Tuesday, May 18, 2004
what have i learned today? (besides that i am usually the bigger idiot, and it makes me cooler than everyone)
i have very mixed feelings on the role the past should play in my new state of mind. part of me wants to throw it out the window and start from this moment, but then another part of me wants to comb through every memory i have for any lesson i can learn so i can backlog every situation i have been in for future reference. almost as an after thought, i remind myself that the answer lies somewhere in the middle. picking through my memories trying to find faults in my actions would just be self destructive. it is just counter productive. ditching my memories entirely would leave me repeating the same mistakes.
so great, what does this teach me? i spend too much time dwelling on the past. i know this, which is where the urge to just axe it entirely comes from. somewhere in my brain i have this little area devoted to statistical analysis that just never shuts down. i need to make things into numbers, then i need to put these numbers into formulas, then look at the results as if they mean something. its not like i'm plotting my love life on a graph or anything, but if i could figure out a way to make it work, i would. i'd set up an excel chart with sweet colors and 3D graphs.
oh yeah, i installed word and excel again. i went a long long time without them, but i thought i'd bring excel back now that i have my finances keeping track of themselves anyway. so i have this little work book with a bunch of numbers i already know. i just didn't know them past the decimal point. now i do! and negative numbers are in red! it rules. in a few months i should have enough numbers to make a line graph. or maybe one of those bar graph with different colors on each bar, because each bar has 3 different things it is showing. i mean, jeebus you can fit three different sets of related numbers in the same graph space, instead of having to plot them all on their own dumb lines. unless they are trying to make some cool curve or something, thats just wasting space. and even if they do make a cool curve, image how cool it would be to have 3 curves on top of each other! oh man, i need numbers, i need colors. i need to get a coloring book or something
i have very mixed feelings on the role the past should play in my new state of mind. part of me wants to throw it out the window and start from this moment, but then another part of me wants to comb through every memory i have for any lesson i can learn so i can backlog every situation i have been in for future reference. almost as an after thought, i remind myself that the answer lies somewhere in the middle. picking through my memories trying to find faults in my actions would just be self destructive. it is just counter productive. ditching my memories entirely would leave me repeating the same mistakes.
so great, what does this teach me? i spend too much time dwelling on the past. i know this, which is where the urge to just axe it entirely comes from. somewhere in my brain i have this little area devoted to statistical analysis that just never shuts down. i need to make things into numbers, then i need to put these numbers into formulas, then look at the results as if they mean something. its not like i'm plotting my love life on a graph or anything, but if i could figure out a way to make it work, i would. i'd set up an excel chart with sweet colors and 3D graphs.
oh yeah, i installed word and excel again. i went a long long time without them, but i thought i'd bring excel back now that i have my finances keeping track of themselves anyway. so i have this little work book with a bunch of numbers i already know. i just didn't know them past the decimal point. now i do! and negative numbers are in red! it rules. in a few months i should have enough numbers to make a line graph. or maybe one of those bar graph with different colors on each bar, because each bar has 3 different things it is showing. i mean, jeebus you can fit three different sets of related numbers in the same graph space, instead of having to plot them all on their own dumb lines. unless they are trying to make some cool curve or something, thats just wasting space. and even if they do make a cool curve, image how cool it would be to have 3 curves on top of each other! oh man, i need numbers, i need colors. i need to get a coloring book or something
