Monday, April 30, 2001
doododoo....
well, I am getting ready to leave for work here. First off, this weekend was pretty good. Tripat kicked some serious ass. I had a lot of fun watching you guys, and I hope you had fun performing for us. I thought you guys rocked.
Yesterday was good. Jay, Air and I went to look at a house. It was a pimp house. I really hope we get it, and that we can convince the guy to let 5 of us stay there. The guy pays all the utilities, that is too freaking cool. I really liked the house, and I hope I can get out of here soon. I really don't like living at home. Besides, Wallingford is much closer to Ali :) Speaking of which, I got to see her yesterday, woot woot. She came and looked at the house with us, then we hung out in her room talking and listening to music and stuff. It was hard to leave, but I had to give Dan a ride home, and she had to study. It was just great that I got to see her this weekend after all. Ali and Michelle tried to come the the house party, but they couldn't find it. I told Dan we should call them, but he said they were going to call us. They didn't have his number though, haha, it was a pretty funny situation. It is too bad we couldn't be together Saturday, but at least I got to see her yesterday.
Good times, good friends, new house possibly on the horizon, and Ali Ali Ali................. life is good
well, I am getting ready to leave for work here. First off, this weekend was pretty good. Tripat kicked some serious ass. I had a lot of fun watching you guys, and I hope you had fun performing for us. I thought you guys rocked.
Yesterday was good. Jay, Air and I went to look at a house. It was a pimp house. I really hope we get it, and that we can convince the guy to let 5 of us stay there. The guy pays all the utilities, that is too freaking cool. I really liked the house, and I hope I can get out of here soon. I really don't like living at home. Besides, Wallingford is much closer to Ali :) Speaking of which, I got to see her yesterday, woot woot. She came and looked at the house with us, then we hung out in her room talking and listening to music and stuff. It was hard to leave, but I had to give Dan a ride home, and she had to study. It was just great that I got to see her this weekend after all. Ali and Michelle tried to come the the house party, but they couldn't find it. I told Dan we should call them, but he said they were going to call us. They didn't have his number though, haha, it was a pretty funny situation. It is too bad we couldn't be together Saturday, but at least I got to see her yesterday.
Good times, good friends, new house possibly on the horizon, and Ali Ali Ali................. life is good
Saturday, April 28, 2001
The first really good thing to happen to me in a long time, and now I am questioning it, lol. I am questioning myself more than anything, and what I am going to do to screw it up. I know deep down that I have nothing to be afraid of, but still I am scared. What if I do find a way to blow it? Is it really as good as I am making it out to be? A few minutes ago, I got really scared. In a few more minutes, I will be happy again, but right now I am afraid. I have nothing to be afraid of. Everything is going to be fine. It is just that nothing really important has gone right for me in the past year or so, until possibly now. So now I am questioning it. I am a moron, and I keep wondering what I am going to do to screw it up, like I have screwed up everything in my life recently. I will not screw it up. Everything will be fine. I will perfectly happy and content again next time I talk to her, and all my fears will slip away again. The only problem is, she is visiting parents or something tonight. I miss talking to her already. I wish she could have come tonight, hell, I wish I could just see her, or know she was in the same room or on the other end of the phone....
I am completely smitten here, and with this intense feeling of joy comes the obvious fears that a life of depression always brings. She pulls me out of this depression, whenever I talk to her. We have only known each other for a week, and I am so happy I do. This week alone has boosted my confidence to levels I have rarely known, and even if nothing more happens, I will always remember this week. How is it that one week could effect my life in such a drastic way.....
I am completely smitten here, and with this intense feeling of joy comes the obvious fears that a life of depression always brings. She pulls me out of this depression, whenever I talk to her. We have only known each other for a week, and I am so happy I do. This week alone has boosted my confidence to levels I have rarely known, and even if nothing more happens, I will always remember this week. How is it that one week could effect my life in such a drastic way.....
Friday, April 27, 2001
blog blog blog
so yeah, hey everyone, i haven't been blogging as much as I would like too. There is so much I would like to say, but would like to keep to myself as well. There are some things that I would like to remain more or less private right now. At the same time, I want to shout them out and tell everyone how I feel. Oh well, I think I will hoarde them for myself. I think I have this subconcious fear that if I start telling people, the feelings will somehow start losing their validity, and I want to keep them for as long as I can... so yeah, I am not pouring my soul into this blog, at least for now... Eventually I will, I promise. I will not be able to keep this to myself for long. I will say that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. This past week has been literally one of the greatest of my life, and has looking forward to next week, because i know it will be just as good. I think I am finally pulling out of the strange depression that started setting in the middle of last school year, and almost disabled me in the few months right after christmas. I told myself during that time that I didn't need love, or even really female companionship. I saw my friends getting their hearts broken all around me, and I considered myself lucky because I didn't have to deal with any of it. Now that I have possibly both, I realize how misguided I was. I was the unlucky one. This past week has done more for me than anything I have told myself, justified to myself, or done for myself in the past year. I will always have this week, and no matter what happens in the weeks to come, I am a better person because of it.
in other (related) news, I had an incredible time last night with Ali (Al to the rest of you ;). Dinner was more of a formality, but it was enjoyable. She hurt her knee, so instead of trying to walk to the mix, or going to take a stroll at the seattle center like I had planned, we just went back to dan's place. We stood out on the balcony together for a while, just enjoying the view, and pointing out various locations, such as where we live, and where the coin took me a few weekends ago ;) eventually, we moved into the cluster room, then into dan's room to listen to music and such. We just sat their, enjoying each others company and the feel of each other's warmth. We didn't really need to talk. In fact, we didn't really talk that much the whole night. We talked about this today, and reflected about how beautiful the situation was. We had spent the past 3 nights talking and chatting pretty much constantly. Last night, there wasn't much that needed to be said, and it was wonderful :) at about 4, we finally took them home, and finally parted ways. It was hard to do, but both of us were still happy because we knew we would see each other again, eventually. She is going home for the weekend, so she won't be around. It will be tough not being able to see her. I am going to have to find a way to go see her next week. I can't wait for things to happen over the weekend. I am trouble enough not being able to see her today......
Anyways, I haven't felt this way in a long time. It is wonderful, I had forgotten what it was like. Everything reminds me of her. I was driving home from work yesterday, and almost turned around because this song reminded me so much of her and summed up my feelings at the moment so well that the fact that she was not their at the particular moment was unbearable. The song is BT - Remember if any of you want to further nestle yourselves into my mind. There is a part in the middle that goes
Searching for strength.
Can I face this day.
Blinded by your love we stay.
You're always there,
you're in my head
still chasing skies.
I need you.
Oh, I miss you.
This part hit me like a brick in the face (who ever knew a brick could feel so good), because this is what I had been thinking for the past 3 days. Combined with the songs gentle melodies and incredible vocals, this part of the song was just so powerful to me at the moment. When ever I miss her now, I go listen to this song. Needless to say, I have been listening to it a lot.
Trav, I think you are making the right decision by attempting to move on. I have been watching your blogs the past little while seeing the pain you are obviously pouring into your posts. I have a lot of respect for you because of your blog. I feel like you are confiding in me personally when i read it, even though i know you aren't. It is kind of cool. I can see how tough a time you are having with this, and we are here for you if you need it. She said friends listen. Friends don't tell friends to go away......
oh yeah, I would like to dedicate this little area of this blog to Tripat. That crazy mofo never ceases to amaze me. I never knew he was in a band until a few days ago, and now he pulls out some incredible poetry. If you wrote that Trip, you rule :) I wish Ali could be there with me to watch you play, but you can be damn sure I will be there if I can. I can't see anything pulling me away from it, so kick some ass :D
Alright, well, I kind of went back on my word, haha. It felt good to write some of this down, especially some of the things in the middle there. I don't know how many people read this, but I am glad to share it with you. I still have plenty in here to keep to myself, and it felt good to get some things out there. Check you all later, out.
so yeah, hey everyone, i haven't been blogging as much as I would like too. There is so much I would like to say, but would like to keep to myself as well. There are some things that I would like to remain more or less private right now. At the same time, I want to shout them out and tell everyone how I feel. Oh well, I think I will hoarde them for myself. I think I have this subconcious fear that if I start telling people, the feelings will somehow start losing their validity, and I want to keep them for as long as I can... so yeah, I am not pouring my soul into this blog, at least for now... Eventually I will, I promise. I will not be able to keep this to myself for long. I will say that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. This past week has been literally one of the greatest of my life, and has looking forward to next week, because i know it will be just as good. I think I am finally pulling out of the strange depression that started setting in the middle of last school year, and almost disabled me in the few months right after christmas. I told myself during that time that I didn't need love, or even really female companionship. I saw my friends getting their hearts broken all around me, and I considered myself lucky because I didn't have to deal with any of it. Now that I have possibly both, I realize how misguided I was. I was the unlucky one. This past week has done more for me than anything I have told myself, justified to myself, or done for myself in the past year. I will always have this week, and no matter what happens in the weeks to come, I am a better person because of it.
