Sunday, August 07, 2005
what is important in my world right now?
the same dumb issues seem to keep cropping up in my head, driving my angst. i have trouble seperating myself from things that are happening around me. i see things in the news, and i take personal offense to them. i am uptight, on edge. my whole body has been filled with nervous energy. i just can't relax, can't focus. all i want to do is lay down and let the world wash away and think about something that actually has some sort of relevance to me, but i can't. i can't be alone, there is just too much going on. i feel lost, adrift. i feel like i have been pulled away, and i am not sure when or how it happened, or even where i am because it is still pulling me away. whenever i try to stop and figure things out, something else swirls me away.
i feel like i am tied to something, something i don't understand. something that is happening, but i don't know what it is and it is carrying me away. my mind can't begin to keep up, so i am on edge, waiting for this something to happen. on perpetual alert without knowing why, or what i am waiting for. all i want to do is rest. i just want to be alone, but i can't figure out how. there so much that thinks it needs my immediate attention, but it doesn't. i can't figure out what else to do but to fight against it, to deny it and try to hold myself together.
the same dumb issues seem to keep cropping up in my head, driving my angst. i have trouble seperating myself from things that are happening around me. i see things in the news, and i take personal offense to them. i am uptight, on edge. my whole body has been filled with nervous energy. i just can't relax, can't focus. all i want to do is lay down and let the world wash away and think about something that actually has some sort of relevance to me, but i can't. i can't be alone, there is just too much going on. i feel lost, adrift. i feel like i have been pulled away, and i am not sure when or how it happened, or even where i am because it is still pulling me away. whenever i try to stop and figure things out, something else swirls me away.
i feel like i am tied to something, something i don't understand. something that is happening, but i don't know what it is and it is carrying me away. my mind can't begin to keep up, so i am on edge, waiting for this something to happen. on perpetual alert without knowing why, or what i am waiting for. all i want to do is rest. i just want to be alone, but i can't figure out how. there so much that thinks it needs my immediate attention, but it doesn't. i can't figure out what else to do but to fight against it, to deny it and try to hold myself together.
