Wednesday, July 08, 2009
no time for regrets. i need to learn to let my past decisions remain just that, the past. they are done, over, finished. there is no use dwelling on them. i still struggle with this. if i don't analyze, how will i learn? there at least needs to be acknowledgment when a poor choice is made. so let this be that. acknowledgment of a poor decision, albeit in hindsight. at the time, there was no good decision to be made, so i did what i thought was easiest and prudent. oh well. it was the impetus for action in the present. i was left with two reasonable options, with similar levels of action needed, and a chance to make up for my former now apparent mistakes. now, i hopefully will be left with another chance, a chance to both learn and put myself in a better position. as always, money and effort are the lynch pins. oh, how i wish my every thought was not seemingly dictated by money. i feel so slavishly devoted to a lifestyle i resoundingly decry.
here is how i am currently looking at my situation. there is a best case scenario. in this scenario, the car i love perhaps more than i have loved anything in my life will be back in working order, and my faith in man and the free market i so want to love and trust will be restored just a little. in the worst case scenario, we are dealing with an auto mechanic, and i don't believe i need to spell it out for you...
there is no scenario in which i don't feel like an idiot. there is no scenario dating back to when i first learned how to drive in which i don't feel like an idiot. my experience with cars and driving can be summed up as such: i have a car, therefore i am an idiot. a car should not be relied upon to work. a car should not be relied upon for anything. when you have a car, you should rejoice every time it starts in the morning, and then rejoice once again when you arrive at your destination fully intact. all of my experiences with driving can be categorized as brief flirtations with excitement and utilitarian bliss punctuated by life-altering moments of pure and utter rage. for this honor, you are charged a crippling sum of money on both ends of the spectrum.
there, i have ranted. i had been handling this fairly well, but i needed to rant, because pent up emotions spill over into other aspects of life. that is currently unacceptable to me.
here is how i am currently looking at my situation. there is a best case scenario. in this scenario, the car i love perhaps more than i have loved anything in my life will be back in working order, and my faith in man and the free market i so want to love and trust will be restored just a little. in the worst case scenario, we are dealing with an auto mechanic, and i don't believe i need to spell it out for you...
there is no scenario in which i don't feel like an idiot. there is no scenario dating back to when i first learned how to drive in which i don't feel like an idiot. my experience with cars and driving can be summed up as such: i have a car, therefore i am an idiot. a car should not be relied upon to work. a car should not be relied upon for anything. when you have a car, you should rejoice every time it starts in the morning, and then rejoice once again when you arrive at your destination fully intact. all of my experiences with driving can be categorized as brief flirtations with excitement and utilitarian bliss punctuated by life-altering moments of pure and utter rage. for this honor, you are charged a crippling sum of money on both ends of the spectrum.
there, i have ranted. i had been handling this fairly well, but i needed to rant, because pent up emotions spill over into other aspects of life. that is currently unacceptable to me.
