Saturday, July 01, 2006
i am about .3 L's into my jug of carlo (a jug is 4L, for those unfamiliar to the ways of carlo rossi), and it seems like a good place to start this blog. today, i made a canada-sized error. my feebleminded nature led me to believe that canada day would be held on, well, canada day. but not this year! this year canada takes a new direction. canada adds that extra edge they have been sorely missing. much like the spice poochie added to itchy and scratcy, canada decided to take its holiday a day early this year. i am filled with mixed emotions. on the one hand, i really didn't want to go. i spent the whole day telling myself there was no way in hell that i was leaving the house today. but on the otherhand, it was canada day. at about 6:30, i looked at myself in the mirror and told myself 'this is one of two holidays you celebrate. this is the oldest holiday you celebrate. you can't break your streak of 9 years because you are a whiney little bastard (which i am)' so i left my house. i tracked down my jug of carlo. i tried 6 stores in seattle and had no luck. so i drove home to redmond, and found the perfect jug. everything was set, it was going to be another memorable july 1st. and then, oh, uh oh! canada has been moved! the norrish residence is empty! i have made a huge mistake.
so, i found myself asking myself the same questions i have been asking myself since my last blog. it sounds stupid, drawing on my formidable jr. high years in drama, but 'what is my motivation'? why was i doing this? it didn't take long for me to find my answer. i found my answer weeks ago. i knew why i was going to this canada day. well, one of the reasons anyways. this blog now will now take a humorous turn, but in the interest of the honesty i preach, the primary reason was my friends little sister abbey. i am not going to try and claim that it was the only reason, but it was the largest factor in my decision to go to canada day. last year my canada day friend was absent, and i was sad. she is one of the few women i feel comfortable around, regardless of the surroundings, and that is something i have definitely missed recently. the main thing i remember about canada day, besides carlo rossi, is sitting in the kitchen acting like i knew something about anything while abbey willingly humored my conversation.
instead, i am sitting here alone in front of my computer on canada day with my friend carlo. canada day threw me a bone. i feel bad now, because i spent the entire day dreading the thought of leaving the house and now the gods of canada have cruelly struck me down. apparently they are not to be trifled with.
but this is meant to be. because as much as i was avoiding canada day, in the end i was using canada day as a means to avoid this blog. this blog about motivation, something i am severely lacking. what is the point to my 'journey'? what am i looking for, and why? the how is just posturing without some real answers. every blog entry is just a piece of an idea. you can never fit the entire pattern into one, you need to broaden your scope to start bringing the different facets of a good idea together.
so, why the isolation? does it actually serve a purpose, besides catering to my own selfish whims. it does. even if the whims are it, it is justified.
ok, carlo is kicking me. i am avoiding the real issues behind this blog. first and formost, i need to expand on something. harmony and growth do seem very inconsistant with eachother, this is something i can agree with. deep down inside, i know that harmony and growth must go hand in hand. if you live in a world without growth, you are being left behind. the world around you is expanding, and you are being forced into a smaller box. to use a more relevant example, the minimum wage has stayed the same for the past 9 years (good god, since the last time i missed canada day!), but it i now worth something like 20 percent less than it used to be due to inflation over that same time period. without growth, you are not in harmony with a growing environment. if you aren't in a growing environment, then harmony will actually have an adverse effect. the extreme arguement can be made that nothing at all can actually be considered growth. ideally, the harmony you strike will allow you to progress forward with everyone else around you. if i can combine physics and philosphy for a moment, i hope we are looking at the harmony of momentum instead of the harmony of velocity. there is always forward movement. it takes a complete shift in thinking to stop this forward movement. the rate at which we are going forward may be changing, but the end result is beyond where we started. i think i may have moved past the point where i am worried about going foward or not. maybe now, i am worried about finding a consistat forward motion to settle into. the same struggle at a new level, removing the flux. is there even a term in physics that creates a rational function out of the changes in momentum? probabaly, but i never made it to college physics, so i am on my own with this one. that is where i am at. even holed up naked in my room, i know i am going forward. but going constantly foward still does not remove the mood swings from my personality. they may not be a matter of life and death anymore, sure, but there are still fluxuations to be dealt with.
one thing i do know, dealing with momentum is a whole lot easier on my mind than dealing with velocity. it is cruising down the freeway vs. stop and go traffic. you have so much more control, and it is exponentially more intuitive. the overly predictive nature of my brain is loving the fact it can dwell in its crazy premonitions, instead of dealing such earthly worries as making rent every month. granted, eventually life will throw me that jolt that completely changes my momentum, and i will be stuck slowing down all of the sudden. at least i will have some advance warning this time, and the means to hopefully keep myself from coming to a complete stop.