in other (related) news, I had an incredible time last night with Ali (Al to the rest of you ;). Dinner was more of a formality, but it was enjoyable. She hurt her knee, so instead of trying to walk to the mix, or going to take a stroll at the seattle center like I had planned, we just went back to dan's place. We stood out on the balcony together for a while, just enjoying the view, and pointing out various locations, such as where we live, and where the coin took me a few weekends ago ;) eventually, we moved into the cluster room, then into dan's room to listen to music and such. We just sat their, enjoying each others company and the feel of each other's warmth. We didn't really need to talk. In fact, we didn't really talk that much the whole night. We talked about this today, and reflected about how beautiful the situation was. We had spent the past 3 nights talking and chatting pretty much constantly. Last night, there wasn't much that needed to be said, and it was wonderful :) at about 4, we finally took them home, and finally parted ways. It was hard to do, but both of us were still happy because we knew we would see each other again, eventually. She is going home for the weekend, so she won't be around. It will be tough not being able to see her. I am going to have to find a way to go see her next week. I can't wait for things to happen over the weekend. I am trouble enough not being able to see her today......
Anyways, I haven't felt this way in a long time. It is wonderful, I had forgotten what it was like. Everything reminds me of her. I was driving home from work yesterday, and almost turned around because this song reminded me so much of her and summed up my feelings at the moment so well that the fact that she was not their at the particular moment was unbearable. The song is BT - Remember if any of you want to further nestle yourselves into my mind. There is a part in the middle that goes
Searching for strength.
Can I face this day.
Blinded by your love we stay.
You're always there,
you're in my head
still chasing skies.
I need you.
Oh, I miss you.
This part hit me like a brick in the face (who ever knew a brick could feel so good), because this is what I had been thinking for the past 3 days. Combined with the songs gentle melodies and incredible vocals, this part of the song was just so powerful to me at the moment. When ever I miss her now, I go listen to this song. Needless to say, I have been listening to it a lot.
Trav, I think you are making the right decision by attempting to move on. I have been watching your blogs the past little while seeing the pain you are obviously pouring into your posts. I have a lot of respect for you because of your blog. I feel like you are confiding in me personally when i read it, even though i know you aren't. It is kind of cool. I can see how tough a time you are having with this, and we are here for you if you need it. She said friends listen. Friends don't tell friends to go away......
oh yeah, I would like to dedicate this little area of this blog to Tripat. That crazy mofo never ceases to amaze me. I never knew he was in a band until a few days ago, and now he pulls out some incredible poetry. If you wrote that Trip, you rule :) I wish Ali could be there with me to watch you play, but you can be damn sure I will be there if I can. I can't see anything pulling me away from it, so kick some ass :D
Alright, well, I kind of went back on my word, haha. It felt good to write some of this down, especially some of the things in the middle there. I don't know how many people read this, but I am glad to share it with you. I still have plenty in here to keep to myself, and it felt good to get some things out there. Check you all later, out.
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
when does manhood begin? when does a boy make that fatal leap into the realm of manhood. is there a single defining moment in every boys life where he becomes a man? is it the same for every guy? i do not think it is the same for everyone, but i do believe there are a few moments in a young mans life that define who he is as a man.
Tuesday, April 24, 2001
damn, forums are down. Yeah trav, i try to read them, but i dunno. It is mostly sam posting. How do you reply to him? it is impossible.
anyways, i just got home from work. things are getting crazy. they are giving me responsimability and stuff now. Only problem is, they don't realize that i don't know anything about botany and horticulture, and that i don't really care about botany and horticulture. This is just a job. I don't really care what I am doing or why for them, as long as they pay me. they are not understanding this, so it could quite possibly make things a little annoying. we will see how things shape up here, it could be the start of more lazyness. i don't think i can pull off the level of slack me and ryan pulled off last year. it just isn't the same without him there to chill with :P i am going to try and get less hours, i don't know if i will be able to handle what they want me to do, and keep up with school. oh yeah, and commuting sucks, but i don't want to get on with another string of traffic blogs.
depression...... depression blows. I don't know, i have been through my bouts. the only way i have found to end them, is to stop caring completely for a few days, then find something fun to do, even if it is a simple thing like going to a party at matts or whatever. After i got kicked out of school, i got really depressed, like hardcore. i didn't sleep, but i never did anything. i didn't eat. I didn't talk to anyone. I just sat here staring blankly at my computer. the only thing i would do is go to school. it got to the point where i just didn't care anymore about anything. so i went up to western, had a pretty fun weekend, and felt a lot better. don't try and get through it all on your own. eventually, you will need something to snap you out of it, and that something ultimately lies in your friends. oh yeah, and don't dwell on death. trust me, it leads to bad things......
bwah, sleep dep sucks. I haven't really slept in the past 4 days
anyways, i just got home from work. things are getting crazy. they are giving me responsimability and stuff now. Only problem is, they don't realize that i don't know anything about botany and horticulture, and that i don't really care about botany and horticulture. This is just a job. I don't really care what I am doing or why for them, as long as they pay me. they are not understanding this, so it could quite possibly make things a little annoying. we will see how things shape up here, it could be the start of more lazyness. i don't think i can pull off the level of slack me and ryan pulled off last year. it just isn't the same without him there to chill with :P i am going to try and get less hours, i don't know if i will be able to handle what they want me to do, and keep up with school. oh yeah, and commuting sucks, but i don't want to get on with another string of traffic blogs.
depression...... depression blows. I don't know, i have been through my bouts. the only way i have found to end them, is to stop caring completely for a few days, then find something fun to do, even if it is a simple thing like going to a party at matts or whatever. After i got kicked out of school, i got really depressed, like hardcore. i didn't sleep, but i never did anything. i didn't eat. I didn't talk to anyone. I just sat here staring blankly at my computer. the only thing i would do is go to school. it got to the point where i just didn't care anymore about anything. so i went up to western, had a pretty fun weekend, and felt a lot better. don't try and get through it all on your own. eventually, you will need something to snap you out of it, and that something ultimately lies in your friends. oh yeah, and don't dwell on death. trust me, it leads to bad things......
bwah, sleep dep sucks. I haven't really slept in the past 4 days
Monday, April 23, 2001
blog, jeez. i don't know what to say still. anyways, i will get too it.
if i believed in fate, i would be going pretty crazy now. there are a few things that are a little too coincidental. i mean, everything that could go right has. she is intelligent, incredibly attractive, beyond fun to be around, and she likes me. Saturday night, when the party was winding down, was just incredible, i don't know how to describe it. I don't know what to say, really. This is all so new to me again, hopefully i don't do anything wrong. can i do anything wrong? what if she decides she doesn't like me after thursday. am i setting myself up for something like that? i don't know.
i do know, no matter what happens, friday and saturday were incredible
if i believed in fate, i would be going pretty crazy now. there are a few things that are a little too coincidental. i mean, everything that could go right has. she is intelligent, incredibly attractive, beyond fun to be around, and she likes me. Saturday night, when the party was winding down, was just incredible, i don't know how to describe it. I don't know what to say, really. This is all so new to me again, hopefully i don't do anything wrong. can i do anything wrong? what if she decides she doesn't like me after thursday. am i setting myself up for something like that? i don't know.
i do know, no matter what happens, friday and saturday were incredible
Sunday, April 22, 2001
big blog in the next few days, i promise. i just need to sort some things out in my head. I must say, i haven't been in this good of a mood in a long, long time :)
why am i so excited that she showed up at the party?
why did she show up at the party? who am i to deserve this?
how come i feel like i deserve something this good, what have i done?
how come something like this hasn't happend to me in such a long time.......
why am i so excited that she showed up at the party?
why did she show up at the party? who am i to deserve this?
how come i feel like i deserve something this good, what have i done?
how come something like this hasn't happend to me in such a long time.......
