Wednesday, October 30, 2002
BLARG WAAAAA H WHAHAHAHAH
recovery time.... it is wierd to still be recovering from saturday, but its true. the fact that saturday completely spilled over into a sunday and monday filled with excess everything didn't really help either. i think it was monday, probably the most stoned i've been since that day at wild waves. holy crimeny, the day after was a little goofy. anyways, i understand why people talk about depression after drugs. its not really a depression, just a lack of excitement. i seemed colder, it was harder to think about stuff, like what i wanted to eat. indecisiveness can be mistaken for depression... anyways, it was depression exactly, just a more depressive tendancy. so yeah, not depression, but i see why people could mistake it for that. so yeah, it was a fun party to say the least :P it really does hit you like a ton of bricks.
i feel that i can't blog about everything i want too... i'm paranoid again. someone found my blog again by searching for something work related, and i'm paranoid again. i just feel like someone is watching over my shoulder. i mean shit, i work all the time now, i don't even blog from work! i mean, really, the 10 minutes that took me really held me back....
SCREW ME!!!! i'm a knob. i'm so torn on my opinions now. i mean, shit, they are just all out of whack right now. i really think calling people is stupid. and i think relationships are stupid. actually, i think that other peoples relationships are stupid... great, adding new confusion. so shit, why would i want to call these chick, to hang out and shit, eventually leading to a relationship? bah! i wish you could go through the whole relationship process in about 6 hours. my attention span doesn't allow for much more than that. i mean fuck, i could just go out and meet some girl some night when i was bored, and then not have to worry about it when i woke up for work the next morning.
i trash relationships, yet i am never in one. people seem retarded when they are in relationships, but they don't care. hell, they are retarded. it is just an excuse to be retarded. i mean shit, its fun being retarded. i'm just a moron to begin with, so i might as well have someone else around to be retarded with me.
my head is a jumbled mass of laziness and horniness, i guess is what i'm saying. i mean, i sound like an asshole, but when you break it all down to the base emotions, thats pretty much what it comes down too. these days, i try not to kid myself. i think i had this blog a while ago about trying to brainwash yourself. if you brainwash yourself, does it become the truth since you are the only one involved and their is nothing else to ground the truth in? i mean, everyone is trying to fool everyone else all the time. you can't just lay yourself all out, or people will freak out. so you try to present yourself as someone whoever you are talking too would like (or dislike, as the case may be). life is about appearances. i mean, its still you, but you try to to show the other person someone they would like, and let them get acquainted with all your perversions and idiosyncrasies later. everyday you are fucking with everyone else, and vice versa. the only person you can really be true to is yourself, or else you will be shunned. so, if you try to fool yourself, you end up losing yourself and becoming a combination of all those other wankers that everyone else want you to be.
of course, i contradict myself. because even here, i try to be something i'm not. everything i write is an exaggeration. i mean, this blog reflects me, to a point. i don't know how to describe it without slipping into ANOTHER cheesy metaphor. i spew out enough of them as it is. so yeah, i'm reminded of this book i read. it was some cheesy fantasy book, i forget what it was called. this guy goes to this world, and like every few days the entire climate of this place changes. like, it would start raining, or everything would start dying, etc etc. like, normal world type things, taken to an extreme, and flipped around every few days. it has been a long time since i read the book, but i think what was going on is this evil dude was spewwing out this cloud into the air that created this buffer between the real air and earth, so it seemed like the entire atmosphere would change when really it was just this thin layer of wierdness that screwed everything up. thats kind of like what this blog is. its what i'm thinking filtered through whatever emotion i'm feeling at the moment. depending on what is going in my head, the same thoughts will sound remarkably different....
so yeah, if i sit here and tell myself i'd call one someone i met at a party for some romantacized reason, i'd be lying. i'm just horny. everyone's horny. romance was created to justify our horniness. most people put a taboo on things that they deem overly sexual. being a hopeless romantic sounds a lot better than being a slut. i wouldn't be mad if someone called me a slut. i'd have to be getting action to be a slut, but lets forget that for the moment. i know what i'm thinking. i know what i want. i can live with it, no matter what other people think. in the end we all just want some action. its too bad things get so stupid.
in the end, though, horniness can be dealt with. horniness is not the controlling emotion. i can obviously put up with a lot of it, otherwise i'd probably be in jail. i may be horny, but so what. horny is just another lesser emotion to shove to the back of my mind :P boredom on the other hand... something is lacking. i'm a bored wanker. who knows.
jaded blog out! good god, lol, how did i get this jaded. i think its pretty funny :) it makes for good humor, its always entertaining.
ok, one last thing. i don't consider myself a model of perfect spelling and grammar. my interest with such things ended after 6th grade when we stopped having spelling tests and computers started having spellcheck. i get things wrong all the time, but i think i get the point across. i really don't care. my spelling for certain words flip flops every day. i'm sure i've mispelled the same word in the same sentance before. good spelling and good grammar does not equal intelligence. too many people seem to think it does. good grammar and good spelling comes from having the english language hammered into your head. it becomes habit, like remembering to wake up and going to work in the morning. people can memorize entire movies, and recite every line a half second before it is said while watching it. does that make them smart? not really.... blah. the next freaking internet wanker who use lack of grammar as justification to be an ignorant moron is going to earn a permanant spot on my idiot of the century list. i hate that shit. i think most people have completely twisted the meaning of intelligence somewhere along the line to suit their own purposes. i know i have :D
end this how i started it WAAAAAAH BWAAAAAAAAAAH BRWOWWAAAAAAAAH!!!
