Sunday, September 30, 2001
so yeah, one of my good online friends has started up a blog. i love it, because he always writes so much, and it always seems so pertinent to me. so yeah, i am pretty sure he reads this too, so i wanted to let him know i read his blog. Thanks Jing, for the support :)
sometimes it is wierd, to get support from someone you have only met one or two times, or not at all in "real life." i have a pretty tight knit group of friends i have met online through video games. it was very strange, about two years ago, when i first started chatting and such online, on mirc or in a game. before college i was limited to instant messengers between friends and such, and that was limited to things like "hey, come over." then, dan got everyone into this game called unreal tournament. in the game, there was this great chat feature, an IRC client built right into the game. eventually, i spent more time chatting than i did actually playing, and eventually i just download mIRC and started browsing on forums and such, instead of even loading the game. now, i have irc open all the time, and i check about 4 forums regularly, even if i don't post. in the past 2 years, i have completely dredged myself into the life of an online junky :) it is cool, because there is an element of mystery to the people on the other side of the computer. it tends to loosen your inhibitions, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. some people, it gives them a huge boost to their ego, and turns them into asses. there are countless monkeys that just yammer on and on about how they "own you" and such. hell, everyone goes through a stage like that, where they start winning, and it is just so fun to be like "haha! you just got beat up by me!" i went through a stage like that, when i started getting good at UT. some people never out grow that stage. they either keep getting good, even if it is soley to be able to back up all their talk, or quit entirely, and refer back to how good they used to be, and make excuses for why they suck. that used to be me, making constant exuses. but then, a lot of people out grow that too, and realize what it is, just a game, even though for a lot of us it is more than a game. it is a hobby, a competetive outlet... when you just give up, find some people who you really enjoy playing with, and just kind of pal around with them, that is when it is fun, and that is when you build friendships and stuff. i think i kind of got off topic there... the original intent of this part was going to be about how people can be so different from their online persona in real life. anyways, that is me, in some respects. i am kind of goofy, in real life, at least around my really good friends. in situations i am less than totally comfortable in, i turn into a shy ball of silence. so, when i go to LANs and meet these people, it is kind of awkward, so i end up coming off as the chill guy in the corner. you know, it is a lot like parties and getting drunk (everything with me can refer back to getting drunk). when you are just drinking with friends, crazy things happen. it is a wacky good time. but when you are at a party, and there are people you don't know and such, you kind of try to be chill and cool, instead of wacky, because everyone will be freaked out...
hmmm.... i am having trouble collecting my thoughts coherently this morning, i'll try to blog later, lol ;)
sometimes it is wierd, to get support from someone you have only met one or two times, or not at all in "real life." i have a pretty tight knit group of friends i have met online through video games. it was very strange, about two years ago, when i first started chatting and such online, on mirc or in a game. before college i was limited to instant messengers between friends and such, and that was limited to things like "hey, come over." then, dan got everyone into this game called unreal tournament. in the game, there was this great chat feature, an IRC client built right into the game. eventually, i spent more time chatting than i did actually playing, and eventually i just download mIRC and started browsing on forums and such, instead of even loading the game. now, i have irc open all the time, and i check about 4 forums regularly, even if i don't post. in the past 2 years, i have completely dredged myself into the life of an online junky :) it is cool, because there is an element of mystery to the people on the other side of the computer. it tends to loosen your inhibitions, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. some people, it gives them a huge boost to their ego, and turns them into asses. there are countless monkeys that just yammer on and on about how they "own you" and such. hell, everyone goes through a stage like that, where they start winning, and it is just so fun to be like "haha! you just got beat up by me!" i went through a stage like that, when i started getting good at UT. some people never out grow that stage. they either keep getting good, even if it is soley to be able to back up all their talk, or quit entirely, and refer back to how good they used to be, and make excuses for why they suck. that used to be me, making constant exuses. but then, a lot of people out grow that too, and realize what it is, just a game, even though for a lot of us it is more than a game. it is a hobby, a competetive outlet... when you just give up, find some people who you really enjoy playing with, and just kind of pal around with them, that is when it is fun, and that is when you build friendships and stuff. i think i kind of got off topic there... the original intent of this part was going to be about how people can be so different from their online persona in real life. anyways, that is me, in some respects. i am kind of goofy, in real life, at least around my really good friends. in situations i am less than totally comfortable in, i turn into a shy ball of silence. so, when i go to LANs and meet these people, it is kind of awkward, so i end up coming off as the chill guy in the corner. you know, it is a lot like parties and getting drunk (everything with me can refer back to getting drunk). when you are just drinking with friends, crazy things happen. it is a wacky good time. but when you are at a party, and there are people you don't know and such, you kind of try to be chill and cool, instead of wacky, because everyone will be freaked out...
hmmm.... i am having trouble collecting my thoughts coherently this morning, i'll try to blog later, lol ;)
Friday, September 28, 2001
did i miss a memo or something?
today has just been wierd. everyone is wierd. wierd things have happened. i feel like i am out of the loop or something. first off, traffic was just nuts, like nuts in your mouth nuts ALL DAY. it was insanity. i was driving to the office from a job site about noon or so, and i get to the 520 on ramp, and traffic STOPS. i creep up to the ship canal bridge, and there is a cop, who seems to be causing some problems. first 2 lanes are at a stand still now. then another cop pulls up in front of someone, about 2 cars up from me, in the 3rd lane over (i am in second lane over, flips his sirens, and STOPS. now all traffic is going through one lane, and everyone is freaking out. other cop pulls past him somehow, the cop stopping the lane drives away, and they both get off on the 45th st exit. traffic starts, and is perfectly normal. what the hell!!!! this morning, there was this old guy driving on 75th in both lanes. granted, it is confusing because there is no lines for most of it, but even when there were lines, like stopping at the stoplight at 15th, he was in both lanes. he did this all the way to roosevelt, where he finally turned off, from the middle of the two farthest lanes, even though there is a 3rd lane over acting as a turn lane. what the hell!!!!! drivers have been down right stupid ALL around me, and i just ignore it, and somehow it never manages to really effect me. i just kind of watch, as i am sitting at the 4 way stop and it is my turn, and two people who just pulled up in two directions decide that it should be there turn, even though there are 6 other lanes that have been waiting. so they pull into the intersection and almost tank eachother. i watch them flip eachother off, then drive away like it never happened. watching people merge on i-5. no one was even looking today. granted, no one ever looks, but today it was worse than usual. cars just drifting over, no signal, no nothing, just drifting over into another lane. the car who happens to be occupying the space the other car is trying to take guns it, and swerves in front of a semi to avoid a collision. semi almost hits other car, slows down, car behind him almost rear ends semi. bus fails to look at his side, almost creams a car trying to get on the freeway. two people almost merge into the same half a car length spot right in front of me. i casually drop my speed so there is enough room. both realize as their noses are about to hit, and swerve back into their lanes. there are other cars where the merging cars used to be, so they have to slam on the breaks. my lane is open again, so i move into the spot the two people tried to merge into and drive away. one car passes another car on the right in the crosswalk of an intersection right in front of me one lane over. the car that passed the car swerves into my lane. other car pulls up along side and starts yelling, other car swerves into turn lane and shoots across traffic, other car speeds around a semi, swerves across turn lane and oncoming traffic lanes into a shucks parking lot to go chase him down, almost tanking 2 pedestrians. don't even get me started on pedestrians today. holy shnikes, so much insanity. i guess none of it is really unusally, but it was all right after another, all right in front of me, just minding my own business. none of it really effects me, i just keep going like nothing happened. it wasn't even stuff i caused, it was just people being morons.
