Wednesday, April 07, 2004
so yeah, here's the deal. i feel dumb lately. i don't really like being around people because i think it is pointless. even people i like. i put on the act, but i'm getting jaded towards the act. i always talk and try to sound interesting, but i don't really care about being interesting anymore. i don't feel dumb around myself, but i don't like who i am around other people. i mean seriously, what do i have to talk about with anyone. with all my jabbering about the lack of thought that seems to be going around, i swing right back into the same pattern of blank indifference. so yeah, sorry to everyone else who doesn't think, it is possible that you are just in a funk like i am. if you aren't in a funk and are really just dumb, then screw you still, but the rest of you, you're cool. for now...
I have recognized the funk, though, and ways to get out of it. i'm weighing them because they are contradictory to other efforts i have taken towards getting out of other funks. its all a funking pain in the ass, if you ask me.
i just don't care. sometimes i think i just want people to leave me alone, but thats not it. i have just been letting things stew lately because i can't get over my ego about myself and thus have been avoiding blogging. i put too much stock in my so-called genius. i've been mediocre for longer than i like to admit. mediocre, and polite to the point that it makes me insincere. without my blog, i don't have any honesty anywhere outside of my mind, and that just isn't good. anyways, is time to find some more that balance thing. at least i've been sleeping, so things must not be going too bad. just a little boredom, it really could be a lot worse. so if you are wondering "whats going on with that guy" the answer is actually nothing. like, literally, nothing. you are looking at it. i'm sitting here talking because there is nothing else. some may call it boring, some may call it freedom, i call it my divine right to lazyness.
so spoketh the wank, amen. there are always things to figure out.
I have recognized the funk, though, and ways to get out of it. i'm weighing them because they are contradictory to other efforts i have taken towards getting out of other funks. its all a funking pain in the ass, if you ask me.
i just don't care. sometimes i think i just want people to leave me alone, but thats not it. i have just been letting things stew lately because i can't get over my ego about myself and thus have been avoiding blogging. i put too much stock in my so-called genius. i've been mediocre for longer than i like to admit. mediocre, and polite to the point that it makes me insincere. without my blog, i don't have any honesty anywhere outside of my mind, and that just isn't good. anyways, is time to find some more that balance thing. at least i've been sleeping, so things must not be going too bad. just a little boredom, it really could be a lot worse. so if you are wondering "whats going on with that guy" the answer is actually nothing. like, literally, nothing. you are looking at it. i'm sitting here talking because there is nothing else. some may call it boring, some may call it freedom, i call it my divine right to lazyness.
so spoketh the wank, amen. there are always things to figure out.
