Tuesday, July 24, 2007
oh, watch me shy away from everything. i am at a funny little phase where i have no answers. i am complacently skipping along the surface of things, barely dipping into the world. my focus is diverted elsewhere. my mind is constantly somewhere else, and not even the people around me can hold my attention. i am wandering aimlessly through the quiet meadow i set down in, somewhat at peace. there is still a nagging feeling, a whisper tugging at me no matter what direction i face, calling back to me, trying to draw me towards it and back towards everything else. but i have found a few moments of peace, and i savor them. i brush these distant consequences away, and meander on with my head turned towards the sky. it is my old habits trying to squash my new ideals, but never quite successful. my new routines are still clinging, unable to be completely shaken. their foothold is tenuous, but the incumbency is not absolute. so, that is something, at least. before my muscles and ideas completely atrophy, we maintain those gains we can still boast at this point, and notice the way they seamlessly fit a painstakingly slow but steady march towards progress into the fabric of my standard, unthinking state of being. and once that happens, we let evolution play out. those things that are meant to survive, will. those things that play a vital role and give my mind the edge over its previous version will survive along with those things that i already can't live without. it is the way of me. everything needs to be forgotten and relearned, until it is so ingrained into my soul that it is completely a part of me, without detriment. and so i flit to something else, until i am reminded once again.
but anyways, i was random led to this website by fark, a couple of clicks removed. it was some 3 hour long nova special about the string theory, and it attempts to combine quantum physics and general relativity. i think it was called the elegant universe, or something like that. it would have made for a great week of tv watching in science class if i was still in high school. it reminded me of learning about the grand unification theory in chem, our first introduction to bosons, and how idealistic such an idea sounded. we watched a similar sort of movie, but it didn't have the answers yet, just an inkling that someday there would be a way to explain the electromagnetic/strong/weak phenomena of the very small and the gravity of the very large with equations and theories that didn't descend into madness and anomaly when you try to scale them up or down. i don't care if the string theory is the real deal, it is just fun. i honestly don't really know too much about it, i am still at the phase of randomly scouring the internet for information. the thing that is so enticing to me is the ideas that it sends my mind off on.
i was thinking about this, spacing out while watching. my mind doesn't learn from other people. i think this is why i rebelled so much against being taught in college. my mind doesn't learn by being told. my mind learns by being shown a basic idea, then extrapolating the rest. the great teachers i had, they were so great because they were like-minded people. they broke down information in very much the same way i did, and they presented it in a simple and logical way that allowed me to put the pieces together myself. i was at my best when i wasn't writing notes or even paying attention, because my mind was creating my own personal lecture, creating the lesson along with the teacher until i hit a wall and had to snap back to focus and wait for the answer to be presented, hopefully before it all slipped away. that is the whole answer. my mind will not accept something until it has arrived to that conclusion on its own. it does not see it as valid. i have to work things out on my own, or i will disregard it as secondary. you can't simply tell me something. you have to show me why, or better yet, lead me towards the why. if you tell me an answer, my mind will find a way for the answer to be true, whether the process was right or not. and if i can't find a way to calculate it, i will consider that answer wrong, along with everything related too it.
