Wednesday, August 29, 2001
Monday, August 27, 2001
ok, lol, what the fuck is up with all the parentheses and shit around random letters in words? am i missing something? l{o}l :P
Sunday, August 26, 2001
alright, here is what i am going to complain about tonight ;) you are playing pool. there is always that one ball who refuses to go in. no matter how many easy ass shots you take at it, it always manages to rim out, and then you scratch or some shit like that. that ball gets pretty annoying if you ask me.
you know what else is funny? how you go into the bathroom, and sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and think, damn i am one sexy bitch. then other times you go in, and it is like, god damn i am ugly!!! how could i think i was a sexy bitch!! i think this is humorous :) something i have noticed.
actually, i am going to complain about one other thing. the guy in the house behind us is ALWAYS banging some metal thing around in his backyard. it sounds like a ladder or something. he is always just going back and carrying his ladder around or some nonesense. it is really wierd. i'll go into the bathroom or something, then clang clang clang, this dude is just wandering around bangin shit. but he does it like a few times a day, and it is always the exact same thing. i am tempted to put up spy cameras or something just to see what the hell he is doing so i can use my bathroom in piece, without this guy wandering around right outside it :P
you know what else is funny? how you go into the bathroom, and sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and think, damn i am one sexy bitch. then other times you go in, and it is like, god damn i am ugly!!! how could i think i was a sexy bitch!! i think this is humorous :) something i have noticed.
actually, i am going to complain about one other thing. the guy in the house behind us is ALWAYS banging some metal thing around in his backyard. it sounds like a ladder or something. he is always just going back and carrying his ladder around or some nonesense. it is really wierd. i'll go into the bathroom or something, then clang clang clang, this dude is just wandering around bangin shit. but he does it like a few times a day, and it is always the exact same thing. i am tempted to put up spy cameras or something just to see what the hell he is doing so i can use my bathroom in piece, without this guy wandering around right outside it :P
its not fair. it is sunday already. how come weekends have to be so short and the week has to be sooooooooo freaking long. bwah.
Saturday, August 25, 2001
for some reason my blog hasn't published the last few posts, at least on my computer, i wonder why :(
i am in the mood for something, i just don't know what it is
i have been so lazy today. although, in my lazyness, i have done more than i have done any other day this week. i actually went and bought nice clothes. i don't have them yet, but i bought them. i want to get them and just wear them around. i am so stylin. but i can't be stylin until thursday. oh well, thursday it is.
i am sitting here, just checking the same few webpages over and over again in case they have changed. but they haven't. they never do. but i will continue to check them. eventually one of them has to change.
i have been so lazy today. although, in my lazyness, i have done more than i have done any other day this week. i actually went and bought nice clothes. i don't have them yet, but i bought them. i want to get them and just wear them around. i am so stylin. but i can't be stylin until thursday. oh well, thursday it is.
i am sitting here, just checking the same few webpages over and over again in case they have changed. but they haven't. they never do. but i will continue to check them. eventually one of them has to change.
not in the mood for socialization even. there were people to talk to, but did i? no, i didn't. i just politely answered the questions asked of me, and turned around again, back to my computer.
so yeah, i went suit shopping with my dad today. i ended up spending a lot more than i wanted too, but i am going to look really stylin. now all i need is a belt, and socks, and shoes......... etc etc. i have never really had nice clothes before now. i mean, when i was a kid i had the default shirt and tie and cheap pants, you know the drill, church clothes. but i am getting a sports coat and slacks, and nice shirts and ties and shit. they had these shoes i really liked, but they were $99. they were marked down from $199, but still. i don't have nice shoes, i need to get some before this weekend. i will probably pick up that pair when i go back to pick up my coat and pants. i am going to be looking swank though. it is pretty cool.
fuck it all, anyways. what did i do last night? i sat around at home and drank. everyone else went out to the movie, and i didn't even bother asking where everyone was going. it was pretty funny, i think. i need to get really drunk though. i have trouble getting completely blasted when i am drinking beer or mikes or something. 40's do it to me, but not in the same way. i need shots, and i need them fast. i miss the hardcore drunkeness i used to have. i didn't even puke that often :P whatever. so many plans for this weekend. am i actually going to carry them out? no. i don't know what i want to do tonight. i am too lazy to go out and do something. i still haven't deposited my paycheck from like a few weeks ago. damn, i really need that money in the bank. i don't think i can afford this suit i just bought. i am sending myself eternally into debt. but good news. i have employment for next quarter at least. i finally got word, they are going to keep me around, however much i want to work. this was good news.
whatever. that seems to be my motto these days. fuck it, who cares...
so yeah, i went suit shopping with my dad today. i ended up spending a lot more than i wanted too, but i am going to look really stylin. now all i need is a belt, and socks, and shoes......... etc etc. i have never really had nice clothes before now. i mean, when i was a kid i had the default shirt and tie and cheap pants, you know the drill, church clothes. but i am getting a sports coat and slacks, and nice shirts and ties and shit. they had these shoes i really liked, but they were $99. they were marked down from $199, but still. i don't have nice shoes, i need to get some before this weekend. i will probably pick up that pair when i go back to pick up my coat and pants. i am going to be looking swank though. it is pretty cool.
fuck it all, anyways. what did i do last night? i sat around at home and drank. everyone else went out to the movie, and i didn't even bother asking where everyone was going. it was pretty funny, i think. i need to get really drunk though. i have trouble getting completely blasted when i am drinking beer or mikes or something. 40's do it to me, but not in the same way. i need shots, and i need them fast. i miss the hardcore drunkeness i used to have. i didn't even puke that often :P whatever. so many plans for this weekend. am i actually going to carry them out? no. i don't know what i want to do tonight. i am too lazy to go out and do something. i still haven't deposited my paycheck from like a few weeks ago. damn, i really need that money in the bank. i don't think i can afford this suit i just bought. i am sending myself eternally into debt. but good news. i have employment for next quarter at least. i finally got word, they are going to keep me around, however much i want to work. this was good news.
whatever. that seems to be my motto these days. fuck it, who cares...
i am selfish prick. i am annoyed with laws that don't benefit me. this law does not benefit me, in this situation. there are 2 spots in front of our house that we park backwards on. the first one, closest to the driveway, my line of site can't be blocked because the driveway is there. the second is shielded by the fire hydrant. no one is going to park behind me, because there is a fire hydrant and an intersection. i can back up and get my line of site. i know the law is the law everywhere, and they can't make exceptions on a case by case basis because they are only fucking gimp traffic cops and thinking would be beyond them. frankly, i don't like policemen and women. i am polite, i am civil, i am rational whenever i talk to them. i smile, i admit that they are my superiors, but still they fucking give me flak whenever i get pulled over/talked too/etc, merely because i am young, and i look like i could be up to no good. it pisses the living fuck out of me. one of these days, i am going to stop being polite, and decide to stand up for myself to some prick policeman, and i am going to get my ass thrown in jail. dicks put into a position of near absolute power, but don't have the intellect or personality to handle it. they have to lord it over people, like they have been chosen by some higher power for this great honor, and they have a duty to wield this power over you, even when it is not necessary.
yeah, the laws are there to protect us, but in this case did i need protecting? no, it was obvious i didn't. i was in front of my own house. i had a ford escort parked behind me that i could clearly see past. i had a driveway and then a space on the other side of the driveway in front of me. officer monet was just having a bad day and decided to take it out on my unsuspecting ass. and i am pissed because he has the power to do this. he could have found something wrong with any number of cars along the street. but he had to pick me, and there is nothing i can do about it. i have to pay this fucking fine, because some cock saw it fitting to ram it up my ass.
the police are here to protect us, sure. and they do, to some extent. but do we need all the protection they say they are providing us with? my ill will for the police stems from my ill will towards how our government is run. they are extentions of the government, the only real extention i come into contact with. in my eyes, they back up all my fears, and inherit the bad qualities i see in our government. i have given up caring about what i think is wrong with the government. there is nothing i can do. i admitted defeat on this a long time ago. but that still doesn't mean my views aren't there, and when i come into contact with the police i am reminded of them.
i have yet to meet a policeman who isn't a complete dick because of his or her badge. maybe someday someone will prove me wrong. who knows. one of my points is, traffic cops are worse, because they aren't even real policemen. they are the rejects who got stuck into a little buggy patrolling residential streets from the big bad parking demon. real american heros protecting the unsuspecting citizens from real menaces to society. if i were them, i would have a huge stick up my ass too, realizing exactly what it was i was doing. i would never put myself in a position to be a traffic patrol person though.
and as for stupid drivers, doing even get me fucking started on them
yeah, the laws are there to protect us, but in this case did i need protecting? no, it was obvious i didn't. i was in front of my own house. i had a ford escort parked behind me that i could clearly see past. i had a driveway and then a space on the other side of the driveway in front of me. officer monet was just having a bad day and decided to take it out on my unsuspecting ass. and i am pissed because he has the power to do this. he could have found something wrong with any number of cars along the street. but he had to pick me, and there is nothing i can do about it. i have to pay this fucking fine, because some cock saw it fitting to ram it up my ass.
the police are here to protect us, sure. and they do, to some extent. but do we need all the protection they say they are providing us with? my ill will for the police stems from my ill will towards how our government is run. they are extentions of the government, the only real extention i come into contact with. in my eyes, they back up all my fears, and inherit the bad qualities i see in our government. i have given up caring about what i think is wrong with the government. there is nothing i can do. i admitted defeat on this a long time ago. but that still doesn't mean my views aren't there, and when i come into contact with the police i am reminded of them.
i have yet to meet a policeman who isn't a complete dick because of his or her badge. maybe someday someone will prove me wrong. who knows. one of my points is, traffic cops are worse, because they aren't even real policemen. they are the rejects who got stuck into a little buggy patrolling residential streets from the big bad parking demon. real american heros protecting the unsuspecting citizens from real menaces to society. if i were them, i would have a huge stick up my ass too, realizing exactly what it was i was doing. i would never put myself in a position to be a traffic patrol person though.
and as for stupid drivers, doing even get me fucking started on them
Friday, August 24, 2001
normally i don't post links and shit, but this fucking cracked me up
http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.html
http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.html
to trav. a week ago, i didn't care about anything. everyone and everything was insignificant. i could have cared less. i was talking about needing a way out of depression, and i guess i found it. i didn't really want it to be anger, but what you going to do. so long depression.
and no, this rage was not inspired by one fucking traffic ticket. that just set me off. i am angry about other things at the moment. things i am not going to share here (yes there are things i won't blog about, believe it or not).
i need an outlet. i need something to direct anger towards. work was great today. there was this pile of mulch, and it wasn't in the right spot, so i got pissed at it, and moved it. thats actually not what happened, i just convinced myself that is what happened. i was actually supposed to wheelbarrow and spread the mulch. but FUCK THE MULCH. the mulch was pissing me off, so i got mad at it and took care of it. it was pretty damn satisfying. everyone was kind of looking at me funny though, scowlin at the pile of mulch and attacking it with a pitchfork. i got more done today than anyone else, even the over active people. it rocked.
god, this week better be fucking over. i am so sick of this week. what a shitty ass dick fuck of a week. i am angry at this week. i am angry at a lot of things. I am going to go home and direct my rage towards the remaining alcohol i have left.
oh yeah, the plan for saturday night. anyone else who wants to join me in my grand scheme can. i am going to go to the store, and steal a box of cold medicine. i am then going to take the entire box of cold medicine. if this doesn't destroy all of my braincells and send me into a coma, or destroy my stomach and send me to the hospital for pumpage, it should send me into a 13 hour long dex trip. so, i will be out of it, probably wandering seattle hallucinating fairly heavily. cough medicine sometimes contains Dextromethorphan (dex, DXM). dex is highly hallucinagenic. this is why your dreams are so whacked out when you take nyquil and stuff, and if you take anough cold medicine, you are really out of it, lots of tracers, etc. so, if you take enough cough medicine, you send yourself trippin. normally, this wreaks havoc on your insides. downing a bottle of robotussin really makes you nauseous for about an hour or so before the dex fully kicks in. but there is a solution. there is a cough medicin called coricidren (spelling is close enough) that will not make you nauseous if you take it in high doses. also, it is in pill form, so you don't have to swallow 6 ounces of nasty cough syrup, you can just drop 12 pills instead. you can trip without the major downside normally associated with dexing. anyways, thats what i am doing. i am getting completely fucking blasted friday night, and destroying the rest of my brain on sunday. i need to escape reality. anyone who thinks this is a bad idea? i know it is a bad idea, so save me your preaching. i have also been informed, that if you are truely going to dex, you have to steal it. you can't buy it.
wank out. if you see me before monday, i don't plan on remembering anyways, so check you later. that is if i manage to make it home without driving my car off a fucking bridge.