i need to get drunk, oh yes...
today has just been wierd. everyone is wierd. wierd things have happened. i feel like i am out of the loop or something. first off, traffic was just nuts, like nuts in your mouth nuts ALL DAY. it was insanity. i was driving to the office from a job site about noon or so, and i get to the 520 on ramp, and traffic STOPS. i creep up to the ship canal bridge, and there is a cop, who seems to be causing some problems. first 2 lanes are at a stand still now. then another cop pulls up in front of someone, about 2 cars up from me, in the 3rd lane over (i am in second lane over, flips his sirens, and STOPS. now all traffic is going through one lane, and everyone is freaking out. other cop pulls past him somehow, the cop stopping the lane drives away, and they both get off on the 45th st exit. traffic starts, and is perfectly normal. what the hell!!!! this morning, there was this old guy driving on 75th in both lanes. granted, it is confusing because there is no lines for most of it, but even when there were lines, like stopping at the stoplight at 15th, he was in both lanes. he did this all the way to roosevelt, where he finally turned off, from the middle of the two farthest lanes, even though there is a 3rd lane over acting as a turn lane. what the hell!!!!! drivers have been down right stupid ALL around me, and i just ignore it, and somehow it never manages to really effect me. i just kind of watch, as i am sitting at the 4 way stop and it is my turn, and two people who just pulled up in two directions decide that it should be there turn, even though there are 6 other lanes that have been waiting. so they pull into the intersection and almost tank eachother. i watch them flip eachother off, then drive away like it never happened. watching people merge on i-5. no one was even looking today. granted, no one ever looks, but today it was worse than usual. cars just drifting over, no signal, no nothing, just drifting over into another lane. the car who happens to be occupying the space the other car is trying to take guns it, and swerves in front of a semi to avoid a collision. semi almost hits other car, slows down, car behind him almost rear ends semi. bus fails to look at his side, almost creams a car trying to get on the freeway. two people almost merge into the same half a car length spot right in front of me. i casually drop my speed so there is enough room. both realize as their noses are about to hit, and swerve back into their lanes. there are other cars where the merging cars used to be, so they have to slam on the breaks. my lane is open again, so i move into the spot the two people tried to merge into and drive away. one car passes another car on the right in the crosswalk of an intersection right in front of me one lane over. the car that passed the car swerves into my lane. other car pulls up along side and starts yelling, other car swerves into turn lane and shoots across traffic, other car speeds around a semi, swerves across turn lane and oncoming traffic lanes into a shucks parking lot to go chase him down, almost tanking 2 pedestrians. don't even get me started on pedestrians today. holy shnikes, so much insanity. i guess none of it is really unusally, but it was all right after another, all right in front of me, just minding my own business. none of it really effects me, i just keep going like nothing happened. it wasn't even stuff i caused, it was just people being morons.
i need to get drunk, oh yes...
Wednesday, September 26, 2001
TWO TIME COLLEGE DROPOUT!!!
ok, it doesn't quite have the same ring as two time superbowl champion, but oh well. so yeah, i did it, i fucking dropped out. taking a quarter off. a quarter extends to be a year, which extends into my 20-somethings which is when i go back and try to get a degree. hopefully i can get my act together before then. who knows, i may be back in college by winter. but it is not working out now. what a relief though, no school to worry about, no homework.
ok, it doesn't quite have the same ring as two time superbowl champion, but oh well. so yeah, i did it, i fucking dropped out. taking a quarter off. a quarter extends to be a year, which extends into my 20-somethings which is when i go back and try to get a degree. hopefully i can get my act together before then. who knows, i may be back in college by winter. but it is not working out now. what a relief though, no school to worry about, no homework.
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
why am i still here. why am i paying to be here. what reason do i have to come back tomorrow, let alone 10 weeks from now. i am not going to last. i seriously should just drop all my classes while i can now and see if i can get any money back. i have zero motivation, zero will to come to class, zero interest in what i am taking. why can't i bring myself to give a flying fuck about school anymore? why is this so worthless to me. this is my education, the rest of my life we are talking about. yet i blow it off. i seriously need a break. i can't do this anymore. if i try, it will end up like the past 5 quarters before this. making every and any excuse to skip class. refusing to do homework, refusing to go, refusing to take tests, refusing to learn a damn thing. the difference is, i am at bcc now. i have been doing this for two quarters here. i have been doing well in my classes even if i don't go, or study, or do my homework. school is bullshit, i don't care anymore, and i am only halfway through my second class of the quarter................
