Monday, March 23, 2009
sunday, march 22, 2009. it is some unknown time after 3 am. i am standing at a street corner in a tiny, idiotic town on the central californian coast called Carmel-by-the-sea, or something equally pretentious. i have been wandering for a little over an hour through unlit, tiny streets in the pouring rain wearing a suit and a large brimmed white straw hat i bought three days before for $7.00 at walmart. i have seen the ocean in the middle of the night. i have been sprayed by a speeding car while walking along the side of a highway. i have broken down and tried to call ryan, knowing there is no way he will answer. i am holding my cell phone in front of me, trying to read a street sign by the faded blue light from its screen for the upteenth time tonight.
and there it is. 8th. finally, a street i recognize. i almost collapsed there, in the middle of the street. i took off my hat, put it over my chest, and exhaled a huge sigh of relief. all i had to do now was find junipero, somehow not miss the random driveway that turns into 11th, find the gated entrance to the nature preserve, and navigate the trails in the pitch black without falling into the little creek running through its center. but its ok, everything is ok.
it is 4:15 am. i have two room keys in my pocket. one i know is for ryan and heather's room, the other i assume is for radtke's room. i honestly don't remember. it might be for blake's room, but i can't recall even getting it at this point. i try them both on radtke's door, because i know there will be no one there. neither of them work. i am going to end up sleeping on the floor again, and probably wake someone up in the process. all of my stuff is in ryan and heather's room, so they are the lucky ones. they have been home for hours, so i figure if they were going to fuck after the wedding, they are probably done by now. i sneak in, and manage to wake neither of them up. i peel off my soaking clothes (they are sitting here next to me as i type this, still wet) and throw them on the chair. i put on a pair of jeans and a zip up hoody over my bare chest. at this point, i don't care. i manage to pull a pillow out from underneath ryan's head without waking him up. i wander through the dark to the bathroom and grab 2 damp bathrobes to use as a blanket. i collapse, barechested, barefooted, and wet to the bone on the hotel room carpet and experience the best sleep i have had over 72 hours. that moment right there, was the highlight of a particularly awesome weekend.
so, lets go back about 6 hours. i am sitting on a shuttle bus across from my friend radtke, grinning in a drunken stupor as he makes out with a bridesmaid. i didn't think he had it in him. i thought blake had his number. i thought he was going to self-destruct, as we all do from time to time. but he proved me wrong. no, i take that back. he did me proud. i was rooting for him all night. i had to see things through. i would spend the next few hours entertaining other bridesmaids to give him the opportunity he needed. i knew all he needed was some time alone with her, and that is what i was going to give him. i sent blake home alone in a cab, and escorted another bridesmaid back to their hotel, repeatedly dragging her back by the hand to keep a repsectful distance between us and them, while she said "this is bad" to me, over and over again. my response was "i am curious to see where things are going between these two, lets let this play out," which seemed to satisfy her. we were all so drunk at this point, it didn't really matter anyways.
i think the four of us sat in a sitting room for a bit, making idle chatter. i do know at one point either the girl i was entertaining or i suggested we go for a walk to leave them alone, which was a perfect idea. we followed a street until it dead-ended into a building, and then wandered back. we sat down in front of the hotel, and i talked about seattle, cupcakes, and girls to a chorus of awwww's until robbie came out onto his balcony and yelled at us. we went back to the hotel, and i sat across the room from her and talked until she got tired enough to go to bed. i helped her fold out a crappy hide-a-bed, and then sat down until she finally went to sleep. i waited about 5 minutes until the house was quiet, then left through the front door, closing it as quietly as possible.
