Monday, November 01, 2004
the awakening of elemental keisuke...
initial d makes me a better person by its presence in my mind, this i know. i'm going to be really sad when this season is over and i don't have anything else to download. i hope in 65 years or so i am sitting in a futuristic hospital watching takumi's descendants perfect their ultimate technique in a new episode i have never seen when i die. i'd go with a smile on my face, wonder in my eyes, ready to face any challenge before me, alive or dead.
some day your childrens children will see me racing through the clouds
some days driving makes me sad. what i would give for a full day of empty roads and zero consequences, just so i could stop pretending. i don't rush any more at work. my mind was all jacked up the last few months because of whatever reasons, and driving was an outlet. dangerous though, as i found out. what i realized, is that it has a calming effect on me. i forcing way too much of my tension into my driving instead of letting the driving itself override my emotions. there was conflict that mirrored the conflict in my mind concerning the problems i was having at work. and without driving as a break from the anxiety work was causing me, i was wearing myself down way too much. driving is like a puzzle, something i can wrap my mind around. a challenge with an achievable solution. a challenge that requires focus. which is why i am scared every time i get in my car, because i trust myself enough to drive, but i definitely don't trust anyone else. you have to be precognative to drive, and way too many people haven't even thought ahead to the next stoplight. you have to know what the other cars around you are going to do. but most people aren't even paying attention to themselves, let alone anyone else around them. i was forcing my actions to counteract other drivers actions or lack of action. it was unnecessary. i've been getting back to what made me love delivering in the first place in the past few days, flowing through the streets like water. there are always patterns waiting there for me to notice. patterns that will not only tell you how to drive, but the most efficient path to your destination. when you are strapped inside a ton of steel, there isn't much you can do but submit to that momentum
initial d makes me a better person by its presence in my mind, this i know. i'm going to be really sad when this season is over and i don't have anything else to download. i hope in 65 years or so i am sitting in a futuristic hospital watching takumi's descendants perfect their ultimate technique in a new episode i have never seen when i die. i'd go with a smile on my face, wonder in my eyes, ready to face any challenge before me, alive or dead.
some day your childrens children will see me racing through the clouds
some days driving makes me sad. what i would give for a full day of empty roads and zero consequences, just so i could stop pretending. i don't rush any more at work. my mind was all jacked up the last few months because of whatever reasons, and driving was an outlet. dangerous though, as i found out. what i realized, is that it has a calming effect on me. i forcing way too much of my tension into my driving instead of letting the driving itself override my emotions. there was conflict that mirrored the conflict in my mind concerning the problems i was having at work. and without driving as a break from the anxiety work was causing me, i was wearing myself down way too much. driving is like a puzzle, something i can wrap my mind around. a challenge with an achievable solution. a challenge that requires focus. which is why i am scared every time i get in my car, because i trust myself enough to drive, but i definitely don't trust anyone else. you have to be precognative to drive, and way too many people haven't even thought ahead to the next stoplight. you have to know what the other cars around you are going to do. but most people aren't even paying attention to themselves, let alone anyone else around them. i was forcing my actions to counteract other drivers actions or lack of action. it was unnecessary. i've been getting back to what made me love delivering in the first place in the past few days, flowing through the streets like water. there are always patterns waiting there for me to notice. patterns that will not only tell you how to drive, but the most efficient path to your destination. when you are strapped inside a ton of steel, there isn't much you can do but submit to that momentum