fuct
fuct
Friday, September 21, 2001
that was all me, really bored at work :D check the time on it, 3:34, what would matt be doing home, and if he was home, why would he be on my computer. i was just trying to kill time until everyone left early, so i could go home early and look good at the same time :) sure it may have inspired somewhat by a conversation me and matt started a few days ago briefly about how much we hate the yankees because they are beotches, but i like baseball, especially this season. when i went to that game with alli, i thought i didn't know much, but i started rattling off facts about the dudes who came up, and then the people around us started asking me questions. and i was sitting there, thinking, why the fuck do i know so much about the mariners, let along the toronto blue jays. it was pretty cool, it was nice to feel like an expert on something, even if it was just to a few people for a few hours. you follow it for years, even passively, you start to know shit. also, i have been playing fantasy baseball for the past 3 seasons. playing fantasy baseball for me means keeping track of your players, which means keeping track of EVERYONE because the important stuff is about more than just your players. it is hard to just look up information on your certain players, you end up sifting through a lot of stuff and learning it by glancing at it or something. i guess i am closet baseball nut or something. anyways, i was just reading up on the mariners after i checked my fantasy team, and got inspired and decided to blog about it.
i simply can't check all those other blogs you guys seem to be looking at. i can't understand them, and i don't know the people who are blogging. it makes it tough for me to motivate myself to read them. not only is it physically hard to read, but it is just like why bother? i don't know these people, and i have trouble enough reading my own friends blogs. that is the great thing about blogs for me, it is an easy way to keep up with people who are ending up spread out all over the place. it is kind of a way to tide me over in case i don't see you for a while or something. that personality test rocks though, glad i could help spread the latest internet fad, even if it was like 3 months late ;)
i simply can't check all those other blogs you guys seem to be looking at. i can't understand them, and i don't know the people who are blogging. it makes it tough for me to motivate myself to read them. not only is it physically hard to read, but it is just like why bother? i don't know these people, and i have trouble enough reading my own friends blogs. that is the great thing about blogs for me, it is an easy way to keep up with people who are ending up spread out all over the place. it is kind of a way to tide me over in case i don't see you for a while or something. that personality test rocks though, glad i could help spread the latest internet fad, even if it was like 3 months late ;)
i hate the new york yankees. i hope we meet them in the post season so we can destroy them. so overrated. they play in a league with the two worst teams in baseball, and due to some crack ass new scheduling thing, they get to play MORE games against them. it is a small wonder that they are doing as well as they are doing. but are they? there is a stat out there somewhere that the yankees are a .500 ball club if you take away their games vs. the Royals, Devil Rays and Orioles. the mariners sit here in arguably the toughest division in the league. we have the two best teams in baseball. our other teams are no slouches either. the AL west has no KC or Baltimore or Tampa Bay or Pittsburg to inflate win counts. yet still we have won 106 games, with 15 still remaining. how good would we have been if we had been in the AL east instead of the yankees? extra games against baltimore and TB? yeehaw!!! throw in the lack luster blue jays and the self destructing red sox, you have a free ride to the playoffs. yet people still argue that they are better than the mariners, and that they should be the favorties out of the AL to go to the world series. screw that, so overrated. one of the highest payrolls in the game, if not THE highest. buying themself a GODLIKE starting rotation instead of bringing one up through the farm system. loading their lineup with RBI machines. how much did they spend on their team this year? dare i even ask? $109 million dollars as their opening payroll. compare that with the mariners $75 million, or especially the A's 33 million, how can you even compare the yankees to the mariners or a's. that is almost 35 million more than the mariners. 35 million, that is 3 12 million dollar players. before this offseason, 12 million dollar players were the GODS of baseball. that is what is so impressive about the mariners and a's. when the yankees have a hole, they up their payroll and go out and buy the best player in the league to fill it. mariners are left with 3 huge holes in 3 consecutive seasons, their 3 superstars, the 3 people who anchored their team. instead of going out and spending a lot of money in free agency to try and fill these holes with big names like most teams would, they traded for young guys, creating prospects to nurture into gods, who they could mold into valuable team players. right now, we have an incredible team of no names. the biggest name we had before the season started was aaron sele, and even he wasn't that good. no longer do we have no names, we have all stars. even people like david bell were on everyones mind as the allstar balloting came to a close. we also have one of the deepest minor league systems in the majors. pitching-wise, we have gods right now, and still more gods to replaces them. it will be glorious. we are the next atlanta braves. our pitching will be dominant for years to come, because we have refused to trade away these prospects. how many offers have we turned down for Joel Pineiro in the past 2 years? way too many. people may have scoffed at the beginning of last year when we refused to give him up, but right now we are laughing back at them. we let him develop, threw him into the lineup when he was ready, and bam, we had yet another dominant pitcher to add to our already stellar rotation. his era was somthing like .85 through is first few starts, unbelievable. we have freddy garcia anchoring our staff, leading the league in era. he is what, 25 now? holy shnikes!!! once jamie moyer retires, john halama will step up and take his place. both pitchers were struggling until he was sent down. since them, moyer has been unstoppable, and halama as been adequate. still not awesome, compared to all our other dudes, but he will only get better. he will be our crafty ultra slow ultra movement pitcher once moyer is gone. our farm system is stacked with big guys who throw hard. once they learn some control, they will be pimps we can bring up. there is that really tall guy, ryan anderson or whatever we drafted a few years back. we just got some guy from russia, and some guy from china to be pimps. we have some other guy who has 4 excellent pitches, who mariner scouts say could be dominant in a few years. our farm system is stacked. our offense will be our downfall, if we have one, yet we still lead the league in this category this year. somehow, i don't know, incredible. our group of no names and jabronis lead the league in offense. how did this happen!!! oh well, scrapping together hits, never giving up down late in games, late in innings, two outs, two strikes whatever!! we still manage to get hits. #1 offense, #1 pitching staff. AND, our defense. russ davis, error every other game. david bell, error every other game at second. paul sorrento, pfft, in there for the power. we had so many errors, and it bit us in the ass so many times. but now..... cameron, great range in center. ichiro, gold glove hands down in right. the platoon in left holding up as well as they should. david bell, absolutely awesome at third. olerud, always has been an incredible first basemen. booney and guillen holding their own. wilson, always has been fantastic behind the plate, even if he doesn't start every night. last time i checked, no one on our team had more than 10 errors, no one. how many gold gloves will we get this year? who knows, any number of our guys could get them. no one runs on ichiro. NO ONE. he has a cannon. insanity. where did this rush of defense come from, who would have thought it. #1 in offense, defense and pitching. if we end the season like this, only the 8th team in history to lead the leage in all 3 categories. what an insane season. reason to be happy about seattle sports again :)
Thursday, September 20, 2001
so yeah, work today, lol. i was tromping around in a bog for most of the day. for the first 40 mins i was alone, because someone hadn't showed up and the other guy went out to get some stuff from the store. so, of course, that was when our boss showed up. i tried to cover for my coworkers, but it was kind of awkward :) anyways, we had a nice chat, and she lavished praise on me for everything i do for the foundation, yadda yadda. i was basicially sitting there thinking "yeah, i don't know what i did, but i made them happy somehow." after she left, the crew of workers we had out there decided to show up, and i was still alone. so i just kind of gave them some bullshit jobs to do, and had two of them do the job i was supposed to be doing at the time :D hot damn that rocked, i just kind of sat there while these guys do my job. i ended up giving them something worthwhile to do even, because they ended up doing it for the rest of the day.
