Friday, April 11, 2003
doom doom doom doom da doomp da doom doom doom dum dum dum dum da doop da doo dum dum
oh man, i am starting to lose touch with reality. i don't have any contact with any sort of real world anymore. i love it, but it isn't very realistic. if i had unlimited funds, i would probably be living a lot like i am living now. but i don't, so i can't any more. it makes the baby wanksus sad.
but seriously, the last few months have given me a lot of time to think, and really sped up my evolutionary process. when you don't have work wearing on you, it is a lot easier to look at things in a more neutral manner. so here i am. 4:19 in the morning. awake. again.
i really really don't want to have to go back to work. i really don't. i really like doing nothing. last time i did nothing was.... never. even after i got kicked out of school, i started right up at community college. this has been like summer break in elementary school all over again.
so what have i learned?
1. Reality sucks. avoid it at all costs. reality makes you mad.
2. don't take things too seriously. if you take things too seriously, you end up mad at something.
3. don't rely on other people for entertainment or mental stimulation. when you expect too much out of people, they can only let you down.
4. being mad is a waste of time. it is a lot easier to fake like you are happy for a few minutes until the other person stops being such a moron.
editorial comment: ok, these are really crappy things to have learned. if i didn't know myself better, i would just delete those. but that would go against the whole mind emptying process. also, some day i'll look at those and laugh, and it will be worth it
i've learned other stuff too, but that stuff sticks out because it is all i could think of right off the top of my head. well there is other stuff that didn't tie in with that stuff, so i just left it off. basically, i've decided to stop trying to force myself to abide by what other people think. its not that i don't care. i care about stuff. i'm over that whole not caring thing. there are certain times where you just have to stop caring about shit before you snap and hurt yourself. the whole "i don't care" thing never made much sense anyways, but after not caring about anything for a while, you have to start caring about stuff. you may not care a lot, or care about it for reasons that make sense to other people, or reasons you can really explain, but you care. care enough to give it more than a seconds thought. so yeah, when i say "i don't care" these days, it is just a cop out. it means i don't want to talk about that for reasons that may include any or all of the following: i'm drunk, i'm high, i'm tired, i'm feeling anti-social, or the ever popular that topic makes me uncomfortable, so i'm feigning indifference. every once in a while some one will catch me off guard with something, and i'll just kind of blurt out i don't care before i have a chance to really think about what i'm saying, but hey. at least i care about stuff again.
oh oh, i have a good one. what have i really learned?
X. I was born 100 years too early. in 80 years when they have sex robots, all my problems will be solved, but i will be dead.
seriously though. it takes a certain type of girl to be able to deal with all the shit i would put a girlfriend through. i'm a flake, i don't do anything, i don't like to cook, i don't like to clean, i don't like using the phone, and i'm shy. i am horny, not like anything i can't deal with myself, but it would be nice to toss a change up in there every once in a while. i mean, who have i been kidding. the average dude thinks about sex a lot, and i probably think about sex twice as much as him. i have an overactive imagination. i don't ask for much, but one thing that would be nice in my life would be regular sex. that kind of mentality is going to leave me high and dry for another few years though. one of these days i'll have another fake revelation, and i'll realize i am nothing without my soulmate, and i'll go off in search of some girl without thinking about sex and i'll probably find someone who will be completely wrong for me, but we'll be happy for like a month. but right now that just seems stupid. sure the companionship would be great, but lets face it. i've never had a female companion who hasn't just fucked with me in one way or another, so what reason do i have to seek out another stupid girl besides some good, clean, dirty fun. i figure in 100 years they will have some pretty damn good robots that will take care of all my needs, along with voicemail, digital video storage, and maid services equipped as standard features.
when i think back, i'm doing pretty good if not having sex robots is the cause of all my problems. i don't really have problems. i take care of myself. i try to keep ahead of things so i don't have real problems. i try to keep ahead of people so i don't cause problems for myself. i've got it allllll figured out, don't i. no i don't. i'm generally a knob. i'm the last person who should be dishing out advice. i have my glimmers of brilliance, but i'm not a genius. well, to anyone else at least. i guess thats one good thing about living in your own imagination. you get to dictate what brilliance is and isn't. in my head, i'm the smartest man alive. if there is ever some lucid dream thing like in vanilla sky, i am so there. i can honestly say that i would probably rather live a large portion of my life in my head instead of wanking around these parts. i do enough of it anyways. everything i do is trying to forget about my real life and join up some other reality inside my head. we take our imaginations for granted. there are plenty of people with an overall lack of imagination who can go out and pull the on levers on the giant machine that will eventually run everyone's life. hopefully it will make them feel all special, knowing that everyone else is trusting them with such a huge responsiblity, running the life machine and all. let the rest of us do whatever we please. i bet we could automate life to the point that the vast majority of people didn't even need jobs. damn, ok, i was born 500 years too early. unless society collapses before then. shit, i don't know how many years too early i was born.
crap, its almost the middle of april. what the hell happened to 2001? see what i mean? have i really done anything in the past 2 years that really justifies my existance? i'm a sponge with funny looking hair and no sex robots. thats what it all comes down too
oh man, i am starting to lose touch with reality. i don't have any contact with any sort of real world anymore. i love it, but it isn't very realistic. if i had unlimited funds, i would probably be living a lot like i am living now. but i don't, so i can't any more. it makes the baby wanksus sad.
but seriously, the last few months have given me a lot of time to think, and really sped up my evolutionary process. when you don't have work wearing on you, it is a lot easier to look at things in a more neutral manner. so here i am. 4:19 in the morning. awake. again.
i really really don't want to have to go back to work. i really don't. i really like doing nothing. last time i did nothing was.... never. even after i got kicked out of school, i started right up at community college. this has been like summer break in elementary school all over again.
so what have i learned?