Saturday, April 21, 2001
holy shit, i forgot about that whole kissing Matt thing.......... oh well, i still feel it was worth it, on my end at least. I don't know what Matt got out of the deal, except a little bit of ass from me :D
Well, shiot beyotches.........
i had one of the most insane nights of my life last night..... Matt, we better be cool, because you have a fucking girlfriend, and Po we better be cool too, because you made me get off your bed :( in any case, the sheer insanity factor was off the chart. i was sitting out talking to manuel, and i didn't really have much to say besides BWAH and INSANEMAPHONES. and after that, i ended up just saying the words all over again. anyways, i got her number some how, i am going to call her before the party at stevens court. i hope she isn't some crazy swingers insanemaphones chick and want me to wait 3 days and all that. that would blow. i also hope she doesn't have something to do tomorrow...... that would blow too. oh well, insanity, i have to pick up my parents from the airport in a little bit, and i am still fucking drunk and fucking FUCKING high......... see you all tomorrow at the partay, and po, i will be calling you to figure out when we are pre-funkin.......
i had one of the most insane nights of my life last night..... Matt, we better be cool, because you have a fucking girlfriend, and Po we better be cool too, because you made me get off your bed :( in any case, the sheer insanity factor was off the chart. i was sitting out talking to manuel, and i didn't really have much to say besides BWAH and INSANEMAPHONES. and after that, i ended up just saying the words all over again. anyways, i got her number some how, i am going to call her before the party at stevens court. i hope she isn't some crazy swingers insanemaphones chick and want me to wait 3 days and all that. that would blow. i also hope she doesn't have something to do tomorrow...... that would blow too. oh well, insanity, i have to pick up my parents from the airport in a little bit, and i am still fucking drunk and fucking FUCKING high......... see you all tomorrow at the partay, and po, i will be calling you to figure out when we are pre-funkin.......
Thursday, April 19, 2001
alright, manuel is right, tunak is old news. i just found it again after leaving it for a month or so, and got tunak crazy all over again. tunak is in the past, manuel's rad stick figure link is the wave of the future. WAVE OF THE FUTURE!!!!
ok, so good deals, i start work on monday. out of debt, here i come.
Also, i would like to give a big WOO HOO to astronomy 101 at BCC. that class rocks. anyone who goes to bcc and hasn't taken that class should. the grading scale is great. you get an 85 or above and you get an A or something rediculous like that. I just walked into an astronomy midterm and finished it in 15 minutes. Thats right folks, my first round of midterms are over, and i spent a grand total of 20 minutes taking them. Bad fucking ass. Speaking of badass, i am so going to arbys today. i am just going to get like 10 roast beef sandwiches and pile them around me. it is going to be glorious...........
ok, so good deals, i start work on monday. out of debt, here i come.
Also, i would like to give a big WOO HOO to astronomy 101 at BCC. that class rocks. anyone who goes to bcc and hasn't taken that class should. the grading scale is great. you get an 85 or above and you get an A or something rediculous like that. I just walked into an astronomy midterm and finished it in 15 minutes. Thats right folks, my first round of midterms are over, and i spent a grand total of 20 minutes taking them. Bad fucking ass. Speaking of badass, i am so going to arbys today. i am just going to get like 10 roast beef sandwiches and pile them around me. it is going to be glorious...........
Blog blog blog, sleep is for the weak........
ok, today was a pretty good day. i went to bed hella late like usual. so, at 4 am, i logged on to my online class and realized i had an assignment due by midnight. i was like, sweet, i am up, i will do it. it takes about an hour, so i am like blah blah, i did something. then i realize our first midterm is up, and it is due by midnight also. i see it is supposed to take 40 min, so i am like "shit." i decide to do it anyways, i am up. the fucker takes me five minutes, and i got a 96% on it, it was boss. i only missed one question, and i shouldn't have missed that. i am just stupid. it was a good way to start off the class. my next assignment is a gay mac assignment. i am going to have to go to a computer lab or something. anyways, i also got a sheet of arbys coupons in the mail. mmmmm fucking boss. nothing like 5 roast beef sandwiches for $5.95. and there is a page full of cool coupons like that!!! good stuff, i am soooo going to arbys after school tomorrow. what else happend. oh yeah, well, i have an astronomy midterm tomorrow, or today, actually. days kind of blur together early in the morning. so yeah, good stuff. today was another lazy day, and it felt good.
oh yeah, and about tunak. the greatness does not lie in the song itself. you have to see the video to know the true power of tunak. hopefully this link still works, everyone download it!! it is too damn funny. look at his face, he is so happy. his dancing is just fucking pimp, as well. download it here. BOOYAH
ok, today was a pretty good day. i went to bed hella late like usual. so, at 4 am, i logged on to my online class and realized i had an assignment due by midnight. i was like, sweet, i am up, i will do it. it takes about an hour, so i am like blah blah, i did something. then i realize our first midterm is up, and it is due by midnight also. i see it is supposed to take 40 min, so i am like "shit." i decide to do it anyways, i am up. the fucker takes me five minutes, and i got a 96% on it, it was boss. i only missed one question, and i shouldn't have missed that. i am just stupid. it was a good way to start off the class. my next assignment is a gay mac assignment. i am going to have to go to a computer lab or something. anyways, i also got a sheet of arbys coupons in the mail. mmmmm fucking boss. nothing like 5 roast beef sandwiches for $5.95. and there is a page full of cool coupons like that!!! good stuff, i am soooo going to arbys after school tomorrow. what else happend. oh yeah, well, i have an astronomy midterm tomorrow, or today, actually. days kind of blur together early in the morning. so yeah, good stuff. today was another lazy day, and it felt good.
oh yeah, and about tunak. the greatness does not lie in the song itself. you have to see the video to know the true power of tunak. hopefully this link still works, everyone download it!! it is too damn funny. look at his face, he is so happy. his dancing is just fucking pimp, as well. download it here. BOOYAH
Wednesday, April 18, 2001
alright, first off, my boss didn't email me back, so i don't know when i am starting yet, dammit.
second off, Air is a genious. Boobs........... how can i talk about them and where do i begin. I think they are so fascinating because we aren't allowed to touch them. if you go around touching boobs, we get arrested. and i know that is all we want to do, go around touching boobs. I can't tell you the number of times i have felt like jumping up out of my seat and just burying my face in a nice expanse of cleavage. I don't know, i used to be fascinated by breasts, but more recently, I have been more partial to a nice ass. I think it was when i got to high school, and girls realized they could wear tight pants and skirts instead of just tight shirts and drive us even more wild. in the last few years, i have felt the need to reach out and squeeze some chicks ass more than i have felt the need to grab a breast. all in all, i am just attracted to the female form. there is nothing that can throw me for a loop more than seeing some hotty walk past. i will stop, fall over, run into poles, crash my car, etc. I think the whole appeal is that we can't have it. i mean, you see these works of art wandering around, and you know you will never be able to have it. then, someday you finally do get one, and your initial excitement of seeing it naked and having it be yours is enough excitement to hold you over for months. the female body is a true thing of beauty. smooth gentle curves, firm, yet soft....... bwahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! i think i just need more female companionship......
second off, Air is a genious. Boobs........... how can i talk about them and where do i begin. I think they are so fascinating because we aren't allowed to touch them. if you go around touching boobs, we get arrested. and i know that is all we want to do, go around touching boobs. I can't tell you the number of times i have felt like jumping up out of my seat and just burying my face in a nice expanse of cleavage. I don't know, i used to be fascinated by breasts, but more recently, I have been more partial to a nice ass. I think it was when i got to high school, and girls realized they could wear tight pants and skirts instead of just tight shirts and drive us even more wild. in the last few years, i have felt the need to reach out and squeeze some chicks ass more than i have felt the need to grab a breast. all in all, i am just attracted to the female form. there is nothing that can throw me for a loop more than seeing some hotty walk past. i will stop, fall over, run into poles, crash my car, etc. I think the whole appeal is that we can't have it. i mean, you see these works of art wandering around, and you know you will never be able to have it. then, someday you finally do get one, and your initial excitement of seeing it naked and having it be yours is enough excitement to hold you over for months. the female body is a true thing of beauty. smooth gentle curves, firm, yet soft....... bwahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! i think i just need more female companionship......
