Friday, May 16, 2003
i hate the fact that i tend to be a highly irritable guy. i hate this fact because i spend so much time trying to suppress it, and not be irritable. what really makes me mad are the things i end up getting irritated at. they are always such stupid things. its like i've trained myself to not care about the huge things, but somehow the little things still needle into me and i end up pouring out all this stupid irritability when it isn't even necessary. it just blows my whole illusion of myself, thats all. bah. i hate the fact that i have a cold, and the fact that it makes me tired and irritable.
it always seems funny to me when people get mad at other people for using the term hate or love because it is such a "strong term". it gets the point across. when i say i'm dissappointed in this instead of i hate this, whats the point of that? it just leaves me open to interpretation from myself which is counterproductive, because it leaves me squabbling about things with myself before they have gained any importance. if i sit here arguing with myself about stupid little shit, i never form any real ideas to break down. like later, if i need to say "ok, i don't hate this" thats great. but if i say i hate this, it has a sense of finality, and lets me move on to bigger and better things. if i used vague language in my head, i'd never get fucking anywhere. vagueness has its purpose, like when you are talking to other people and you don't care enough to put yourself on the line for something. which is a lot of times. but when i'm around my friends, i'll say i hate this, i hate that. if you are smart, you will realize who i am, and realize i'm spouting shit again. i probably don't really hate such and such, but at this point it is easier to say so.
it also lets me realllly get into the emotion, like really suck all i can out of it. that way, if it is stupid, i can leech it out of my system or something. sometimes you need to go off, just so you can see how stupid you were. its also kind of fun. i'm not really full of hate. hatred is a vessel i use to understand myself better. its just like when i say i love this, or i love that. i don't really love half of the songs i say i love. i mean shit, my favorite songs of the moment? favorite is a strong term too.
its just fooling my mind with simple shit, so i don't have to worry about it and can move on. try it some time. say you hate something. you don't have to mean it, but there is a certain finality to it. most of the time, you sit there for a second. you reached a decision so fast, you have a lull in the thought, because you didn't have anything else to move on to. well, try moving on. people are quickwitted because they can take something in, process it, and move on. i have a quick wit. it usually takes a bit to really stump me with something i'm actually paying attention too. its why i can have fake conversations so well, because i can process what the other person said so fast, and come up with a believeable answer. to many people, i dunno what they do. its like they take too much time to take things in, or too much time to realize the implication of what has just been said. its like, i dunno. maybe this is why arguements can get so stupid sometimes. people stop taking in what the other person has to say, so you end up making the same point over and over and over without ever getting anywhere. but you are expected to answer, you gotta say something. so you say the same thing.
arguements that last over a minute or so are thus a waste of time. with most people, at least, most people you should just come to a quick decision in your head, make your point, then walk off. don't explore it further, because its stupid. but it doesn't happen. its almost better that way, if you can keep your feelings out of it. don't make it personal. you make your few points at the very beginning, then immerse yourself into the stupidity without losing yourself too it. some people have the wits about them to keep it up foreeeeever. like me and matt, we are generally on top of things. but we both love arguing, when it really comes down to it. we love arguing enough, that we will make up arguements with eachother. we both know when its happening. but we will argue about the dumbest shit for the longest periods of time, without ever reaching a result. in the end, we always come to a point where we are both happy that we made our point. usually i lose, because i conceed that i'm out of points first, because matt a lot more of that quick arguing wit that i have. but i can hang.
its like a game. to many people argue for reals. if you take it seriously, stuff just gets too dumb. this is why most conversations disolve into such crap. at least in my opinion. if i'm wrong, make your point, i'll see what else i got :D
it always seems funny to me when people get mad at other people for using the term hate or love because it is such a "strong term". it gets the point across. when i say i'm dissappointed in this instead of i hate this, whats the point of that? it just leaves me open to interpretation from myself which is counterproductive, because it leaves me squabbling about things with myself before they have gained any importance. if i sit here arguing with myself about stupid little shit, i never form any real ideas to break down. like later, if i need to say "ok, i don't hate this" thats great. but if i say i hate this, it has a sense of finality, and lets me move on to bigger and better things. if i used vague language in my head, i'd never get fucking anywhere. vagueness has its purpose, like when you are talking to other people and you don't care enough to put yourself on the line for something. which is a lot of times. but when i'm around my friends, i'll say i hate this, i hate that. if you are smart, you will realize who i am, and realize i'm spouting shit again. i probably don't really hate such and such, but at this point it is easier to say so.
it also lets me realllly get into the emotion, like really suck all i can out of it. that way, if it is stupid, i can leech it out of my system or something. sometimes you need to go off, just so you can see how stupid you were. its also kind of fun. i'm not really full of hate. hatred is a vessel i use to understand myself better. its just like when i say i love this, or i love that. i don't really love half of the songs i say i love. i mean shit, my favorite songs of the moment? favorite is a strong term too.
its just fooling my mind with simple shit, so i don't have to worry about it and can move on. try it some time. say you hate something. you don't have to mean it, but there is a certain finality to it. most of the time, you sit there for a second. you reached a decision so fast, you have a lull in the thought, because you didn't have anything else to move on to. well, try moving on. people are quickwitted because they can take something in, process it, and move on. i have a quick wit. it usually takes a bit to really stump me with something i'm actually paying attention too. its why i can have fake conversations so well, because i can process what the other person said so fast, and come up with a believeable answer. to many people, i dunno what they do. its like they take too much time to take things in, or too much time to realize the implication of what has just been said. its like, i dunno. maybe this is why arguements can get so stupid sometimes. people stop taking in what the other person has to say, so you end up making the same point over and over and over without ever getting anywhere. but you are expected to answer, you gotta say something. so you say the same thing.
arguements that last over a minute or so are thus a waste of time. with most people, at least, most people you should just come to a quick decision in your head, make your point, then walk off. don't explore it further, because its stupid. but it doesn't happen. its almost better that way, if you can keep your feelings out of it. don't make it personal. you make your few points at the very beginning, then immerse yourself into the stupidity without losing yourself too it. some people have the wits about them to keep it up foreeeeever. like me and matt, we are generally on top of things. but we both love arguing, when it really comes down to it. we love arguing enough, that we will make up arguements with eachother. we both know when its happening. but we will argue about the dumbest shit for the longest periods of time, without ever reaching a result. in the end, we always come to a point where we are both happy that we made our point. usually i lose, because i conceed that i'm out of points first, because matt a lot more of that quick arguing wit that i have. but i can hang.
its like a game. to many people argue for reals. if you take it seriously, stuff just gets too dumb. this is why most conversations disolve into such crap. at least in my opinion. if i'm wrong, make your point, i'll see what else i got :D
