm busting my ass to part time at the end of september so i can go to school again. thats another thing i've been stressing about. i mean really, i'm only going to get so many chances at this school thing. i better do well this time or i'm pretty much fucked for another 70 years or so. thats not a very nice prospect. i mean, its not like this quarter of part time night classes is going to dictate the rest of my future, but i build it up to be in my head because i'm stressing. i dunno, once i get moved, and through the first week of school and work and stuff, hopefully things will get better. but lately, i've just been out of sorts. it happens.
i can't say that much has really happened to me lately. i've been shibbying an awful fucking lot. the past few days have been hard, because of the massive quantities of weed ryan and i have smoked in the past week and a half. i mean, i've never smoked so much where it was physically painful for the next few days. i did this weekend. like, yesterday and today, fuck me. they were rough. i'm not going to smoke until the weekend, i'm not going to smoke until the weekend. the funny thing is, normally i don't even want to smoke. i just feel obligated too. but then i do, and its the fucking coolest thing i could have done. the hard part is forcing yourself to keep smoking so you don't just pass out after a half hour. i don't really smoke much, so any time ryan suggests something new its just like, the most genius thing ever. air is the same way, he'll be like, wooo look what i invented, and its just insanity. me, getting a bong was like a huge innovation :p but, i'd like to thing i've come up with a way of smoking that has brought things to a new level. i mean i'm sure people have done this before, but it was something i had never heard of. you find a cd, preferably something just crazy and cracked out. i chose this happy hardcore cd called Happy 2 B Hardcore by anabolic frolic. i'm sure i've mentioned it before. anyways, its like techno, but 5 times as fast, and with cheesy happy lyrics. its insanity. so, i pop the cd into ryans computer and plopped myself down in the shibby room (ryans closet) with a gravity bong, some water, 2 lighters and a phat sack of weed. i forced myself to hot box until the last song was finished. it was one of the most intense experiences i have ever had in my life. i have hot boxed before, but always with a pipe, so it takes a long time to fill the room, and its tough to keep it filled. with the gravity bong, huge clouds. i swear after like 2 hits it was hotboxed, and i still had 64 minutes to go on my cd. i admit, there were times that i had to pause for a minute or two to collect myself. it was great. there is no light in there, the only light you get is when you light the lighter to pull up the bong. when you are stoned, your mind starts making up enhancements to your vision, but in the dark, these enhancements are the only thing you see. when you are utterly anhialated, you see a whole fuck ton of shit. for a while, i was a race car driver going through what could only be described as a cross between tron and a destiny's child video. then this one song kept making butterfly wings everywhere, it was cracked out. it took a lot of determination to keep smoking. it was seriously tough. an hour is a long time. after a while your throat starts to hurt, but you have to take another hit. after a while, i was just like, thats the rule, i have to do it. there wasn't any other option besides smoke. anyways, it was fucktabular. i don't think i'll be able to do it again for a while, but i just wanted to brag about it :) i thought it was kind of impressive.
what else...
i guess i've been kind of meaning to post about this for a while, but just have never gotten around too it. i often wonder if people think i'm gay or not and stuff. i'll put it down here, i'm straight. i mean, my life would make more sense to me if i was gay, but when i whack off i can't think of anything other than hot naked women. the only guy allowed in the picture is me, otherwise it just doesn't work. i think anyone who says they aren't a little bi is lying. i think everyone has a little bisexuality in them. this goes along great with my whole no absolutes policy. i think people just shun the idea of homosexuality all together, and any gay feelings or whatever have been suppressed for so long that they just don't now how to let them out. so when you bring up the idea of being gay everyone gets all huffy like oh oh oh i'm not gay blah blah fag. and i'm just like, whatever dude, i don't care. i don't think you are gay, i don't even think you are bi. i just think everyone has bi tendancies some times. i think understanding this makes me seem a little fruity some times. like, i don't really try to suppress it. so, sometimes i'll say or do something that seems a little gay. i'm not talking about over the top things, like kissing guys during spin the bottle, or humping people. i do that for humor value. i don't care if it makes me look gay, i think its damn funny. but other stuff, subtle things that make other people think. the problem is, how do i react when someone asks? usually i'm just like, yeah i'm gay, because it seems so rediculous to me. but this weekend, angie and meagan asked (if i remember correctly, i was stoned beyond coherency) and i was like sure i'm gay. then matt chimed in about us having sex 24/7 and it turned out pretty hilarious. but i think they think i'm gay now. i dunno, that just seems funny. this thing kind of rambled here.......... i still think i'd make a better girl than a guy, but i'd definitely be a lesbian if i was.
blah, packing. i don't like packing. i don't like doing a lot of stuff though. and this is something i HAVE to do. maybe thats why its so daunting. its like necessary, and something i don't want to do, so all my willpower just shuts off completely. i get distracted easily under normal circumstances, but today, holy shit. i think i've spent an hour and a half total tonight playing with this wonderful gem i found on manuels site. and i'll leave you with this... (you might not want to play with it at work. this is true for a lot of things)................
http://members.lycos.co.uk/boobfun/boobfun.swf