WOOT FUCKING WOOT. they gave me my old job back early. we are setting up when i start now. it should be pretty damn sweet, especially now that i dropped my CS class like the moron i am. it will give me more time to focus on my job, and stuff, hahahaha. I think it is great that they want me back. it is relatively easy job, it pays really well ($11 an hour beyotches), and it is for an environmentally friendly non-profit organization. i don't really care enough about anything, but i guess if i do work somewhere it is nice if they help out or something. so yeah, i should be starting that pretty soon. it is really good timing, because i am in debt now after buying school books. i should have enough money by the time my credit card bill is due to be out of debt. score team me, it isn't really debt unless you get caught.
what else is up here....... oh yeah, i am going to reinstall my computer here pretty soon, so if i don't blog for a day or too, either i am lazy or reinstalling my comp here. so yeah, good deals there, this thing is running like a pile of crap.
other than that, school-wise.... i didn't go to school again today, and i didn't do my homework. I just don't care anymore. hopefully now that i am working, i will get some semblance of a work ethic back, at least enough to start going again. i am sure it will help, it always does. i really am blown out on this whole school thing, i find it to be really annoying that i have to do it. and i have no idea what i want to do. it just feels like i am taking a bunch of random classes to try and get some semblence of an education. eventually someone will make me a choose a major and i will throw a dart at a board and graduate with some random degree. then wham, i am out on the fucking street again. how much you guys want to bet i go crawling back to the place i am going to start working now with some random business degree or something and resume work there. it will probably be better than any job i will get with whatever crack ass degree i end up with. so why the hell am i wasting my time? why don't i just start working full time again???? well, that is basically what i am going to end up doing. i joked about getting kicked out of college, and it happened. i joked about starting up here again, it is happening. well, i am not going to drop out of college. it may take me a few years to get into anything, but i will keep shlumping along with night classes here. apparently someone decided that a degree is vital to ones networth as a person in this world, so here i am, not really caring about a degree, but feeling this need to get one just because society expects me too. whatever, i am good at conforming and all that.
I have also realized that i am a very cynical person, and how much joy i derive from being this cynical. could you guys honestly see me as a happy, motivated successful person? no, i am not built that way. i have a lot of fun being the lazy jackass with the extremely dry humor. i don't want to be motivated or successful. i don't want to have to make great attempts to appear happy. it is great being me. sure i complain a lot, but if i didn't i wouldn't be me. complaining is in my blood. i think up new things to complain about when i am done complaining about things. i am a whiney bitch, and i love it :)
check you all later, i am stoked about this party saturday
what else is up here....... oh yeah, i am going to reinstall my computer here pretty soon, so if i don't blog for a day or too, either i am lazy or reinstalling my comp here. so yeah, good deals there, this thing is running like a pile of crap.
other than that, school-wise.... i didn't go to school again today, and i didn't do my homework. I just don't care anymore. hopefully now that i am working, i will get some semblance of a work ethic back, at least enough to start going again. i am sure it will help, it always does. i really am blown out on this whole school thing, i find it to be really annoying that i have to do it. and i have no idea what i want to do. it just feels like i am taking a bunch of random classes to try and get some semblence of an education. eventually someone will make me a choose a major and i will throw a dart at a board and graduate with some random degree. then wham, i am out on the fucking street again. how much you guys want to bet i go crawling back to the place i am going to start working now with some random business degree or something and resume work there. it will probably be better than any job i will get with whatever crack ass degree i end up with. so why the hell am i wasting my time? why don't i just start working full time again???? well, that is basically what i am going to end up doing. i joked about getting kicked out of college, and it happened. i joked about starting up here again, it is happening. well, i am not going to drop out of college. it may take me a few years to get into anything, but i will keep shlumping along with night classes here. apparently someone decided that a degree is vital to ones networth as a person in this world, so here i am, not really caring about a degree, but feeling this need to get one just because society expects me too. whatever, i am good at conforming and all that.
I have also realized that i am a very cynical person, and how much joy i derive from being this cynical. could you guys honestly see me as a happy, motivated successful person? no, i am not built that way. i have a lot of fun being the lazy jackass with the extremely dry humor. i don't want to be motivated or successful. i don't want to have to make great attempts to appear happy. it is great being me. sure i complain a lot, but if i didn't i wouldn't be me. complaining is in my blood. i think up new things to complain about when i am done complaining about things. i am a whiney bitch, and i love it :)
check you all later, i am stoked about this party saturday
Monday, April 16, 2001
HAKUNA MATATA!
yes, we did keep the coin. i don't have it, but ryan does. they use it up at western for the same game. they have only done it once, but the one time they did they ended up on the freeway, and passed 14 exits before they finally got off. needless to say, they were wandering around in canada for a while.
on the whole hakuna matata thing, i didn't get up in time to go to my CS quiz, so i dropped the class. how pathetic am I. i don't want to get up, i will just drop the class i am supposed to go to. oh well. at least my boss from the summer is thinking about letting me come back to work now instead of waiting till the end of june. that would be pimp, i wouldn't have to go find a job. being lazy, this would be an ideal situation. one night astronomy class, one online class, and one slack job that pays well. then i would have enough money and stuff go buy things and go to movies. speaking of movies, there are a lot of movies out right now, or coming out that i want to see. i just saw a preview for some night movie with the guy from the patriot, the son guy. it looks pretty pimp, with lots of jousting and flying death and stuff. so yeah, i need a job.......
i will blog later. i suck, i can't believe i just dropped that class
yes, we did keep the coin. i don't have it, but ryan does. they use it up at western for the same game. they have only done it once, but the one time they did they ended up on the freeway, and passed 14 exits before they finally got off. needless to say, they were wandering around in canada for a while.
on the whole hakuna matata thing, i didn't get up in time to go to my CS quiz, so i dropped the class. how pathetic am I. i don't want to get up, i will just drop the class i am supposed to go to. oh well. at least my boss from the summer is thinking about letting me come back to work now instead of waiting till the end of june. that would be pimp, i wouldn't have to go find a job. being lazy, this would be an ideal situation. one night astronomy class, one online class, and one slack job that pays well. then i would have enough money and stuff go buy things and go to movies. speaking of movies, there are a lot of movies out right now, or coming out that i want to see. i just saw a preview for some night movie with the guy from the patriot, the son guy. it looks pretty pimp, with lots of jousting and flying death and stuff. so yeah, i need a job.......
i will blog later. i suck, i can't believe i just dropped that class
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sevenyaaaa abamisimaaaaaa ooooh yaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
so yeah, i just finished The Lion King again. I dunno, that movie is just pimp. There are a few disney movies that I actually like. The Lion King and Aladdin just pretty much rock. I dunno, it is probably because those were the main two when we were kids, but I also think they are the best two by far. The Lion King rocks. there is something about watching a lion, a meerkat and a warthog break out in song that is just, well, pimp. so yeah, i am pretty much going to alternate between watching these two movies for a while. I can't help it. i have disney in my blood now. I went and downloaded a few disney songs. The version of can you feel the love tonight from the movie, not the elton john crap version just rules. Back when lion king was new and cool, i had that song memorized. i would walk around singing/talking it. anyways, i hadn't seen the lion king in a while, and now i have again, so i am happy.
well, besides that, i sent an email the place i worked over the summer asking them if i could come back and work earlier. i may end up with a job after all. i ended up sending it at like 3 in the morning, not realizing what time it is. lets just hope they don't check the time stamp. also, i didn't study for my CS quiz, and i screwed the pooch on my last CS assignment. I am thinking of dropping it, i don't know if i can handle it right now. I have a while to go, i will see how i do in the early goings here. i doubt i will do very well in this class, and i am kind of annoyed with programming now. This leaves me at another awkward point in my life. up to this point, programming is really the only thing that has sparked my interest at all. now here i am pissed at having to do it. so now i have nothing that interests me, and not knowing what i want to do with my life again. fuck it, i don't care any more. school and life and all that are such bullshit. bah
so yeah, i just finished The Lion King again. I dunno, that movie is just pimp. There are a few disney movies that I actually like. The Lion King and Aladdin just pretty much rock. I dunno, it is probably because those were the main two when we were kids, but I also think they are the best two by far. The Lion King rocks. there is something about watching a lion, a meerkat and a warthog break out in song that is just, well, pimp. so yeah, i am pretty much going to alternate between watching these two movies for a while. I can't help it. i have disney in my blood now. I went and downloaded a few disney songs. The version of can you feel the love tonight from the movie, not the elton john crap version just rules. Back when lion king was new and cool, i had that song memorized. i would walk around singing/talking it. anyways, i hadn't seen the lion king in a while, and now i have again, so i am happy.
well, besides that, i sent an email the place i worked over the summer asking them if i could come back and work earlier. i may end up with a job after all. i ended up sending it at like 3 in the morning, not realizing what time it is. lets just hope they don't check the time stamp. also, i didn't study for my CS quiz, and i screwed the pooch on my last CS assignment. I am thinking of dropping it, i don't know if i can handle it right now. I have a while to go, i will see how i do in the early goings here. i doubt i will do very well in this class, and i am kind of annoyed with programming now. This leaves me at another awkward point in my life. up to this point, programming is really the only thing that has sparked my interest at all. now here i am pissed at having to do it. so now i have nothing that interests me, and not knowing what i want to do with my life again. fuck it, i don't care any more. school and life and all that are such bullshit. bah
Sunday, April 15, 2001
alright, pimp.