and no, this rage was not inspired by one fucking traffic ticket. that just set me off. i am angry about other things at the moment. things i am not going to share here (yes there are things i won't blog about, believe it or not).
i need an outlet. i need something to direct anger towards. work was great today. there was this pile of mulch, and it wasn't in the right spot, so i got pissed at it, and moved it. thats actually not what happened, i just convinced myself that is what happened. i was actually supposed to wheelbarrow and spread the mulch. but FUCK THE MULCH. the mulch was pissing me off, so i got mad at it and took care of it. it was pretty damn satisfying. everyone was kind of looking at me funny though, scowlin at the pile of mulch and attacking it with a pitchfork. i got more done today than anyone else, even the over active people. it rocked.
god, this week better be fucking over. i am so sick of this week. what a shitty ass dick fuck of a week. i am angry at this week. i am angry at a lot of things. I am going to go home and direct my rage towards the remaining alcohol i have left.
oh yeah, the plan for saturday night. anyone else who wants to join me in my grand scheme can. i am going to go to the store, and steal a box of cold medicine. i am then going to take the entire box of cold medicine. if this doesn't destroy all of my braincells and send me into a coma, or destroy my stomach and send me to the hospital for pumpage, it should send me into a 13 hour long dex trip. so, i will be out of it, probably wandering seattle hallucinating fairly heavily. cough medicine sometimes contains Dextromethorphan (dex, DXM). dex is highly hallucinagenic. this is why your dreams are so whacked out when you take nyquil and stuff, and if you take anough cold medicine, you are really out of it, lots of tracers, etc. so, if you take enough cough medicine, you send yourself trippin. normally, this wreaks havoc on your insides. downing a bottle of robotussin really makes you nauseous for about an hour or so before the dex fully kicks in. but there is a solution. there is a cough medicin called coricidren (spelling is close enough) that will not make you nauseous if you take it in high doses. also, it is in pill form, so you don't have to swallow 6 ounces of nasty cough syrup, you can just drop 12 pills instead. you can trip without the major downside normally associated with dexing. anyways, thats what i am doing. i am getting completely fucking blasted friday night, and destroying the rest of my brain on sunday. i need to escape reality. anyone who thinks this is a bad idea? i know it is a bad idea, so save me your preaching. i have also been informed, that if you are truely going to dex, you have to steal it. you can't buy it.
wank out. if you see me before monday, i don't plan on remembering anyways, so check you later. that is if i manage to make it home without driving my car off a fucking bridge.
Thursday, August 23, 2001
WARNING this blog has be pre-rated BLOG MA for your protection, due to violence of a graphic nature, nudity and mature language. I am blogging, and i have no idea what the fuck is going to come out once i do. you probably won't want to read this, because it is going to get fucking ugly.
first off, everyone stay away from me. i am getting pissed. no, i am getting fucking angry. i haven't been really angry in years. no one here has seen me angry, i mean really angry. i don't like being angry, so i just let my rage build up. i do a good job of keeping it in. but it boils over. when it does, you want to stay FUCKING clear of me. don't push me, don't do anything, otherwise i am liable to RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF. i have been building up to a snapping point for a little bit now, and i am almost fucking at it. depression, meet FUCKING RAGE.
the most recent straw was this parking ticket i got today. $28 dollars. for what? violation: WRONG SIDE OF STREET. thats right, i parked on the fucking wrong side of the street. and so they fucking tagged me for it. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT. there is some police officer out there, officer J. Monet, badge #3729. I want him hunted down and killed, if i don't get to him first. under the comments, it says "car n/b on w/s of 2 way arterial. wt yel center lines." my car was on the wrong side of an arterial street with a yellow line. i will show officer fucking money the wrong side of my fucking dick while i shove it in his mouth and piss a fucking yellow like all the way down his fucking throat. I want to contest this ticket, just so i can meet this fucking parasite in person. i am going to walk up to him, smile politely, and proceed to rip out his fucking throat. while he is trying to gasp his last fucking breaths, and his lungs slowly fill with blood, i am going to look directly into his eyes, just so he knows i am the fucker who killed him. i am then going to cut off his balls and steal his gun. on the way to delivering severed testicles to his now bereaved wife and children, i am going to use his gun to put one bullet a piece in every traffic cop i see's kneecaps and elbows. the kneecaps so the good officers are in unbelievable pain, and the elbows so the they don't have the strength to drag themself to saftey or attempt to stop the bleeding. this way the fuckers will bleed to death in a horribly painful fashion. i will then to proceed to strip them completely naked and tie them to the back of my car, dragging the naked bodies through the streets. after delivering the testicles, i will rig myself with a bomb, and drag the corpses to my local police station. i will go inside, and amongst the shocked looks of disgust and outrage, i will smile again, and detonate myself, decimating the building, and probably a few city blocks around it. amongst the rubble, the only thing left will be a crudely hand written note that says "SORRY FOR THE DEATH, BUT DON'T BLAME ME. THANK OFFICER FUCKING MONET"
fucking traffic cops. traffic cops have nothing useful to add to society. like our soon to be deceased good friend officer Monet, they are nothing more than parasites. they make money off petty little details that are only noticed because some sadistic fuck decided to give the mammoth stick up their asses a quarter turn before they left the office. they have nothing better to do that ride around in their stupid fucking little carts, nit picking over little details, bringing misfortune on all they come in contact with because they are disappointed with the way their worthless fucking lives have turned out. killing every damn one of them would be doing the world a service, because we would be rid of these anal bastards. their passing would not be noticed. traffic would go along just as smoothly as usual. the world would rejoice, because we are rid of that many more absolutely fucking worthless morons. the fact that a portion of the fucking money i make goes to fund these fucking assholes is almost enough to convince me to go down to my local big 5 and purchase the biggest shotgun they have, so i can turn into a hardcore anti government vigilante. i imagine a huge shotgun would fuck up those fucking little carts they drive around. they must be real pissed when they see real policemen driving around, and realize they aren't even worthy of being a real policeman fuck head.
so yeah, fuck you all. i am in a bad mood. steer clear, because something is going to push me over the top soon. none of you have seen me angry. i don't think you really want to. you think i am in a bad mood now, you have no idea.
fuck off
first off, everyone stay away from me. i am getting pissed. no, i am getting fucking angry. i haven't been really angry in years. no one here has seen me angry, i mean really angry. i don't like being angry, so i just let my rage build up. i do a good job of keeping it in. but it boils over. when it does, you want to stay FUCKING clear of me. don't push me, don't do anything, otherwise i am liable to RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF. i have been building up to a snapping point for a little bit now, and i am almost fucking at it. depression, meet FUCKING RAGE.
the most recent straw was this parking ticket i got today. $28 dollars. for what? violation: WRONG SIDE OF STREET. thats right, i parked on the fucking wrong side of the street. and so they fucking tagged me for it. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT. there is some police officer out there, officer J. Monet, badge #3729. I want him hunted down and killed, if i don't get to him first. under the comments, it says "car n/b on w/s of 2 way arterial. wt yel center lines." my car was on the wrong side of an arterial street with a yellow line. i will show officer fucking money the wrong side of my fucking dick while i shove it in his mouth and piss a fucking yellow like all the way down his fucking throat. I want to contest this ticket, just so i can meet this fucking parasite in person. i am going to walk up to him, smile politely, and proceed to rip out his fucking throat. while he is trying to gasp his last fucking breaths, and his lungs slowly fill with blood, i am going to look directly into his eyes, just so he knows i am the fucker who killed him. i am then going to cut off his balls and steal his gun. on the way to delivering severed testicles to his now bereaved wife and children, i am going to use his gun to put one bullet a piece in every traffic cop i see's kneecaps and elbows. the kneecaps so the good officers are in unbelievable pain, and the elbows so the they don't have the strength to drag themself to saftey or attempt to stop the bleeding. this way the fuckers will bleed to death in a horribly painful fashion. i will then to proceed to strip them completely naked and tie them to the back of my car, dragging the naked bodies through the streets. after delivering the testicles, i will rig myself with a bomb, and drag the corpses to my local police station. i will go inside, and amongst the shocked looks of disgust and outrage, i will smile again, and detonate myself, decimating the building, and probably a few city blocks around it. amongst the rubble, the only thing left will be a crudely hand written note that says "SORRY FOR THE DEATH, BUT DON'T BLAME ME. THANK OFFICER FUCKING MONET"
fucking traffic cops. traffic cops have nothing useful to add to society. like our soon to be deceased good friend officer Monet, they are nothing more than parasites. they make money off petty little details that are only noticed because some sadistic fuck decided to give the mammoth stick up their asses a quarter turn before they left the office. they have nothing better to do that ride around in their stupid fucking little carts, nit picking over little details, bringing misfortune on all they come in contact with because they are disappointed with the way their worthless fucking lives have turned out. killing every damn one of them would be doing the world a service, because we would be rid of these anal bastards. their passing would not be noticed. traffic would go along just as smoothly as usual. the world would rejoice, because we are rid of that many more absolutely fucking worthless morons. the fact that a portion of the fucking money i make goes to fund these fucking assholes is almost enough to convince me to go down to my local big 5 and purchase the biggest shotgun they have, so i can turn into a hardcore anti government vigilante. i imagine a huge shotgun would fuck up those fucking little carts they drive around. they must be real pissed when they see real policemen driving around, and realize they aren't even worthy of being a real policeman fuck head.
so yeah, fuck you all. i am in a bad mood. steer clear, because something is going to push me over the top soon. none of you have seen me angry. i don't think you really want to. you think i am in a bad mood now, you have no idea.
fuck off
Tuesday, August 21, 2001
Bloop, for some reason bloger hasn't been publishing. last thing there was written 8/20, yesterday, mentioning A-Rod and Jeter :D i heard on the end that it was joy enriquez. funny
everyone needs a theme song. no, you can't give one to yourself. i have to give it to you. that is the way theme songs work, and if you don't like it you can suck it. BWAHAH
anyways, theme songs for right now (note, these theme songs can change on a whim, without explaination)
Me: Sum 41 - Fat Lip (doooon't count on meeee, because i'm not listenin!)
Trip: Afroman - Because i got high (heard this song today, i just can see tripat singing it, you rock man :D
Trav: Limp Bizkit - Nookie (doesn't everyone just want to see him break out and start bitching about ashleigh?)
that is what we thought of today. i could think of more, but wooooo doggie, let me tell you how lazy i am right now. i got my bong today. anyways, MASSIVE HITS, MAAAAAASSIVE HITS. holy shit.
everyone needs a theme song. no, you can't give one to yourself. i have to give it to you. that is the way theme songs work, and if you don't like it you can suck it. BWAHAH
anyways, theme songs for right now (note, these theme songs can change on a whim, without explaination)
Me: Sum 41 - Fat Lip (doooon't count on meeee, because i'm not listenin!)
Trip: Afroman - Because i got high (heard this song today, i just can see tripat singing it, you rock man :D
Trav: Limp Bizkit - Nookie (doesn't everyone just want to see him break out and start bitching about ashleigh?)
that is what we thought of today. i could think of more, but wooooo doggie, let me tell you how lazy i am right now. i got my bong today. anyways, MASSIVE HITS, MAAAAAASSIVE HITS. holy shit.
