Wednesday, March 18, 2009
ya da, ya da dah daaa dah
dun dun, dah dah!
ben is happy, he is in a good mood, he likes to do stuff, he's that kind of dude.
he's going climbing, his muscles need the wooooork. no one else going, they are all jeeeerks.
but thats oooookaaaaaay, everything is oooookay
because ben's happy, just like he should be. he shouldn't have worried, and he knew that too.
because evertyhing is oooookay, just like like it should be.
you know, i think this ties in to a point i made, probably one of the more important ones out of the last week's regurgitation. at least, the thing that had the most effect on me, as small as it was. we were talking about awkwardness, and the assumption of fault for whatever weird mood brought that on. i've always looked at situations, and tried to analyze what i did wrong to create awkwardness, or deteriorating moods, or whatever you want to think about. and so, apologies abound. i have a penchant for unnecessary apology anyways, so when i perceive some slight on my part, i am all over that. but if it isn't really me, let say someone else has something going on completely outside of my influence, my sensitivity to whatever it is just exacerbates the problem. i mean, here they are, working through their own troubles, and now suddenly they have to deal with my bullshit on top of it? and why, because i automatically assume i am at fault for everything?
that isn't necessary anymore. i've always felt broken i guess, and assumed that everyone else has their shit together, so when things get weird it is my fault. i don't feel the need to do that anymore. i mean, sure, i will do stuff. sure, stuff will be my fault. but not always. self analysis still has its place, but i can't just be creating answers out of nothing because i need an internal explanation. it isn't always going to be there, so assigning importance to every little flight of worry will just turn into another form of self deception. man, i am feeling great right now. i feel like i have just worked something out that will help me in the long run. it all seems so simple to me right now, i am amazed i never realized what was happening before.
does this mean i am no longer a broken man? that i can walk through the world with a false sense of superiority, instead of just a feigned false sense of superiority? that would be great. actually, i don't think i have been broken for a while. i mean, i don't have illusions of perfection or anything ridiculous like that, i definitely have my flaws, but overall i am pretty happy with the way things have turned out. that is a great feeling.
dun dun, dah dah!
ben is happy, he is in a good mood, he likes to do stuff, he's that kind of dude.
he's going climbing, his muscles need the wooooork. no one else going, they are all jeeeerks.
but thats oooookaaaaaay, everything is oooookay
because ben's happy, just like he should be. he shouldn't have worried, and he knew that too.
because evertyhing is oooookay, just like like it should be.
you know, i think this ties in to a point i made, probably one of the more important ones out of the last week's regurgitation. at least, the thing that had the most effect on me, as small as it was. we were talking about awkwardness, and the assumption of fault for whatever weird mood brought that on. i've always looked at situations, and tried to analyze what i did wrong to create awkwardness, or deteriorating moods, or whatever you want to think about. and so, apologies abound. i have a penchant for unnecessary apology anyways, so when i perceive some slight on my part, i am all over that. but if it isn't really me, let say someone else has something going on completely outside of my influence, my sensitivity to whatever it is just exacerbates the problem. i mean, here they are, working through their own troubles, and now suddenly they have to deal with my bullshit on top of it? and why, because i automatically assume i am at fault for everything?
that isn't necessary anymore. i've always felt broken i guess, and assumed that everyone else has their shit together, so when things get weird it is my fault. i don't feel the need to do that anymore. i mean, sure, i will do stuff. sure, stuff will be my fault. but not always. self analysis still has its place, but i can't just be creating answers out of nothing because i need an internal explanation. it isn't always going to be there, so assigning importance to every little flight of worry will just turn into another form of self deception. man, i am feeling great right now. i feel like i have just worked something out that will help me in the long run. it all seems so simple to me right now, i am amazed i never realized what was happening before.
does this mean i am no longer a broken man? that i can walk through the world with a false sense of superiority, instead of just a feigned false sense of superiority? that would be great. actually, i don't think i have been broken for a while. i mean, i don't have illusions of perfection or anything ridiculous like that, i definitely have my flaws, but overall i am pretty happy with the way things have turned out. that is a great feeling.