this is a blog that will basically chronical my night. it was a pretty funny night i must say. it started off, me getting a pizza and going over to my high school friend ryans. most of you know, that whenever i get together with ryan crazy things seem to happen. so, we watch falling down with michael douglass of all movies. that movie is so annoying, lol, but entertaining enough :) so yeah, we finish that and we are like now what the fuck are we going to do. my parents are gone, so i had my dads new mustang, so i am like lets go for a drive. so we go out for a while, i pull some nice 4 wheel drifts out in the country with the 3 of us in the car, break 100 a few times, then we realize that it is pretty boring so we need something else to do. so, we are like fuck it, we are going to kirkland. last time we went to kirkland, ryan and I almost got arrested, so we figured it would be a good time. we drive up to the strip, it is fucking deserted. its a saturday night, and there is no one. we are like what the hell. so we decide to go to church. it is only like 1 am or so, but we drive to my old church in bellevue and drive around the parking lot for a while. we get bored, so i steal a cone and we leave. we wander around downtown bellevue, and this is where the crazyness begins. we don't know where to go, so we decide to play this game. at every stop light, 4 way stop, or freeway exit, you flip a coin. heads is right, tails is left. if there is no right and you have heads, you go straight. if you are on the freeway, and you get a heads, you get off, etc. so, we do this for a while, we wind around past auto row and the hospital, and end up over by the coke bottling plant. we wind around in there over by lowes hardware, almost over to overlake. then we get a crazy string of flips that take us all the way to downtown kirkland again, from overlake. we are like, woah, crazy. so we wind around over through downtown kirkland, and end up over by tacoma screw and that place some how. we knew we were near the free way, so we were like yeah, crazy. eventually, as luck would have it, we end up on the freeway. we go a few exits south, then go through a few lights and end up getting directly back on the freeway north. this time, we end up back in downtown kirkland again. we kind of wind around, and eventually end up in totem lake. of course, this gets us on the free way again, and we go back to downtown kirkland, wind around, and eventually get on the freeway going north again. this time, we go for a while, and end up getting off somewhere between woodinville and kirkland. we wind way the fuck around through the middle of no where, going through crazy business parks, and all sorts of residential streets, and eventually we pop out in downtown bothell, lol. so, the coin takes us to an albertsons, obviously for a reason. so we get out, get something to drink, all is well. i am low on gas, but luckily the coin takes us to a gas station. not any gas station, but a texaco, which i have a gas card too. i am like, fuck yeah. the coin then takes us to jack in the box. we are pretty stoked. so, we get some food and head on out. we wind around somewhere behind bothell, going towards kenmore or some shit, waaaaay the hell out there, until eventually we wind our way back to downtown bothell again. crazy shit going on. the coin takes us and gets us on highway 522 or whatever towards woodinville and monroe. it gets us off at woodinville, and winds us around in downtown woodinville for a bit. eventually it takes us off to the east, going off crazy directions, taking us almost all the way to duvall. we get to a light. we know where we are, we are all from redmond. if we get a left, it takes us to the endless road through the cow fields to the bowels of the earth (Duvall). if we take a right, we get onto the street that turns into avondale road, which goes right through downtown redmond. so, of course, the coin knows all and gives us the right. we end up 2 stop lights away from the turn off to ryans house. SHEER INSANITY!!!! we start in fucking downtown bellevue, go to downtown kirkland, through totem lake, all sorts of directions on the freeway, to bothell, way the hell north of bothell, winding back to woodinville, and we end up about a mile or two from ryans house, which is where we started. during our journey, the coin got us something to drink when we were thirsty, led us to texaco when we needed gas (i was almost empty), and led us to jack in the box for food when we were hungary. this is the best game every, it was so cool :)
anyways, so now i am home, and i am about to start the lion king. hell yeah, pimpin hos left and right. check you all tomorrow
this is a blog that will basically chronical my night. it was a pretty funny night i must say. it started off, me getting a pizza and going over to my high school friend ryans. most of you know, that whenever i get together with ryan crazy things seem to happen. so, we watch falling down with michael douglass of all movies. that movie is so annoying, lol, but entertaining enough :) so yeah, we finish that and we are like now what the fuck are we going to do. my parents are gone, so i had my dads new mustang, so i am like lets go for a drive. so we go out for a while, i pull some nice 4 wheel drifts out in the country with the 3 of us in the car, break 100 a few times, then we realize that it is pretty boring so we need something else to do. so, we are like fuck it, we are going to kirkland. last time we went to kirkland, ryan and I almost got arrested, so we figured it would be a good time. we drive up to the strip, it is fucking deserted. its a saturday night, and there is no one. we are like what the hell. so we decide to go to church. it is only like 1 am or so, but we drive to my old church in bellevue and drive around the parking lot for a while. we get bored, so i steal a cone and we leave. we wander around downtown bellevue, and this is where the crazyness begins. we don't know where to go, so we decide to play this game. at every stop light, 4 way stop, or freeway exit, you flip a coin. heads is right, tails is left. if there is no right and you have heads, you go straight. if you are on the freeway, and you get a heads, you get off, etc. so, we do this for a while, we wind around past auto row and the hospital, and end up over by the coke bottling plant. we wind around in there over by lowes hardware, almost over to overlake. then we get a crazy string of flips that take us all the way to downtown kirkland again, from overlake. we are like, woah, crazy. so we wind around over through downtown kirkland, and end up over by tacoma screw and that place some how. we knew we were near the free way, so we were like yeah, crazy. eventually, as luck would have it, we end up on the freeway. we go a few exits south, then go through a few lights and end up getting directly back on the freeway north. this time, we end up back in downtown kirkland again. we kind of wind around, and eventually end up in totem lake. of course, this gets us on the free way again, and we go back to downtown kirkland, wind around, and eventually get on the freeway going north again. this time, we go for a while, and end up getting off somewhere between woodinville and kirkland. we wind way the fuck around through the middle of no where, going through crazy business parks, and all sorts of residential streets, and eventually we pop out in downtown bothell, lol. so, the coin takes us to an albertsons, obviously for a reason. so we get out, get something to drink, all is well. i am low on gas, but luckily the coin takes us to a gas station. not any gas station, but a texaco, which i have a gas card too. i am like, fuck yeah. the coin then takes us to jack in the box. we are pretty stoked. so, we get some food and head on out. we wind around somewhere behind bothell, going towards kenmore or some shit, waaaaay the hell out there, until eventually we wind our way back to downtown bothell again. crazy shit going on. the coin takes us and gets us on highway 522 or whatever towards woodinville and monroe. it gets us off at woodinville, and winds us around in downtown woodinville for a bit. eventually it takes us off to the east, going off crazy directions, taking us almost all the way to duvall. we get to a light. we know where we are, we are all from redmond. if we get a left, it takes us to the endless road through the cow fields to the bowels of the earth (Duvall). if we take a right, we get onto the street that turns into avondale road, which goes right through downtown redmond. so, of course, the coin knows all and gives us the right. we end up 2 stop lights away from the turn off to ryans house. SHEER INSANITY!!!! we start in fucking downtown bellevue, go to downtown kirkland, through totem lake, all sorts of directions on the freeway, to bothell, way the hell north of bothell, winding back to woodinville, and we end up about a mile or two from ryans house, which is where we started. during our journey, the coin got us something to drink when we were thirsty, led us to texaco when we needed gas (i was almost empty), and led us to jack in the box for food when we were hungary. this is the best game every, it was so cool :)
anyways, so now i am home, and i am about to start the lion king. hell yeah, pimpin hos left and right. check you all tomorrow
Saturday, April 14, 2001
alright, bloop.
