Friday, June 08, 2007
i haven't even thought of writing until now. i even had to root around through blogger to fix some template stuff and try to get into my site's ftp now that i have a new computer and don't have all of those names and passwords memorized. that post had to stay. it had to be there. it is my favorite post so far, period.
but now i am back. i have been living the future this past week. i have seen things that could happen. you know what? every time i see things and then work to change them, i end up with the burden of the new future i have made squarely on my shoulders. everyone who it has impacted has become my responsibility. if i keep them in the dark, and eventually they are blind-sided the full scope of events, it is on me, because i am the one who shifted things out of their focus. but, if i tell them, i am responsible for all of the damage i watch them do based on that knowledge. some people see beyond themselves, but most people can't help themselves. sometimes i can't help myself.
so, i don't take that responsibility. no matter what falls apart, i will come out unscathed because i can see it before it happens. somethings have to collapse. the more i try to shoulder, the bigger the collapse becomes. i will shoulder what i need to, but i see no need to take things on to protect other people from the inevitable, especially if i can't even warn them beforehand. then it is double duty, taking their things on myself while trying to keep them unaware.
things need to fall apart. i shouldn't facilitate that, but i can't stop it. well, i can, but only with a constant effort. eventually i have to shrug it off, or never be free of it. so, eventually it will collapse, because i am not a fool. i know my end. my angle is always something more. every piece has a place, but it is just one piece. i always have multiple bases holding me up. i have multiple time frames i am straddling. take down one leg, and i float forward or backwards to something else. knocking out and nullifying the sequence of events during one stretch doesn't erase the flow of the story surrounding it. that is why i will not collapse. there is no knocking me down. yes, i am am still vulnerable. you can destroy me for moments in my life, that is solid, undeniable fact. the access i give the rest of the world leaves me open to that much power over me. you can take down a segment of my efforts, but you can never get all of me. i am a collection, an infinite array of myself through time. i don't live just in that moment. i am there, in every moment, but that is not the only place i am. i am everywhere, or more to the fact, i am there through all of the moments. they are all mine, and they are all me, and i control them all i can see them all.
taking responsibility for that portion of other people's time takes the focus of my path through that same time period. i don't have to shoulder that, just because i can see things go wrong. the world is not mine to control. i just claim my world.
but now i am back. i have been living the future this past week. i have seen things that could happen. you know what? every time i see things and then work to change them, i end up with the burden of the new future i have made squarely on my shoulders. everyone who it has impacted has become my responsibility. if i keep them in the dark, and eventually they are blind-sided the full scope of events, it is on me, because i am the one who shifted things out of their focus. but, if i tell them, i am responsible for all of the damage i watch them do based on that knowledge. some people see beyond themselves, but most people can't help themselves. sometimes i can't help myself.
so, i don't take that responsibility. no matter what falls apart, i will come out unscathed because i can see it before it happens. somethings have to collapse. the more i try to shoulder, the bigger the collapse becomes. i will shoulder what i need to, but i see no need to take things on to protect other people from the inevitable, especially if i can't even warn them beforehand. then it is double duty, taking their things on myself while trying to keep them unaware.
things need to fall apart. i shouldn't facilitate that, but i can't stop it. well, i can, but only with a constant effort. eventually i have to shrug it off, or never be free of it. so, eventually it will collapse, because i am not a fool. i know my end. my angle is always something more. every piece has a place, but it is just one piece. i always have multiple bases holding me up. i have multiple time frames i am straddling. take down one leg, and i float forward or backwards to something else. knocking out and nullifying the sequence of events during one stretch doesn't erase the flow of the story surrounding it. that is why i will not collapse. there is no knocking me down. yes, i am am still vulnerable. you can destroy me for moments in my life, that is solid, undeniable fact. the access i give the rest of the world leaves me open to that much power over me. you can take down a segment of my efforts, but you can never get all of me. i am a collection, an infinite array of myself through time. i don't live just in that moment. i am there, in every moment, but that is not the only place i am. i am everywhere, or more to the fact, i am there through all of the moments. they are all mine, and they are all me, and i control them all i can see them all.
taking responsibility for that portion of other people's time takes the focus of my path through that same time period. i don't have to shoulder that, just because i can see things go wrong. the world is not mine to control. i just claim my world.
