Sunday, January 20, 2008
ahh, enough of this opening salvo bullshit. i am going through another process, taking steps towards a uncertain goal with certain precise objectives i can focus on now. my mind is still not quiet, it still bubbles underneath the surface. there is still noise i am blocking out, and i have learned that the truth speaks to me from a quiet place. emotion, drive, focus, all of those things have their place, and i draw from them deeply, but when i am searching or in need, they all need to disappear in order for me to find satisfaction. that spark i seek comes out of a pure, undisturbed nothingness, like it is rising from a glass-still pool. it slowly comes into focus out of a clarity-filled plane, causing ripples of excitement; of emotion, drive and focus for me to dance in. there are certain patterns that form, certain flows of life that cross over between trains of thought. music, dance, art, math, chemistry, physics, philosophy; they can all reflect back on themselves, mirror certain synaptic impulses. 'truth' may be too simplistic a word, but it seems to be the colloquial analog for the idea i am shooting for. i see beauty in the all of the list above, but i have no true talent for any of them, real elite, high level understanding. sure, math and science speak to me on an intellectual level, but my mind can't move through them unhindered and uncaring. my dance is with words, my words flow through me without effort. the past few years when i have allowed myself to see this... truth... have been a time growth and understanding. there is a word for every feeling, a word for every situation, but i don't yet have a word for the idea i search for. i use a simple word of truth, the pattern we pull the most efficient, the most succinct path towards knowledge. the truth is what is ultimately knowable, ideas that will stand the test of time, things we can draw from for support in our quest for more knowledge. what is, is. all of this writing i do, i am trying to pare the words down. this entire collection of words and thoughts are one, as of yet incomplete thought that i ultimately seek to condense into one word, one idea that will be the cornerstone of every thought i have, entirely unassailable