Monday, August 20, 2001
the endless cycle. read mans blog. read trips blog. read travs blog. check everyone elses. no dice. possibly blog myself. usually don't. build it all up, then let it all come out at once and get a fucking [big body] error message from blogger because i wrote too much. god i hate that.
anyways...
i heard on the radio this morning that A-Rod and Derek Jeter are fighting right now because Derek Jeter stole A-Rods girlfriend. in particular, Joy Enriquez. yup, the same joy enriquez that trav knows. crazyness. ohhhhhhhhhhh........ YOUUUUUUUS A HOOOOOOOO. anyways, i guess things are different when you are famous, or at least a pseudo-starlet like joy enriquez. hey, but her video was on MTV2!
anyways, i am still in a funk after this weekend. now it is over, and what do i have to show for it. a freaking long ass story. normally, i would be sitting here in a reflective mood, but too unmotivated to write, because if i did, i would end up writing like 4 pages, and then losing it the the blog monster. whatever, i hate it when that happens. but now i am in just a wierd, semi annoyed mood. its like, i was back at work today. my weekend was basically wasted by this damn trip to canada. at least friday was hilarious, even if we all pulled an air and passed out before midnight. that was funny, waking up and seeing everyone sprawled out on couches and the floor, and just dan awake still watching the movie. well, i thought it was funny at least.
to trav, about that whole underdevelopment thing, i hear ya. i always feel that i am at a disadvantage in social situations because i missed some vital step in the process of social development. its like, everyone has one step up on me, and to actually do anything, or be someone, i have to try that much harder. and you know how much i like working, and trying, and not being lazy :P maybe that is why we are usually quiet guys, until we get drunk. for me, alcohol lifts that social barrier. what a wonderful thing ;)
i want to write a book. just out of the blue, write a novel, like i wrote that movie script last year. i worked harder on that thing than, well anything since college started. i have actually started novels before, but i always get too caught up in like developing characters and plotlines and settings and stuff before i actually write a chapter. and by then my mind has wandered to something else. i think i am actually going to do it this time. i need something to take my mind off work, and school, and everything else i have been dwelling on lately. if i actually get anything done on it, i might show someone, or something
peace out, until i find something real to talk about
anyways...
i heard on the radio this morning that A-Rod and Derek Jeter are fighting right now because Derek Jeter stole A-Rods girlfriend. in particular, Joy Enriquez. yup, the same joy enriquez that trav knows. crazyness. ohhhhhhhhhhh........ YOUUUUUUUS A HOOOOOOOO. anyways, i guess things are different when you are famous, or at least a pseudo-starlet like joy enriquez. hey, but her video was on MTV2!
anyways, i am still in a funk after this weekend. now it is over, and what do i have to show for it. a freaking long ass story. normally, i would be sitting here in a reflective mood, but too unmotivated to write, because if i did, i would end up writing like 4 pages, and then losing it the the blog monster. whatever, i hate it when that happens. but now i am in just a wierd, semi annoyed mood. its like, i was back at work today. my weekend was basically wasted by this damn trip to canada. at least friday was hilarious, even if we all pulled an air and passed out before midnight. that was funny, waking up and seeing everyone sprawled out on couches and the floor, and just dan awake still watching the movie. well, i thought it was funny at least.
to trav, about that whole underdevelopment thing, i hear ya. i always feel that i am at a disadvantage in social situations because i missed some vital step in the process of social development. its like, everyone has one step up on me, and to actually do anything, or be someone, i have to try that much harder. and you know how much i like working, and trying, and not being lazy :P maybe that is why we are usually quiet guys, until we get drunk. for me, alcohol lifts that social barrier. what a wonderful thing ;)
i want to write a book. just out of the blue, write a novel, like i wrote that movie script last year. i worked harder on that thing than, well anything since college started. i have actually started novels before, but i always get too caught up in like developing characters and plotlines and settings and stuff before i actually write a chapter. and by then my mind has wandered to something else. i think i am actually going to do it this time. i need something to take my mind off work, and school, and everything else i have been dwelling on lately. if i actually get anything done on it, i might show someone, or something
peace out, until i find something real to talk about
Sunday, August 19, 2001
.....
lets get this out of the way right off. the moral of last night is: "if chris asks you 'hey, do you wanna go to canada tonight?' you say HELL NO!"
first, the cast
Male Leads:
Ben
Ryan
Male supporting characters
Adam
Chris
Keegan
John
Blake
Female supporting characters
Abra
Renee
Joshie
Act 1: the plan
Act 1, scene 1: the question
ryan and ben, sitting around, possibly stoned. location, forgotten. ryan says "hey ben, we are going to canada this weekend to get sloppy drunk and listen to happy hardcore." ben says "cool, whatever"
Act 2: seattle preperation
Act 2, scene 1: the beginning
appx 5 pm. ben and ryan remember they are going to canada. ryan trys to contact friends. does not contact any friends. finally gets ahold of chris from bellingham. the plan: ben, ryan, abra and adam drive up from seattle to bellingham to meet the rest of the group. abra is to meet ryan and ben in seattle. they will then drive to woodinville to pick up adam. then, off to bellingham. ryan tells ben, get ready, abra will be here in a few minutes. ben gets dressed and passes time playing pool.
time elapses
appx 8 pm. ben is on his upteenth game of pool. he has wandered around the house. he has eaten 3 otter pops. he is just waiting patiently. ryan has still not gotten ahold of adam, but has directions to his house in woodinville, the butt ass end of woodinville, the part of woodinville that is technically duvall. still waiting for abra. abra finally shows up.
act 2 scene 2: getting adam
ben, ryan and abra roll out in two cars, headed towards woodinville. seahawks game = montlake is fucked. sun + stupid ass drivers = 520 is fucked. luckily ben and ryan are geniuses and lead them to lake city way. they drive to woodinville, out into the swank big house area of woodinville. they get to where the house should be. it is pitch black. it is about 9 pm or so. ben and ryan cannot distiguish any house numbers because the secluded bastards in the swank neighborhood need their privacy. after driving back and forth for a while, they see a figure running down the street after them. it is adam. they go up a pitch black driveway to a pitch black house. they hear a dog barking. adam explains that he needs to take his dog to redmond. ben and ryan say, whatever, lets go. the get the dog, a huge st. bernard, and head out to redmond.
act 2 scene 3: adam's house.
appx. 9:30 pm at adam's apartment in redmond. it is late, ben and ryan are laughing about how truely epic the night is becoming so far. ben and adam have a beer or two. it is all good. ben and ryan realize they are 3 blocks away from their friend blakes house. they decide that blake should go with them. they call blake, and tell him that he is coming to a rave, giving no more details. he says, ok. they roll out to blakes. abra and adam leave in the second car, going straight to bellingham.
act 2 scene 4: the abduction
appx. 9:50 pm. blakes house. they pick up blake, get him in the car, and drive away. after they leave, blake inquires about the details about the rave, asking how much it is, where it is, who is spinning, etc. ben responds only with "$25". ryan chimes in with "$25 american". blake is canadian, so he thinks this is just another joke. he asks again, "and where is it?" silence. blake asks again. ryan, with a straight face, says "canada." ben stifles laughter. blake laughs uncomfortably, and finally says "heh, you aren't joking, are you." ben and ryan start laughing hysterically. blake starts laughing finally. the night has begun.
act 2 scene 5: to bellingham
an uneventful ride up to bellingham. involved lots of looking for skanks. note, skanks are a good thing. saw way too many nasty hos. hos are a bad thing. saw a few sluts. sluts are a very good thing. it was an enjoyable ride. it was a ride that was a huge break from tradition for these 3. on any drive of any sort of real length, these 3 will put signs in the window. one will always say "room 4 sluts." today there were no signs. perhaps this is what sent things into a downward spiral.
Act 3: bellingham homeys.
Act 3 scene 1: renee's pad
appx 11:15. made good time to bellingham. show up at renee's place, and meet up with everyone else. the group includes 1 seventeen year old, keegan. this could pose a problem later. realization occurs to everyone that it is past 11. liquor stores close at 11 in canada. they don't sell alcohol anywhere but liquor stores in canada. this is a problem. all is not lost. there is a 19+ chill room at the rave. this means alcohol. this means we can still get drunk. all is not lost. we realize that adam and abra are not there. we managed to beat them. this is humorous. adam and abra shows up. ryan says, alright, lets get going to vancouver. a few of the people say, uhhhh, its not in vancouver. half the group goes, WHAT? the others respond back, yeah, it is here, in chilliwack. we have been there before, follow us. we say ok, and go out to the cars. the plan is to take 3 cars: keegans audi, holding keegan renee chris and adam; abra's little red toyota, holding abra, john and joshie, and ryans mcescort, holding ryan ben and blake.
act 3 scene 2: hitting the road
we go out, get in our cars, and wait. eventually creep up to the intersection to look for them. find only john and joshie running around blindly. they come up to us, and say where the fuck did they go? we respond, we don't know, we thought you guys were with them. they are like no. we tell them to hop in. we now have 5 in our car. we drive up to where the other 2 cars were parked. we find only abra's red toyota, and no one else. they took one car, and are already gone. the only people with cell phones are in the other car. we drive to someones house we know, and call them. they are already on the freeway, about 5 miles down the road. we are just like fuck you. they are like, oh, sorry, our bad. we tell them to stop. they stop on the exit off ramp. we head out to meet them.
act 4: to chilliwack and beyond
act 4 scene 1: the offramp
appx 12 am. we finally find them. they are like, oops. we are like fuck you morons. we head out again. they swerve between cars, not signalling, seemingly purposefully trying to lose us. we frantically try to keep up. they finally swerve off an exit, almost losing us. we manage to cut somoene off and fo,.follow them. we head towards Sumas (pronounced Some Ass to all in the car). the other car proceeds to run red lights, drive fast, and pass not so slow moving vehicles. they have to be trying to lose us. we are mad. they keep doing it. eventually, they slow down, and throw a sandwich at our windshield. the war has begun. we are on the receiving end of several attacks between here and canada. we manage to get to the border all in one piece, and still together.
act 4 scene 2: the border crossing.
time unknown, somewhere between 12 am and 1 am. pull up to the border. see the lane with the big white arrow, instead of a big red x. the other car does not. the have to swerve across about 7 lanes to squeak in. let me explain a bit about border crossing into canada. here we are. 5 college aged kids packed into a car. obviously up to no good. you cannot, i repeat CANNOT tell them you are going to a rave. if you do, they pull you over and search your vehicle. if you are going to vancouver, you tell them you are going to a club. if you are anywhere else, you tell them you are going to a friends party. that is how it works. the car in front of us really gets grilled. they have to show ids and everything. we laugh, because we know they are morons. the entire trip from bellingham has been our car yelling about the moronocity of the car in front of us. they finally let them through. we pull up. he asks us how we are doing, we say fine. very suspicious looking guy. he asks us if we are with the car in front of us. we say yes. he asks us where we are from. ryan is driving, so we say seattle. he asks us where we are going. we say to a friends party. he asks us how the people in front of us are going to an outdoor rave, and we are going to a friends party if we are together. we curse the car in front of us, and explain about how we call raves parties, and we are following our friends, the people in front of us. he asks us if we know the promoters. we say no. he asks how it is our friends party if we don't know the person throwing it. saving us, out of the backseat joshie yells, we are going to see our favorite dj!!! the majority of the people going hate happy hardcore. we are going for the humor factor of going to see a happy hardcore rave. the border asks who our favorite dj is. everyone yells out anabolic frolic! he comments on how old he feels. we breath a sigh of relief. he made a joke. he is going to let us through. he asks us a few questions about happy hardcore and anabolic frolic, to enlighten an old man. we have actually a fun conversation with him. finally we pull out a cd and ask if he wants to hear some. he laughs, says no quickly and lets us go. we thank him, and go through. at this point, half the car really needs to go to the bathroom. ben and ryan, the other half, really want to get back at the other car for the sandwich.
act 4 scene 3: payback, mcdonalds style
we swerve in front of the other car, because they are not heeding our signalling, and force them to follow us to mcdonalds. one person proceeds to piss on the building. another squatting pissing under a tree. another out not so hidden in the grass. ryan finds some liquid (coke possibly?) in a mcdonalds cup, chases down the other car, and nails the back window. everyone cheers. they speed away. we gather into our car, and follow them. we watch them almost make another wrong turn. we comment about how big of morons they are. you can see the freeway we want to take from the intersection, and they almost turned the wrong way. we finally make it to the freeway, them in the lead.
act 4 scene 4: to chilliwack
we are following the car in front of us, who is speeding heavily. we make it to chilliwack. we pass the chilliwack exits. the other car does not seem to notice. we figure they know where they are going, because they have been there before. we finally realize they do not know where they are going. we pull up along side them, and motion for them to turn around. they seemingly understand, and get off on the next exit. they then proceed to get back onto the freeway, going the wrong way again. the yelling in our car is deafening. the morons in the car in front of us are simply astounding. we finally race ahead of them on the freeway, taking the lead for now. we get off on the next exit and turn around. when we get onto the freeway again, there is a sign that tells us we are almost 20 miles past chilliwack. we laugh. we can't do much more than laugh at this point. we drive back to chilliwack, and to the place the rave is supposed to be.
act 5: beautiful scenic chilliwack
act 5 scene 1: of course.
appx 1:15 am. we pull up to the place the rave is supposed to be. two cops block the road we are supposed to go down. there is no one parked, a bad sign. we go up to the cops. the tell us it is cancelled. it is only too fitting. we laugh. we laugh as we see our night spiralling deeper. we laugh as we see our only prospect to get sloppy drunk slip away. the info line for the rave says they have an alternate venue, and that we are supposed to call back in 10 min. we have no idea when the thing was recorded. we just laugh. we realize we need gas.
act 5 scene 2: gas station #1
we congregate at the nearest gas station. we get out. our car yells to find the nearest bar. it is too late to make it back to the US before 2. hope of alcohol is all but gone. we are belligerent, and we aren't even drunk. but payback is ours. blake takes a handful of peanut butter, runs up and fwaps it down right into the middle of their windshield. they got straight up owned. our car celebrates. we ask the gas station guy where the nearest bar is. he says there is a really hot club called area 51 close by. we are stoked. he says that there won't be anyone spinning, but it is still a cool club, and that it is a bar too. we are happy. we run around. he calls the cops on us. we drive away fast before they get there.