my clothes are filthy, i don't know how they got so muddy. i was just walking, i didn't fall or anything, but i have mud caking my pants up to my knees. it is really confusing. after that, i had to tap into the main water line running through the park to water some plants. i didn't have enough hose, and the water pressure was enormous, so i ended up just kind of spraying some plants, and then ignoring the rest. i was already supposed to be out of there anyways. word to the wise, don't fuck with the water at parks. i have had too many experiences with our damn valves for irrigation and water on site that went down hill. like when ryan broke the main irrigation pipe because he wanted a drink, and ended up drenching half of the planting area it was in, including me and him with a geyser of water. that was funny. also, the pressure is so high that whenever you take out the little pipe things we attach in, you get this huge gush of water out of the both ends, which drenches you. ahh well :)
the part of bushes speech i saw tonight was decent. i usually can't handle trying to watch him talk, but this one was good. whoever wrote it gets a thumbs up, and props to GW for pulling it off in his own way. i'm just glad i am not a senator, having to stand up so damn much.
i'm about to bust B off a fat check for rent this month, and i have to pay again in a week and a half. paying rent at two places sucks, i wouldn't recommend it, even if it was just for 1 month. i just hope i get the money back from air and trav's someday, because i am sending myself into a spiral of debt here :/ on the upside, we had a guy come over and look at the place today. he seemed pretty cool, really chill, he would fit in well. hopefully he moves in so we don't have to split another rent check 3 ways. that would hurt, i don't think i would be able to cover it...
my clothes are filthy, i don't know how they got so muddy. i was just walking, i didn't fall or anything, but i have mud caking my pants up to my knees. it is really confusing. after that, i had to tap into the main water line running through the park to water some plants. i didn't have enough hose, and the water pressure was enormous, so i ended up just kind of spraying some plants, and then ignoring the rest. i was already supposed to be out of there anyways. word to the wise, don't fuck with the water at parks. i have had too many experiences with our damn valves for irrigation and water on site that went down hill. like when ryan broke the main irrigation pipe because he wanted a drink, and ended up drenching half of the planting area it was in, including me and him with a geyser of water. that was funny. also, the pressure is so high that whenever you take out the little pipe things we attach in, you get this huge gush of water out of the both ends, which drenches you. ahh well :)
the part of bushes speech i saw tonight was decent. i usually can't handle trying to watch him talk, but this one was good. whoever wrote it gets a thumbs up, and props to GW for pulling it off in his own way. i'm just glad i am not a senator, having to stand up so damn much.
i'm about to bust B off a fat check for rent this month, and i have to pay again in a week and a half. paying rent at two places sucks, i wouldn't recommend it, even if it was just for 1 month. i just hope i get the money back from air and trav's someday, because i am sending myself into a spiral of debt here :/ on the upside, we had a guy come over and look at the place today. he seemed pretty cool, really chill, he would fit in well. hopefully he moves in so we don't have to split another rent check 3 ways. that would hurt, i don't think i would be able to cover it...
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
what to do, what to do. shwaaaa
so yeah. we have some gomer coming to look at the house today. B and I are fairly certain he would be an exact opposite of what we are looking for, so it should be a fairly humorous little interview thing. i'll tell you guys how it goes. also, we got another call around lunch time, but i fell asleep instead of calling him back. we'll get around to it this afternoon. work is boring, but i love it. no expectations, at the moment. no tasks for me to take care of. everyone is leaving, so i am just sitting back and watching. the exodus has begun. yeee haw...
so yeah. we have some gomer coming to look at the house today. B and I are fairly certain he would be an exact opposite of what we are looking for, so it should be a fairly humorous little interview thing. i'll tell you guys how it goes. also, we got another call around lunch time, but i fell asleep instead of calling him back. we'll get around to it this afternoon. work is boring, but i love it. no expectations, at the moment. no tasks for me to take care of. everyone is leaving, so i am just sitting back and watching. the exodus has begun. yeee haw...
Tuesday, September 18, 2001
so yeah, i am bored at work here, so i am looking around looking at the church of scientology website. there is some cracked out stuff in there. like the E-meter that monitors your body, checking for imbalances in your soul. it taps into your memories, which are composed of energy and matter, and monitor the changes as you think about different things, and therefore monitor the imbalances in your thinking. this is brand new religious technology, something scientology prides itself on.....
i still classify myself as a teenager. i still feel like i am treated like a teenager. i still feel like i act and look like a teenager. but as i drive past high schools, everyone looks so young, jeebus. who let these 6th graders into high school.
turning 20 was supposed to be a symbolic leap out of my teenage years. it sybolized age, and with age a certain respect from older generations. i still have yet to see this respect. i am still treated like a teenager, and i imagine i will be for the next few years. i have these expectations to act more responsible, but why bother when i am not given the respect that that responsibility should entail? so i don't bother, i just go on having the fun i feel a teenager should have, the fun i enjoy having. you know what? the more i really think about it, i really don't need the respect. why should i care what people think about me. why should i start caring now? because i am 20? because sybolically i should be getting it? who gives a damn. just some things i was thinking about at work here, and watching people leave. i have more respect, in some ways, than any of the other staff here, because i won't put up with stuff. my opinion is listened to more than anyones, which is crazy, because i am the least qualified. at work, i get more respect than i deserve, and it is wierd. i almost wish i didn't, because someday it is going to come back and bite me in the ass
turning 20 was supposed to be a symbolic leap out of my teenage years. it sybolized age, and with age a certain respect from older generations. i still have yet to see this respect. i am still treated like a teenager, and i imagine i will be for the next few years. i have these expectations to act more responsible, but why bother when i am not given the respect that that responsibility should entail? so i don't bother, i just go on having the fun i feel a teenager should have, the fun i enjoy having. you know what? the more i really think about it, i really don't need the respect. why should i care what people think about me. why should i start caring now? because i am 20? because sybolically i should be getting it? who gives a damn. just some things i was thinking about at work here, and watching people leave. i have more respect, in some ways, than any of the other staff here, because i won't put up with stuff. my opinion is listened to more than anyones, which is crazy, because i am the least qualified. at work, i get more respect than i deserve, and it is wierd. i almost wish i didn't, because someday it is going to come back and bite me in the ass
i just saw something really funny :D
you know how motorcycle dudes wave at eachother when they drive past eachother? well, i just saw a moped pass some big loud bike, and the dude at the moped waved at the guy on the big old motorcycle. for some reason, i found this very amusing. i imagine the guy on the real motorcycle was laughing to himself.
