Saturday, June 16, 2007
today is a day of peace. peace and a stretching of mental boundaries. i want to push my thoughts to the edge of hallucination. in a few hours, i will not have to try on my own. i will be seeing an act that has the word in its name, it won't exactly take any effort. but i want to see something new today. i want to find something, right here and right now.
i am in space. i am looking out into the vastness, with the earth looming blue behind me. if i were to turn around, and stretch out my arms, my finger tips would touch the edges of the world, with only the cloudy atmosphere dancing outside of my grip. i am floating with my arms outstretched, but that is not the way i am facing. i am positioned this way to keep myself firmly between the forces i will be manipulating and the only world i know as of yet, at least for the time being. as the world slowly flies away on its orbit around the sun, it will travel further from harm. it means a few things. one, i have committed to conducting this experiment for one year. two, i should plan for things to peak in 6 months, when the only world i know is as far away as physically possible, and safely protected behind a giant ball of molten hydrogen. three, i don't know what i will find, or what i will happen, thus the need for such cautionary measures.
so, what do i know. what has me floating alone, in this exact point in space. why am i about to toy with forces of such an indescribable magnitude. because, i have found it. over the past few years as the world has been slipping into chaos, i have been searching for a new home. because there, on earth, there is only struggle for me. to survive will mean a war i will have to fight singlehandedly, and the destruction of a great many things i have no real quarrel with. because i have the strength to fight them all, and it is my duty, because the chaos is my creation.
but i have found it. a new world that will sustain me. a new life, a new beginning, free of the mistakes of my past. i have linked our two worlds, so i will not lose it again. i have strung a flexible line of energy between the two planets to connect these two worlds, a road sign that will not become instantly obsolete in the swirling shifts of power through the vastness of space. and right now, i am sitting with that line of power flowing directly through me. to protect the only world i know, i disconnect that string, and hook it firmly too my chest. because, i am going to make a pathway through the fabric of time and space. whatever forces i draw back to this point will now only impact me.
first, i need to know what is between me and this new world. my eyes go completely black as i expand the sphere of my awareness out further and further. the scope of what i can see and feel grows and grows, and the flows of energy through the black nothingness become waves of increasing intensity that threaten to rip through my body. but they can not touch me. i am just another point in space and time, shifting along with everything else. i resist the urge to grab these forces and bend them to my will as i push my mind even further. stars float through my mind, brilliant points of energy striking a dizzying counterpoint to the endless black. and still i go further, the focal point of my expansion always flowing down line of power extending from my chest. the enormity threatens to crush me, but i persevere. the further my mind goes, the more of the pattern i can see. so while it becomes more difficult to comprehend the entirety of my sphere of influence, the easier it is to see the shifts in power all around me. simple lashes of power become shifting flows of energy, and eventually rivers and tides. the world flows on around me, and the chaos becomes organic beauty. and while my physical size stays the same, my presence grows. i feel like a giant looming above the universe, like i could reach out my hands and smash galaxies in my grip.
and then i am there. the planet that is the focus of the back of my mind inauspiciously slips past the edge of my thought and into my mind. i see it with a clarity i had only dreamed of, and it is beautiful. i stop the movement, and settle into the scope, relieved that i no longer have to exert that energy. i contemplate just the tether extending in front of me, and begin my preparations. i start twisting the space in a wide circle in front of me, and when it is complete, i start extending it in a tube away from my body. i keep twisting, spinning the fabric of space and time away from me and towards this new world. every time i shift, every time i force things out of alignment, i have to pull that fluctuation inside of me. that is the balance. if i don't, those unnatural forces will go out of control, and would unleash a spasm of unpredictable destructive forces. this is what happens when you toy with the natural order of the universe. my mind twists with the pain of the disorder i am causing.
once my tube has reached the space around the planet, i start to turn the tube back in on itself. it spirals back along itself as a negative opposite. this part is easy. once i begin this process, the inner tube creates itself, an natural extension of the unnatural forces containing it. the effort i exert is to slow the process, because if i don't it would be an instant and cataclysmic shot of power extending from the edge of my tube, and would probably destroy everything in its path past me to the back edge of my sphere, the sun and earth along with it.
