Tuesday, November 18, 2003
i've always been wary of meditation. i never understood the purpose, or the way to go about it. there is no purpose or way to go about it, i have decided. it is a personal thing.
for the first time, i guess i meditated, although meditation is such a fancy sounding word. all i really did was drive all thought from my mind. i didn't even do that, i don't think i'm good enough to do that yet. i was always skeptical, but now i'm kind of excited, because it was a really enjoyable experience. my house is filled with all sorts of wierd sounds, my heater, my computer, the buzzing of our dumb halogen light, our refridgerator. i was trying to listen to the rain, because rain sounds cool, but i couldn't because everything else was bugging me, and my refridgerator flipped on and was drowning out all the rain. so i closed my eyes, and listened to everything, and tried to remove all sound but the rain. i was moderately successful, so i tried to remove all thought but the word rain.
BAH BAH!!! i sound like such a fruit. what the fuck, i'm meditating now?! who the fuck do i think i am. i'm confused now. 15 minutes went by where i didn't do anything but try to pull the sound of the rain to myself and push every other sound away. it didn't feel like 15 minutes, time wasn't really relevant. i didn't want to stop, but my eyes opened a little and i saw my couch and it blew everything to hell. then i went and wrote a very pretencious little piece on my ://friv/ben blog. i almost put it in here, but i didn't because it was a little wierder than i wanted to portray without warning, but i didn't want to taint it with warnings about meditation and stuff.
man, do i sound like a thoughtless internet moron right now, rambling on about meditation and self-control. who the hell am i, anyways
for the first time, i guess i meditated, although meditation is such a fancy sounding word. all i really did was drive all thought from my mind. i didn't even do that, i don't think i'm good enough to do that yet. i was always skeptical, but now i'm kind of excited, because it was a really enjoyable experience. my house is filled with all sorts of wierd sounds, my heater, my computer, the buzzing of our dumb halogen light, our refridgerator. i was trying to listen to the rain, because rain sounds cool, but i couldn't because everything else was bugging me, and my refridgerator flipped on and was drowning out all the rain. so i closed my eyes, and listened to everything, and tried to remove all sound but the rain. i was moderately successful, so i tried to remove all thought but the word rain.
BAH BAH!!! i sound like such a fruit. what the fuck, i'm meditating now?! who the fuck do i think i am. i'm confused now. 15 minutes went by where i didn't do anything but try to pull the sound of the rain to myself and push every other sound away. it didn't feel like 15 minutes, time wasn't really relevant. i didn't want to stop, but my eyes opened a little and i saw my couch and it blew everything to hell. then i went and wrote a very pretencious little piece on my ://friv/ben blog. i almost put it in here, but i didn't because it was a little wierder than i wanted to portray without warning, but i didn't want to taint it with warnings about meditation and stuff.
man, do i sound like a thoughtless internet moron right now, rambling on about meditation and self-control. who the hell am i, anyways