it was only drizzling at this point, but within minutes it was full on pouring. i had no idea where we were. i was assuming we were just north of the little shopping area of carmel-by-the-sea, somewhere between there and monterey. i had no idea which way i was facing, or even where i needed to go. i was a shuttle ride and two drunken walks from anywhere i recognized, and the little town didn't exactly have street lights. so i just started walking. i found a big road, i don't even remember what it was called. it started curving, and i knew i was going the wrong way. i turned around, and started walking the other way, back into the warren of tiny streets with stupid names. i was so lost, i literally just started wandering, figuring i would eventually find something i knew. i went up hills, then back down, turned on roads and avenues and boulevards without really caring. at this point, i was fully expecting to end up wandering until 8 am, when ryan and heather would probably call me to figure out where i was so we could leave back for seattle. eventually i found mountain view. i knew that name, but i knew i was no where near where i thought i was. if i was on the mountain view i was thinking, i would be at the top of a hill looking down into the nature preserve. but i wasn't. anyways, it was progress. up to this point, i was seriously thinking about curling up underneath a bush for protection. then, i found ocean avenue. that name sounded vaguely familiar, so i took a guess and headed right. then, there it was. 8th. wonderful 8th. now, at least i was oriented. i knew i would make it. i had a 50/50 shot. one direction would take me to the ocean, while the other would take me home.
the rest we know. the nature preserve was very peaceful. it was kind of beautiful at night, despite the fact that i could barely see. once i popped out of the dense tree cover, at least i could make out the different shade of dirt on the ground that made up the trail. i almost wish i had stayed in there longer, but at this point i was exhausted. i was more or less sober by the time i made it back to the hotel. i woke up around 7:30 or 7:45 am. ryan and heather were still asleep. they had no idea what had happened. i smiled to myself and jumped in the shower. they needed to wake up soon anyways so we could pack up and hit the road. i vividly remember how good it was to finally feel warm again.
today at work, i only made it 2 hours before i left. we rushed home so i could make it home in time for this fucking shift because i was training some new person. i forced myself down to work on zero sleep after arriving in seattle about midnight because of this. my original plan had been to come in sometime mid morning after at least getting a little sleep. no one thought to tell me that the training was off. i take small solace in the fact that i woke my manager up at 4:30 in the morning to try and figure out what the hell was going on. small solace. i am pretty pissed actually, but it is ok. that is why i went home. i didn't really care at that point, i just needed to go home and sleep. i am still exhausted. after i finish this, i am going back to sleep.
this weekend is dedicated to jared radtke. good people deserve to have good things happen to them. like i said, he did me proud. this wedding, he dominated. it was all worth it just to make sure he saw it through. i don't even care if he fucked her. he could have. he should have. if he wanted too, he could say he did and everyone would believe him, even if he didn't, not that he is the type to do that. he is more of the type to say nothing and let us all make our own assumptions.
and there it is. 8th. finally, a street i recognize. i almost collapsed there, in the middle of the street. i took off my hat, put it over my chest, and exhaled a huge sigh of relief. all i had to do now was find junipero, somehow not miss the random driveway that turns into 11th, find the gated entrance to the nature preserve, and navigate the trails in the pitch black without falling into the little creek running through its center. but its ok, everything is ok.
it is 4:15 am. i have two room keys in my pocket. one i know is for ryan and heather's room, the other i assume is for radtke's room. i honestly don't remember. it might be for blake's room, but i can't recall even getting it at this point. i try them both on radtke's door, because i know there will be no one there. neither of them work. i am going to end up sleeping on the floor again, and probably wake someone up in the process. all of my stuff is in ryan and heather's room, so they are the lucky ones. they have been home for hours, so i figure if they were going to fuck after the wedding, they are probably done by now. i sneak in, and manage to wake neither of them up. i peel off my soaking clothes (they are sitting here next to me as i type this, still wet) and throw them on the chair. i put on a pair of jeans and a zip up hoody over my bare chest. at this point, i don't care. i manage to pull a pillow out from underneath ryan's head without waking him up. i wander through the dark to the bathroom and grab 2 damp bathrobes to use as a blanket. i collapse, barechested, barefooted, and wet to the bone on the hotel room carpet and experience the best sleep i have had over 72 hours. that moment right there, was the highlight of a particularly awesome weekend.