i keep it in check, and once my dual layered tube is complete, i take a moment to regroup. the tube balances itself out. the energies i have created have now reached a certain harmony. i take a moment to check my surroundings. my six months are almost over, right on schedule. everything is ready. i look around me, at the circle of rocks floating in space with me and around me. inside, i have sealed everything i hold dear. i have placed representations of everything i have deemed worthy of survival from the only world i have ever known.
i have made mistakes, and i will bear the consequences of my action. this new world is not for me, i would destroy it as well. no, this world is for them. i found this world so they can live without stigmas of what i have done hanging over their head. they will survive, and flourish, and i will accept my fate here. this is my responsibility. this is my duty. but first, i will ensure the safety and purity of that good i have wrought. because despite the mistakes, we have done great things. things just spun out of our control.
it is time. i gather my treasures at the end of the swirling tube, inserting them into the maelstrom, clenching my thoughts to ensure this new intrusion, no matter how small, does not send the whole creation out of control. and then, when everything is in place, i start unraveling it all, and send everything good, everything i hold dear hurtling through space towards a new life without me. i start siphoning the wild spinning power into myself, so the force will not destroy this new world when they arrive at the end of my pathway through the heavens. when they reach the end of the road, safely inserted into the new planets gravitational pull, i take all of that wild energy into me to keep my charges safe. i feel the unnatural forces dissolving as my tube rushes back towards me. when it reaches me, i am struck with a bolt of raw power that blasts me backwards.
i am nearly knocked unconscious. the flame of my life is almost extinguished, and i feel an uncomfortable cold come over me as i fly through the black. for an instant i am seared by an unbelievable fire, and then it is gone, my vision replaced by a unimaginable light. i realize i have passed through the sun. it has slowed my progress, and i start to regain some functionality over my body. i feel the earth looming behind me, and i steel myself for the inevitable impact, preparing to disperse the energy of my fall when i hit, so i don't splinter the planet into shards of dust. and then i hit, and before the crushing blow takes me away, i let everything out. all my pain, all of my sorrow, all of my shame, all of my rage, all of the forces that i have stored inside of me in a pyroclaustic cloud of energy that spreads across the surface of the first world i knew. i watch the wounds i have inflicted burn away, cleansed by the forces of the universe channeled into a fire of my mind's creation. and then it is over, and i drift away.
copyright ben harding 6/16/07 all rights reserved. haha bitches, didn't see that one coming!
i am in space. i am looking out into the vastness, with the earth looming blue behind me. if i were to turn around, and stretch out my arms, my finger tips would touch the edges of the world, with only the cloudy atmosphere dancing outside of my grip. i am floating with my arms outstretched, but that is not the way i am facing. i am positioned this way to keep myself firmly between the forces i will be manipulating and the only world i know as of yet, at least for the time being. as the world slowly flies away on its orbit around the sun, it will travel further from harm. it means a few things. one, i have committed to conducting this experiment for one year. two, i should plan for things to peak in 6 months, when the only world i know is as far away as physically possible, and safely protected behind a giant ball of molten hydrogen. three, i don't know what i will find, or what i will happen, thus the need for such cautionary measures.
so, what do i know. what has me floating alone, in this exact point in space. why am i about to toy with forces of such an indescribable magnitude. because, i have found it. over the past few years as the world has been slipping into chaos, i have been searching for a new home. because there, on earth, there is only struggle for me. to survive will mean a war i will have to fight singlehandedly, and the destruction of a great many things i have no real quarrel with. because i have the strength to fight them all, and it is my duty, because the chaos is my creation.
but i have found it. a new world that will sustain me. a new life, a new beginning, free of the mistakes of my past. i have linked our two worlds, so i will not lose it again. i have strung a flexible line of energy between the two planets to connect these two worlds, a road sign that will not become instantly obsolete in the swirling shifts of power through the vastness of space. and right now, i am sitting with that line of power flowing directly through me. to protect the only world i know, i disconnect that string, and hook it firmly too my chest. because, i am going to make a pathway through the fabric of time and space. whatever forces i draw back to this point will now only impact me.