1. Reality sucks. avoid it at all costs. reality makes you mad.
2. don't take things too seriously. if you take things too seriously, you end up mad at something.
3. don't rely on other people for entertainment or mental stimulation. when you expect too much out of people, they can only let you down.
4. being mad is a waste of time. it is a lot easier to fake like you are happy for a few minutes until the other person stops being such a moron.
editorial comment: ok, these are really crappy things to have learned. if i didn't know myself better, i would just delete those. but that would go against the whole mind emptying process. also, some day i'll look at those and laugh, and it will be worth it
i've learned other stuff too, but that stuff sticks out because it is all i could think of right off the top of my head. well there is other stuff that didn't tie in with that stuff, so i just left it off. basically, i've decided to stop trying to force myself to abide by what other people think. its not that i don't care. i care about stuff. i'm over that whole not caring thing. there are certain times where you just have to stop caring about shit before you snap and hurt yourself. the whole "i don't care" thing never made much sense anyways, but after not caring about anything for a while, you have to start caring about stuff. you may not care a lot, or care about it for reasons that make sense to other people, or reasons you can really explain, but you care. care enough to give it more than a seconds thought. so yeah, when i say "i don't care" these days, it is just a cop out. it means i don't want to talk about that for reasons that may include any or all of the following: i'm drunk, i'm high, i'm tired, i'm feeling anti-social, or the ever popular that topic makes me uncomfortable, so i'm feigning indifference. every once in a while some one will catch me off guard with something, and i'll just kind of blurt out i don't care before i have a chance to really think about what i'm saying, but hey. at least i care about stuff again.
oh oh, i have a good one. what have i really learned?
X. I was born 100 years too early. in 80 years when they have sex robots, all my problems will be solved, but i will be dead.
seriously though. it takes a certain type of girl to be able to deal with all the shit i would put a girlfriend through. i'm a flake, i don't do anything, i don't like to cook, i don't like to clean, i don't like using the phone, and i'm shy. i am horny, not like anything i can't deal with myself, but it would be nice to toss a change up in there every once in a while. i mean, who have i been kidding. the average dude thinks about sex a lot, and i probably think about sex twice as much as him. i have an overactive imagination. i don't ask for much, but one thing that would be nice in my life would be regular sex. that kind of mentality is going to leave me high and dry for another few years though. one of these days i'll have another fake revelation, and i'll realize i am nothing without my soulmate, and i'll go off in search of some girl without thinking about sex and i'll probably find someone who will be completely wrong for me, but we'll be happy for like a month. but right now that just seems stupid. sure the companionship would be great, but lets face it. i've never had a female companion who hasn't just fucked with me in one way or another, so what reason do i have to seek out another stupid girl besides some good, clean, dirty fun. i figure in 100 years they will have some pretty damn good robots that will take care of all my needs, along with voicemail, digital video storage, and maid services equipped as standard features.
when i think back, i'm doing pretty good if not having sex robots is the cause of all my problems. i don't really have problems. i take care of myself. i try to keep ahead of things so i don't have real problems. i try to keep ahead of people so i don't cause problems for myself. i've got it allllll figured out, don't i. no i don't. i'm generally a knob. i'm the last person who should be dishing out advice. i have my glimmers of brilliance, but i'm not a genius. well, to anyone else at least. i guess thats one good thing about living in your own imagination. you get to dictate what brilliance is and isn't. in my head, i'm the smartest man alive. if there is ever some lucid dream thing like in vanilla sky, i am so there. i can honestly say that i would probably rather live a large portion of my life in my head instead of wanking around these parts. i do enough of it anyways. everything i do is trying to forget about my real life and join up some other reality inside my head. we take our imaginations for granted. there are plenty of people with an overall lack of imagination who can go out and pull the on levers on the giant machine that will eventually run everyone's life. hopefully it will make them feel all special, knowing that everyone else is trusting them with such a huge responsiblity, running the life machine and all. let the rest of us do whatever we please. i bet we could automate life to the point that the vast majority of people didn't even need jobs. damn, ok, i was born 500 years too early. unless society collapses before then. shit, i don't know how many years too early i was born.
crap, its almost the middle of april. what the hell happened to 2001? see what i mean? have i really done anything in the past 2 years that really justifies my existance? i'm a sponge with funny looking hair and no sex robots. thats what it all comes down too