that is my motivation. to keep moving foward. to consistantly keep moving forward. to be progressing forward so well, that i am more worried about the changes in my speed than the actual speed itself. shifting my way through life towards the end results of my crazy predictive nature. i have so many plans, it might be hindering me. but keeping them all as viable options is important to me. eventually, i have to make a decision, and move in a direction that removes an idea i thought was a great possibilty. but my premonitions can't always be right, no matter how viable they are in my head. it is just one more harmony i try to strike, the harmony between my multiple futures.
now, carlo is calling. i have forsaken him for way too long.
so, i found myself asking myself the same questions i have been asking myself since my last blog. it sounds stupid, drawing on my formidable jr. high years in drama, but 'what is my motivation'? why was i doing this? it didn't take long for me to find my answer. i found my answer weeks ago. i knew why i was going to this canada day. well, one of the reasons anyways. this blog now will now take a humorous turn, but in the interest of the honesty i preach, the primary reason was my friends little sister abbey. i am not going to try and claim that it was the only reason, but it was the largest factor in my decision to go to canada day. last year my canada day friend was absent, and i was sad. she is one of the few women i feel comfortable around, regardless of the surroundings, and that is something i have definitely missed recently. the main thing i remember about canada day, besides carlo rossi, is sitting in the kitchen acting like i knew something about anything while abbey willingly humored my conversation.
instead, i am sitting here alone in front of my computer on canada day with my friend carlo. canada day threw me a bone. i feel bad now, because i spent the entire day dreading the thought of leaving the house and now the gods of canada have cruelly struck me down. apparently they are not to be trifled with.
but this is meant to be. because as much as i was avoiding canada day, in the end i was using canada day as a means to avoid this blog. this blog about motivation, something i am severely lacking. what is the point to my 'journey'? what am i looking for, and why? the how is just posturing without some real answers. every blog entry is just a piece of an idea. you can never fit the entire pattern into one, you need to broaden your scope to start bringing the different facets of a good idea together.
so, why the isolation? does it actually serve a purpose, besides catering to my own selfish whims. it does. even if the whims are it, it is justified.
ok, carlo is kicking me. i am avoiding the real issues behind this blog. first and formost, i need to expand on something. harmony and growth do seem very inconsistant with eachother, this is something i can agree with. deep down inside, i know that harmony and growth must go hand in hand. if you live in a world without growth, you are being left behind. the world around you is expanding, and you are being forced into a smaller box. to use a more relevant example, the minimum wage has stayed the same for the past 9 years (good god, since the last time i missed canada day!), but it i now worth something like 20 percent less than it used to be due to inflation over that same time period. without growth, you are not in harmony with a growing environment. if you aren't in a growing environment, then harmony will actually have an adverse effect. the extreme arguement can be made that nothing at all can actually be considered growth. ideally, the harmony you strike will allow you to progress forward with everyone else around you. if i can combine physics and philosphy for a moment, i hope we are looking at the harmony of momentum instead of the harmony of velocity. there is always forward movement. it takes a complete shift in thinking to stop this forward movement. the rate at which we are going forward may be changing, but the end result is beyond where we started. i think i may have moved past the point where i am worried about going foward or not. maybe now, i am worried about finding a consistat forward motion to settle into. the same struggle at a new level, removing the flux. is there even a term in physics that creates a rational function out of the changes in momentum? probabaly, but i never made it to college physics, so i am on my own with this one. that is where i am at. even holed up naked in my room, i know i am going forward. but going constantly foward still does not remove the mood swings from my personality. they may not be a matter of life and death anymore, sure, but there are still fluxuations to be dealt with.
one thing i do know, dealing with momentum is a whole lot easier on my mind than dealing with velocity. it is cruising down the freeway vs. stop and go traffic. you have so much more control, and it is exponentially more intuitive. the overly predictive nature of my brain is loving the fact it can dwell in its crazy premonitions, instead of dealing such earthly worries as making rent every month. granted, eventually life will throw me that jolt that completely changes my momentum, and i will be stuck slowing down all of the sudden. at least i will have some advance warning this time, and the means to hopefully keep myself from coming to a complete stop.
that is my motivation. to keep moving foward. to consistantly keep moving forward. to be progressing forward so well, that i am more worried about the changes in my speed than the actual speed itself. shifting my way through life towards the end results of my crazy predictive nature. i have so many plans, it might be hindering me. but keeping them all as viable options is important to me. eventually, i have to make a decision, and move in a direction that removes an idea i thought was a great possibilty. but my premonitions can't always be right, no matter how viable they are in my head. it is just one more harmony i try to strike, the harmony between my multiple futures.
now, carlo is calling. i have forsaken him for way too long.
