Thursday, April 16, 2009
i am doing this because i enjoy writing. i am doing this because it helps my mental stability. i am doing this because i have had no less than 4 blog topics fall by the wayside due to inactivity this week. one today was hilarious, but i can't remember what it was, and the other three? their time has passed, so i get to wait until they organically resurface.
i am doing this because i have had a great week, at least in part. i am having mixed feelings about the ominocity surrounding ryan at the moment. if he is feeling ominous, it is at least worth my attention, so i'll be extra careful on the up and over tonight just to be safe. i'll try to come back to this later though, like a whole paragraph from now. this is already turning into a chronologically jumbled blog. i have spent more time trying to keep track of what i am and am not going to write than anything else. in fact, i don't believe i have said anything else up to this point...
the weird thing? the ominous thing in my life? i have been having these crazy dreams. like, every time i go to sleep, even if i am just napping for an hour, i'll drop into these ultra realistic dreams. i mean EVERY TIME. i haven't had a real, full on, remember me for weeks sort of dream in a good long while, and now this happens? hmmmmm..... fuck me, i have more to talk about before i talk about that hmmmmm. this is a fucked up dialogue. but yeah, these dreams are all related. they all link up. they are all in the same universe, in the same time period, with the same people (all the people i know, that is to say). they are all tied to the same events, i know it. there is this oppressive intensity pervading them that i can't as of yet explain. like, i am on edge the entire dream, and so far they have only chronicled the mundane. nothing of note has happened. i mean, i can tell you stupid things that happened over the course of them. ryan and i were diving for diamonds in a shallow area of a calm beach with a bunch of people, presumably at some sort of bachelor party. joe and i were looking over this spiral bound notebook my mom made and heather gave us from ryan and heather's wedding, but i don't think the wedding has happened in the dream. the front page is this weird write up featuring quotes and passages from the dream representations of our blogs. these passages keep popping up, so i pay special attention to them every time i see them, but when i read them they are stupid shit, the same shit, like over and over. silly crap about starflower, and brewing beer, you know, the mundane. i am completely on edge in these dreams though, and so far i have no idea why. i wake up, and my heart is pounding, and my mind is racing, and i can't figure out WHY. usually i kind of have a feeling of what is going on when i have dreams like this. i don't always know the full story, but i know something is happening, and the important people in the dream also know. i am on the run from the law a lot. i have people chasing me a lot. i had this awesome dream where i was some sort of spy or merc or something at war with a secret organization and one operative in particular that descended into all out war. that was freaking incredible, going hallway to hallway in the weird dream stylized version of my last apartment building on greenwood, taking suited agents out, and finally walking down the middle of the street with a rocket launcher over my shoulder and an automatic rifle slung across my back. usually i know something is going on, and why i am tripping out, but this time i'm not sure at all. like, i spend my time trying to solve this mystery, but there is none. everything is just so commonplace. i wouldn't have taken note at all, but since monday, i've had 6 or 7 of these dreams, and all of them have been like this.
lets go back to that hmmmmm interruption we had there. i have always been fascinated by the idea of lucid dreaming. i have managed to do it before, to trigger it while i am in a dream. i have even had short periods of my life where i consciously thought enough about lucid dreaming over the span of a few days that once i was dreaming, i automatically remembered my techniques to trigger the lucid dream and carried them out. of course, i always promptly forget about it in a few days, and so all progress is lost. i won't say all progress, since i have definitely gotten better, but it is not like i keep it up enough to be able to control it on a whim. but it has struck me right now, that these dreams would be the perfect vessel for a lucid dream. these are the kind of dreams that feel so intensely real that they are hard to break out of. the are happening with regular frequency, without the need for a full scale deep sleep. if they keep happening, i may have the perfect opportunity to explore this a little further. there is already even a built in trigger now, with those blog excerpts that i can link to conscious thought.
i'll definitely have to look into that. well, i believe i have wrapped up all of the separate threads i spewed out at the beginning of this blog, so i'll leave you thinking about lucid dreams, and what YOU can do to have them. the two things that work the best for me? when you have that faint suspicion that you are dreaming in a dream, spin around and look behind you, or look at your hands. i think it has something to do with your dreams not being fully prepared to render these details sufficiently on demand like that, so the inherit wrongness of the way your hands look, or the disconnect between what is in front of you and what is behind you will validate your suspicions and give you proof that yes, in fact, you are dreaming. so if this realization that you are dreaming doesn't snap you out of your dream, you will now have control over your subconscious. and yes it is true, you can basically do anything you want at that point, once you have conscious control over your subconscious. you can make things appear. you can transport yourself anywhere. you can even fly. the turning around thing works the best for me, but the hand thing works pretty well too.
