Sunday, August 13, 2006
i guess i feel like what i fight the most is other people's attempts to control me. i look back at my life, and see one constant string of people trying to control the way i think and the way i live my life. it may come to no surprise after knowing me and reading what i have to say, but the most important thing to me is to live my life under my own control. i am willing to sacrifice things that may seem important in order to fight all attempts by other people to dictate what i think and what i do. in the end, i don't really care about anything else. i just want to be left alone, so i can go about my own business in my own distinct way.
what i see when i go outside, or watch the television or read the paper is one system of control after another. as soon as they try to encroach on my own life, i cut them out. and slowly over the course of a few years, i have cut everything out of my life. i don't trust anything anymore, i just see the entire world around me trying to steal my brain so they can get to my bank account. i am paranoid, and making every attempt to go off the grid. the only thing left that can bring me down is my internet habits. porn and music are going to be end of me. since when do american men with a full time job have to worry about porn and music! the world has gone crazy, and i wonder why i am so paranoid.
it almost feels like i live my life in protest. like i feel there is no place for me, so i am taking my ball and going home. i feel like a petty person, but i am not a whore. i don't want to sell myself for unnecessary trinkets. i have an athenian mindset forced into a spartan existance. i don't live in a world of ideas and advancement, i live in a world of control. i am being herded and milked like a cow, and all i can do is clinch up and squeeze out as little as possible, and hope they don't lead me to the slaughter house for my insolence.
it is just so much safer at home and alone, where the outside forces can be held in check by the safety of four walls and curtains to blind prying eyes. i don't trust anyone. i don't even trust anyone with my ideas. that is why there i turned off comments, and took sluts out of the title. i don't want people stumbling in here in the first place. i don't trust people enough to read what i have to say. look at the main page and the meditation page. the comments are filled with spam for stock scams and illegal pharmacies, posted by commenting robots. there is no such thing as a safe haven from exploitation.
what i see when i go outside, or watch the television or read the paper is one system of control after another. as soon as they try to encroach on my own life, i cut them out. and slowly over the course of a few years, i have cut everything out of my life. i don't trust anything anymore, i just see the entire world around me trying to steal my brain so they can get to my bank account. i am paranoid, and making every attempt to go off the grid. the only thing left that can bring me down is my internet habits. porn and music are going to be end of me. since when do american men with a full time job have to worry about porn and music! the world has gone crazy, and i wonder why i am so paranoid.
it almost feels like i live my life in protest. like i feel there is no place for me, so i am taking my ball and going home. i feel like a petty person, but i am not a whore. i don't want to sell myself for unnecessary trinkets. i have an athenian mindset forced into a spartan existance. i don't live in a world of ideas and advancement, i live in a world of control. i am being herded and milked like a cow, and all i can do is clinch up and squeeze out as little as possible, and hope they don't lead me to the slaughter house for my insolence.
it is just so much safer at home and alone, where the outside forces can be held in check by the safety of four walls and curtains to blind prying eyes. i don't trust anyone. i don't even trust anyone with my ideas. that is why there i turned off comments, and took sluts out of the title. i don't want people stumbling in here in the first place. i don't trust people enough to read what i have to say. look at the main page and the meditation page. the comments are filled with spam for stock scams and illegal pharmacies, posted by commenting robots. there is no such thing as a safe haven from exploitation.