and that is what i have been playing with. working off basic assumptions about 11 dimensional realities, membranes, and alternate universes, and trying to assimilate them into my own theory. at this point, the less i know is almost better. it is more entertaining. last night, laying on my bed i think i visualized 6 dimensions, although i couldn't really explain it now. my favorite part is the idea of membranes. i like to think of it in similar terms as planes of thought achieved through meditation, layers of the world you can pass through if you align yourself to the right state. theoretically, you could pass through solid matter if you aligned the atoms in your body correctly, so it seems feasible. they were talking about how the big bang may have been caused by two membranes simply touching, and that causing a huge jolt of energy that shot out and turned into our universe. i think that is a flawed idea. if membranes are really shifting, and can actually come close enough to each other to touch, i don't think it would be such an isolated incident as that. i think these membranes must be able to shift along each other, while still being able to effect each other. so i think the base idea is right, that the big bang was caused when some other membrane touched ours at a single point, and the energy from that exploded out in the model we are all familiar with, but i think that energy came from somewhere. a simple happenstance collision seems too commonplace to cause such a reaction. i think something cataclysmic happened in the realm of the other membrane. it is possible that our membrane was even attacked, or it was collateral damage in some higher dimensional battle. something huge focused that energy on the plane of our universe, or on the plane of their membrane, which caused their membrane to collide with ours and create the equal and opposite reaction we call the big bang. maybe it was something as simple as some other universe retracting and collapsing into ours, giving life to ours in its death. this whole membrane thing is great. i don't know what the full idea is even supposed to be, but i like to think of it as one string filled with so much energy that it expands to encompass all of these other strings, that end up resonating with its magnificence. i like to think about adding dimensions. the whole idea of a membrane implies a sheet, some sort of two dimensional object flexing into three dimensional space. this even goes along with einstien's models of space built in general relativity, a sort of two dimensional grid that ripples in waves. but that doesn't make sense. we can already as humans visualize more dimensions than that implies, and that doesn't even touch the dimensions we can't yet grasp. i like to see us floating on that membrane, like we are floating on water, on one slice of reality, the whole expanse of sky above us, and sea below us. i like to see that membrane as a slice of what we can sense, and pull myself to the edge of it, and try to manipulate it myself, to send waves of influence out into the world beyond me, with the eventual and obvious goal of being able to travel away from it, either by following one of the infinite membranes this one slice of space we exist on implies, or by simply freeing myself of it entirely and traveling unhindered. that would require an understanding of more dimensions than i currently have, i am afraid. so, i am content now to drift to the edge of my current container, and try to pull the edge of another container too me.
there is a certain symmetry to the string theory that attracts me. i think i am even more attracted to the fact that it can't yet be proven. it is truly the frontier. it is beyond what we can comprehend at this point, so we are just being shown glimpses of something new that is answering questions we couldn't before. it will certainly change, and in large degrees (if it is even on the right track at all) before it will even be recognized as anything factual, but there is an undeniable appeal. as a very theoretical person, it sucks me in. it resonates with, if you will. i can read, and the more i do, the more it seems right. the more portions of it are disproven, and replaced with better answers, the stronger a foothold it gains with me. it seems so simple, it makes me feel like a genius. there is so much ground that hasn't been covered, that i can swim around and feel like i am in uncharted territory, basking in pure theory without anything to draw me back. i feel like i can let my thoughts run wild, without detriment to the laws of physics or myself.
within seconds of writing that last sentence, my album ended, and my 15 gig complete futurama torrent finished. it is a sign that i need to finish this blog and go do something else, like watch futurama
but anyways, i was random led to this website by fark, a couple of clicks removed. it was some 3 hour long nova special about the string theory, and it attempts to combine quantum physics and general relativity. i think it was called the elegant universe, or something like that. it would have made for a great week of tv watching in science class if i was still in high school. it reminded me of learning about the grand unification theory in chem, our first introduction to bosons, and how idealistic such an idea sounded. we watched a similar sort of movie, but it didn't have the answers yet, just an inkling that someday there would be a way to explain the electromagnetic/strong/weak phenomena of the very small and the gravity of the very large with equations and theories that didn't descend into madness and anomaly when you try to scale them up or down. i don't care if the string theory is the real deal, it is just fun. i honestly don't really know too much about it, i am still at the phase of randomly scouring the internet for information. the thing that is so enticing to me is the ideas that it sends my mind off on.
i was thinking about this, spacing out while watching. my mind doesn't learn from other people. i think this is why i rebelled so much against being taught in college. my mind doesn't learn by being told. my mind learns by being shown a basic idea, then extrapolating the rest. the great teachers i had, they were so great because they were like-minded people. they broke down information in very much the same way i did, and they presented it in a simple and logical way that allowed me to put the pieces together myself. i was at my best when i wasn't writing notes or even paying attention, because my mind was creating my own personal lecture, creating the lesson along with the teacher until i hit a wall and had to snap back to focus and wait for the answer to be presented, hopefully before it all slipped away. that is the whole answer. my mind will not accept something until it has arrived to that conclusion on its own. it does not see it as valid. i have to work things out on my own, or i will disregard it as secondary. you can't simply tell me something. you have to show me why, or better yet, lead me towards the why. if you tell me an answer, my mind will find a way for the answer to be true, whether the process was right or not. and if i can't find a way to calculate it, i will consider that answer wrong, along with everything related too it.
