life is steady. everything is handled, everything moves smoothly. the details of life don't require much work, it is nice. i don't have anything to worry about anymore. so i don't, i just live, listen to music, whatever. there is time for everything if i want there to be. i work a lot, but in the end it just makes things easier. work keeps me busy. work keeps me paid and keeps everything running smoothly. i've been working a lot lately, but that was mostly due to scheduling conflicts, and should be back to normal soon. if it isn't? who cares, fuck it. i wouldn't be doing that much anyways. eventually i'll need to cut back hours for things anyways, and that way i'll cut back to normal. whatever, its just work. it doesn't really get in the way, because there isn't anything pressing to get in its way.

in the end, i devote 10 sentances a month to work, instead of 10 pages. it was all just superfluous crap anyways. it didn't matter, it was just idiocy pretending to be substance.

i still think the world is stupid, i've just successfully detached myself from it. i never thought it was possible, but now that i have and i am actually avoiding everything that made me mad i'm just kind of grinning to myself. i get to do what i want to do, think how i want to think and put all my theories of self to the test. i get to live my ideal, and thereby prove its existance. the door creaks open a little further, and i move on to something else. constant self improvement is such a better use for all that brainpower i used to waste worrying about things. its the paradox of lazyness. the more effort you put in, the more truely lazy you can become.

and still, i read back and realize i sound like an chump. it just gives me something to do, because it makes me realize i am not where i should be yet. where that is, i'm not sure, but i'll keep searching. the search is where all the fun is, so i don't care how long it takes anymore. no worries, mate

frivved up by Ben at 10:55 PM