Tuesday, May 22, 2007
alright, lets lay it out. i am still running through life with training wheels on. there have never been any real reversals of fortune. i haven't exactly struggled through adversity. things have been good for me. they are still good for me. i have no complaints.
my strength comes and goes. i have never had to rely on it, so it isn't something tangible i can find and feed on. it is there, it just isn't fully realized yet. so, talk is cheap. i can say whatever i want without any real ramifications. i don't yet have the ability to motivate myself, to drive myself toward action. i won't be able to take any real steps before i find that focus, those things that make me strong. i need something to draw upon when i need help. some months ago, ryan did a multi blog experiment where each day built on the day before. i don't know what will happen, but it is an idea. it is a start. i need to find my strength. that will be the goal, that will be the controlling topic. what does being strong mean to me.
we will start with the things i see in myself that i am proud of. i am smart. my mind works at its own pace and makes its own connections. it is different than anyone else i know, and my knowledge of how it works and what it is capable of puts me at a natural advantage over your average person. this knowledge of myself gives me an individual understanding of who i am. i am different. i don't need other people or other things to try and find meaning or definition. i can try to find these things in myself. because it is just me, and because my brain makes rational connections quickly and can build ideas into larger patterns, i have a flexibility. i can change myself and my goals when i see a better alternative. because i have the ability to notice the optimal and the efficient, i am in a constant pattern of growth. because i hold nothing absolute, and give myself the option to change, as time passes i find less and less that actually needs to change. but as i grow, and the need for change shrinks, when there is a need the beneficial impact grows.
this is just the pattern i have fallen into. it is the most efficient path. i have arrived at it after much thought, but it still a fairly passive outlook. it doesn't carry the substance i will need in the future. it is just the beginning. i will use it as the basis for tomorrow's daily mental analysis and regroup at the end of the day. until then.
my strength comes and goes. i have never had to rely on it, so it isn't something tangible i can find and feed on. it is there, it just isn't fully realized yet. so, talk is cheap. i can say whatever i want without any real ramifications. i don't yet have the ability to motivate myself, to drive myself toward action. i won't be able to take any real steps before i find that focus, those things that make me strong. i need something to draw upon when i need help. some months ago, ryan did a multi blog experiment where each day built on the day before. i don't know what will happen, but it is an idea. it is a start. i need to find my strength. that will be the goal, that will be the controlling topic. what does being strong mean to me.
we will start with the things i see in myself that i am proud of. i am smart. my mind works at its own pace and makes its own connections. it is different than anyone else i know, and my knowledge of how it works and what it is capable of puts me at a natural advantage over your average person. this knowledge of myself gives me an individual understanding of who i am. i am different. i don't need other people or other things to try and find meaning or definition. i can try to find these things in myself. because it is just me, and because my brain makes rational connections quickly and can build ideas into larger patterns, i have a flexibility. i can change myself and my goals when i see a better alternative. because i have the ability to notice the optimal and the efficient, i am in a constant pattern of growth. because i hold nothing absolute, and give myself the option to change, as time passes i find less and less that actually needs to change. but as i grow, and the need for change shrinks, when there is a need the beneficial impact grows.
this is just the pattern i have fallen into. it is the most efficient path. i have arrived at it after much thought, but it still a fairly passive outlook. it doesn't carry the substance i will need in the future. it is just the beginning. i will use it as the basis for tomorrow's daily mental analysis and regroup at the end of the day. until then.
