Friday, January 21, 2005
blooped into a shifty sea of shifty morality.
sometimes i question whether i can tell right from wrong. whether there even is a right and wrong. sometimes my impulses lead me into what others might call darkness. i just can't tell. all i have is what i know.
i am tired of shifting my morality to try and connect to other people. to impress people so they might respect my opinion. it costs me my respect for myself, every time i say something i don't mean. i don't know what other people think. i am tired of trying to figure out what i think by taking cues from other people. i know right from wrong. if you don't agree with me, then i guess we are at odds. at this point, i'd rather have people disagree with me than lie. i can always change my mind if i am wrong. i can't keep changing my mind before i know that i am not right.
it is easy enough to say. in a day everything will be reversed, and i'll be cramped with contrasting views of good and evil. depersonalization or derealization, or both? spin the wheel. every day is a new day, a new shadow of reality. its funny, because i'm not sure which is more frightening, the feeling that nothing else can possibly be real, or the feeling that at any moment i could fade away, having never existed in the first place. which is right, and which is wrong. sometimes i just can't tell. all i can do is wait and see
sometimes i question whether i can tell right from wrong. whether there even is a right and wrong. sometimes my impulses lead me into what others might call darkness. i just can't tell. all i have is what i know.
i am tired of shifting my morality to try and connect to other people. to impress people so they might respect my opinion. it costs me my respect for myself, every time i say something i don't mean. i don't know what other people think. i am tired of trying to figure out what i think by taking cues from other people. i know right from wrong. if you don't agree with me, then i guess we are at odds. at this point, i'd rather have people disagree with me than lie. i can always change my mind if i am wrong. i can't keep changing my mind before i know that i am not right.
it is easy enough to say. in a day everything will be reversed, and i'll be cramped with contrasting views of good and evil. depersonalization or derealization, or both? spin the wheel. every day is a new day, a new shadow of reality. its funny, because i'm not sure which is more frightening, the feeling that nothing else can possibly be real, or the feeling that at any moment i could fade away, having never existed in the first place. which is right, and which is wrong. sometimes i just can't tell. all i can do is wait and see
