Monday, January 27, 2003
so yeah.... 3 days of work left. fuck that. 3 more days to endure. it isn't long at all. i really have nothing to complain about besides these 3 days, so hey, i will :)
i still need to go to the bank. i need to do that today. note to self, go to bank.
i don't understand people. it isn't necessarily a bad thing, i just can't make any sense out of a lot of things. i can't cite any examples or anything, because i'm confused. i see myself as an intelligent person in certain ways. generally a smart guy. i mean, there are a lot of things i don't know, and a lot of things i'm not good at. there are a lot of things i do that i think are just stupid. a lot of times, i think that i'm pretty much stupid, because i do things that i think are stupid. but when you compare things that i do that i think are stupid to things that everyone else does that i think are stupid... there is no comparison. the world is filled with morons. absolute morons. and, it takes one to know one.
i would never give myself any sort of power or anything. i don't see myself as a good leader. i don't think i am qualified to make decisions that might adversely affect other people. i don't understand how other people can think that they are qualified to do so. there is a part of me that wants people to trust me as little as possible, because i don't trust myself to make the right decision.
the way i live my life does not work for everyone. in fact, i wouldn't suggest that people try to borrow life lessons from me. these are things that have worked for me, and are usually pretty theoretically sound. i don't think many people can actually pull it off though. i have found this path for life that works for me. what it comes down to is this. i think i am stupid. i don't have a lot of faith in myself a lot of times. i know what i know, but i know that i don't know everything. but, as little as i trust myself to make the right decision, i trust other people less than myself. if it is a truely difficult situation, something that really means something, i would rather have myself make that decision, because i think people are idiots. so as stupid as i think i am, i am confident in the fact that my decision will be good by comparison.
in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.
ok so yeah, that was really cheesy but hey. i don't know where i heard that saying, but in the past 2 months or so it has been everywhere. i figured since i have heard it so much, i might as well find a way to put it down here. that way, when people are analyzing all this in the future when i am famous and probably dead, people will think i am all profound and such. really, i'm not. HAH. take that you researchers. i'm just a 21 year old shmuck on a digital grandstand yammering about whatever random thought happens to be floating around his head. most of the time, i have no idea what i am writing. most of the crap you see on this page is new to me too. i start on an idea and just kind of write. then i can go back and say, oh hey, thats probably what my opinion is on this subject. did i know that is what my opinion is? no, usually not.
thats why this thing makes me look like i have viscious mood swings. these are all internal. if you look in your mind, it is probably a convoluted mass of emotions too. if you see me on the street, or have any interaction with me, i don't seem violent like i was in that blog i had after i got that parking ticket, or bleak and untrusting like in this one.
i guess what i am really getting at, is that i am mad at myself for holding back on this thing because of work. i mean, thats not what i was trying to say at all, but i just realized that i am. so yeah. i'm confused again
i still need to go to the bank. i need to do that today. note to self, go to bank.
i don't understand people. it isn't necessarily a bad thing, i just can't make any sense out of a lot of things. i can't cite any examples or anything, because i'm confused. i see myself as an intelligent person in certain ways. generally a smart guy. i mean, there are a lot of things i don't know, and a lot of things i'm not good at. there are a lot of things i do that i think are just stupid. a lot of times, i think that i'm pretty much stupid, because i do things that i think are stupid. but when you compare things that i do that i think are stupid to things that everyone else does that i think are stupid... there is no comparison. the world is filled with morons. absolute morons. and, it takes one to know one.
i would never give myself any sort of power or anything. i don't see myself as a good leader. i don't think i am qualified to make decisions that might adversely affect other people. i don't understand how other people can think that they are qualified to do so. there is a part of me that wants people to trust me as little as possible, because i don't trust myself to make the right decision.
the way i live my life does not work for everyone. in fact, i wouldn't suggest that people try to borrow life lessons from me. these are things that have worked for me, and are usually pretty theoretically sound. i don't think many people can actually pull it off though. i have found this path for life that works for me. what it comes down to is this. i think i am stupid. i don't have a lot of faith in myself a lot of times. i know what i know, but i know that i don't know everything. but, as little as i trust myself to make the right decision, i trust other people less than myself. if it is a truely difficult situation, something that really means something, i would rather have myself make that decision, because i think people are idiots. so as stupid as i think i am, i am confident in the fact that my decision will be good by comparison.
in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.
ok so yeah, that was really cheesy but hey. i don't know where i heard that saying, but in the past 2 months or so it has been everywhere. i figured since i have heard it so much, i might as well find a way to put it down here. that way, when people are analyzing all this in the future when i am famous and probably dead, people will think i am all profound and such. really, i'm not. HAH. take that you researchers. i'm just a 21 year old shmuck on a digital grandstand yammering about whatever random thought happens to be floating around his head. most of the time, i have no idea what i am writing. most of the crap you see on this page is new to me too. i start on an idea and just kind of write. then i can go back and say, oh hey, thats probably what my opinion is on this subject. did i know that is what my opinion is? no, usually not.
thats why this thing makes me look like i have viscious mood swings. these are all internal. if you look in your mind, it is probably a convoluted mass of emotions too. if you see me on the street, or have any interaction with me, i don't seem violent like i was in that blog i had after i got that parking ticket, or bleak and untrusting like in this one.
i guess what i am really getting at, is that i am mad at myself for holding back on this thing because of work. i mean, thats not what i was trying to say at all, but i just realized that i am. so yeah. i'm confused again