so yeah, beginning of my day at work is over early, too bad i still have to go back. yesterday, i left at 4, when i am supposed to, and i was the last one there. i don't feel so bad about leaving early all the time anymore. today there were 4 of us out there. one of them left at 9. then another person left at 10. one of the guys just got back from his honeymoon, and just got a cold, so i told him so he should go home too. he left at 10:30. so i was all alone in charge of the group of people we contract labor from. i just kind of wandered off and did my own thing because i don't really like working with them. i actually worked until 11:30, without any outside forces motivating me to do so. i need to take an extra long lunch or leave extra early to make up for it. jeez, responsible all of the sudden, what is wrong with me ;)
i am more or less out of food again. i hate it when this happens. i don't even have any pop, or beer. i can't wait until i am 21. i feel so helpless not being able to buy my own beer. i don't like eating or drinking other peoples stuff, necessarily, unless i have something there to offer in return. right now i don't, really. time to go to the store. last time, it took me 3 weeks to get around to it. ragazzi here i come.
you know how motorcycle dudes wave at eachother when they drive past eachother? well, i just saw a moped pass some big loud bike, and the dude at the moped waved at the guy on the big old motorcycle. for some reason, i found this very amusing. i imagine the guy on the real motorcycle was laughing to himself.
so yeah, beginning of my day at work is over early, too bad i still have to go back. yesterday, i left at 4, when i am supposed to, and i was the last one there. i don't feel so bad about leaving early all the time anymore. today there were 4 of us out there. one of them left at 9. then another person left at 10. one of the guys just got back from his honeymoon, and just got a cold, so i told him so he should go home too. he left at 10:30. so i was all alone in charge of the group of people we contract labor from. i just kind of wandered off and did my own thing because i don't really like working with them. i actually worked until 11:30, without any outside forces motivating me to do so. i need to take an extra long lunch or leave extra early to make up for it. jeez, responsible all of the sudden, what is wrong with me ;)
i am more or less out of food again. i hate it when this happens. i don't even have any pop, or beer. i can't wait until i am 21. i feel so helpless not being able to buy my own beer. i don't like eating or drinking other peoples stuff, necessarily, unless i have something there to offer in return. right now i don't, really. time to go to the store. last time, it took me 3 weeks to get around to it. ragazzi here i come.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
kato, that was pretty much the point of that paragraph. if it had been said in real life, it would be dripping with sarcasm. having trav reserved is not a good thing. having me being bitter and holding it in is not a good thing. having us all putting up a happy facade, but being mad underneath is not a good thing.
the thing is, without this blog, i would never get any of those feelings out. and, i'm out...
well, i'm not going to blog about it anymore. it is a stupid thing. we were all unhappy about the way i left. once you guys get a new person moved in, it will be all good, i think a lot of the tension will be relieved. you know my reasoning behind it, you can be mad at that if you want, but that is your call, i won't knock you for it. but i didn't just ditch you. in a few weeks we will all have forgotten about it anyways. we are guys, with important things, we get really mad all at once, then forget about it. forgetation commenced ;)
so anyways, ryan and I had a pretty funny night last night. we spent it hanging out with a few of our friends from high school and some of their friends. we went to this huge birthday dinner thing at beppos, there was like 20 some of us including parents, roomates, friends, etc. ryan and i sat in the back corner with blake, and only one person came to sit at our table, some other guy who was scared of us. blake ryan and i proceeded to take all the stuff on the table and make a building out of them. we had the wine list on top of salt shakers, with spoons coming off of it going to water glasses, etc. the waiter didn't really know what to do, so he ignored it. the great thing was, as the night progressed, they kept bringing us more food, and more utensils, and more plates and serving bowls to stack. it was pretty funny.
after that we we walked over to the seattle center to go to the WTC memorial at the fountain. i have been trying to put it in the back of my mind the last few days, but seeing all those people and all those flowers brought it out again. it was really moving to me, i was fighting back tears after a few minutes. then, we went back to our friends apartment to drink. it was hilarious. it was me, blake and ryan, and 4 girls drinking, and ryan wasn't having any. so, after a margarita and a shot or two, the girls were all wasted, leaving me and blake sitting around laughing at them. so after they were done, i started drinking heavily. they had this shmirnoff vanilla twist, oh guys. it went down soooo easy. dear lord, i recommend it. after i finished off the majority of the bottle, i was more in the drunken mindset, and the girls were even more amusing. eventually we went out to smoke cigars, something i am really becoming a fan of, and walked to dicks. the girls kind of followed along, complaining, but eventually forgot why they were complaining and started singing. hot damn they were loud, it was awesome. on the way home, we were singing disney themes. somehow it was hilarious. we got back, and tried to watch the little mermaid 2, but most people fell asleep. it was a bad movie, i wouldn't recommend it, but it fit the theme of the night. it was a really fun night, i'm going to have to look them up again, since they more or less refuse to come over and drink with us, we scare them.
i am really really not looking forward to school. working full time and going to school is really going to take its toll on me. but i need the money, at least until i get out of debt. and i really should keep going to school, even though i am going no where. i am seriously considering dropping out completely, for now at least. i really don't have the motivation to do anything school related. it is just pointless for me to go, a waste of time and money.
the thing is, without this blog, i would never get any of those feelings out. and, i'm out...