act 5 scene 3: to area 51!
the car in front of us got the directions. they are simple to follow. we drive, go past the canton gardens restaurant. they fuck them up. they find a crazy guy riding a bicycle down the middle of the road. they ask him where the club is. he tells them. we are awestruck that they actually asked this crazy looking guy. it is hilarious. we stop in a parking lot, and they tell us how to get there. we end up stopping out in front of a liquor store. i am gravitated towards it. i go look inside, longingly. everyone follows me. no one laughs, we just look. it was a low point of the night, the fact that there was all that alcohol, and we could have none. someone takes a picture of us all looking in. we realize that someone has called the cops on us, because we are loud in the parking lot. we leave fast, and head out towards the club. they are leading. they still almost miss it. it is right next to the transmission shop, the hot spot in town.
act 5 scene 4: outside the club
everyone in town is there. it is bumpin. we show up. we realize that keegan is only 17. we say fuck it. there are a few hos standing outside drunkenly eyeing us. the whole town is ugly. we are hot. we are also cynical and belligerant. they see this and avoid us. keegan gets to the bouncer. he is a moron. he shuffles through his wallet. he doesn't find anything. the bouncer is getting edgy. drunk people, stumble up to the bouncer, telling him how much they love him, etc. keegan just walks in. he is saved. the rest of us get in
act 5 scene 5: inside the club.
appx 1:50 am. we get in. we see a sign that they close in 10 min, at 2 am. we are like shit. they try to get us to pay a cover. we go to pay cover. the hick chick behind the counter looks at us funny and gives us our money back. we go whatever. the club. inside, there is a bar. a shittly little bar with a few tables, and some pool tables. it looks like a hick bar. attached is a dance floor. on the dance floor, they have several tiered platforms, and 2 party cages. it is small, but somewhat promising. it could have been fun stealing the 3 hot slutty chicks that live in chilliwack from the locals, until they beat our asses. instead, we decide to drown our sorrows. the line at the bar is too long. they have a tub in the middle of the bar room with a semi attactive girl in a white shirt with big breasts. the tub has beer in it. cheap beer. we fluster her with american money. blake, ben and ryan walk off with 12 beers for $22 or something rediculous. we work are way through the dance floor, over to the stairs to the vip area, where we meet everyone else. we are making every attempt to get as drunk as possible. ben and ryan slam 5 beers apiece. shots are done. pitchers are drunk. rum and cokes are consumed. we made a truely heroic attempt to get drunk. i was impressed with our efforts. we are all buzzing at least. the only problem is, the club portion of the place is playing country music. the croud is going wild. the are dancing all country style. there are people in cowboy hats. they are all singing along. the entire fucking place is singing. there are people in the party cages slapping their fucking boots. people in party cages dancing to fucking country. there is an irish drinking song. more hilarity. our group is laughing so hard. it is the most hick thing we had ever seen, until we got outside. everyone gets kicked out. we don't care at this point. we wish we could drink more, but they won't sell us anything. we are bummed. we leave.
act 5 scene 6: disaster almost strikes.
time means nothing at this point. in front of our car, there is a group of drunk guys, just chilling. we don't care, we chill with them, talking and stuff. some of the girls flirt a little bit, for the fun of it. one of our guys says something to the effect of, you can't have her, but you can have me. things go down hill. they start yelling what he meant by that. they start yelling homophobic slurs. we kind of laugh, and ask them if they have a problem with homosexuality. they yell damn right we hate fags. we kind of laugh, because they are such hicks. chris is smoking a cigarette. joshie is pretending to be his girlfriend it is hilarious. she jumps on him, and they spin around. joshie is small, but chris is really small, about 5'4 120 i would say. so this is humorous. his cigarette gets close to someone. they start yelling that he fucking burned them. all of the guys start picking on chris. he doesn't stand down. he is getting pushed like mad. the rest of us our laughing. we don't see the seriousness of the situation. we pull chris off. they don't back off. we are outnumbered. we are like fuck. we take off jackets, get ready to throw down, etc. abra and renee run off to the sidelines to get out of the way. one of their guys goes to get a knife. a fucking knife. we know we are going to get our asses kicked. they have more guys than us, a knife, and we are still right in front of the club so all of their friends a little ways away. we are like fuck. we are ready to scrap. we are not as drunk as they are. keegan steps into the middle of them. we are like fuck. we are definitely not going to throw the first punch. the realize we aren't backing down. they keep on pushing us, saying come on, etc. we don't back down. we don't throw any punches. we see it fizzling out. we breathe a breath of relief. i kind of wander into th background, so i am still around if i am needed. one of their guys comes up to me and starts talking. he is cool. he is like "welcome to chilliwack, i hate this town." we both laugh. we have a cool conversation, about snowboarding, about weed, about how funny chilliwack is. we were going to go to another party to get really drunk, a chilliwack house party. but these guys heard we were going. we decide not to go. we are disappointed, because we realize this is all the drunk we are going to get. they finally back off our cars, and we leave.
act 5 scene 7: tim hortons #1
we pull into tim hortons to use the bathroom and get donuts. inside, we are loud and belligerent, making fun of what had just happened. in hind sight, it was really damn funny. we realize that the people working there are calling the cops. we leave, really fast, once again, just as the cops pull up.
act 5 scene 8: gas station #2
we pass the canton gardens again. we recongregate at another gas station to figure out what to do. some people want to go clubbing in vancouver. a few of us lay in the middle of the road, hoping we get hit. there are no cars, so we get up and say fine whatever. we realize that this gas station attendant has called the cops on us. we drive away. we head out to vancouver.
act 5 scene 9: tim hortons #2
we stop for a bathroom break at another tim hortons. we find some people in line calling the info line. they tell us the rave is back on, according to the info line, back in chilliwack. we decide to go check it out. we see the people inside the store on the phone. at this point, we know damn well what this means. we drive away fast.
act 5 scene 10: lost in chilliwack again.
for some reason, the other people are still leading. not only are they morons, but they are drunk morons now. they go back to chilliwack. we pass the canton gardens again. they decide they don't want to go to the rave, just back to vancouver. we are like, fuck it. we say FINE we are leading now. we drive off. they don't follow us. we pass the canton gardens, and realize they are not behind us. we are like WHAT THE FUCK. we go back and get them. they are like, we saw a sign that said go this way. we are like what the FUCK. we go whatever, and let them lead, because they won't follow us. we follow them. we know we are headed in the wrong direction. we follow this road that circles through residential chilliwack. the roads drops us off right next to the canton gardens. we just laugh. we finally find the highway, and head towards vancouver.
act 6: back to bellingham
act 6 scene 1: home, kind of
we all know we aren't going to vancouver. we just drive, try to follow them. they are going like 85. we just keep up. they turn to go back to Sumas. i am in the back seat, with john and joshie. they get comfortable. joshie lays down on john. i have about half my seat to sit in. my ass is on fire, and i can't shift positions. i will be like this for the next hour or so. we get to the border crossing, finally. we just hope they let us back in.
act 6 scene 2: crossing back into a real country
the car in front of us figures out what lane to go in this time. we applaud them. the car in front of us really gets grilled. the cop goes and looks in their trunk. he looks in the wheel well. finds no drugs, and lets them through. we get up, he asks us three questions. 1. did your thing get cancelled? yes. 2. what was this thing? an electronic music festival. 3. are you bringing anything back in? no. alright, you can go. our first lucky break of the night. we thank him and drive off.
act 6 scene 3: lost and miraculously found
we are driving back to bellingham. we get to a stop sign. there is a sign that point straight that says bellingham. there is a sign that points left that says some other random towns. they turn left. we are pissed. we follow them anyways. *note* at this point, we are only following them because we have to take adam home to his house in redmond. otherwise, they would have been ditched long ago. we wind through the cow ass area east of bellingham. we see nothing. just a road, leading no where. we get to a stop sign. we turn, we still have no idea where we are. eventually, out of no where, we see a sign that says now entering bellingham. we are astounded. we know that the car in front of us didn't know the road was going to lead them right back. our second lucky break of the night. we get to a street we know, and finally make it back to renee's house. we pick up adam and leave.
this is basically how the story ends. the ride home was fairly uneventful. ryan fell asleep and almost crashed. adam got behind the wheel and got lost in woodinville, his home town. finally, everyone got home, to their respective houses, and passed out, except me. i sat at my computer on irc, laughing about my night. i finally got to sleep, only to wake up to loud music after about 3 hours. i had this horrible feeling i was in the car again. luckily, it was only dan, who's music woke me up. i was thankful, and got up.
ryan drove the whole night, until the end. i think he logged almost 500 miles. i am not sure. i do not envy him. blake has to explain to his girlfriend how he told her he didn't want to do anything, then ended up in canada ass randomly. i do not envy him. i just sat back and watched. it was a humorous night.
how do you answer when chris asks you if you want to go to canada? you pick him up and throw his ass into oncoming traffic ;)
lets get this out of the way right off. the moral of last night is: "if chris asks you 'hey, do you wanna go to canada tonight?' you say HELL NO!"
first, the cast
Male Leads:
Ben
Ryan
Male supporting characters
Adam
Chris
Keegan
John
Blake
Female supporting characters
Abra
Renee
Joshie
Act 1: the plan
Act 1, scene 1: the question
ryan and ben, sitting around, possibly stoned. location, forgotten. ryan says "hey ben, we are going to canada this weekend to get sloppy drunk and listen to happy hardcore." ben says "cool, whatever"
Act 2: seattle preperation
Act 2, scene 1: the beginning
appx 5 pm. ben and ryan remember they are going to canada. ryan trys to contact friends. does not contact any friends. finally gets ahold of chris from bellingham. the plan: ben, ryan, abra and adam drive up from seattle to bellingham to meet the rest of the group. abra is to meet ryan and ben in seattle. they will then drive to woodinville to pick up adam. then, off to bellingham. ryan tells ben, get ready, abra will be here in a few minutes. ben gets dressed and passes time playing pool.
time elapses
appx 8 pm. ben is on his upteenth game of pool. he has wandered around the house. he has eaten 3 otter pops. he is just waiting patiently. ryan has still not gotten ahold of adam, but has directions to his house in woodinville, the butt ass end of woodinville, the part of woodinville that is technically duvall. still waiting for abra. abra finally shows up.
act 2 scene 2: getting adam
ben, ryan and abra roll out in two cars, headed towards woodinville. seahawks game = montlake is fucked. sun + stupid ass drivers = 520 is fucked. luckily ben and ryan are geniuses and lead them to lake city way. they drive to woodinville, out into the swank big house area of woodinville. they get to where the house should be. it is pitch black. it is about 9 pm or so. ben and ryan cannot distiguish any house numbers because the secluded bastards in the swank neighborhood need their privacy. after driving back and forth for a while, they see a figure running down the street after them. it is adam. they go up a pitch black driveway to a pitch black house. they hear a dog barking. adam explains that he needs to take his dog to redmond. ben and ryan say, whatever, lets go. the get the dog, a huge st. bernard, and head out to redmond.
act 2 scene 3: adam's house.
appx. 9:30 pm at adam's apartment in redmond. it is late, ben and ryan are laughing about how truely epic the night is becoming so far. ben and adam have a beer or two. it is all good. ben and ryan realize they are 3 blocks away from their friend blakes house. they decide that blake should go with them. they call blake, and tell him that he is coming to a rave, giving no more details. he says, ok. they roll out to blakes. abra and adam leave in the second car, going straight to bellingham.
act 2 scene 4: the abduction
appx. 9:50 pm. blakes house. they pick up blake, get him in the car, and drive away. after they leave, blake inquires about the details about the rave, asking how much it is, where it is, who is spinning, etc. ben responds only with "$25". ryan chimes in with "$25 american". blake is canadian, so he thinks this is just another joke. he asks again, "and where is it?" silence. blake asks again. ryan, with a straight face, says "canada." ben stifles laughter. blake laughs uncomfortably, and finally says "heh, you aren't joking, are you." ben and ryan start laughing hysterically. blake starts laughing finally. the night has begun.
act 2 scene 5: to bellingham
an uneventful ride up to bellingham. involved lots of looking for skanks. note, skanks are a good thing. saw way too many nasty hos. hos are a bad thing. saw a few sluts. sluts are a very good thing. it was an enjoyable ride. it was a ride that was a huge break from tradition for these 3. on any drive of any sort of real length, these 3 will put signs in the window. one will always say "room 4 sluts." today there were no signs. perhaps this is what sent things into a downward spiral.
Act 3: bellingham homeys.
