Saturday, August 06, 2005
sometimes i think of leaving everything. selling my car and buying a plane ticket to new zealand or wherever. but that is an option i hold in reserve for when i am in real trouble. things will happen. life changes, happyness comes and goes. feelings are fleeting. if there is nothing for me to leave, it would be a waste of effort. without a reason, it would just be a change of venue.
what i have now is nothing. what i am is something. if i left for somewhere else, i would just be taking that something with me, escaping nothing. that is the only reason to bolt, to escape something, to escape myself. but there is no escaping, no reason to escape. nothing i can escape.
all i need to do to hide is close my eyes. external happenings are fleeting. even memories fade until they are needed. living only in memory is a painful thing. it turns you into nothing. you live as a ghost of who you were, becoming only the fleeting pieces of the self you can only remember, and the person you are, or the person you should be fades away, and is lost. then you have to start over, to reclaim your future. eventually, you have to throw away everything that has happened in the past, and create your center in the present, or there is nothing your future can derive itself from.
then, there is nothing else to do but wait. even the future is fleeting. you can watch it whirl around you, but if you try to hold it it will spin out of your grasp. eventually it will dissolve, and at the center of nothing you will fade away. if you already have nothing at your center, you have nothing to fear. you may as well just fade away.
what happens of your center when it is no longer bound inside of your future? what happens at the center of nothing? there is no escaping the answer, it will find us eventually.
despite nothing and everything, despite the answer we can't escape, at the center there is room for nothing else but you, the truth. accept it, accept yourself, or throw everything you are into the emptyness. truth is constant, unwavering. it is absolute, a = a, what is, is. i am. only the truth can exist. everything else is fleeting, dissolving like a wisp of smoke, reclaimed by the emptyness it was created from.
at the center there is truth. the truth of yourself, and the truth of everything. go against it, and everything will turn against you, and you will become nothing
what i have now is nothing. what i am is something. if i left for somewhere else, i would just be taking that something with me, escaping nothing. that is the only reason to bolt, to escape something, to escape myself. but there is no escaping, no reason to escape. nothing i can escape.
all i need to do to hide is close my eyes. external happenings are fleeting. even memories fade until they are needed. living only in memory is a painful thing. it turns you into nothing. you live as a ghost of who you were, becoming only the fleeting pieces of the self you can only remember, and the person you are, or the person you should be fades away, and is lost. then you have to start over, to reclaim your future. eventually, you have to throw away everything that has happened in the past, and create your center in the present, or there is nothing your future can derive itself from.
then, there is nothing else to do but wait. even the future is fleeting. you can watch it whirl around you, but if you try to hold it it will spin out of your grasp. eventually it will dissolve, and at the center of nothing you will fade away. if you already have nothing at your center, you have nothing to fear. you may as well just fade away.
what happens of your center when it is no longer bound inside of your future? what happens at the center of nothing? there is no escaping the answer, it will find us eventually.
despite nothing and everything, despite the answer we can't escape, at the center there is room for nothing else but you, the truth. accept it, accept yourself, or throw everything you are into the emptyness. truth is constant, unwavering. it is absolute, a = a, what is, is. i am. only the truth can exist. everything else is fleeting, dissolving like a wisp of smoke, reclaimed by the emptyness it was created from.
at the center there is truth. the truth of yourself, and the truth of everything. go against it, and everything will turn against you, and you will become nothing