well, i'm not going to blog about it anymore. it is a stupid thing. we were all unhappy about the way i left. once you guys get a new person moved in, it will be all good, i think a lot of the tension will be relieved. you know my reasoning behind it, you can be mad at that if you want, but that is your call, i won't knock you for it. but i didn't just ditch you. in a few weeks we will all have forgotten about it anyways. we are guys, with important things, we get really mad all at once, then forget about it. forgetation commenced ;)
so anyways, ryan and I had a pretty funny night last night. we spent it hanging out with a few of our friends from high school and some of their friends. we went to this huge birthday dinner thing at beppos, there was like 20 some of us including parents, roomates, friends, etc. ryan and i sat in the back corner with blake, and only one person came to sit at our table, some other guy who was scared of us. blake ryan and i proceeded to take all the stuff on the table and make a building out of them. we had the wine list on top of salt shakers, with spoons coming off of it going to water glasses, etc. the waiter didn't really know what to do, so he ignored it. the great thing was, as the night progressed, they kept bringing us more food, and more utensils, and more plates and serving bowls to stack. it was pretty funny.
after that we we walked over to the seattle center to go to the WTC memorial at the fountain. i have been trying to put it in the back of my mind the last few days, but seeing all those people and all those flowers brought it out again. it was really moving to me, i was fighting back tears after a few minutes. then, we went back to our friends apartment to drink. it was hilarious. it was me, blake and ryan, and 4 girls drinking, and ryan wasn't having any. so, after a margarita and a shot or two, the girls were all wasted, leaving me and blake sitting around laughing at them. so after they were done, i started drinking heavily. they had this shmirnoff vanilla twist, oh guys. it went down soooo easy. dear lord, i recommend it. after i finished off the majority of the bottle, i was more in the drunken mindset, and the girls were even more amusing. eventually we went out to smoke cigars, something i am really becoming a fan of, and walked to dicks. the girls kind of followed along, complaining, but eventually forgot why they were complaining and started singing. hot damn they were loud, it was awesome. on the way home, we were singing disney themes. somehow it was hilarious. we got back, and tried to watch the little mermaid 2, but most people fell asleep. it was a bad movie, i wouldn't recommend it, but it fit the theme of the night. it was a really fun night, i'm going to have to look them up again, since they more or less refuse to come over and drink with us, we scare them.
i am really really not looking forward to school. working full time and going to school is really going to take its toll on me. but i need the money, at least until i get out of debt. and i really should keep going to school, even though i am going no where. i am seriously considering dropping out completely, for now at least. i really don't have the motivation to do anything school related. it is just pointless for me to go, a waste of time and money.
Saturday, September 15, 2001
its just good to be out of the house. dan, now you know. sorry it had to come to you by me yelling at you from the street. it is nothing new, but something i couldn't deal with anymore, which is why i moved out. its my fault for not confronting it earlier, like when it first started middle of freshman year, and then for prolonging it by agreeing to move back in sophmore year. i thought i could deal with it again when you moved in, because at least i wasn't with my parents and without you we would have been fucked after jay and blake dicked us. i was wrong again. everyone warned me, my parents, my friends from high school who i talked to about it, but i didn't listen because i loved that house. my bad. whatever. its what i get for repressing emotions.
i am sick of arguing about the fucking spiders. this is one of my major qualms with you. you always have to be right. i am going to do what i always do and just nod and agree with you. so, without further ado, there is no such thing as a daddy long legs with poison. i am full of shit. there, now be there any truth in what i said or not, you can have your piece of mind about being right. because you are always right
me and matt were talking earlier. these blogs started out with the best intentions, but have taken a big slide towards destructive. it started out when manuel balls out attacked matt when he got his first blog. there are some things you would never say to another person's face, things they don't want to know. it is really easy to sit behind your computer screen and pour your emotions out into this little text box here. unfortunately, everyone else reads these things. but you are safe, because it is only your blog, safely hidden on your screen. it gives you a false sense of confidence that you can say whatever you want, about who ever you want. guilty as charged.
if only we could go back to the way it was before blogging. trav would still be reserved, never starting crap with anyone. i would still be hiding my feelings about dan, accepting them. we wouldn't be able to say the things we really shouldn't say. we would all have our fake happy pretenses to wrap around ourselves like a blanket. but you know what? fuck that. i would rather have people angry at me, and know how i really feel than have to keep hiding shit just for the sake of holding together an already dwindling social group
i am sick of arguing about the fucking spiders. this is one of my major qualms with you. you always have to be right. i am going to do what i always do and just nod and agree with you. so, without further ado, there is no such thing as a daddy long legs with poison. i am full of shit. there, now be there any truth in what i said or not, you can have your piece of mind about being right. because you are always right
me and matt were talking earlier. these blogs started out with the best intentions, but have taken a big slide towards destructive. it started out when manuel balls out attacked matt when he got his first blog. there are some things you would never say to another person's face, things they don't want to know. it is really easy to sit behind your computer screen and pour your emotions out into this little text box here. unfortunately, everyone else reads these things. but you are safe, because it is only your blog, safely hidden on your screen. it gives you a false sense of confidence that you can say whatever you want, about who ever you want. guilty as charged.
if only we could go back to the way it was before blogging. trav would still be reserved, never starting crap with anyone. i would still be hiding my feelings about dan, accepting them. we wouldn't be able to say the things we really shouldn't say. we would all have our fake happy pretenses to wrap around ourselves like a blanket. but you know what? fuck that. i would rather have people angry at me, and know how i really feel than have to keep hiding shit just for the sake of holding together an already dwindling social group
caution: sober blog! for once.... :P
moral of last night: don't let wank be drunk at that house.
i was the asshole to defeat all assholes last night. i am fucking out like a 10 pound trout this morning. i am not defending myself anymore, because its my fault, and i have nothing to defend. i had no cause to even come over last night. blah... my bad guys. sorry. i won't do it again, i won't come over drunk like that again. i did some things that were completely uncalled for. you guys have every right to be pissed at me. i just have to accept the consequences of my actions. sorry guys, i feel really bad this morning :( hopefully you guys will come over here and hang out with us, or let me come over and not drink, just chill.
second moral of last night: i am not over it
i thought i had moved on, but i haven't. it is tough for me. i am a stubborn poop-dick. drinking definitely does not help the problem.
sorry everyone had to witness that. my bad, my bad. if there is something i can do to make it up to you guys, just tell me. in anycase, i'm just getting drunk here from now on.....
