Tuesday, November 14, 2006
first, everyone change your color to yellow, in honor of perhaps the most hilarious and perfect moment in friv history: the mention of pineapple weed on the front page.
Pineapple Weed
Matricaria discoidea.
I honestly don't remember if this is the name we called it by. MADI seems like a familiar pet name from our monitoring days at starflower. anyways, pineapple weed was my favorite weed. it always felt like a shame to pull it out. it was never really bothering anything. it usually grew on the gravel paths, and never really invasively inside our plantings. it does smell like pineapples.
this post is my homage to pineapple weed. i didn't want to clutter up the genius of friv page with boring pictures.
sometimes i feel like when i cut my hair, i started to wake up from a dream. then exactly two weeks ago on tuesday, i told matt i was coming out of my hibernation. he was obviously stoked. he was kind of giddy anyways, but he was right on board. he was on board my little personal sabbatical to begin with, i just don't think he thought it would take so long for me to gain the perspective i needed. in hind sight, it must have been a little surreal for him to watch me blink entirely out of our social life, then wake up a few years later in an entirely different one. he knew why i was doing it. he lived with me, he knew the entire time it was necessary. he never questioned it, and he always believed in me, believed that i knew exactly what i was doing. he may not have always completely understood, but he could see the incremental shifts in thinking and how much it helped me. that was the thing. we both agreed together that we needed to be better people. we saw the things we wanted, but never believed the people we were deserved them. so we did something about it. we made a decision to earn those things. to be the type of people who made good things happen. he did it in his own way, and i did it in mine.
when i cut my hair, i was triggering a readjustment in my thinking. it was kind of a symbolic change, from complete introversion back into a social being, a part of the world around me. the hair and moreso the beard were a tool for introversion. they were another barrier between myself and the world. it was a layer i could sit behind, leaving me free to think and observe. my beard almost felt like a mask. i felt completely anonymous.
when i cut my hair, i knew i wasn't going to make any immediate wholesale changes. i have said things before, 'from now on i am going to be like this' sort of things, but it never worked. i can't switch my thought process in a blink like that, no matter how hard i try, or believe that i can. but recently it has become overabundantly clear to me that i have changed. that slowly, the person i wanted to be had emerged. i didn't fully notice until i cut my hair and shaved, and looked at myself in the mirror. i couldn't stop smiling. i knew things were different. i felt i was seeing myself for the first time since i put my body to sleep and withdrew into my mind.
since i did, things have just been happening to me. it feels like the world was waiting. like it knew i needed some rest, so it let me have some time to myself. but now that it has me back, it is celebrating along with me. it liked the person i was. it was always in love with my potential. certain things have always played into my hands. but there is something different about me now that had been slowly building inside. i knew it was happening, and i could see it myself, but now that i have forced it into the light everyone else can see too. random people have noticed, my friends have noticed, and even my parents have noticed. i have noticed. the world is glad to have me back, and it has so much it has been waiting to show me.
that is why i did it. i liked my hair. those people close to me know i almost worshipped my hair. but i knew it was time to let go of the comfortable routine i knew and start moving again.
Pineapple Weed
Matricaria discoidea.
I honestly don't remember if this is the name we called it by. MADI seems like a familiar pet name from our monitoring days at starflower. anyways, pineapple weed was my favorite weed. it always felt like a shame to pull it out. it was never really bothering anything. it usually grew on the gravel paths, and never really invasively inside our plantings. it does smell like pineapples.
this post is my homage to pineapple weed. i didn't want to clutter up the genius of friv page with boring pictures.
sometimes i feel like when i cut my hair, i started to wake up from a dream. then exactly two weeks ago on tuesday, i told matt i was coming out of my hibernation. he was obviously stoked. he was kind of giddy anyways, but he was right on board. he was on board my little personal sabbatical to begin with, i just don't think he thought it would take so long for me to gain the perspective i needed. in hind sight, it must have been a little surreal for him to watch me blink entirely out of our social life, then wake up a few years later in an entirely different one. he knew why i was doing it. he lived with me, he knew the entire time it was necessary. he never questioned it, and he always believed in me, believed that i knew exactly what i was doing. he may not have always completely understood, but he could see the incremental shifts in thinking and how much it helped me. that was the thing. we both agreed together that we needed to be better people. we saw the things we wanted, but never believed the people we were deserved them. so we did something about it. we made a decision to earn those things. to be the type of people who made good things happen. he did it in his own way, and i did it in mine.
when i cut my hair, i was triggering a readjustment in my thinking. it was kind of a symbolic change, from complete introversion back into a social being, a part of the world around me. the hair and moreso the beard were a tool for introversion. they were another barrier between myself and the world. it was a layer i could sit behind, leaving me free to think and observe. my beard almost felt like a mask. i felt completely anonymous.
when i cut my hair, i knew i wasn't going to make any immediate wholesale changes. i have said things before, 'from now on i am going to be like this' sort of things, but it never worked. i can't switch my thought process in a blink like that, no matter how hard i try, or believe that i can. but recently it has become overabundantly clear to me that i have changed. that slowly, the person i wanted to be had emerged. i didn't fully notice until i cut my hair and shaved, and looked at myself in the mirror. i couldn't stop smiling. i knew things were different. i felt i was seeing myself for the first time since i put my body to sleep and withdrew into my mind.
since i did, things have just been happening to me. it feels like the world was waiting. like it knew i needed some rest, so it let me have some time to myself. but now that it has me back, it is celebrating along with me. it liked the person i was. it was always in love with my potential. certain things have always played into my hands. but there is something different about me now that had been slowly building inside. i knew it was happening, and i could see it myself, but now that i have forced it into the light everyone else can see too. random people have noticed, my friends have noticed, and even my parents have noticed. i have noticed. the world is glad to have me back, and it has so much it has been waiting to show me.
that is why i did it. i liked my hair. those people close to me know i almost worshipped my hair. but i knew it was time to let go of the comfortable routine i knew and start moving again.