and that is what i have been playing with. working off basic assumptions about 11 dimensional realities, membranes, and alternate universes, and trying to assimilate them into my own theory. at this point, the less i know is almost better. it is more entertaining. last night, laying on my bed i think i visualized 6 dimensions, although i couldn't really explain it now. my favorite part is the idea of membranes. i like to think of it in similar terms as planes of thought achieved through meditation, layers of the world you can pass through if you align yourself to the right state. theoretically, you could pass through solid matter if you aligned the atoms in your body correctly, so it seems feasible. they were talking about how the big bang may have been caused by two membranes simply touching, and that causing a huge jolt of energy that shot out and turned into our universe. i think that is a flawed idea. if membranes are really shifting, and can actually come close enough to each other to touch, i don't think it would be such an isolated incident as that. i think these membranes must be able to shift along each other, while still being able to effect each other. so i think the base idea is right, that the big bang was caused when some other membrane touched ours at a single point, and the energy from that exploded out in the model we are all familiar with, but i think that energy came from somewhere. a simple happenstance collision seems too commonplace to cause such a reaction. i think something cataclysmic happened in the realm of the other membrane. it is possible that our membrane was even attacked, or it was collateral damage in some higher dimensional battle. something huge focused that energy on the plane of our universe, or on the plane of their membrane, which caused their membrane to collide with ours and create the equal and opposite reaction we call the big bang. maybe it was something as simple as some other universe retracting and collapsing into ours, giving life to ours in its death. this whole membrane thing is great. i don't know what the full idea is even supposed to be, but i like to think of it as one string filled with so much energy that it expands to encompass all of these other strings, that end up resonating with its magnificence. i like to think about adding dimensions. the whole idea of a membrane implies a sheet, some sort of two dimensional object flexing into three dimensional space. this even goes along with einstien's models of space built in general relativity, a sort of two dimensional grid that ripples in waves. but that doesn't make sense. we can already as humans visualize more dimensions than that implies, and that doesn't even touch the dimensions we can't yet grasp. i like to see us floating on that membrane, like we are floating on water, on one slice of reality, the whole expanse of sky above us, and sea below us. i like to see that membrane as a slice of what we can sense, and pull myself to the edge of it, and try to manipulate it myself, to send waves of influence out into the world beyond me, with the eventual and obvious goal of being able to travel away from it, either by following one of the infinite membranes this one slice of space we exist on implies, or by simply freeing myself of it entirely and traveling unhindered. that would require an understanding of more dimensions than i currently have, i am afraid. so, i am content now to drift to the edge of my current container, and try to pull the edge of another container too me.
there is a certain symmetry to the string theory that attracts me. i think i am even more attracted to the fact that it can't yet be proven. it is truly the frontier. it is beyond what we can comprehend at this point, so we are just being shown glimpses of something new that is answering questions we couldn't before. it will certainly change, and in large degrees (if it is even on the right track at all) before it will even be recognized as anything factual, but there is an undeniable appeal. as a very theoretical person, it sucks me in. it resonates with, if you will. i can read, and the more i do, the more it seems right. the more portions of it are disproven, and replaced with better answers, the stronger a foothold it gains with me. it seems so simple, it makes me feel like a genius. there is so much ground that hasn't been covered, that i can swim around and feel like i am in uncharted territory, basking in pure theory without anything to draw me back. i feel like i can let my thoughts run wild, without detriment to the laws of physics or myself.
within seconds of writing that last sentence, my album ended, and my 15 gig complete futurama torrent finished. it is a sign that i need to finish this blog and go do something else, like watch futurama