moral of last night: don't let wank be drunk at that house.
i was the asshole to defeat all assholes last night. i am fucking out like a 10 pound trout this morning. i am not defending myself anymore, because its my fault, and i have nothing to defend. i had no cause to even come over last night. blah... my bad guys. sorry. i won't do it again, i won't come over drunk like that again. i did some things that were completely uncalled for. you guys have every right to be pissed at me. i just have to accept the consequences of my actions. sorry guys, i feel really bad this morning :( hopefully you guys will come over here and hang out with us, or let me come over and not drink, just chill.
second moral of last night: i am not over it
i thought i had moved on, but i haven't. it is tough for me. i am a stubborn poop-dick. drinking definitely does not help the problem.
sorry everyone had to witness that. my bad, my bad. if there is something i can do to make it up to you guys, just tell me. in anycase, i'm just getting drunk here from now on.....
create my fucking problems????? what the FUCK. create my problems because i don't feel like dealing with shit i had been repressing for the sake of the sanity of the household, out of respect for you guys. i finally decide to do something about it, but no, i am just creating my own problems. the problems were there, so i did something about it. they weren't created by anyone, but THEY WERE FUCKING THERE. don't downplay them just because they weren't aired out for everyone to see. there were problems, so i fucking did something about it. sorry that it inconvenienced you, but i did what i had to fucking do. sorry for being bitter, but i had to move out of the house i loved, away from 2 roomates i loved, and i am out $1000 i don't know i am ever going to see again.
last night......
i didn't do these things to get back at anything. i put cones on dan's car because i thought it would be funny. he got really pissed, and squealed off. i reacted again, because i thought the way he reacted was funny, and i put them behind his car. in turn you reacted and put them in our yard. this i thought ended the whole thing. but whatever. i was fucking blitzed that night, i only half remember doing that all. i do know none of us kicked dans fender or whatever. i didn't put plants in your house out of any malicious intent. i did it because i thought it was funny. i'm not trashing your house or anything, so what the fuck. air gets drunk. air throws the entire fucking back yard through the back fucking window. air pulls pools through dans window. air gets pants pulled half off. we all just fucking laugh. we clean up our mess and chalk it up to drunkeness. wank comes over. wank puts cones on car. wank puts plants in house. wank watches matt try to pull travs pants off and lends a hand until trav gets up and leaves. wank gets raked over the coals and door slammed in his face.
i get drunk, i do shit like that, you know that, god fucking damn. of course i cleaned up when you were crossing your arms forcing me. you could have asked and i would have cleaned it up too. honestly, i didn't know it was such a big fucking deal. i got plants in your house, whoopidy doo. how many times did i come over and do that to matt and b? i can think of at least 3 off hand where i came over and did the EXACT fucking thing, and i cleaned up afterwards. i would have cleaned it all up regardless of you guys standing over us. it is the same thing with the fucking cones on dans car. i get drunk, i pull little jokes like that. they are funny, but aren't destructive or anything. you know this, this isn't a new thing. so yeah, i'll stay away from you guys if it really pisses you off as much as it did. it is easy to villianize them the times you aren't a part of it. when you guys are doing them, they are funny, aka pools in house, etc etc etc. i am sorry to see the dynamic of the house has changed so much now that ryan and I have moved out. i didn't expect it, so i did stuff in the same way as when i lived there. obviously that was the wrong thing to do, because things have changed as i can see now. my bad for not noticing.
our bad for coming over. our bad for participating in our social life. i at least won't come over there anymore if this is the way it is now. i can see you don't want it, so i will stay away. we don't care about fucking up our places, we do it 3 times a week.
last night......
i didn't do these things to get back at anything. i put cones on dan's car because i thought it would be funny. he got really pissed, and squealed off. i reacted again, because i thought the way he reacted was funny, and i put them behind his car. in turn you reacted and put them in our yard. this i thought ended the whole thing. but whatever. i was fucking blitzed that night, i only half remember doing that all. i do know none of us kicked dans fender or whatever. i didn't put plants in your house out of any malicious intent. i did it because i thought it was funny. i'm not trashing your house or anything, so what the fuck. air gets drunk. air throws the entire fucking back yard through the back fucking window. air pulls pools through dans window. air gets pants pulled half off. we all just fucking laugh. we clean up our mess and chalk it up to drunkeness. wank comes over. wank puts cones on car. wank puts plants in house. wank watches matt try to pull travs pants off and lends a hand until trav gets up and leaves. wank gets raked over the coals and door slammed in his face.
i get drunk, i do shit like that, you know that, god fucking damn. of course i cleaned up when you were crossing your arms forcing me. you could have asked and i would have cleaned it up too. honestly, i didn't know it was such a big fucking deal. i got plants in your house, whoopidy doo. how many times did i come over and do that to matt and b? i can think of at least 3 off hand where i came over and did the EXACT fucking thing, and i cleaned up afterwards. i would have cleaned it all up regardless of you guys standing over us. it is the same thing with the fucking cones on dans car. i get drunk, i pull little jokes like that. they are funny, but aren't destructive or anything. you know this, this isn't a new thing. so yeah, i'll stay away from you guys if it really pisses you off as much as it did. it is easy to villianize them the times you aren't a part of it. when you guys are doing them, they are funny, aka pools in house, etc etc etc. i am sorry to see the dynamic of the house has changed so much now that ryan and I have moved out. i didn't expect it, so i did stuff in the same way as when i lived there. obviously that was the wrong thing to do, because things have changed as i can see now. my bad for not noticing.
our bad for coming over. our bad for participating in our social life. i at least won't come over there anymore if this is the way it is now. i can see you don't want it, so i will stay away. we don't care about fucking up our places, we do it 3 times a week.