first, i need to know what is between me and this new world. my eyes go completely black as i expand the sphere of my awareness out further and further. the scope of what i can see and feel grows and grows, and the flows of energy through the black nothingness become waves of increasing intensity that threaten to rip through my body. but they can not touch me. i am just another point in space and time, shifting along with everything else. i resist the urge to grab these forces and bend them to my will as i push my mind even further. stars float through my mind, brilliant points of energy striking a dizzying counterpoint to the endless black. and still i go further, the focal point of my expansion always flowing down line of power extending from my chest. the enormity threatens to crush me, but i persevere. the further my mind goes, the more of the pattern i can see. so while it becomes more difficult to comprehend the entirety of my sphere of influence, the easier it is to see the shifts in power all around me. simple lashes of power become shifting flows of energy, and eventually rivers and tides. the world flows on around me, and the chaos becomes organic beauty. and while my physical size stays the same, my presence grows. i feel like a giant looming above the universe, like i could reach out my hands and smash galaxies in my grip.
and then i am there. the planet that is the focus of the back of my mind inauspiciously slips past the edge of my thought and into my mind. i see it with a clarity i had only dreamed of, and it is beautiful. i stop the movement, and settle into the scope, relieved that i no longer have to exert that energy. i contemplate just the tether extending in front of me, and begin my preparations. i start twisting the space in a wide circle in front of me, and when it is complete, i start extending it in a tube away from my body. i keep twisting, spinning the fabric of space and time away from me and towards this new world. every time i shift, every time i force things out of alignment, i have to pull that fluctuation inside of me. that is the balance. if i don't, those unnatural forces will go out of control, and would unleash a spasm of unpredictable destructive forces. this is what happens when you toy with the natural order of the universe. my mind twists with the pain of the disorder i am causing.
once my tube has reached the space around the planet, i start to turn the tube back in on itself. it spirals back along itself as a negative opposite. this part is easy. once i begin this process, the inner tube creates itself, an natural extension of the unnatural forces containing it. the effort i exert is to slow the process, because if i don't it would be an instant and cataclysmic shot of power extending from the edge of my tube, and would probably destroy everything in its path past me to the back edge of my sphere, the sun and earth along with it.
i keep it in check, and once my dual layered tube is complete, i take a moment to regroup. the tube balances itself out. the energies i have created have now reached a certain harmony. i take a moment to check my surroundings. my six months are almost over, right on schedule. everything is ready. i look around me, at the circle of rocks floating in space with me and around me. inside, i have sealed everything i hold dear. i have placed representations of everything i have deemed worthy of survival from the only world i have ever known.
i have made mistakes, and i will bear the consequences of my action. this new world is not for me, i would destroy it as well. no, this world is for them. i found this world so they can live without stigmas of what i have done hanging over their head. they will survive, and flourish, and i will accept my fate here. this is my responsibility. this is my duty. but first, i will ensure the safety and purity of that good i have wrought. because despite the mistakes, we have done great things. things just spun out of our control.
it is time. i gather my treasures at the end of the swirling tube, inserting them into the maelstrom, clenching my thoughts to ensure this new intrusion, no matter how small, does not send the whole creation out of control. and then, when everything is in place, i start unraveling it all, and send everything good, everything i hold dear hurtling through space towards a new life without me. i start siphoning the wild spinning power into myself, so the force will not destroy this new world when they arrive at the end of my pathway through the heavens. when they reach the end of the road, safely inserted into the new planets gravitational pull, i take all of that wild energy into me to keep my charges safe. i feel the unnatural forces dissolving as my tube rushes back towards me. when it reaches me, i am struck with a bolt of raw power that blasts me backwards.
i am nearly knocked unconscious. the flame of my life is almost extinguished, and i feel an uncomfortable cold come over me as i fly through the black. for an instant i am seared by an unbelievable fire, and then it is gone, my vision replaced by a unimaginable light. i realize i have passed through the sun. it has slowed my progress, and i start to regain some functionality over my body. i feel the earth looming behind me, and i steel myself for the inevitable impact, preparing to disperse the energy of my fall when i hit, so i don't splinter the planet into shards of dust. and then i hit, and before the crushing blow takes me away, i let everything out. all my pain, all of my sorrow, all of my shame, all of my rage, all of the forces that i have stored inside of me in a pyroclaustic cloud of energy that spreads across the surface of the first world i knew. i watch the wounds i have inflicted burn away, cleansed by the forces of the universe channeled into a fire of my mind's creation. and then it is over, and i drift away.
copyright ben harding 6/16/07 all rights reserved. haha bitches, didn't see that one coming!
