Saturday, May 19, 2007
ho baby. rjd2 gets the ball rolling. what an amazing show. rj fucking d2. i am still struggling with how to describe it all, so lets start with some context. ryan and i had a loose plan we executed to perfection, to the benefit of us. our only real goal was to make it into neumoes around 930 so we could see pigeon john. so we drank, took a nice wander around the block to spread our green cheer to the drizzley streets, and then hopped on the freeway. we found perfect street parking on marion right next to seattle u, and discreetly pounded a carlo/tilt cocktail before wandering the 5 blocks to the club. we get in and the opening act (who turned out to be one of rjd2's dudes) is just winding down. a spot on the rail with view of the stage opens up, and i stand there looking down on the crowd, pretending the club is mine, and all of these people are here due to my generousity. and then we prepare our strike. the 21+ area next the bar is still has room to move around, so we plan to make our move in the milling around period between acts. we wander down the bar and get a quick drink, and then position ourselves as close to the stage as we can. we know we won't be leaving until rjd2 is gone, so our spots can only get better. then the craziest thing happens. pigeon john comes out, and takes over the place. he took us by surprise. he was awesome. ryan kept saying it was wierd that he was there with rjd2, and i don't know if that is because he's not headlining, or he doesn't think their music is compatible or what. whatever it was, he was awesome, and i don't care if was weird, it was perfect to me. by the end, everyone is pumped. everyone knows it is almost time for rj. then these 4 white dudes wander out, and there in the middle of them is rj, wearing military green, a stalinesque little hat and a full beard. i didn't realize the guy was so tiny. anyways, at this point, we are right near the front, maybe 4 people deep from the stage. they had two keyboard set ups (one with this awesome korg syth dealy), a drum set, a guitar, a bass, an acoustic guitar, and rj's 3 turntable set up behind it all. i think rj started off on the guitar, but i may be wrong. everyone but the drummer played every instrument, i think. they were just going nuts. it was crazy. it seemed like they hit just about everything from dead ringer and since we last spoke. we were so into it, we knew what was coming. even on the songs i didn't know, i was right with them. it was awesome. i just bounced along the entire time, screaming and scatting and jumping and grooving and whatever else felt right. at one point rj hit his decks, and after like one song the rest of his dudes wandered off. he sat there and mixed for 4 or 5 songs, then everyone came back, and the entire time the energy was there. ryan got to talk to him and shake his hand after the show. i just nodded in mute awe, and wandered out behind him.
it was just a great night. it had been a while since i had gone out, and i don't know why. i am still just hesitant. i am still closing the gap between seeing the right course of action and taking it. the funny thing is, i have always felt very uncomfortable in bars and clubs. but now i've been out a few times recently (specifically after annie's wedding and last night) and enjoyed myself thoroughly. i am usually bothered by the crowds, and the pressure i put on myself to use my rare opportunities out to get laid. i've always hated that, which is why i avoid it. but man, i've been ignoring the crowds, and it has just been awesome. i'm not going to say i've been a hit with the ladies, but i've definitely had my chances. thus, the gap. that is the only real quibble i have about both of those nights, is that i had plenty, PLENTY of opportunity to meet women, but i just kind of ignored it. i am still working out that part of my comfort zone. it is a marked improvement though. at least i am noticing my chances, and even putting myself in a position to act on them. usually it would bother me that i didn't, but i don't really care. it is kind of nice. i'm actually enjoying the fact that i don't feel the need to force myself into the mold of something i am not, some predatory creepy dude just who is just there to find his piece. that isn't why i was there.
last night was just one night at a club, but for the first time i am actually feeling enthusiastic about going out again. i think next friday i am going to go see satoshi tomiie (or however you spell it). i stepped on a flyer after the show, and he's going to be spinning friday at club heaven with eva. i don't even think ryan is going to go. i don't think anyone is going to go with me, but i still want to. i mean shit, i've been dying to see some awesome deep trance ever since i was raving and it was all house and dnb. the thing is, the women are everywhere. there are hot women everywhere i go, doing everything i do. if i miss one opportunity, it is not even going to matter, because next time i go out, i'll be dancing with some new girl, whether i talk to her or not. somehow recently i've had a subtle shift in attitude that is just drawing them too me like a magnet. it amuses me more than anything right now. i am not even doing anything, and they are flocking to me, putting themselves right in my path. it is kind of a strange feeling. it is pretty much the opposite of how things have always been for me. in the past month or so i've been drawing more attention than i ever have at any point in my life, and i haven't been putting out any effort. i admit, it has kind of thrown me for a loop. it is easier at this point to just kind of push it to the back of my mind and let things work themselves out. i seriously doubt it will stay that way, because i am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my surroundings. i guess i have a little of my edge back, my ego is finally stretching itself again.