stupid religion and stuff making me think..... bah. Well, I have been reading your blogs lately, mostly Travs and Manuel's, because they are the people that post and make sense the most. so yeah, i see them both posting, and i see them talking about women. bah! i don't have a woman right now. fuck, i don't even have a woman to complain about. I am realizing, i have nothing to complain about woman-wise at all, period. So i am complaining about this fact. The fact that i have had no opportunity to have something to complain about. it is actually pretty depressing, because it means i haven't been in a relationship, well ever really. i don't count the beginning of high school, i was a moron. those weren't relationships. the did jade me away from what a real relationship might be, so now here i am. for the most part, i am happy. i see people in relationships, and just see them have all these problems and stuff. thats not for me, i don't want all the crap they have to put up with. I am just out to have a good time, and hopefully females are involved. if something happens, great, but i am not out looking for a relationship or anything. but now that i am living at home, i have no interaction with anyone of the opposite sex, so that sucks too. bah, crap, blah. i need to stop complaining
anyways, we should do something tonight :) find somewhere to go and just get sloppy drunk. i am in a sloppy drunk kind of mood. oh yeah, and i still don't have a job
stupid religion and stuff making me think..... bah. Well, I have been reading your blogs lately, mostly Travs and Manuel's, because they are the people that post and make sense the most. so yeah, i see them both posting, and i see them talking about women. bah! i don't have a woman right now. fuck, i don't even have a woman to complain about. I am realizing, i have nothing to complain about woman-wise at all, period. So i am complaining about this fact. The fact that i have had no opportunity to have something to complain about. it is actually pretty depressing, because it means i haven't been in a relationship, well ever really. i don't count the beginning of high school, i was a moron. those weren't relationships. the did jade me away from what a real relationship might be, so now here i am. for the most part, i am happy. i see people in relationships, and just see them have all these problems and stuff. thats not for me, i don't want all the crap they have to put up with. I am just out to have a good time, and hopefully females are involved. if something happens, great, but i am not out looking for a relationship or anything. but now that i am living at home, i have no interaction with anyone of the opposite sex, so that sucks too. bah, crap, blah. i need to stop complaining
anyways, we should do something tonight :) find somewhere to go and just get sloppy drunk. i am in a sloppy drunk kind of mood. oh yeah, and i still don't have a job
Friday, April 13, 2001
Alright, I guess I am inspired by Trav. His post got me thinking, and so this one will probably be pretty long and go over a lot of things.
oh yeah, i think there are two types of drivers, utter fucking morons, and those people who don't drive enough to notice the other fucking morons. If you don't mind these morons, obviously you don't drive enough. I am in a class of my own, being the god I am ;) actually, I drove my parents to the airport this morning at about 4 AM, and driving was fine. It has restored my faith in highways and driving and the like, because there is actually a time where traffic is moving. who cares if there were only 5 other people on the road, traffic was acutally going, dammit.
Alright, platypii....... uhhh, i don't remember the question, but I am broke. so, platypii are different from mammals for a few reasons. They have no nipples or mammary glands, I think most other mammals have those. also, their legs go out, then down, like lizards legs do. their body temperature is lower than most mammals, uhhh, males have poison glands on their back legs i think, i don't think a lot of mammals have poison glands.
as for religion, trav was right on with a lot of things there. I agree with him on a lot. people who blindly choose one way or the other piss me off. i guess you could technically call me an agnostic, but i am seriously atheist. so yeah, crazyness and all. The bible will never cease to amaze me. how anyone can take anything from the bible as fact is beyond me. It has gone through so many translations by bored scribes through so many languages. who knows how many things vital to the divinity of god are merely the acts of flawed translations. take moses and the parting of the red sea. alright, bare with me here, i forget exactly which languages warped it, but i think in the translation from arameic to hebrew, or from hebrew to latin, one of those two, the translation of the words "red" and "reed" are nearly identical. also, there is a Reed Sea, that was much smaller and very shallow, covered in reeds, but still existed in the general area where this whole migration of the jews took place. think about this. there is a Reed Sea and a Red sea. the word for reed and red are nearly the same. Moses parts the red sea, displacing millions of gallons of water, making the jews walk down below the water line all the way across the bottom of the sea and back up, and the egyptian warriors in all this time could not catch the tired malnourished ex-slaves. not only that, but after all the jews are across the egyptians just happen to be in the middle of the sea and moses again displaces millions of gallons of water and the sea closes over the egyptians. or this. the Reed sea, aptly named because it is covered in reeds growing in the water. moses parts the reeds in the water, allowing his people to cross the sea, and the reeds close behind them, fooling the egyptians. somehow this version makes an infinite amount of sense to me when compared with the other version. another translation error. again, from arameic to hebrew, or hebrew to latin, something like that, the words for little girl and virgin are interchangable. so, some scribe sees this word, and writes down virgin mary instead of little girl mary. so poof! in the stroke of a pen, or reed, or whatever the hell he is using, he just created what is to become one of the foundations of the catholic/christian faith. haha, something i like to do, is take it beyond that. in that day, one of the only ways for little girls to survive was prostitution. so joseph stumbles across this prostitute and falls in love. wonder of wonders!!! she is pregnant and they have never had sex!!!!! dear lord, immaculate conception!!!! mary feigns innocence and says an angel came to her. over the years, the catholic church takes their artistic liberty, and writes in all sorts of chapters in the new testament referring to this nonesense. which brings me to another thing. we have no clue how bastardized the bible we see today is after the 800 some years between the fall or rome and the renaissance. i mean seriously, there was no organized education in european states, so the only people who could actually read latin were priests and monks. we also have seen just how insanely corrupt the catholic church managed to become. come on, we all read "everyman" in high school, a story whose moral is basically "give all your posessions and land to the church, and get rid of all free thinking and free will, and you will get a free pass into heaven." catholicism warped whatever shreds of dignity christianity had in their reign of terror during the dark ages. somehow, what we see as one of the darkest points in history also happened to be the rule of one of the most popular religions. did the church make any attempt to pull the world out of the dark ages? not really, they had a pretty damn good racket going on, why would they want to change. then, during the age of enlightenment, people finally start to realize what a sham the catholic church is and say fuck this, i am out. hence, we get protestantism. i have respect for the foundation protestantism was based on. basically, you think for yourself, and make your own faith. most people don't want to think about their religion, they want to be told what they should do so they can be good people. people look to religion for comfort, not an actual belief system. people make up their own belief systems from life exerience. one of the hardest things i see in life is when my parents lay down their tythe money ever month, like 20% of their annual salary is what my old church demands as a minimum. it is nuts. i just watch it and want to cry. do they actually believe that a new porsche for the pastor is what their god wants? i went through confirmation and saw they way my church operates. it scared the living shit out of me.
alright, i am kind of wandering here. back the bible. trav made a damn good point when he mentioned the differences in god between the old and new testament. i mean, fuck, go read exodus. that is a damn scary book. god is ordering genocide and destruction left and right. i mean, look at this - "I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation..." -- Exodus 20:5. i mean, that is fucking scary. we have a jealous god who will destroy your family for generations if you disagree with him. holy shit, yeah, i want to practice this religion, sounds like fun. But then comes the new testament. Oh yeah, we were just kidding with all that death and killing stuff, here is how it really is. god is this fluffy being who loves you no matter what, so its all good. i don't know which scares me more, the vengeful god of the old testament, or the sappy god of the new testament. shit.
alright, i wanted to start in on all my warped versions of christianity that i believe are more accurate versions of what church really teaches, but i won't. i will save that for another day
oh yeah, i think there are two types of drivers, utter fucking morons, and those people who don't drive enough to notice the other fucking morons. If you don't mind these morons, obviously you don't drive enough. I am in a class of my own, being the god I am ;) actually, I drove my parents to the airport this morning at about 4 AM, and driving was fine. It has restored my faith in highways and driving and the like, because there is actually a time where traffic is moving. who cares if there were only 5 other people on the road, traffic was acutally going, dammit.
Alright, platypii....... uhhh, i don't remember the question, but I am broke. so, platypii are different from mammals for a few reasons. They have no nipples or mammary glands, I think most other mammals have those. also, their legs go out, then down, like lizards legs do. their body temperature is lower than most mammals, uhhh, males have poison glands on their back legs i think, i don't think a lot of mammals have poison glands.