Act 3 scene 1: renee's pad
appx 11:15. made good time to bellingham. show up at renee's place, and meet up with everyone else. the group includes 1 seventeen year old, keegan. this could pose a problem later. realization occurs to everyone that it is past 11. liquor stores close at 11 in canada. they don't sell alcohol anywhere but liquor stores in canada. this is a problem. all is not lost. there is a 19+ chill room at the rave. this means alcohol. this means we can still get drunk. all is not lost. we realize that adam and abra are not there. we managed to beat them. this is humorous. adam and abra shows up. ryan says, alright, lets get going to vancouver. a few of the people say, uhhhh, its not in vancouver. half the group goes, WHAT? the others respond back, yeah, it is here, in chilliwack. we have been there before, follow us. we say ok, and go out to the cars. the plan is to take 3 cars: keegans audi, holding keegan renee chris and adam; abra's little red toyota, holding abra, john and joshie, and ryans mcescort, holding ryan ben and blake.
act 3 scene 2: hitting the road
we go out, get in our cars, and wait. eventually creep up to the intersection to look for them. find only john and joshie running around blindly. they come up to us, and say where the fuck did they go? we respond, we don't know, we thought you guys were with them. they are like no. we tell them to hop in. we now have 5 in our car. we drive up to where the other 2 cars were parked. we find only abra's red toyota, and no one else. they took one car, and are already gone. the only people with cell phones are in the other car. we drive to someones house we know, and call them. they are already on the freeway, about 5 miles down the road. we are just like fuck you. they are like, oh, sorry, our bad. we tell them to stop. they stop on the exit off ramp. we head out to meet them.
act 4: to chilliwack and beyond
act 4 scene 1: the offramp
appx 12 am. we finally find them. they are like, oops. we are like fuck you morons. we head out again. they swerve between cars, not signalling, seemingly purposefully trying to lose us. we frantically try to keep up. they finally swerve off an exit, almost losing us. we manage to cut somoene off and fo,.follow them. we head towards Sumas (pronounced Some Ass to all in the car). the other car proceeds to run red lights, drive fast, and pass not so slow moving vehicles. they have to be trying to lose us. we are mad. they keep doing it. eventually, they slow down, and throw a sandwich at our windshield. the war has begun. we are on the receiving end of several attacks between here and canada. we manage to get to the border all in one piece, and still together.
act 4 scene 2: the border crossing.
time unknown, somewhere between 12 am and 1 am. pull up to the border. see the lane with the big white arrow, instead of a big red x. the other car does not. the have to swerve across about 7 lanes to squeak in. let me explain a bit about border crossing into canada. here we are. 5 college aged kids packed into a car. obviously up to no good. you cannot, i repeat CANNOT tell them you are going to a rave. if you do, they pull you over and search your vehicle. if you are going to vancouver, you tell them you are going to a club. if you are anywhere else, you tell them you are going to a friends party. that is how it works. the car in front of us really gets grilled. they have to show ids and everything. we laugh, because we know they are morons. the entire trip from bellingham has been our car yelling about the moronocity of the car in front of us. they finally let them through. we pull up. he asks us how we are doing, we say fine. very suspicious looking guy. he asks us if we are with the car in front of us. we say yes. he asks us where we are from. ryan is driving, so we say seattle. he asks us where we are going. we say to a friends party. he asks us how the people in front of us are going to an outdoor rave, and we are going to a friends party if we are together. we curse the car in front of us, and explain about how we call raves parties, and we are following our friends, the people in front of us. he asks us if we know the promoters. we say no. he asks how it is our friends party if we don't know the person throwing it. saving us, out of the backseat joshie yells, we are going to see our favorite dj!!! the majority of the people going hate happy hardcore. we are going for the humor factor of going to see a happy hardcore rave. the border asks who our favorite dj is. everyone yells out anabolic frolic! he comments on how old he feels. we breath a sigh of relief. he made a joke. he is going to let us through. he asks us a few questions about happy hardcore and anabolic frolic, to enlighten an old man. we have actually a fun conversation with him. finally we pull out a cd and ask if he wants to hear some. he laughs, says no quickly and lets us go. we thank him, and go through. at this point, half the car really needs to go to the bathroom. ben and ryan, the other half, really want to get back at the other car for the sandwich.
act 4 scene 3: payback, mcdonalds style
we swerve in front of the other car, because they are not heeding our signalling, and force them to follow us to mcdonalds. one person proceeds to piss on the building. another squatting pissing under a tree. another out not so hidden in the grass. ryan finds some liquid (coke possibly?) in a mcdonalds cup, chases down the other car, and nails the back window. everyone cheers. they speed away. we gather into our car, and follow them. we watch them almost make another wrong turn. we comment about how big of morons they are. you can see the freeway we want to take from the intersection, and they almost turned the wrong way. we finally make it to the freeway, them in the lead.
act 4 scene 4: to chilliwack
we are following the car in front of us, who is speeding heavily. we make it to chilliwack. we pass the chilliwack exits. the other car does not seem to notice. we figure they know where they are going, because they have been there before. we finally realize they do not know where they are going. we pull up along side them, and motion for them to turn around. they seemingly understand, and get off on the next exit. they then proceed to get back onto the freeway, going the wrong way again. the yelling in our car is deafening. the morons in the car in front of us are simply astounding. we finally race ahead of them on the freeway, taking the lead for now. we get off on the next exit and turn around. when we get onto the freeway again, there is a sign that tells us we are almost 20 miles past chilliwack. we laugh. we can't do much more than laugh at this point. we drive back to chilliwack, and to the place the rave is supposed to be.
act 5: beautiful scenic chilliwack
act 5 scene 1: of course.
appx 1:15 am. we pull up to the place the rave is supposed to be. two cops block the road we are supposed to go down. there is no one parked, a bad sign. we go up to the cops. the tell us it is cancelled. it is only too fitting. we laugh. we laugh as we see our night spiralling deeper. we laugh as we see our only prospect to get sloppy drunk slip away. the info line for the rave says they have an alternate venue, and that we are supposed to call back in 10 min. we have no idea when the thing was recorded. we just laugh. we realize we need gas.
act 5 scene 2: gas station #1
we congregate at the nearest gas station. we get out. our car yells to find the nearest bar. it is too late to make it back to the US before 2. hope of alcohol is all but gone. we are belligerent, and we aren't even drunk. but payback is ours. blake takes a handful of peanut butter, runs up and fwaps it down right into the middle of their windshield. they got straight up owned. our car celebrates. we ask the gas station guy where the nearest bar is. he says there is a really hot club called area 51 close by. we are stoked. he says that there won't be anyone spinning, but it is still a cool club, and that it is a bar too. we are happy. we run around. he calls the cops on us. we drive away fast before they get there.
act 5 scene 3: to area 51!
the car in front of us got the directions. they are simple to follow. we drive, go past the canton gardens restaurant. they fuck them up. they find a crazy guy riding a bicycle down the middle of the road. they ask him where the club is. he tells them. we are awestruck that they actually asked this crazy looking guy. it is hilarious. we stop in a parking lot, and they tell us how to get there. we end up stopping out in front of a liquor store. i am gravitated towards it. i go look inside, longingly. everyone follows me. no one laughs, we just look. it was a low point of the night, the fact that there was all that alcohol, and we could have none. someone takes a picture of us all looking in. we realize that someone has called the cops on us, because we are loud in the parking lot. we leave fast, and head out towards the club. they are leading. they still almost miss it. it is right next to the transmission shop, the hot spot in town.
act 5 scene 4: outside the club
everyone in town is there. it is bumpin. we show up. we realize that keegan is only 17. we say fuck it. there are a few hos standing outside drunkenly eyeing us. the whole town is ugly. we are hot. we are also cynical and belligerant. they see this and avoid us. keegan gets to the bouncer. he is a moron. he shuffles through his wallet. he doesn't find anything. the bouncer is getting edgy. drunk people, stumble up to the bouncer, telling him how much they love him, etc. keegan just walks in. he is saved. the rest of us get in
act 5 scene 5: inside the club.
appx 1:50 am. we get in. we see a sign that they close in 10 min, at 2 am. we are like shit. they try to get us to pay a cover. we go to pay cover. the hick chick behind the counter looks at us funny and gives us our money back. we go whatever. the club. inside, there is a bar. a shittly little bar with a few tables, and some pool tables. it looks like a hick bar. attached is a dance floor. on the dance floor, they have several tiered platforms, and 2 party cages. it is small, but somewhat promising. it could have been fun stealing the 3 hot slutty chicks that live in chilliwack from the locals, until they beat our asses. instead, we decide to drown our sorrows. the line at the bar is too long. they have a tub in the middle of the bar room with a semi attactive girl in a white shirt with big breasts. the tub has beer in it. cheap beer. we fluster her with american money. blake, ben and ryan walk off with 12 beers for $22 or something rediculous. we work are way through the dance floor, over to the stairs to the vip area, where we meet everyone else. we are making every attempt to get as drunk as possible. ben and ryan slam 5 beers apiece. shots are done. pitchers are drunk. rum and cokes are consumed. we made a truely heroic attempt to get drunk. i was impressed with our efforts. we are all buzzing at least. the only problem is, the club portion of the place is playing country music. the croud is going wild. the are dancing all country style. there are people in cowboy hats. they are all singing along. the entire fucking place is singing. there are people in the party cages slapping their fucking boots. people in party cages dancing to fucking country. there is an irish drinking song. more hilarity. our group is laughing so hard. it is the most hick thing we had ever seen, until we got outside. everyone gets kicked out. we don't care at this point. we wish we could drink more, but they won't sell us anything. we are bummed. we leave.
act 5 scene 6: disaster almost strikes.
time means nothing at this point. in front of our car, there is a group of drunk guys, just chilling. we don't care, we chill with them, talking and stuff. some of the girls flirt a little bit, for the fun of it. one of our guys says something to the effect of, you can't have her, but you can have me. things go down hill. they start yelling what he meant by that. they start yelling homophobic slurs. we kind of laugh, and ask them if they have a problem with homosexuality. they yell damn right we hate fags. we kind of laugh, because they are such hicks. chris is smoking a cigarette. joshie is pretending to be his girlfriend it is hilarious. she jumps on him, and they spin around. joshie is small, but chris is really small, about 5'4 120 i would say. so this is humorous. his cigarette gets close to someone. they start yelling that he fucking burned them. all of the guys start picking on chris. he doesn't stand down. he is getting pushed like mad. the rest of us our laughing. we don't see the seriousness of the situation. we pull chris off. they don't back off. we are outnumbered. we are like fuck. we take off jackets, get ready to throw down, etc. abra and renee run off to the sidelines to get out of the way. one of their guys goes to get a knife. a fucking knife. we know we are going to get our asses kicked. they have more guys than us, a knife, and we are still right in front of the club so all of their friends a little ways away. we are like fuck. we are ready to scrap. we are not as drunk as they are. keegan steps into the middle of them. we are like fuck. we are definitely not going to throw the first punch. the realize we aren't backing down. they keep on pushing us, saying come on, etc. we don't back down. we don't throw any punches. we see it fizzling out. we breathe a breath of relief. i kind of wander into th background, so i am still around if i am needed. one of their guys comes up to me and starts talking. he is cool. he is like "welcome to chilliwack, i hate this town." we both laugh. we have a cool conversation, about snowboarding, about weed, about how funny chilliwack is. we were going to go to another party to get really drunk, a chilliwack house party. but these guys heard we were going. we decide not to go. we are disappointed, because we realize this is all the drunk we are going to get. they finally back off our cars, and we leave.
act 5 scene 7: tim hortons #1
we pull into tim hortons to use the bathroom and get donuts. inside, we are loud and belligerent, making fun of what had just happened. in hind sight, it was really damn funny. we realize that the people working there are calling the cops. we leave, really fast, once again, just as the cops pull up.
act 5 scene 8: gas station #2
we pass the canton gardens again. we recongregate at another gas station to figure out what to do. some people want to go clubbing in vancouver. a few of us lay in the middle of the road, hoping we get hit. there are no cars, so we get up and say fine whatever. we realize that this gas station attendant has called the cops on us. we drive away. we head out to vancouver.
act 5 scene 9: tim hortons #2
we stop for a bathroom break at another tim hortons. we find some people in line calling the info line. they tell us the rave is back on, according to the info line, back in chilliwack. we decide to go check it out. we see the people inside the store on the phone. at this point, we know damn well what this means. we drive away fast.
act 5 scene 10: lost in chilliwack again.
