i'm sitting here letting the music wash over me, trying to figure out whether last night actually happened. it seemed so surreal and yet so vivid at the same time. at times the experience threw reality into a shadow, and the very thought of going back to a normal life was surreal.

ok ok, so yeah. what the hell happened last night. good god. i can't even begin to describe it. fucking eh. i am closing in on 18 hours straight without sobriety. at this point, i just kind of want it to end, but alas that would be contradictory. one thing i do regret is not eating dinner. i think life would be much easier right now if i had, and i wouldn't be sitting here wondering what the hell is going on because i am high of my fucking ass. all i want to do now is go to sleep, but that is not working. i keep getting up, wandering around, going back to bed, trying to figure it out. finally, i just gave up, and here i am. hopefully eventually i can manage to find my way to bed into the sweet confines of sleepocity. but fate has decided, it seems. i am not meant to sleep. i am meant to sit and write and generally think back and realize i have no idea what has happened in the last 18 hours or so. it is all a blur that i am sure will come screeching back tomorrow, but right now i'm just having trouble thinking period. i need something to do. i'm up, and music isn't cutting it. i guess i can watch tv, but that doesn't seem right for some reason. i wish i could just go to fucking sleep

next time, i eat. eating is good. eating attempts to normalize your system no matter what chemicals you have shoved into it.

frivved up by Ben at 6:42 AM