i am doing this because i have had a great week, at least in part. i am having mixed feelings about the ominocity surrounding ryan at the moment. if he is feeling ominous, it is at least worth my attention, so i'll be extra careful on the up and over tonight just to be safe. i'll try to come back to this later though, like a whole paragraph from now. this is already turning into a chronologically jumbled blog. i have spent more time trying to keep track of what i am and am not going to write than anything else. in fact, i don't believe i have said anything else up to this point...
the weird thing? the ominous thing in my life? i have been having these crazy dreams. like, every time i go to sleep, even if i am just napping for an hour, i'll drop into these ultra realistic dreams. i mean EVERY TIME. i haven't had a real, full on, remember me for weeks sort of dream in a good long while, and now this happens? hmmmmm..... fuck me, i have more to talk about before i talk about that hmmmmm. this is a fucked up dialogue. but yeah, these dreams are all related. they all link up. they are all in the same universe, in the same time period, with the same people (all the people i know, that is to say). they are all tied to the same events, i know it. there is this oppressive intensity pervading them that i can't as of yet explain. like, i am on edge the entire dream, and so far they have only chronicled the mundane. nothing of note has happened. i mean, i can tell you stupid things that happened over the course of them. ryan and i were diving for diamonds in a shallow area of a calm beach with a bunch of people, presumably at some sort of bachelor party. joe and i were looking over this spiral bound notebook my mom made and heather gave us from ryan and heather's wedding, but i don't think the wedding has happened in the dream. the front page is this weird write up featuring quotes and passages from the dream representations of our blogs. these passages keep popping up, so i pay special attention to them every time i see them, but when i read them they are stupid shit, the same shit, like over and over. silly crap about starflower, and brewing beer, you know, the mundane. i am completely on edge in these dreams though, and so far i have no idea why. i wake up, and my heart is pounding, and my mind is racing, and i can't figure out WHY. usually i kind of have a feeling of what is going on when i have dreams like this. i don't always know the full story, but i know something is happening, and the important people in the dream also know. i am on the run from the law a lot. i have people chasing me a lot. i had this awesome dream where i was some sort of spy or merc or something at war with a secret organization and one operative in particular that descended into all out war. that was freaking incredible, going hallway to hallway in the weird dream stylized version of my last apartment building on greenwood, taking suited agents out, and finally walking down the middle of the street with a rocket launcher over my shoulder and an automatic rifle slung across my back. usually i know something is going on, and why i am tripping out, but this time i'm not sure at all. like, i spend my time trying to solve this mystery, but there is none. everything is just so commonplace. i wouldn't have taken note at all, but since monday, i've had 6 or 7 of these dreams, and all of them have been like this.
lets go back to that hmmmmm interruption we had there. i have always been fascinated by the idea of lucid dreaming. i have managed to do it before, to trigger it while i am in a dream. i have even had short periods of my life where i consciously thought enough about lucid dreaming over the span of a few days that once i was dreaming, i automatically remembered my techniques to trigger the lucid dream and carried them out. of course, i always promptly forget about it in a few days, and so all progress is lost. i won't say all progress, since i have definitely gotten better, but it is not like i keep it up enough to be able to control it on a whim. but it has struck me right now, that these dreams would be the perfect vessel for a lucid dream. these are the kind of dreams that feel so intensely real that they are hard to break out of. the are happening with regular frequency, without the need for a full scale deep sleep. if they keep happening, i may have the perfect opportunity to explore this a little further. there is already even a built in trigger now, with those blog excerpts that i can link to conscious thought.
i'll definitely have to look into that. well, i believe i have wrapped up all of the separate threads i spewed out at the beginning of this blog, so i'll leave you thinking about lucid dreams, and what YOU can do to have them. the two things that work the best for me? when you have that faint suspicion that you are dreaming in a dream, spin around and look behind you, or look at your hands. i think it has something to do with your dreams not being fully prepared to render these details sufficiently on demand like that, so the inherit wrongness of the way your hands look, or the disconnect between what is in front of you and what is behind you will validate your suspicions and give you proof that yes, in fact, you are dreaming. so if this realization that you are dreaming doesn't snap you out of your dream, you will now have control over your subconscious. and yes it is true, you can basically do anything you want at that point, once you have conscious control over your subconscious. you can make things appear. you can transport yourself anywhere. you can even fly. the turning around thing works the best for me, but the hand thing works pretty well too.
