Sunday, August 21, 2005
saying one thing and doing another
i use the possibility i might not be able to do something as an excuse to not do something. but i act like i can do anything. so much contradiction, i can't even begin to disentangle it. there are just too many words. none of those words serve any purpose when applied to my character, they are just weight. they are gone. i can't do any of that anymore. i am just approaching it backwards. it should start with do anything, until the words i can do anything become the truth, then the rest of it is just unnecessary. drop the weight, or learn to bear it.
is the weight worth bearing? is any weight worth bearing? is a weightless environment worth the atrophy? is it possible to be able to bear any weight, as long as you have the ability to drop any weight that isn't worth bearing? because that is the problem with those two sentances, the weight at the end. blah blah blah, meaningless stupid shit i do to myself that causes problems, because i act like i can do anything. that wouldn't be a problem, if it were true, but it isn't true because i don't actually do anything.
so if i want to keep that projection of myself, i actually have to do those things.
drop the weight, or learn to bear it. there is plenty of weight that is worth bearing, and it better than atrophy. so do it.
i use the possibility i might not be able to do something as an excuse to not do something. but i act like i can do anything. so much contradiction, i can't even begin to disentangle it. there are just too many words. none of those words serve any purpose when applied to my character, they are just weight. they are gone. i can't do any of that anymore. i am just approaching it backwards. it should start with do anything, until the words i can do anything become the truth, then the rest of it is just unnecessary. drop the weight, or learn to bear it.
is the weight worth bearing? is any weight worth bearing? is a weightless environment worth the atrophy? is it possible to be able to bear any weight, as long as you have the ability to drop any weight that isn't worth bearing? because that is the problem with those two sentances, the weight at the end. blah blah blah, meaningless stupid shit i do to myself that causes problems, because i act like i can do anything. that wouldn't be a problem, if it were true, but it isn't true because i don't actually do anything.
so if i want to keep that projection of myself, i actually have to do those things.
drop the weight, or learn to bear it. there is plenty of weight that is worth bearing, and it better than atrophy. so do it.