as for religion, trav was right on with a lot of things there. I agree with him on a lot. people who blindly choose one way or the other piss me off. i guess you could technically call me an agnostic, but i am seriously atheist. so yeah, crazyness and all. The bible will never cease to amaze me. how anyone can take anything from the bible as fact is beyond me. It has gone through so many translations by bored scribes through so many languages. who knows how many things vital to the divinity of god are merely the acts of flawed translations. take moses and the parting of the red sea. alright, bare with me here, i forget exactly which languages warped it, but i think in the translation from arameic to hebrew, or from hebrew to latin, one of those two, the translation of the words "red" and "reed" are nearly identical. also, there is a Reed Sea, that was much smaller and very shallow, covered in reeds, but still existed in the general area where this whole migration of the jews took place. think about this. there is a Reed Sea and a Red sea. the word for reed and red are nearly the same. Moses parts the red sea, displacing millions of gallons of water, making the jews walk down below the water line all the way across the bottom of the sea and back up, and the egyptian warriors in all this time could not catch the tired malnourished ex-slaves. not only that, but after all the jews are across the egyptians just happen to be in the middle of the sea and moses again displaces millions of gallons of water and the sea closes over the egyptians. or this. the Reed sea, aptly named because it is covered in reeds growing in the water. moses parts the reeds in the water, allowing his people to cross the sea, and the reeds close behind them, fooling the egyptians. somehow this version makes an infinite amount of sense to me when compared with the other version. another translation error. again, from arameic to hebrew, or hebrew to latin, something like that, the words for little girl and virgin are interchangable. so, some scribe sees this word, and writes down virgin mary instead of little girl mary. so poof! in the stroke of a pen, or reed, or whatever the hell he is using, he just created what is to become one of the foundations of the catholic/christian faith. haha, something i like to do, is take it beyond that. in that day, one of the only ways for little girls to survive was prostitution. so joseph stumbles across this prostitute and falls in love. wonder of wonders!!! she is pregnant and they have never had sex!!!!! dear lord, immaculate conception!!!! mary feigns innocence and says an angel came to her. over the years, the catholic church takes their artistic liberty, and writes in all sorts of chapters in the new testament referring to this nonesense. which brings me to another thing. we have no clue how bastardized the bible we see today is after the 800 some years between the fall or rome and the renaissance. i mean seriously, there was no organized education in european states, so the only people who could actually read latin were priests and monks. we also have seen just how insanely corrupt the catholic church managed to become. come on, we all read "everyman" in high school, a story whose moral is basically "give all your posessions and land to the church, and get rid of all free thinking and free will, and you will get a free pass into heaven." catholicism warped whatever shreds of dignity christianity had in their reign of terror during the dark ages. somehow, what we see as one of the darkest points in history also happened to be the rule of one of the most popular religions. did the church make any attempt to pull the world out of the dark ages? not really, they had a pretty damn good racket going on, why would they want to change. then, during the age of enlightenment, people finally start to realize what a sham the catholic church is and say fuck this, i am out. hence, we get protestantism. i have respect for the foundation protestantism was based on. basically, you think for yourself, and make your own faith. most people don't want to think about their religion, they want to be told what they should do so they can be good people. people look to religion for comfort, not an actual belief system. people make up their own belief systems from life exerience. one of the hardest things i see in life is when my parents lay down their tythe money ever month, like 20% of their annual salary is what my old church demands as a minimum. it is nuts. i just watch it and want to cry. do they actually believe that a new porsche for the pastor is what their god wants? i went through confirmation and saw they way my church operates. it scared the living shit out of me.
alright, i am kind of wandering here. back the bible. trav made a damn good point when he mentioned the differences in god between the old and new testament. i mean, fuck, go read exodus. that is a damn scary book. god is ordering genocide and destruction left and right. i mean, look at this - "I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation..." -- Exodus 20:5. i mean, that is fucking scary. we have a jealous god who will destroy your family for generations if you disagree with him. holy shit, yeah, i want to practice this religion, sounds like fun. But then comes the new testament. Oh yeah, we were just kidding with all that death and killing stuff, here is how it really is. god is this fluffy being who loves you no matter what, so its all good. i don't know which scares me more, the vengeful god of the old testament, or the sappy god of the new testament. shit.
alright, i wanted to start in on all my warped versions of christianity that i believe are more accurate versions of what church really teaches, but i won't. i will save that for another day
alright, here we go. rants for the day. first rant, pertaining to driving. fuckers who decide to get on the freeway and don't think they have to merge. those damn jerkoffs who toodle down the on ramp at 40 mph, and don't even look to see if anyone is in the god damn lane before pulling into traffic. god damn these assholes piss me off. i fucking HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!! GAAAHHHHHHHHH
anyways, on to more important things. something i was thinking about on the way home. in elementary school remember D.A.R.E.? well, i got to thinking. I didn't really know about drugs in specific until DARE. i didn't really care, i just knew they were bad. then DARE comes along, spilling out all this shit about why drugs are bad, and that i will die immediately if i take them. so this gets me to thinking. why do people take them if they are so bad? you know, i would never have even thought about taking drugs if it hadn't been for DARE. DARE really was the thing that peaked my curiousity. it is what turned me in to the little hellion i am. it made me start thinking about the things i could get away with. stealing, vandalism, all this stuff. drugs i stayed away from for a while, but i was always curious. so, when opportunities presented themselves, i had to try it. i had been curious since elementary school from DARE after all, and everything that DARE told me was bad actually turned out to be good. now apparently i am evil or something, because i have gone against basically everything that DARE told me. do i feel evil? hell no. invigorated, yes. rebellious, yes. worldly, yes. in fact, if it wasn't for DARE, i wouldn't drink, do drugs, steal, or commit random acts of violence. these things are all fun though. if it wasn't for DARE trying to corrupt me in one way with extremes at a very young age, i would not be sitting happily at the other extreme today. i just think it is kind of funny.
Tuesday, April 10, 2001
dammit, stupid and stuff
here is a new list of things i hate
- school
- homework i get from school
- driving to school
- driving home from school
- driving in general
- the other 4 million morons who I happen to be sharing the road with
- school
- living at home because i got kicked out of school
- the internet connection at my house
- school
anyways, i am driving home from school today. i turn onto redwood road, speed limit 40 miles an hour. speed limit should be 50 miles an hour, it is technically a highway (state route 202). so i am accellerating and all that jazz, going faster and stuff, normal things to do coming through a stop light. the fucking prick in front of me decides that i am going too fast for his tastes, and decides it is a good idea to go 25 miles an hour the entire fucking time i am behind him. that is a full 15 miles under the speed limit, and half the fucking speed he should be going. GOD DAMMIT IT PISSES ME OFF. where do these fuckers come from!!! i hate them!!!! i wanted to drive this guy off the fucking road!!!!! the dude behind me travelled the entire way with his hand on the horn, i was a few inches behind the guy with my middle finger extended, and still this guy is toodling along. it freaking pissed me off, GAH. now i come home, and i have to do fucking homework. god dammit, i hate homework, it is so pointless. at least it is programming, but still it is going to be highly homosexual. oh well, fuck it, i will just put it off and do it in the middle of the night like i always do. on top of that, i have to print out all my code and turn it in on a disk. that is going to be like 10 pages or something, and i have to track down a fucking disk. GAH. why the hell can't i just email it to you!!! you are a fucking programming teacher, figure out this wonderous new thing called the internet. BAH!!! shnikes, at least my turntables are cool. i still suck with them, i just need to practice. which means i need to stop sleeping all day. oh yeah, and i need money, which means i need to go get a job. to get a job i need to go find one, which means i need to stop sleeping all day. i blame it all on fucking homework. homework is the bane of my existence. anyways, fuck it, this blog is over, i am pissed
here is a new list of things i hate
- school
- homework i get from school
- driving to school
- driving home from school
- driving in general
- the other 4 million morons who I happen to be sharing the road with
- school
- living at home because i got kicked out of school
- the internet connection at my house
- school
anyways, i am driving home from school today. i turn onto redwood road, speed limit 40 miles an hour. speed limit should be 50 miles an hour, it is technically a highway (state route 202). so i am accellerating and all that jazz, going faster and stuff, normal things to do coming through a stop light. the fucking prick in front of me decides that i am going too fast for his tastes, and decides it is a good idea to go 25 miles an hour the entire fucking time i am behind him. that is a full 15 miles under the speed limit, and half the fucking speed he should be going. GOD DAMMIT IT PISSES ME OFF. where do these fuckers come from!!! i hate them!!!! i wanted to drive this guy off the fucking road!!!!! the dude behind me travelled the entire way with his hand on the horn, i was a few inches behind the guy with my middle finger extended, and still this guy is toodling along. it freaking pissed me off, GAH. now i come home, and i have to do fucking homework. god dammit, i hate homework, it is so pointless. at least it is programming, but still it is going to be highly homosexual. oh well, fuck it, i will just put it off and do it in the middle of the night like i always do. on top of that, i have to print out all my code and turn it in on a disk. that is going to be like 10 pages or something, and i have to track down a fucking disk. GAH. why the hell can't i just email it to you!!! you are a fucking programming teacher, figure out this wonderous new thing called the internet. BAH!!! shnikes, at least my turntables are cool. i still suck with them, i just need to practice. which means i need to stop sleeping all day. oh yeah, and i need money, which means i need to go get a job. to get a job i need to go find one, which means i need to stop sleeping all day. i blame it all on fucking homework. homework is the bane of my existence. anyways, fuck it, this blog is over, i am pissed
Friday, April 06, 2001
frickity frick, i still didn't go look for a job yesterday, oh well. i did go to class yesterday, that is a small victory.
well, besides the fact that I WAS ALMOST LATE FOR MY FUCKING CLASS. It took me almost an hour to get their because the world is filled with FREAKING MORONS. how is it that so many people have failed to grasp the simple concept of driving???? i mean shit, it isn't that hard. you get into one lane and travel along a little above the speed limit. if you have to change lanes or turn, you put on your signal, look to see if someone is their, and if no one is their you change lanes or turn. you do not do such things as:
1. run into people
2. run into other cars
3. think it is acceptable to go 10 miles under the speed limit no matter where you go
4. stop for no reason in the middle of traffic.
