Tuesday, May 12, 2009
street trash, riff raff, i don't buy that. if only they'd look closer...
justifying my existence to myself. he's right, sometimes i feel that my whole existence is justifying my existence, that if i stopped stomping my feet like an impatient child, i would just fade away.
i should stop this, just end this line of thought. i read that all backwards anyways. that is the opposite of the point he was trying to make. an existence in need of justification is a facade. an existence, by its very presence justifies itself. still in some things, we are in disagreement at the moment. this, right here, around me, does belong to me. in my own way, it is the only thing that really does belong to me. everything else is fleeting. possessions can be walked away from, relationships drift in and out, but the mental landscape i have sculpted is mine and mine alone. i have carved this space out for myself so i don't have to wander aimlessly in look of a home. i don't have to rely on someone else to define all of this for me. i put my mental stamp on the entirety of existence, and because it is mine, i am not beholden to anything.
lets geek this up. it is like in battlestar, on the cylon baseship, the idea of projection. we all see the same base reality, but we don't all live entirely in that stage of perception. we exist in the same space, but we see things in our own way. we have our own mental area where our thoughts reside, where our mental processes occur. strip that away, and we are just bags of flesh blundering around on sheer instinct and emotion. sometimes, everyone is probably reduced to that. some people probably purposefully reduce themselves to that to avoid confusion, effort, fear, whatever makes them shy away from individuality. the rest of us, or the rest of me i should say, need that solace, that place within reality to make the journey comfortable. the cockpit in the spaceship of human experience. that place, that prism i watch the world through is most likely the closest i will ever come to defining the abstract idea of 'me', of what makes up the basis of my personal existence. it is the place we build in our own image of what is correct. we have to be able to make value judgments and say this is what i want, where i want to be, how i want to feel and act, and how i wish things were all the time.
that is what is at my core, where i retreat too. this is where i am comfortable. in the darkness, it is still a realized place. in the light, it is the filter that overlays the world. i guess i am saying i refuse to justify it anymore. if you question that which makes up mind, you are questioning me in my entirety, because what else is there but a bag of flesh flailing around based on genetic predisposition?
justifying my existence to myself. he's right, sometimes i feel that my whole existence is justifying my existence, that if i stopped stomping my feet like an impatient child, i would just fade away.
i should stop this, just end this line of thought. i read that all backwards anyways. that is the opposite of the point he was trying to make. an existence in need of justification is a facade. an existence, by its very presence justifies itself. still in some things, we are in disagreement at the moment. this, right here, around me, does belong to me. in my own way, it is the only thing that really does belong to me. everything else is fleeting. possessions can be walked away from, relationships drift in and out, but the mental landscape i have sculpted is mine and mine alone. i have carved this space out for myself so i don't have to wander aimlessly in look of a home. i don't have to rely on someone else to define all of this for me. i put my mental stamp on the entirety of existence, and because it is mine, i am not beholden to anything.
lets geek this up. it is like in battlestar, on the cylon baseship, the idea of projection. we all see the same base reality, but we don't all live entirely in that stage of perception. we exist in the same space, but we see things in our own way. we have our own mental area where our thoughts reside, where our mental processes occur. strip that away, and we are just bags of flesh blundering around on sheer instinct and emotion. sometimes, everyone is probably reduced to that. some people probably purposefully reduce themselves to that to avoid confusion, effort, fear, whatever makes them shy away from individuality. the rest of us, or the rest of me i should say, need that solace, that place within reality to make the journey comfortable. the cockpit in the spaceship of human experience. that place, that prism i watch the world through is most likely the closest i will ever come to defining the abstract idea of 'me', of what makes up the basis of my personal existence. it is the place we build in our own image of what is correct. we have to be able to make value judgments and say this is what i want, where i want to be, how i want to feel and act, and how i wish things were all the time.
that is what is at my core, where i retreat too. this is where i am comfortable. in the darkness, it is still a realized place. in the light, it is the filter that overlays the world. i guess i am saying i refuse to justify it anymore. if you question that which makes up mind, you are questioning me in my entirety, because what else is there but a bag of flesh flailing around based on genetic predisposition?
