Tuesday, December 05, 2006
myspace still frightens me. i am looking it as a public face. i have tried to write over there a few times, but i just don't want too. if i write, i don't want to have to censor myself. what i put down will be available for every jerk to see. if someone wants to know me, they will find this place. if i want someone to know me, i will tell them about friv. the myspace blog doesn't have a role besides placating random people who might stumble upon me.
i am not sure why i was writing over there. the past few days i have been stuck. i feel most eloquent when i am writing, and even my best hasn't been up to snuff. it means i need to add another facet to my writing. i need to be able to communicate the depths of what i mean, instead of just showing the surface of the idea. it is there, i know what i seek, it just has atrophied.
i feel decidedly commonplace right now. i feel like such a normal bumbling boyfriend. there are things that i want to say that just don't come out when i want them too. i find myself saying these things to myself, the things i want to say to her. then when i am with her, my mind loses focus, and all i can see is her sitting there in front of me. and i am happy, and she says such wonderful things to me, and all i can do is smile, which portrays exactly what i am thinking. but she has to read it from my face instead of hearing it in my voice, because when she is around my mind gets so excited that all the things i wanted to say to her fade into the background. because she is sitting there, and she is so beautiful, and witty, and giving, and all the other things that make her so wonderful in my eyes, that sometimes i can't concentrate on anything but what a lucky man i am to have her. i want each moment to last as long as possible.
when we are apart, all i can think about is her. i think of all the things she deserves to hear, and i get these moments of panic, like i am worried she will think less of me if she doesn't know how i feel about her. but she knows. women always know, at least this one seems too. i know she wants to hear it all, but if it doesn't come out right she still knows. she makes me want to find a new eloquence just so i can do her justice, so i can make her feel as good as i feel.
i love her. i tell her all the time, and it still doesn't feel like enough. you have no idea how much comfort i take in the fact that she will be there for me when the words are finally ready to come out, in all of their eloquent glory. all i can say now is i love you, which is a wonderful thing to hear from someone. eloquence isn't everything :)
i am not sure why i was writing over there. the past few days i have been stuck. i feel most eloquent when i am writing, and even my best hasn't been up to snuff. it means i need to add another facet to my writing. i need to be able to communicate the depths of what i mean, instead of just showing the surface of the idea. it is there, i know what i seek, it just has atrophied.
i feel decidedly commonplace right now. i feel like such a normal bumbling boyfriend. there are things that i want to say that just don't come out when i want them too. i find myself saying these things to myself, the things i want to say to her. then when i am with her, my mind loses focus, and all i can see is her sitting there in front of me. and i am happy, and she says such wonderful things to me, and all i can do is smile, which portrays exactly what i am thinking. but she has to read it from my face instead of hearing it in my voice, because when she is around my mind gets so excited that all the things i wanted to say to her fade into the background. because she is sitting there, and she is so beautiful, and witty, and giving, and all the other things that make her so wonderful in my eyes, that sometimes i can't concentrate on anything but what a lucky man i am to have her. i want each moment to last as long as possible.
when we are apart, all i can think about is her. i think of all the things she deserves to hear, and i get these moments of panic, like i am worried she will think less of me if she doesn't know how i feel about her. but she knows. women always know, at least this one seems too. i know she wants to hear it all, but if it doesn't come out right she still knows. she makes me want to find a new eloquence just so i can do her justice, so i can make her feel as good as i feel.
i love her. i tell her all the time, and it still doesn't feel like enough. you have no idea how much comfort i take in the fact that she will be there for me when the words are finally ready to come out, in all of their eloquent glory. all i can say now is i love you, which is a wonderful thing to hear from someone. eloquence isn't everything :)
