Friday, May 02, 2003
here's the thing. i usually have all these wacky ideas when i'm not sober, then try to hammer out the details when i am sober. i think more genius lies in the creation of an idea than the perfection of it. those first few glorious moments down a new thought pattern you've never had before are worth more to me than actually coming to any sort of conclusion.
this whole sobriety thing makes me feel less creative. of course, when i was never sober, i felt stupid all the time. the last few months before now have been great, because i think i had found a great balanced between sober and not sober. it took both the intelligent parts of the two and kind of combined them into one coherent happy mindset. of course, this sobriety thing has been kind of fun. i'm looking forward to a few more weeks or months of it to kind of clear my head and give me perspective on things. well, perspective on my drugs i guess at least ;)
blah, i sound so retarded. but drugs are important to me, i'll admit it. exploring the different ways my mind will react is important to me. understanding the way i think about things, and the way i will react to different situations is important to me. lets face it, if you can understand the way your mind is going to work all tweaked out, understanding yourself sober is a piece of fucking cake. it is kind of cool. escape is no longer the deciding factor. oh, it is a great side benefit, but i don't do drugs anymore to escape. in fact, i like doing drugs more when i don't want to escape. i know what drugs will do what to me. its all entertainment. its kind of like watching a movie, going into a different make believe world for a few hours, only you can control it. i mean shit, why do people trash this point of view. people enjoy movies for the same reason, why can't i actually enjoy drugs and have it be a constructive experience. has anyone every actually had a bad experience around me when i'm stoned?
blah, i trash people for things i don't understand all the time. blah, i'm a knob. a sober knob with nothing else to do but complain. always complaining about something. but, what else am i going to do? i'm not have any strokes of genius right now, so you get me dwelling on shit i've already thought about, aka complaining about shit. oh well
this whole sobriety thing makes me feel less creative. of course, when i was never sober, i felt stupid all the time. the last few months before now have been great, because i think i had found a great balanced between sober and not sober. it took both the intelligent parts of the two and kind of combined them into one coherent happy mindset. of course, this sobriety thing has been kind of fun. i'm looking forward to a few more weeks or months of it to kind of clear my head and give me perspective on things. well, perspective on my drugs i guess at least ;)
blah, i sound so retarded. but drugs are important to me, i'll admit it. exploring the different ways my mind will react is important to me. understanding the way i think about things, and the way i will react to different situations is important to me. lets face it, if you can understand the way your mind is going to work all tweaked out, understanding yourself sober is a piece of fucking cake. it is kind of cool. escape is no longer the deciding factor. oh, it is a great side benefit, but i don't do drugs anymore to escape. in fact, i like doing drugs more when i don't want to escape. i know what drugs will do what to me. its all entertainment. its kind of like watching a movie, going into a different make believe world for a few hours, only you can control it. i mean shit, why do people trash this point of view. people enjoy movies for the same reason, why can't i actually enjoy drugs and have it be a constructive experience. has anyone every actually had a bad experience around me when i'm stoned?
blah, i trash people for things i don't understand all the time. blah, i'm a knob. a sober knob with nothing else to do but complain. always complaining about something. but, what else am i going to do? i'm not have any strokes of genius right now, so you get me dwelling on shit i've already thought about, aka complaining about shit. oh well