so, lets go back about 6 hours. i am sitting on a shuttle bus across from my friend radtke, grinning in a drunken stupor as he makes out with a bridesmaid. i didn't think he had it in him. i thought blake had his number. i thought he was going to self-destruct, as we all do from time to time. but he proved me wrong. no, i take that back. he did me proud. i was rooting for him all night. i had to see things through. i would spend the next few hours entertaining other bridesmaids to give him the opportunity he needed. i knew all he needed was some time alone with her, and that is what i was going to give him. i sent blake home alone in a cab, and escorted another bridesmaid back to their hotel, repeatedly dragging her back by the hand to keep a repsectful distance between us and them, while she said "this is bad" to me, over and over again. my response was "i am curious to see where things are going between these two, lets let this play out," which seemed to satisfy her. we were all so drunk at this point, it didn't really matter anyways.
i think the four of us sat in a sitting room for a bit, making idle chatter. i do know at one point either the girl i was entertaining or i suggested we go for a walk to leave them alone, which was a perfect idea. we followed a street until it dead-ended into a building, and then wandered back. we sat down in front of the hotel, and i talked about seattle, cupcakes, and girls to a chorus of awwww's until robbie came out onto his balcony and yelled at us. we went back to the hotel, and i sat across the room from her and talked until she got tired enough to go to bed. i helped her fold out a crappy hide-a-bed, and then sat down until she finally went to sleep. i waited about 5 minutes until the house was quiet, then left through the front door, closing it as quietly as possible.
it was only drizzling at this point, but within minutes it was full on pouring. i had no idea where we were. i was assuming we were just north of the little shopping area of carmel-by-the-sea, somewhere between there and monterey. i had no idea which way i was facing, or even where i needed to go. i was a shuttle ride and two drunken walks from anywhere i recognized, and the little town didn't exactly have street lights. so i just started walking. i found a big road, i don't even remember what it was called. it started curving, and i knew i was going the wrong way. i turned around, and started walking the other way, back into the warren of tiny streets with stupid names. i was so lost, i literally just started wandering, figuring i would eventually find something i knew. i went up hills, then back down, turned on roads and avenues and boulevards without really caring. at this point, i was fully expecting to end up wandering until 8 am, when ryan and heather would probably call me to figure out where i was so we could leave back for seattle. eventually i found mountain view. i knew that name, but i knew i was no where near where i thought i was. if i was on the mountain view i was thinking, i would be at the top of a hill looking down into the nature preserve. but i wasn't. anyways, it was progress. up to this point, i was seriously thinking about curling up underneath a bush for protection. then, i found ocean avenue. that name sounded vaguely familiar, so i took a guess and headed right. then, there it was. 8th. wonderful 8th. now, at least i was oriented. i knew i would make it. i had a 50/50 shot. one direction would take me to the ocean, while the other would take me home.
the rest we know. the nature preserve was very peaceful. it was kind of beautiful at night, despite the fact that i could barely see. once i popped out of the dense tree cover, at least i could make out the different shade of dirt on the ground that made up the trail. i almost wish i had stayed in there longer, but at this point i was exhausted. i was more or less sober by the time i made it back to the hotel. i woke up around 7:30 or 7:45 am. ryan and heather were still asleep. they had no idea what had happened. i smiled to myself and jumped in the shower. they needed to wake up soon anyways so we could pack up and hit the road. i vividly remember how good it was to finally feel warm again.
today at work, i only made it 2 hours before i left. we rushed home so i could make it home in time for this fucking shift because i was training some new person. i forced myself down to work on zero sleep after arriving in seattle about midnight because of this. my original plan had been to come in sometime mid morning after at least getting a little sleep. no one thought to tell me that the training was off. i take small solace in the fact that i woke my manager up at 4:30 in the morning to try and figure out what the hell was going on. small solace. i am pretty pissed actually, but it is ok. that is why i went home. i didn't really care at that point, i just needed to go home and sleep. i am still exhausted. after i finish this, i am going back to sleep.
this weekend is dedicated to jared radtke. good people deserve to have good things happen to them. like i said, he did me proud. this wedding, he dominated. it was all worth it just to make sure he saw it through. i don't even care if he fucked her. he could have. he should have. if he wanted too, he could say he did and everyone would believe him, even if he didn't, not that he is the type to do that. he is more of the type to say nothing and let us all make our own assumptions.