for some reason, the other people are still leading. not only are they morons, but they are drunk morons now. they go back to chilliwack. we pass the canton gardens again. they decide they don't want to go to the rave, just back to vancouver. we are like, fuck it. we say FINE we are leading now. we drive off. they don't follow us. we pass the canton gardens, and realize they are not behind us. we are like WHAT THE FUCK. we go back and get them. they are like, we saw a sign that said go this way. we are like what the FUCK. we go whatever, and let them lead, because they won't follow us. we follow them. we know we are headed in the wrong direction. we follow this road that circles through residential chilliwack. the roads drops us off right next to the canton gardens. we just laugh. we finally find the highway, and head towards vancouver.
act 6: back to bellingham
act 6 scene 1: home, kind of
we all know we aren't going to vancouver. we just drive, try to follow them. they are going like 85. we just keep up. they turn to go back to Sumas. i am in the back seat, with john and joshie. they get comfortable. joshie lays down on john. i have about half my seat to sit in. my ass is on fire, and i can't shift positions. i will be like this for the next hour or so. we get to the border crossing, finally. we just hope they let us back in.
act 6 scene 2: crossing back into a real country
the car in front of us figures out what lane to go in this time. we applaud them. the car in front of us really gets grilled. the cop goes and looks in their trunk. he looks in the wheel well. finds no drugs, and lets them through. we get up, he asks us three questions. 1. did your thing get cancelled? yes. 2. what was this thing? an electronic music festival. 3. are you bringing anything back in? no. alright, you can go. our first lucky break of the night. we thank him and drive off.
act 6 scene 3: lost and miraculously found
we are driving back to bellingham. we get to a stop sign. there is a sign that point straight that says bellingham. there is a sign that points left that says some other random towns. they turn left. we are pissed. we follow them anyways. *note* at this point, we are only following them because we have to take adam home to his house in redmond. otherwise, they would have been ditched long ago. we wind through the cow ass area east of bellingham. we see nothing. just a road, leading no where. we get to a stop sign. we turn, we still have no idea where we are. eventually, out of no where, we see a sign that says now entering bellingham. we are astounded. we know that the car in front of us didn't know the road was going to lead them right back. our second lucky break of the night. we get to a street we know, and finally make it back to renee's house. we pick up adam and leave.
this is basically how the story ends. the ride home was fairly uneventful. ryan fell asleep and almost crashed. adam got behind the wheel and got lost in woodinville, his home town. finally, everyone got home, to their respective houses, and passed out, except me. i sat at my computer on irc, laughing about my night. i finally got to sleep, only to wake up to loud music after about 3 hours. i had this horrible feeling i was in the car again. luckily, it was only dan, who's music woke me up. i was thankful, and got up.
ryan drove the whole night, until the end. i think he logged almost 500 miles. i am not sure. i do not envy him. blake has to explain to his girlfriend how he told her he didn't want to do anything, then ended up in canada ass randomly. i do not envy him. i just sat back and watched. it was a humorous night.
how do you answer when chris asks you if you want to go to canada? you pick him up and throw his ass into oncoming traffic ;)
Friday, August 17, 2001
i feel sometimes that i have no name. who am i? am i WAnk, or am I Ben. for some people, it is wierd to have them call me WAnk. it is really wierd to be introduced to people as WAnk, because i don't really associate my entire life with that name anymore. I have been trying to find a medium. like air, trav, dan, and the rest of my college homeys, it would be wierd to have them call me Ben, for a little while. likewise, if my highschool people called me WAnk, it would be wierd. i guess i am classifying myself as a Ben more and more these days. No longer am I WAnk, at least in person. anyone who calls me wank now, keep on going, i expect it, it would be wierd without it. but stop introducing me to people as wank, it makes for awkward silences, and an even more awkward explaination later, because there really is no explaination. it isn't that i really mind it, it is just that i have moved past that.
also, i more think of WAnk as my online persona. online, in im, irc, etc, i can be a completely different person. i am WAnk. i am no longer Ben. people i know online know me as WAnk, not ben, and they have certain expecations of what i am. it isn't too far from what i am in real life. i am definitely not chill, i have no one to impress visually. online, if you are chill, you aren't existant. you have to talk, have conversations, you can't just sit back and observe. so i don't. i am more like i was in high school, hyper, squirrely, random guy.
which one am i really? i guess it is kind of confusing. i want the part of WAnk that you guys don't associate with WAnk to be Ben..... or something
88888888888888 <-------- is this something anyone else does constantly? that is me trying to turn up my volume in winamp. when i am doing things, and listening to music, my things are always covered with lines of 8's and 2's from me trying to turn up or down my volume on winamp. kind of funny. i also get sporadic 5's and V's from trying to play and stop, and everyonce in a while 6's and 4's from next track, back track, etc. kind of funny, i think.
also, i more think of WAnk as my online persona. online, in im, irc, etc, i can be a completely different person. i am WAnk. i am no longer Ben. people i know online know me as WAnk, not ben, and they have certain expecations of what i am. it isn't too far from what i am in real life. i am definitely not chill, i have no one to impress visually. online, if you are chill, you aren't existant. you have to talk, have conversations, you can't just sit back and observe. so i don't. i am more like i was in high school, hyper, squirrely, random guy.
which one am i really? i guess it is kind of confusing. i want the part of WAnk that you guys don't associate with WAnk to be Ben..... or something
88888888888888 <-------- is this something anyone else does constantly? that is me trying to turn up my volume in winamp. when i am doing things, and listening to music, my things are always covered with lines of 8's and 2's from me trying to turn up or down my volume on winamp. kind of funny. i also get sporadic 5's and V's from trying to play and stop, and everyonce in a while 6's and 4's from next track, back track, etc. kind of funny, i think.
Thursday, August 16, 2001
here's the deal, i'll lay it all out for you right here.
i am just too chill for my own good. i am too into being the relaxed guy in the corner. so, people like me and stuff, i guess, but if anything could go on between me and someone, i would never know because i never make any sort of move at all. so me complaining about women is just stupid and pointless.
i didn't always used to be so chill and nonchalant. back in junior high and high school, i was one hyper mofo. they called me squirrely. i was all gung ho about shit that mattered to me, but no one else. i was proactive about stupid things, things that made no sense. that is what made my ultimate total lazyness such a joke. me and my friends, we were just crazy. we did stuff that was hilarious to us, but no one else really got, so they were scared. i cared about stuff and was fairly vocal with my opinions. usually they were wacky as well.
i am not hyper like that anymore. i got to college and decided to change myself around as much as i could. i was scared shitless the first few weeks of school, so i just didn't say anything. so i was just the chill new guy, and everyone seemed to accept me. so i stayed like that. trying to stay out of the way, be nonconfrontational and stuff. that is what i am now, when i am around groups of people, or anyone i don't really know, just chill.
lately, i have been beginning to remember my roots. being around ryan all summer has brought out some of the hyperness. we have learned to not care about anything, we retain that, but to be wierd-crazy on top of it, oh jeez. people have probably noticed this latent crazy inside, just watching me kind of flip out sometimes. i know dan has noticed. i know po and matt saw glimpses of it last year. but now it is becoming more frequent, and it is great. like at godfathers. that is the way i ALWAYS used to be. just random, doing shit, always moving, always messing with something, always trying to be as in the way as possible. so yeah, that is the real me, or was the real me. it was what i was during high school.
i don't think there is a "real me" per se. i am always on stage. i am always playing a character. i look at life as the improv game to beat all improv games. i see a lot of my drama background coming through as i play these characters. what would wank do right now. if ben were around instead of wank, what would his motivation be. is my blocking right? did my gesture come off as real? am i blocking anyones view? was my timing on that sentance right? how about the inflection? what emotion should i be portraying now? i find myself just talking to people about nothing, until my train of thought kicks in and i realize what i really should be talking about, so it looks like i know what i am doing. i am always trying to get people to buy my role, fuck with people, almost. but i am not really fucking with people, it is just the way i am. i am not trying to deceive, i am being me. i enjoy simple things in life. i can enjoy myself trying to convince people i know i am something i am completely not. me and ryan entertain ourselves all the time talking about random things that aren't true, like how we are going to kill someone we know out of spite, or how i am really the lord of the world, and what being the lord of the world entails. seriously, we talked for about 3 hours on this subject. it really passed the time.
funny thing happened tonight. ryan's parents got home today, which means no more smoking on his back porch. i took over some alcohol today, and put it in his fridge because i forgot they were getting home. i couldn't get it out, because his parents were there, so ryan has to get it back tomorrow. i was in the middle of a bong hit when they drove up the driveway. it was a mad dash.. oh shit! throw it under the porch! FUCK!! I dropped the bowl!! nOOOOOOO! anyways, i thought it was pretty funny, sitting there smoking up while they got back, and then having a conversation with them about their vacation. good times. we aren't morons like his little brother though. we didn't get caught.
so yeah, this message was sponsored by me. good evening, gentlemen
i am just too chill for my own good. i am too into being the relaxed guy in the corner. so, people like me and stuff, i guess, but if anything could go on between me and someone, i would never know because i never make any sort of move at all. so me complaining about women is just stupid and pointless.
i didn't always used to be so chill and nonchalant. back in junior high and high school, i was one hyper mofo. they called me squirrely. i was all gung ho about shit that mattered to me, but no one else. i was proactive about stupid things, things that made no sense. that is what made my ultimate total lazyness such a joke. me and my friends, we were just crazy. we did stuff that was hilarious to us, but no one else really got, so they were scared. i cared about stuff and was fairly vocal with my opinions. usually they were wacky as well.
i am not hyper like that anymore. i got to college and decided to change myself around as much as i could. i was scared shitless the first few weeks of school, so i just didn't say anything. so i was just the chill new guy, and everyone seemed to accept me. so i stayed like that. trying to stay out of the way, be nonconfrontational and stuff. that is what i am now, when i am around groups of people, or anyone i don't really know, just chill.
lately, i have been beginning to remember my roots. being around ryan all summer has brought out some of the hyperness. we have learned to not care about anything, we retain that, but to be wierd-crazy on top of it, oh jeez. people have probably noticed this latent crazy inside, just watching me kind of flip out sometimes. i know dan has noticed. i know po and matt saw glimpses of it last year. but now it is becoming more frequent, and it is great. like at godfathers. that is the way i ALWAYS used to be. just random, doing shit, always moving, always messing with something, always trying to be as in the way as possible. so yeah, that is the real me, or was the real me. it was what i was during high school.
i don't think there is a "real me" per se. i am always on stage. i am always playing a character. i look at life as the improv game to beat all improv games. i see a lot of my drama background coming through as i play these characters. what would wank do right now. if ben were around instead of wank, what would his motivation be. is my blocking right? did my gesture come off as real? am i blocking anyones view? was my timing on that sentance right? how about the inflection? what emotion should i be portraying now? i find myself just talking to people about nothing, until my train of thought kicks in and i realize what i really should be talking about, so it looks like i know what i am doing. i am always trying to get people to buy my role, fuck with people, almost. but i am not really fucking with people, it is just the way i am. i am not trying to deceive, i am being me. i enjoy simple things in life. i can enjoy myself trying to convince people i know i am something i am completely not. me and ryan entertain ourselves all the time talking about random things that aren't true, like how we are going to kill someone we know out of spite, or how i am really the lord of the world, and what being the lord of the world entails. seriously, we talked for about 3 hours on this subject. it really passed the time.
funny thing happened tonight. ryan's parents got home today, which means no more smoking on his back porch. i took over some alcohol today, and put it in his fridge because i forgot they were getting home. i couldn't get it out, because his parents were there, so ryan has to get it back tomorrow. i was in the middle of a bong hit when they drove up the driveway. it was a mad dash.. oh shit! throw it under the porch! FUCK!! I dropped the bowl!! nOOOOOOO! anyways, i thought it was pretty funny, sitting there smoking up while they got back, and then having a conversation with them about their vacation. good times. we aren't morons like his little brother though. we didn't get caught.
so yeah, this message was sponsored by me. good evening, gentlemen
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
thinking....
thanks trip for responding, giving me stuff to think about. that is a good point about the TUG. i guess i do have goals, things i care about. eventually, i want to be completely free of my parents, mostly in the financial sense. that is my ultimate goal right now. college, whatever, i don't really have any goals academically at this point. thinking about my job. if it came down to a choice between staying and going at work, i think the kicker would be money. i don't really care TOO much about money, but i have to care about it to survive. if the raise was substantial enough, and they hired me on full time and offered me benefits.... i think i would have to do it. it all depends on the raise. doing what my co workers do now would not be worth it they like offered me a dollar more. but if they bumped me up to like $15-$20 an hour, it would be hard to turn down, especially with benefits. imagine having disposable income. imagine having your own health plan, and even more important dental plan. imagine not having to my parents claim me as a dependant on their tax form. these are things that would make me feel better about myself. having extra money, money to put in a bank. to have this money build up, gain interest, be there if i need it, to say make a down payment on a car, or a house, or tuition, or pay back my parents. people can say they don't care about money, but this is impossible in our society. if you try to forget about money, it will kick your ass. financial security sounds very comforting to me, even if it is just for a year or so. that would still be a year straight of a normal, independent life. i would be further along my way to becoming an adult, if you remember a discussion we had a few months ago...... disposable income, what a glorious thing that must be....