honestly, the thing that amuses me the most is that i haven't really reacted. i just sit back and watch with a smug little smile on my face while everything starts to change for me. i feel like i am acting like myself. i don't feel like i am forcing anything. if anything, i feel like i am holding back, and that has me overflowing with confidence. i can see everything that would happen, but am still completely satified with what actually did.
ben the player? as hilarious as that may sound, we may actually see it yet. who knew i would ever grow up enough to be able to even think about pulling it off. i just feel good about myself. and like everything good i manage to actually pull off, if things start to click for me it is going to happen on my terms. ryan may think i am crazy after last night for not having my way with (or even introducing myself to) the girl i was dancing with most of the night. for me, last night was a success on all fronts. it was my first time at a club in years, baby steps. the key for me is that i want to go again. that has never really been the case. i have been willing to go, but have never actually had this craving for socialization of my own. i've always just tagged along. to me, it is beautiful. who knew rj was even in town!
someday, i get the feeling i'm going to look back and say "that night was the night rjd2 saved my life." everyone around will laugh with me, and rj will reach across and give me a high five and say "word," and then everyone will lose themselves in the party again.
it was just a great night. it had been a while since i had gone out, and i don't know why. i am still just hesitant. i am still closing the gap between seeing the right course of action and taking it. the funny thing is, i have always felt very uncomfortable in bars and clubs. but now i've been out a few times recently (specifically after annie's wedding and last night) and enjoyed myself thoroughly. i am usually bothered by the crowds, and the pressure i put on myself to use my rare opportunities out to get laid. i've always hated that, which is why i avoid it. but man, i've been ignoring the crowds, and it has just been awesome. i'm not going to say i've been a hit with the ladies, but i've definitely had my chances. thus, the gap. that is the only real quibble i have about both of those nights, is that i had plenty, PLENTY of opportunity to meet women, but i just kind of ignored it. i am still working out that part of my comfort zone. it is a marked improvement though. at least i am noticing my chances, and even putting myself in a position to act on them. usually it would bother me that i didn't, but i don't really care. it is kind of nice. i'm actually enjoying the fact that i don't feel the need to force myself into the mold of something i am not, some predatory creepy dude just who is just there to find his piece. that isn't why i was there.
last night was just one night at a club, but for the first time i am actually feeling enthusiastic about going out again. i think next friday i am going to go see satoshi tomiie (or however you spell it). i stepped on a flyer after the show, and he's going to be spinning friday at club heaven with eva. i don't even think ryan is going to go. i don't think anyone is going to go with me, but i still want to. i mean shit, i've been dying to see some awesome deep trance ever since i was raving and it was all house and dnb. the thing is, the women are everywhere. there are hot women everywhere i go, doing everything i do. if i miss one opportunity, it is not even going to matter, because next time i go out, i'll be dancing with some new girl, whether i talk to her or not. somehow recently i've had a subtle shift in attitude that is just drawing them too me like a magnet. it amuses me more than anything right now. i am not even doing anything, and they are flocking to me, putting themselves right in my path. it is kind of a strange feeling. it is pretty much the opposite of how things have always been for me. in the past month or so i've been drawing more attention than i ever have at any point in my life, and i haven't been putting out any effort. i admit, it has kind of thrown me for a loop. it is easier at this point to just kind of push it to the back of my mind and let things work themselves out. i seriously doubt it will stay that way, because i am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my surroundings. i guess i have a little of my edge back, my ego is finally stretching itself again.
honestly, the thing that amuses me the most is that i haven't really reacted. i just sit back and watch with a smug little smile on my face while everything starts to change for me. i feel like i am acting like myself. i don't feel like i am forcing anything. if anything, i feel like i am holding back, and that has me overflowing with confidence. i can see everything that would happen, but am still completely satified with what actually did.
ben the player? as hilarious as that may sound, we may actually see it yet. who knew i would ever grow up enough to be able to even think about pulling it off. i just feel good about myself. and like everything good i manage to actually pull off, if things start to click for me it is going to happen on my terms. ryan may think i am crazy after last night for not having my way with (or even introducing myself to) the girl i was dancing with most of the night. for me, last night was a success on all fronts. it was my first time at a club in years, baby steps. the key for me is that i want to go again. that has never really been the case. i have been willing to go, but have never actually had this craving for socialization of my own. i've always just tagged along. to me, it is beautiful. who knew rj was even in town!
someday, i get the feeling i'm going to look back and say "that night was the night rjd2 saved my life." everyone around will laugh with me, and rj will reach across and give me a high five and say "word," and then everyone will lose themselves in the party again.