5. drive in two lanes
6. drive in two lanes because you forgot your turn at a stop light, conveniently blocking all traffic through the intersection while you try to make your turn.
7. talk on your cell phones and stop paying attention to the fact that you are in a 1.5 ton chunk of metal travelling at 40 mph towards a row of stopped cars at a red light.
other things i have noticed. nothing can screw up traffic and make driving more dangerous than the presence of a cop. people see a cop and suddenly slam on the breaks until they are going at least 5 under the limit. everyone behind them is forced to slam on the breaks, and our now pissed because they can't see the cop, they just realize they are going 5 under the limit for no apparent reason. when the cop turns, this action continues for at least a mile. the presence of a cop disturbs both directions of traffic, making an entire 3 mile section of road way a hellish death trap in both directions. I thought we had policemen patrolling our roads to keep them safe, but really the opposite happens. people also need to figure out that if you are going 5 over, you are not going to get fucking pulled over. the cop will pull over the person speeding around you at 15 over. if you go the speed limit or 5 under, people are just going to speed around you at 15 or 20 mph faster than you are going, and probably give you the finger or try to run you off the road. you aren't affected, and you get to your destination faster. what i REALLY hate are the people that figure they will fix things by going 10 miles under the speed limit. i guess they figure that because most sane people go 10 over or so unless there is a cop in the area, they will fix the situation by going 10 mph under. this fucking pisses the living hell out of me. people do it all the time on redwood road. i get so tempted to just ram them. i really really hate it, i just want to yell and fucking rip shit apart.
fuck the morons anyway. they are either old and are going to die soon anyways, or are just complete morons and deserved to be knocked out of the gene pool.
well, besides the fact that I WAS ALMOST LATE FOR MY FUCKING CLASS. It took me almost an hour to get their because the world is filled with FREAKING MORONS. how is it that so many people have failed to grasp the simple concept of driving???? i mean shit, it isn't that hard. you get into one lane and travel along a little above the speed limit. if you have to change lanes or turn, you put on your signal, look to see if someone is their, and if no one is their you change lanes or turn. you do not do such things as:
1. run into people
2. run into other cars
3. think it is acceptable to go 10 miles under the speed limit no matter where you go
4. stop for no reason in the middle of traffic.
5. drive in two lanes
6. drive in two lanes because you forgot your turn at a stop light, conveniently blocking all traffic through the intersection while you try to make your turn.
7. talk on your cell phones and stop paying attention to the fact that you are in a 1.5 ton chunk of metal travelling at 40 mph towards a row of stopped cars at a red light.
other things i have noticed. nothing can screw up traffic and make driving more dangerous than the presence of a cop. people see a cop and suddenly slam on the breaks until they are going at least 5 under the limit. everyone behind them is forced to slam on the breaks, and our now pissed because they can't see the cop, they just realize they are going 5 under the limit for no apparent reason. when the cop turns, this action continues for at least a mile. the presence of a cop disturbs both directions of traffic, making an entire 3 mile section of road way a hellish death trap in both directions. I thought we had policemen patrolling our roads to keep them safe, but really the opposite happens. people also need to figure out that if you are going 5 over, you are not going to get fucking pulled over. the cop will pull over the person speeding around you at 15 over. if you go the speed limit or 5 under, people are just going to speed around you at 15 or 20 mph faster than you are going, and probably give you the finger or try to run you off the road. you aren't affected, and you get to your destination faster. what i REALLY hate are the people that figure they will fix things by going 10 miles under the speed limit. i guess they figure that because most sane people go 10 over or so unless there is a cop in the area, they will fix the situation by going 10 mph under. this fucking pisses the living hell out of me. people do it all the time on redwood road. i get so tempted to just ram them. i really really hate it, i just want to yell and fucking rip shit apart.
fuck the morons anyway. they are either old and are going to die soon anyways, or are just complete morons and deserved to be knocked out of the gene pool.
Thursday, April 05, 2001
Ok, no really, i am going to look for a job today. pfffft hahahaha. i know i am not going to do it, so why bother kidding myself. oh well, I am a bum, whatcha gonna do :P in other news, I am too lazy to walk up to the door to check if my Black & White is here. I should really do that. My turntables are pretty sweet, my records are sweet, etc. I am having a lot of fun with them. Soooooo bored, bloop bloop.......
Class sucks. I hate it. I have been going for 3 days now and I am already pissed that i have to go. On top of that, I really need a job. And on top of that, i have to spend like $400 on books this quarter, so I think i am in debt and stuff by like $50. Now I really need a job.
Oh yeah, and on top of that, I am bored. I wish i still lived on campus. It sucks having to drive all the way over for social interaction. I end up missing all sorts of things because i don't want to have to sit through an hour of traffic to get my lazy ass over their, silly me. speaking of which, traffic has been nuts getting to BCC now too, It takes me like 45 minutes to get the 8 miles or whatever from my house to BCC. That is nuts. it takes me like 5-10 minutes to drive home. who are all these people and where are they going???? and why do they all want to go the way i am going???? stupid traffic, it pisses me off. not only do i not want to go to school, but i have to waste 45 minutes of my day battling with other moron drivers. we have old ladies driving into people in one lane, and over stressed 45 year-old road rage prone business type guys in the other lane. then you have me who just wants to make it to his fucking class in time trying to get around all these people without getting rammed. fuck it, i am going to go look for a job.
Class sucks. I hate it. I have been going for 3 days now and I am already pissed that i have to go. On top of that, I really need a job. And on top of that, i have to spend like $400 on books this quarter, so I think i am in debt and stuff by like $50. Now I really need a job.
Oh yeah, and on top of that, I am bored. I wish i still lived on campus. It sucks having to drive all the way over for social interaction. I end up missing all sorts of things because i don't want to have to sit through an hour of traffic to get my lazy ass over their, silly me. speaking of which, traffic has been nuts getting to BCC now too, It takes me like 45 minutes to get the 8 miles or whatever from my house to BCC. That is nuts. it takes me like 5-10 minutes to drive home. who are all these people and where are they going???? and why do they all want to go the way i am going???? stupid traffic, it pisses me off. not only do i not want to go to school, but i have to waste 45 minutes of my day battling with other moron drivers. we have old ladies driving into people in one lane, and over stressed 45 year-old road rage prone business type guys in the other lane. then you have me who just wants to make it to his fucking class in time trying to get around all these people without getting rammed. fuck it, i am going to go look for a job.
Monday, April 02, 2001
Alright, my turntables got here today. FUCKING PIMP. it took me a while to get it all working, but at least they play records now. I am going to have to do some serious work to figure out how to actually mix stuff :) i am pretty damn happy though.
Well, at least i am happy for a while. on a side note, fucking school fucking starts today, BAH BAH BAH. i hate school, i don't want to go back. and on a side side note, i still don't have a freaking job. oh well, what ya gonna do.
So yeah, my turntables rock. I had to build them, more or less, but it was pretty easy. the hardest part was putting the cartridge and stylus on (the whole needle dealy). i had to use little screws and wires and such, but now it is all working. also, i have no idea how to balance the tone arms, so i might have it set up all wrong. and i think something is wrong with the first input on my mixer. luckily i have 4 inputs, so it doesn't really matter :) well, long story slightly shorter, i finally got it playing music, and i have been playing those records i do have all day now. fun fun fun stuff :) Oh yeah, black and white isn't here yet, but at least i have something to do.
Well, at least i am happy for a while. on a side note, fucking school fucking starts today, BAH BAH BAH. i hate school, i don't want to go back. and on a side side note, i still don't have a freaking job. oh well, what ya gonna do.
So yeah, my turntables rock. I had to build them, more or less, but it was pretty easy. the hardest part was putting the cartridge and stylus on (the whole needle dealy). i had to use little screws and wires and such, but now it is all working. also, i have no idea how to balance the tone arms, so i might have it set up all wrong. and i think something is wrong with the first input on my mixer. luckily i have 4 inputs, so it doesn't really matter :) well, long story slightly shorter, i finally got it playing music, and i have been playing those records i do have all day now. fun fun fun stuff :) Oh yeah, black and white isn't here yet, but at least i have something to do.