anyways, my day at work today. the morning was.... exciting i suppose. yesterday, there was this guy in a red car parked along the road next to our park when we got there. this was like, 7 am, a little suspicious. then he drove off and started circling the block. eventually, someone else showed up, and they got out of their cars, and went to his trunk, then both drove off, and we didn't see him again, until today. he was their again, doing the same thing, but this time he had this ugly fat woman with him. eventually, he stopped and another car pulled up, with another guy, and a strung out looking skinny blonde chick. again, they got out of their cars, and went to his trunk. the time, they all got in the other car, and drove away. when we left, his car was still there. this to me screams drugs. i cannot count the number of drug transactions i have seen go down near our parks. they happen all the time, it is kind of funny. normally ryan and i cheer them. but today, our coworkers were feeling really uncomfortable. hell, i was feeling a little uncomfortable, we were really close to them. so my co workers called the cops. i don't really like cops, they annoy me. so, 2 squad cars came, we spent about 2 minutes explaining the situation. then the cops sat their bullshitting for about 45 min. they couldn't even see the car where they were from. they said they would be around, watching, but we never saw them again.
this kind of goes against what i feel about the situation. i would not have called the cops. i don't really mind drug trade. and i definitely don't want to have to deal with cops. i guess it is different for my coworkers, they are all mid-late 20's. but cops still don't like me. they asked me a question, i answered, they asked the same question to my coworkers. after that, i just kind of walked off. i didn't want to have to deal with them any more. fuck them. so yeah, some dude is going to get busted, and it is partly my fault. probably just some crack dealer anyways, won't affect me.... but now it could. what if he gets caught, and tells his friends it was us. then they are mad, and they come and shoot us. guns and crime are real. i had some dude point a gun at me just for driving past near one of my parks. that was real. the thought of having one of these dealers mad at me scares the shit out of me. i am more uncomfortable now than i was before. one more day at this park, then i don't have to go back for a while. good shiz. at lunch, i had a dream that i was beating up drug dealers who were trying to kill me. several scenarios ran through my head. one of them, i pulled out a gun and shot one of them because they were going to kill one of my coworkers. killed, by me. luckily it was a dream. guns scare the shit out of me. i don't feel comfortable around them. if someone living with me had a gun, i wouldn't feel safe. guns can kill in an instant. no amount of protection could counteract the fact that someone could make a mistake and shoot me by accident in my own house, for any reason, no matter how rediculous.
bah, thinking about death sucks. i was really hit hard yesterday when i heard that my friend was dead. i was mad at his parents. i don't know the whole story though, they probably had a perfectly good reason, and made the best decision. but still, my mind wanders, and makes up stories.
i feel like shit. i try not to show it, but i am hurting right now. i need something to look forward in the next few weeks. right now things are seeming pointless. why bother going to work. why bother eating or sleeping. why bother doing anything.
thanks trip for responding, giving me stuff to think about. that is a good point about the TUG. i guess i do have goals, things i care about. eventually, i want to be completely free of my parents, mostly in the financial sense. that is my ultimate goal right now. college, whatever, i don't really have any goals academically at this point. thinking about my job. if it came down to a choice between staying and going at work, i think the kicker would be money. i don't really care TOO much about money, but i have to care about it to survive. if the raise was substantial enough, and they hired me on full time and offered me benefits.... i think i would have to do it. it all depends on the raise. doing what my co workers do now would not be worth it they like offered me a dollar more. but if they bumped me up to like $15-$20 an hour, it would be hard to turn down, especially with benefits. imagine having disposable income. imagine having your own health plan, and even more important dental plan. imagine not having to my parents claim me as a dependant on their tax form. these are things that would make me feel better about myself. having extra money, money to put in a bank. to have this money build up, gain interest, be there if i need it, to say make a down payment on a car, or a house, or tuition, or pay back my parents. people can say they don't care about money, but this is impossible in our society. if you try to forget about money, it will kick your ass. financial security sounds very comforting to me, even if it is just for a year or so. that would still be a year straight of a normal, independent life. i would be further along my way to becoming an adult, if you remember a discussion we had a few months ago...... disposable income, what a glorious thing that must be....
anyways, my day at work today. the morning was.... exciting i suppose. yesterday, there was this guy in a red car parked along the road next to our park when we got there. this was like, 7 am, a little suspicious. then he drove off and started circling the block. eventually, someone else showed up, and they got out of their cars, and went to his trunk, then both drove off, and we didn't see him again, until today. he was their again, doing the same thing, but this time he had this ugly fat woman with him. eventually, he stopped and another car pulled up, with another guy, and a strung out looking skinny blonde chick. again, they got out of their cars, and went to his trunk. the time, they all got in the other car, and drove away. when we left, his car was still there. this to me screams drugs. i cannot count the number of drug transactions i have seen go down near our parks. they happen all the time, it is kind of funny. normally ryan and i cheer them. but today, our coworkers were feeling really uncomfortable. hell, i was feeling a little uncomfortable, we were really close to them. so my co workers called the cops. i don't really like cops, they annoy me. so, 2 squad cars came, we spent about 2 minutes explaining the situation. then the cops sat their bullshitting for about 45 min. they couldn't even see the car where they were from. they said they would be around, watching, but we never saw them again.
this kind of goes against what i feel about the situation. i would not have called the cops. i don't really mind drug trade. and i definitely don't want to have to deal with cops. i guess it is different for my coworkers, they are all mid-late 20's. but cops still don't like me. they asked me a question, i answered, they asked the same question to my coworkers. after that, i just kind of walked off. i didn't want to have to deal with them any more. fuck them. so yeah, some dude is going to get busted, and it is partly my fault. probably just some crack dealer anyways, won't affect me.... but now it could. what if he gets caught, and tells his friends it was us. then they are mad, and they come and shoot us. guns and crime are real. i had some dude point a gun at me just for driving past near one of my parks. that was real. the thought of having one of these dealers mad at me scares the shit out of me. i am more uncomfortable now than i was before. one more day at this park, then i don't have to go back for a while. good shiz. at lunch, i had a dream that i was beating up drug dealers who were trying to kill me. several scenarios ran through my head. one of them, i pulled out a gun and shot one of them because they were going to kill one of my coworkers. killed, by me. luckily it was a dream. guns scare the shit out of me. i don't feel comfortable around them. if someone living with me had a gun, i wouldn't feel safe. guns can kill in an instant. no amount of protection could counteract the fact that someone could make a mistake and shoot me by accident in my own house, for any reason, no matter how rediculous.
bah, thinking about death sucks. i was really hit hard yesterday when i heard that my friend was dead. i was mad at his parents. i don't know the whole story though, they probably had a perfectly good reason, and made the best decision. but still, my mind wanders, and makes up stories.
i feel like shit. i try not to show it, but i am hurting right now. i need something to look forward in the next few weeks. right now things are seeming pointless. why bother going to work. why bother eating or sleeping. why bother doing anything.
Monday, August 13, 2001
i just found out that one of my friends in alaska died last night in a car crash. he was only 15. i had known him ever since he was born. they took him off life support in the middle of the night to harvest his organs. that just seems cold to me. i guess there was no chance at survival. i hadn't seen this kid in years. i was looking forward to seeing him again. i think he was actually supposed to come see us with his family in fall. i heard he had grown into a genius sarcastic guy like me..... i was looking forward to seeing him, but now i never will be able too. there must have been no chance at survival. he must have been in pain. there is no other reason for two parents to make that kind of decision about one of their children. no other reason.
another wasted human being, dead now, why? he did even have the chance to reach the point of utter defeat like i have, yet he is dead. makes me cherish life, even if i do hate it. at least i have it.
blah, i'm out
another wasted human being, dead now, why? he did even have the chance to reach the point of utter defeat like i have, yet he is dead. makes me cherish life, even if i do hate it. at least i have it.
blah, i'm out
n·o·i·t·c·e·l·f·e·r·e·f·l·e·c·t·i·o·n
reflecting on my job....
i don't think that is such a good idea right now. this needed to be edited
reflecting on my job....
i don't think that is such a good idea right now. this needed to be edited
Friday, August 10, 2001
multiple part blog, blogger doesn't like it being so big. this was all written at once, meant to go together.... fuck you blogger
i don't want to blog, i don't know why. i don't want to think, i don't want
to do anything. i just suck. that is what is going on right now with me.
i want to drink away my sorrows. i wish i had something other than boot or
beer, but i don't, so i just want to drown it all away. and i don't want to
be at work. but i am in trouble at work. this week has been a bad week. i
skipped one day, ryan skipped 2. we took too late of a lunch one day, and
left early one day, and got called out on all of it. our bad, it was bad,
we feel bad, bad bad bad. what can i say, we are blowing it, but we don't
care.
i am turning into everything i hate. i complain about everything. i am
turning into a bitter, bitter little man, and i have no reason to be one.
why must i complain. i have things perfect, why must i complain?
to do anything. i just suck. that is what is going on right now with me.
i want to drink away my sorrows. i wish i had something other than boot or
beer, but i don't, so i just want to drown it all away. and i don't want to
be at work. but i am in trouble at work. this week has been a bad week. i
skipped one day, ryan skipped 2. we took too late of a lunch one day, and
left early one day, and got called out on all of it. our bad, it was bad,
we feel bad, bad bad bad. what can i say, we are blowing it, but we don't
care.
i am turning into everything i hate. i complain about everything. i am
turning into a bitter, bitter little man, and i have no reason to be one.
why must i complain. i have things perfect, why must i complain?
i need a woman. i suck too much to have a woman. i am too lazy to have a
woman. i don't know how to act when i do have a woman. i wish i had one,
but i never will. defeatocity declared, non-caring abound. if i did have a
woman, it would be wierd. when i think of myself, i don't think of having a
girlfriend. it is just out of character. i am not like matt, i don't need
to have someone all the time. maybe i do, and maybe that is why i suck so
much. the whole process of getting women just baffles me. where do people
meet, why do they meet, how do they start talking. i am too shy, too
worried about what other people will think. i need to be friends with
someone to be able to talk to them, and by them it is too late. i am to
meek. i don't have an assertive bone in my body. i need someone to do all
the work for me, a very agressive girl, who will come up to me, tell me
whats up, and keep me in line. i don't want to wear the pants. the only
problem is, most agressive girls are just sluts. they get bored with you
and throw you away, play mind games. girls suck. i am too lazy to have a
girl. why am i so lazy. why don't i have motivation to do anything. what
is my reason for being here at this moment. i don't have one. i have no
reason to wake up the next day. i live my life looking forward to one thing
or another. going to endfest, going to a rave, the party next weekend,
little things that convince me that i want to be alive for just a little bit
longer. but what now? i have nothing on tap, so to say. i really don't
have much to look forward too. all my money goes to rent. i work everyday,
come home exausted not wanting to do anything. weekends are always clouded
by the fact that i will have to work on monday. soon enough school will
start, and compound problems. i don't take school seriously, still. the
only difference now is that i can get b's and a's without doing anything.
it is impossible to fail classes at BCC. school is such bullshit. why am i
even bothering. what am i going to do with the rest of my life? i don't
know. thinking about it depresses me more. is it going to be like this?
toiling away, solely to exist. what is that. why bother. i don't want to
exist just for the sake of existing. i do all this work, to earn money,
wake up, blah blah blah, actually do stuff. (ok right now i don't, but when
ryan leaves, it is back to normal for me). and for what!!!! i make enough
money to pay the bills. thats it. i am semi struggling to stay out of debt
right now. and starting this fall, i will most likely be working less
hours, and have more expenses (books, etc). then i am in debt, and still
unable to do anything for myself. what kind of way to live is this? this
is stupid. why even bother. is this what i have to look forward to for the
next 10 years? jumping from paycheck to paycheck, not knowing if i will
have enough money to actually eat next month, let alone, god forbid, go to a
movie with my friends or something. i mean, if i am almost in debt now?
this sucks. what a waste of a perfectly good human being. this is why i
see things as pointless. this is why i lack all motivation. this is what i
am facing with the next large portion of my life. living from paycheck to
paycheck in a job i really have no passion for so i can pay some greedy,
paranoid landlord, always living in fear of eviction, termination, a life
devoid of any luxury besides lazyness, no real joy, no real point....