recovery time.... it is wierd to still be recovering from saturday, but its true. the fact that saturday completely spilled over into a sunday and monday filled with excess everything didn't really help either. i think it was monday, probably the most stoned i've been since that day at wild waves. holy crimeny, the day after was a little goofy. anyways, i understand why people talk about depression after drugs. its not really a depression, just a lack of excitement. i seemed colder, it was harder to think about stuff, like what i wanted to eat. indecisiveness can be mistaken for depression... anyways, it was depression exactly, just a more depressive tendancy. so yeah, not depression, but i see why people could mistake it for that. so yeah, it was a fun party to say the least :P it really does hit you like a ton of bricks.
i feel that i can't blog about everything i want too... i'm paranoid again. someone found my blog again by searching for something work related, and i'm paranoid again. i just feel like someone is watching over my shoulder. i mean shit, i work all the time now, i don't even blog from work! i mean, really, the 10 minutes that took me really held me back....
SCREW ME!!!! i'm a knob. i'm so torn on my opinions now. i mean, shit, they are just all out of whack right now. i really think calling people is stupid. and i think relationships are stupid. actually, i think that other peoples relationships are stupid... great, adding new confusion. so shit, why would i want to call these chick, to hang out and shit, eventually leading to a relationship? bah! i wish you could go through the whole relationship process in about 6 hours. my attention span doesn't allow for much more than that. i mean fuck, i could just go out and meet some girl some night when i was bored, and then not have to worry about it when i woke up for work the next morning.
i trash relationships, yet i am never in one. people seem retarded when they are in relationships, but they don't care. hell, they are retarded. it is just an excuse to be retarded. i mean shit, its fun being retarded. i'm just a moron to begin with, so i might as well have someone else around to be retarded with me.
my head is a jumbled mass of laziness and horniness, i guess is what i'm saying. i mean, i sound like an asshole, but when you break it all down to the base emotions, thats pretty much what it comes down too. these days, i try not to kid myself. i think i had this blog a while ago about trying to brainwash yourself. if you brainwash yourself, does it become the truth since you are the only one involved and their is nothing else to ground the truth in? i mean, everyone is trying to fool everyone else all the time. you can't just lay yourself all out, or people will freak out. so you try to present yourself as someone whoever you are talking too would like (or dislike, as the case may be). life is about appearances. i mean, its still you, but you try to to show the other person someone they would like, and let them get acquainted with all your perversions and idiosyncrasies later. everyday you are fucking with everyone else, and vice versa. the only person you can really be true to is yourself, or else you will be shunned. so, if you try to fool yourself, you end up losing yourself and becoming a combination of all those other wankers that everyone else want you to be.
of course, i contradict myself. because even here, i try to be something i'm not. everything i write is an exaggeration. i mean, this blog reflects me, to a point. i don't know how to describe it without slipping into ANOTHER cheesy metaphor. i spew out enough of them as it is. so yeah, i'm reminded of this book i read. it was some cheesy fantasy book, i forget what it was called. this guy goes to this world, and like every few days the entire climate of this place changes. like, it would start raining, or everything would start dying, etc etc. like, normal world type things, taken to an extreme, and flipped around every few days. it has been a long time since i read the book, but i think what was going on is this evil dude was spewwing out this cloud into the air that created this buffer between the real air and earth, so it seemed like the entire atmosphere would change when really it was just this thin layer of wierdness that screwed everything up. thats kind of like what this blog is. its what i'm thinking filtered through whatever emotion i'm feeling at the moment. depending on what is going in my head, the same thoughts will sound remarkably different....
so yeah, if i sit here and tell myself i'd call one someone i met at a party for some romantacized reason, i'd be lying. i'm just horny. everyone's horny. romance was created to justify our horniness. most people put a taboo on things that they deem overly sexual. being a hopeless romantic sounds a lot better than being a slut. i wouldn't be mad if someone called me a slut. i'd have to be getting action to be a slut, but lets forget that for the moment. i know what i'm thinking. i know what i want. i can live with it, no matter what other people think. in the end we all just want some action. its too bad things get so stupid.
in the end, though, horniness can be dealt with. horniness is not the controlling emotion. i can obviously put up with a lot of it, otherwise i'd probably be in jail. i may be horny, but so what. horny is just another lesser emotion to shove to the back of my mind :P boredom on the other hand... something is lacking. i'm a bored wanker. who knows.
jaded blog out! good god, lol, how did i get this jaded. i think its pretty funny :) it makes for good humor, its always entertaining.
ok, one last thing. i don't consider myself a model of perfect spelling and grammar. my interest with such things ended after 6th grade when we stopped having spelling tests and computers started having spellcheck. i get things wrong all the time, but i think i get the point across. i really don't care. my spelling for certain words flip flops every day. i'm sure i've mispelled the same word in the same sentance before. good spelling and good grammar does not equal intelligence. too many people seem to think it does. good grammar and good spelling comes from having the english language hammered into your head. it becomes habit, like remembering to wake up and going to work in the morning. people can memorize entire movies, and recite every line a half second before it is said while watching it. does that make them smart? not really.... blah. the next freaking internet wanker who use lack of grammar as justification to be an ignorant moron is going to earn a permanant spot on my idiot of the century list. i hate that shit. i think most people have completely twisted the meaning of intelligence somewhere along the line to suit their own purposes. i know i have :D
end this how i started it WAAAAAAH BWAAAAAAAAAAH BRWOWWAAAAAAAAH!!!
