Sunday, February 23, 2003
i had a great night, it was fabulous. i want to do it again every night, fun times with people i enjoy being with.
this goes out to ryan.
its really wierd when you try to chip in your opinion on something when your line of thinking is completely out of the norm. like, i rarely offer up an opinion for a few reasons. first, i don't want to have to defend it, and whenever i offer any sort of belief up, it leaves it open for attack. its not like i really care one way or another too much, but someone obviously does, and they asked me. so i say something, but its the wrong damn thing, so they start yelling at me. and its not because i'm wrong or anything, its just because they expect me to back up my beliefs. i wouldn't even have the damn things if you didn't force me to think about it for the sake of your inane conversation. second, my opinions usually don't mesh well with other peoples standard way of thinking. like, they try to lump it into their black and white right and wrong, when really i'm thinking about it completely differently. so instead of talking about my damn opinion, i end up having to explain this whole long thing, when really all they wanted to do was to bitch to me about their opinion on something. they should have just started bitching to me in the first place so i could start tuning out earlier without having to think about something to respond with. it would have been easier for both of us. granted, i'm the same way, i always want people to listen to me when i actually think i have something to contribute, but its just annoying with most people, because they weren't even thinking the same shit i was thinking, so our opinions don't have any relevance at all when they are compared. that kind of happened tonight, like, we were having this conversation, and 3 of us were arguing 3 different sides of 3 different arguements, but we all felt attacked, so we all felt compelled to explain ourselves. i realized straight off that my views on what i was thinking didn't really matter at all, but i had talked and therefore was obligated to keep talking just for the sake of the conversation. so i'm trying to fit my views into their 2 conversations when what i was talking about was really just on the outskirts of their thought pattern. eventually i was just like fuck it, i really don't care, so i walked off.
communication is a frustrating thing sometimes. it really shouldn't be, but it is, because no one is ever on the same wavelength as you are. because, if you are on the same wavelength, there isn't a need for discussion, or arguement, or even conversation at all. it just isn't necessary. this is why i seemed detached a lot i guess, i just don't feel like explaining what i'm talking about to some moron wanker who happens to be running around at the time, so i just continue the conversation in my head, where stupid moron wankers can't interrupt me with stupid moron talking. because in the end, its not worth it, it just pisses everyone off. its a lose lose situation. you are left feeling unsatisfied and misunderstood, and them, well, they are still a moron so who fucking cares.
belligerent rant off. that actually felt kind of good :)
this goes out to ryan.
its really wierd when you try to chip in your opinion on something when your line of thinking is completely out of the norm. like, i rarely offer up an opinion for a few reasons. first, i don't want to have to defend it, and whenever i offer any sort of belief up, it leaves it open for attack. its not like i really care one way or another too much, but someone obviously does, and they asked me. so i say something, but its the wrong damn thing, so they start yelling at me. and its not because i'm wrong or anything, its just because they expect me to back up my beliefs. i wouldn't even have the damn things if you didn't force me to think about it for the sake of your inane conversation. second, my opinions usually don't mesh well with other peoples standard way of thinking. like, they try to lump it into their black and white right and wrong, when really i'm thinking about it completely differently. so instead of talking about my damn opinion, i end up having to explain this whole long thing, when really all they wanted to do was to bitch to me about their opinion on something. they should have just started bitching to me in the first place so i could start tuning out earlier without having to think about something to respond with. it would have been easier for both of us. granted, i'm the same way, i always want people to listen to me when i actually think i have something to contribute, but its just annoying with most people, because they weren't even thinking the same shit i was thinking, so our opinions don't have any relevance at all when they are compared. that kind of happened tonight, like, we were having this conversation, and 3 of us were arguing 3 different sides of 3 different arguements, but we all felt attacked, so we all felt compelled to explain ourselves. i realized straight off that my views on what i was thinking didn't really matter at all, but i had talked and therefore was obligated to keep talking just for the sake of the conversation. so i'm trying to fit my views into their 2 conversations when what i was talking about was really just on the outskirts of their thought pattern. eventually i was just like fuck it, i really don't care, so i walked off.
communication is a frustrating thing sometimes. it really shouldn't be, but it is, because no one is ever on the same wavelength as you are. because, if you are on the same wavelength, there isn't a need for discussion, or arguement, or even conversation at all. it just isn't necessary. this is why i seemed detached a lot i guess, i just don't feel like explaining what i'm talking about to some moron wanker who happens to be running around at the time, so i just continue the conversation in my head, where stupid moron wankers can't interrupt me with stupid moron talking. because in the end, its not worth it, it just pisses everyone off. its a lose lose situation. you are left feeling unsatisfied and misunderstood, and them, well, they are still a moron so who fucking cares.
belligerent rant off. that actually felt kind of good :)