woman. i don't know how to act when i do have a woman. i wish i had one,
but i never will. defeatocity declared, non-caring abound. if i did have a
woman, it would be wierd. when i think of myself, i don't think of having a
girlfriend. it is just out of character. i am not like matt, i don't need
to have someone all the time. maybe i do, and maybe that is why i suck so
much. the whole process of getting women just baffles me. where do people
meet, why do they meet, how do they start talking. i am too shy, too
worried about what other people will think. i need to be friends with
someone to be able to talk to them, and by them it is too late. i am to
meek. i don't have an assertive bone in my body. i need someone to do all
the work for me, a very agressive girl, who will come up to me, tell me
whats up, and keep me in line. i don't want to wear the pants. the only
problem is, most agressive girls are just sluts. they get bored with you
and throw you away, play mind games. girls suck. i am too lazy to have a
girl. why am i so lazy. why don't i have motivation to do anything. what
is my reason for being here at this moment. i don't have one. i have no
reason to wake up the next day. i live my life looking forward to one thing
or another. going to endfest, going to a rave, the party next weekend,
little things that convince me that i want to be alive for just a little bit
longer. but what now? i have nothing on tap, so to say. i really don't
have much to look forward too. all my money goes to rent. i work everyday,
come home exausted not wanting to do anything. weekends are always clouded
by the fact that i will have to work on monday. soon enough school will
start, and compound problems. i don't take school seriously, still. the
only difference now is that i can get b's and a's without doing anything.
it is impossible to fail classes at BCC. school is such bullshit. why am i
even bothering. what am i going to do with the rest of my life? i don't
know. thinking about it depresses me more. is it going to be like this?
toiling away, solely to exist. what is that. why bother. i don't want to
exist just for the sake of existing. i do all this work, to earn money,
wake up, blah blah blah, actually do stuff. (ok right now i don't, but when
ryan leaves, it is back to normal for me). and for what!!!! i make enough
money to pay the bills. thats it. i am semi struggling to stay out of debt
right now. and starting this fall, i will most likely be working less
hours, and have more expenses (books, etc). then i am in debt, and still
unable to do anything for myself. what kind of way to live is this? this
is stupid. why even bother. is this what i have to look forward to for the
next 10 years? jumping from paycheck to paycheck, not knowing if i will
have enough money to actually eat next month, let alone, god forbid, go to a
movie with my friends or something. i mean, if i am almost in debt now?
this sucks. what a waste of a perfectly good human being. this is why i
see things as pointless. this is why i lack all motivation. this is what i
am facing with the next large portion of my life. living from paycheck to
paycheck in a job i really have no passion for so i can pay some greedy,
paranoid landlord, always living in fear of eviction, termination, a life
devoid of any luxury besides lazyness, no real joy, no real point....
this is why i have stopped blogging. depression setting in, i can feel it.
who cares, depression is just a part of my life. i can't escape it. the
solution? who knows. therapy? send myself further into debt so some
stuffy guy can tell me what i already know? but hey, you get a free
addiction to overpriced prescription anti depression drugs. great, sounds
good. suicide? seems more and more feasible, but is such a cop out. this
just proves that everything i have ever done was pointless. this proves the
eternal whatever was right, that i was a useless human being. i say fuck
that. rebellion against expectation, against what life is driving me
towards. i spit in the face of life by deciding to keep going with it. the
best way i can think of to rebel against life itself is by deciding to
continue on with it. just deal with it? sounds good for now. i don't care
about anything, but eventually something will come up. in a few days, there
will be something else to look forward too that will make the next 2 weeks
worth living, and on, and on, in an endless cycle, spiraling towards nothing
in particular. pointless yes, but who cares. i am beginning to care less
and less. conformity is so easy. just take my place, a faceless member of
society. working, living, eating if possible. never really making a mark,
but then again, never leaving a way to be tracked. anonymity can be bliss,
or absolute terror. it is all in how you look at it. you try to think that
someday, you will do something that people will remember you for, anyone
will remember you for. everyone will always be remembered by someone when
they die. until that person dies...... then you are lost. every day
people die in anonymity. never having done anything. never having
accomplished their goals. they just existed, for the sake of existing. no
real reason behind them. but they had a job, a family, a house, all good
things. but things that are not forever. nothing is forever. jobs end.
jobs become obsolete. jobs stay the same, while cost of living rises. jobs
send you into a rut of unfounded bitterness. jobs teach you to resent, to
hate, but also to accept, to conform, to forget. some people care about
their job, most people don't. to most people, a job is a way to waste half
their day, but get paid for it. get paid so they can pay for their house,
and sleep the other half of the day. a house is a wonderful thing. a place
to call home. who would know that a place would cost so much. how much is
a plot of land? $100000? how do you attach a price to a place. it has
always been there. why so expensive? how is this expense justified. who
makes these prices. how much does it actually cost to build a house. why
does it cost so much to simply live somewhere. but it is worth it, to have
a place to live. even if it costs money, at least you have a place to
simply exist, even if it is a pointless existance. provide for your family,
give them a place to exist, until they move out and are forced to take on
your role, existing without purpose so eventually hopefully they can have a
family, and a house, and can perpetuate the cycle. endless lines of people,
simply living, only real purpose is to procreate so they have someone to
support and carefore, try to give meaning to an otherwise pointless life.
here i am, at an impasse in my life. no real reason to do anything.
realizing i don't want to just do anything, but having no idea of what i
really want to do. making a difference in other peoples lives doesn't
really effect me at this point. i am not a humanitarian. i don't have this
inane need to "help those less fortunate," read "get screwed in the ass by
mooching bitches." people have control over their own lives. i am annoyed
at a lot of things in our society, and the way things work. i choose to
block it all out, because i know there is no way i can change it. i don't
care about making a difference, to put myself on the map with everyone else.
i am more concerned about making a difference with me. convincing myself
that there is a reason for me, that it isn't all just pointless. when i get
this figured out, i can worry about other people. right now i am pointless.
so what do i do about it. do i continue the way i am? working, going to
school, paying rent, paying bills, sitting at home alone with nothing to do.
what will this lead too? what will i do eventually at school. i still have
no idea. eventually, i will get a degree that has no real meaning, and will
be worthless in the real world. things i see as interesting or worthwhile
have been judged to be pointless by other people. therefore there is no
real need for them in the job market. so i continue on, working the job i
am now most likely, but i have a piece of paper to show that i wasted 4
years of my life to end up in the same job i used to finance my quest
through the rigors of academia. or, i focus on something completely
uninteresting, because i think it will make me money. take classes i have
no passion for. this leads to motivational issues, which leads to me not
going, which leads to failure, which leads to more years of college, and
eventually another useless degree because they give the good ones to
"motivated students." here i am, again, back in the same job, but with an
even more expensive useless piece of paper. or, i give up now, end up at
the same job anyways, always wondering if i could have done something more.
give up and cop out, without even trying. basically just stick my head up
my own ass and run around. they all lead to the same inevitable end. one
of them leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction, yet no results, a
completely worthless piece of paper, helplessly in debt with no future, and
the same stupid job. another leaves me with an inert feeling of failure,
still no results, an worthless piece of paper that i could con stupid people
into accepting somewhere down the road, even more helplessly in debt with a
crappy future, and still in the same stupid job. the last one leaves me
unsatisfied, feelings of failure and remorse, having quit, given in,
accepted defeat, no piece of paper to start at, revelling in a fake feeling
of accomplishment, much less debt, but still no future, and in the same damn
stupid job.
so what do i do? who knows, who cares, why bother thinking about it. it
just depresses me more anyways..
school, paying rent, paying bills, sitting at home alone with nothing to do.
what will this lead too? what will i do eventually at school. i still have
no idea. eventually, i will get a degree that has no real meaning, and will
be worthless in the real world. things i see as interesting or worthwhile
have been judged to be pointless by other people. therefore there is no
real need for them in the job market. so i continue on, working the job i
am now most likely, but i have a piece of paper to show that i wasted 4
years of my life to end up in the same job i used to finance my quest
through the rigors of academia. or, i focus on something completely
uninteresting, because i think it will make me money. take classes i have
no passion for. this leads to motivational issues, which leads to me not
going, which leads to failure, which leads to more years of college, and
eventually another useless degree because they give the good ones to
"motivated students." here i am, again, back in the same job, but with an
even more expensive useless piece of paper. or, i give up now, end up at
the same job anyways, always wondering if i could have done something more.
give up and cop out, without even trying. basically just stick my head up
my own ass and run around. they all lead to the same inevitable end. one
of them leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction, yet no results, a
completely worthless piece of paper, helplessly in debt with no future, and
the same stupid job. another leaves me with an inert feeling of failure,
still no results, an worthless piece of paper that i could con stupid people
into accepting somewhere down the road, even more helplessly in debt with a
crappy future, and still in the same stupid job. the last one leaves me
unsatisfied, feelings of failure and remorse, having quit, given in,
accepted defeat, no piece of paper to start at, revelling in a fake feeling
of accomplishment, much less debt, but still no future, and in the same damn
stupid job.
so what do i do? who knows, who cares, why bother thinking about it. it
just depresses me more anyways..
fucked by blogger. figures, i try to blog, and what do i get??? it just puts it as big body
work blog thwarted
work blog thwarted
Monday, August 06, 2001
so, yeah, slightly insane weekend.
i am still recovering, sooooo tired, god. i wish i didn't have to work ;)
anycase, to sum things up, saw 2 great shows, got croud surfed during offspring, and got to hang out with Alyson's roomate, who turned out to be one of the cooler people i have met in the past few months. it was a fun weekend. i really don't feel like posting that much right now. i will be back.
i am still recovering, sooooo tired, god. i wish i didn't have to work ;)
anycase, to sum things up, saw 2 great shows, got croud surfed during offspring, and got to hang out with Alyson's roomate, who turned out to be one of the cooler people i have met in the past few months. it was a fun weekend. i really don't feel like posting that much right now. i will be back.
Friday, August 03, 2001
i will never look at that picture the same.
self reflection time.
here we go, everyone play this game with me. we had this discussion tonight. there are 4 universal things people strive for. everyone wants one of these things, and uses the other 3 as a means to an end. technically, everyone wants all of these things, but one above all others. these things are (drumroll): money, power, sex, and drugs. i went on to further classify a few of these to prevent confusion. money in the weath/possesion sense, sex in the whole physical pleasure sense, and drugs in the whole alternate reality/escapism sense. we ended up concluding that i was a drugs man. makes sense. anything i can do to escape reality. when you think about it, what is my ultimate goal. get drunk, get high, basically get stupid. makes sense. we went further to discuss the duality of these 4 things. you can split these ends into 2 categories, the concrete/physical ends (sex, drugs) and the abstract/intellectual things (wealth, power). everyone tends to lean more to one side. i am definitely a physical being.
but this got me thinking. all of my physicality is to fool my brain. i end up trying to escape reality. this reality, and this escapism is all in my mind. so am i really more interested in the physical aspect, or is it the intellectual aspect i am interested in??? i think it ends up being a combination, but it was very confusing to think about, because for all my interest in the physical side of life, i end up trying to fool my mind.
alright, everyone take the test. what is your ultimate end? sex, money, drugs, or power.
example of how the others are just a means to an end.
i want to drink, but i don't like drinking alone. i use sexuality, etc. to get some girl to come drink with me, but in the end it is about getting drunk. i use my power over ryan to convince him to drink with me. in the end, it all comes down to me using my money to buy something to drink.
anyways, peace out, k
self reflection time.
here we go, everyone play this game with me. we had this discussion tonight. there are 4 universal things people strive for. everyone wants one of these things, and uses the other 3 as a means to an end. technically, everyone wants all of these things, but one above all others. these things are (drumroll): money, power, sex, and drugs. i went on to further classify a few of these to prevent confusion. money in the weath/possesion sense, sex in the whole physical pleasure sense, and drugs in the whole alternate reality/escapism sense. we ended up concluding that i was a drugs man. makes sense. anything i can do to escape reality. when you think about it, what is my ultimate goal. get drunk, get high, basically get stupid. makes sense. we went further to discuss the duality of these 4 things. you can split these ends into 2 categories, the concrete/physical ends (sex, drugs) and the abstract/intellectual things (wealth, power). everyone tends to lean more to one side. i am definitely a physical being.
but this got me thinking. all of my physicality is to fool my brain. i end up trying to escape reality. this reality, and this escapism is all in my mind. so am i really more interested in the physical aspect, or is it the intellectual aspect i am interested in??? i think it ends up being a combination, but it was very confusing to think about, because for all my interest in the physical side of life, i end up trying to fool my mind.
alright, everyone take the test. what is your ultimate end? sex, money, drugs, or power.
example of how the others are just a means to an end.
i want to drink, but i don't like drinking alone. i use sexuality, etc. to get some girl to come drink with me, but in the end it is about getting drunk. i use my power over ryan to convince him to drink with me. in the end, it all comes down to me using my money to buy something to drink.
anyways, peace out, k