its a good thing i moved out befere thoes people i thought understood me turned their backs on me too. what the fuck ever guys, i cleaned that shit up. your house is not trashed or any shit like that . you guys can suck my cock tongiht for all i care. BLOW ME. i came over, i had fun, i personally wasn't loud. i made a mess, but it was all cleaned up. i leave, you chase me down the street getting fucingk mad at me. i don't want to have to explain mysefl, but i end up doing it. what do you want from me. you don't want to see me again? fine. if you want to see me, you know where to find me. i will be over here. this will be the last fucking time you see me at that house, if you don't want me over there. i move into another house so i can live my own fucking life, without haveing to close my door, get away from anyone. you say you understand but you are still bitter because i fucking move out. if you are mad that i move out, at least tell me, so i know how it is. unfortunately it comes to this. you know why i moved out. if i hadn't, whoe knows if i would still be alive right now. SERIOUSLY. i was entertianing thoughts of suicide. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUCKING MAD I WAS. you have no fucking idea. i have been depressed before, but you have no idea. it didn't get to this. there was that week where i was fucking mad that went right into fucking depression again. deep into fucking depression. i was spending that week hoping you guys had a gun that i could borrow to blow my head off. that house was not a healthy living environment, and if you didn't see it, you can fucking burn in hell. ask ryan how i was at work, he will tell you. i was fucking in a bad spot, and i took care of it for myself. if i hadn't, who knows where i would fucking be. you have no idea what i was going through. fuck you guys and your bitter asses. i put up the fucking rent for the month i didn't live there, i put in an add to help you fuckers get a new dude. i didn't just screw your asses. FUCK YOU GUYS. fuck you guys.
Friday, September 14, 2001
http://www.blitzworld.com/garden/spiders.htm
Any of numerous arachnids of the order Araneae, having a body divided into a cephalothorax bearing eight legs, two poison fangs, and two feelers and an unsegmented abdomen bearing several spinnerets that produce the silk used to make nests, cocoons, or webs for trapping insects.
fucker. always have to be right, don't you :P they are poisonous.
Any of numerous arachnids of the order Araneae, having a body divided into a cephalothorax bearing eight legs, two poison fangs, and two feelers and an unsegmented abdomen bearing several spinnerets that produce the silk used to make nests, cocoons, or webs for trapping insects.
fucker. always have to be right, don't you :P they are poisonous.
Thursday, September 13, 2001
screw having a girlfriend, just get me one of those mannequins they have in the windows of the Love Zone on 15th and 80th in ballard. hot damn, whoever they modeled that thing after has a tight little body. today it is wearing this little green fake crushed velvet number, woo hoo.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
so yeah, my friend is ok. that was a big relief :/
the comfort i take in this whole situation is that bush will not be making the decisions alone. he probably won't be making the decisions period. he has tons of highly trained staff and advisors to keep him occupied while they make the decisions, now that something important has come up. i hardly find his speeches inspiring. there is nothing notable to remember about them. there is nothing moving like "a day that will live in infamy" to touch me. his speech this morning came off as a bunch of one liners strung together to try and be powerful and touch my emotions and come off as that one line that everyone remembers, but didn't actually say anything. at least he will have the balls to do what needs to be done, at least that is my hope.
today i am not proud to be american, i am afraid. i am afraid that this could happen again. i am afraid that we will devote all our resources to making the skies safe, only to have someone drive a semi full of enough explosives to destroy everything in a 2 block radius into the side of a building. i am afraid that once we let our guard down, it will all happen again. i am afraid that some crazy bastard will get his hands on a nuclear missile and drop it into the middle of some densely populated city. mostly i am afraid that whoever did this will not be caught, that they will get away unpunished.
trav, i'm sorry, but you came off as really heartless there :/
the comfort i take in this whole situation is that bush will not be making the decisions alone. he probably won't be making the decisions period. he has tons of highly trained staff and advisors to keep him occupied while they make the decisions, now that something important has come up. i hardly find his speeches inspiring. there is nothing notable to remember about them. there is nothing moving like "a day that will live in infamy" to touch me. his speech this morning came off as a bunch of one liners strung together to try and be powerful and touch my emotions and come off as that one line that everyone remembers, but didn't actually say anything. at least he will have the balls to do what needs to be done, at least that is my hope.
today i am not proud to be american, i am afraid. i am afraid that this could happen again. i am afraid that we will devote all our resources to making the skies safe, only to have someone drive a semi full of enough explosives to destroy everything in a 2 block radius into the side of a building. i am afraid that once we let our guard down, it will all happen again. i am afraid that some crazy bastard will get his hands on a nuclear missile and drop it into the middle of some densely populated city. mostly i am afraid that whoever did this will not be caught, that they will get away unpunished.
trav, i'm sorry, but you came off as really heartless there :/
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
fuck fuck FUCKITY fuck.
i know a guy who works at the world trade center. apparently he was supposed to go to school today, but i just found out his school is right next to the world trade center. as of a little while ago, his parents hadn't heard from him since it happened, which was a few hours. i am freaking out. i think i am going to go throw up.
i know a guy who works at the world trade center. apparently he was supposed to go to school today, but i just found out his school is right next to the world trade center. as of a little while ago, his parents hadn't heard from him since it happened, which was a few hours. i am freaking out. i think i am going to go throw up.
Monday, September 10, 2001
new webspace, new blog, new house, new roomates, new beginnings all around.
i am thinking of setting up a webpage again. i really would like to try and recover my oldschool fantasy book webpage that i started in 9th grade, but was deleted by my old webspace :/ that was rather annoying, after having it up for almost 5 years. whatever. gives me a chance to completely redo it, which i was wanting to do anyways. now i have no choice but to completely redo it :) i also want to set up some sort of memory to the crazyness that is me, so someday when i forget about it, i can go back and laugh at it. good times. anyways, i figured if i was actually going to do it, i would need new webspace, and i figured if i was getting new webspace, i might as well just krunk my blog over too it. good deals. so yeah, if you guys make it to see this, props to you. if not, you will probably just be getting more pissed at the lack of updates, because they will be nonexistant, seeing as the blog only publishes to this page now.
wang wong. i needed a break from blogs, again. hopefully i can get fully back into the swing of things, when i start working again without ryan, which will leave me with absolutely nothing to do in the office, except blog and sleep. oh yeah, check you guys later. all hail bobsville.
i am thinking of setting up a webpage again. i really would like to try and recover my oldschool fantasy book webpage that i started in 9th grade, but was deleted by my old webspace :/ that was rather annoying, after having it up for almost 5 years. whatever. gives me a chance to completely redo it, which i was wanting to do anyways. now i have no choice but to completely redo it :) i also want to set up some sort of memory to the crazyness that is me, so someday when i forget about it, i can go back and laugh at it. good times. anyways, i figured if i was actually going to do it, i would need new webspace, and i figured if i was getting new webspace, i might as well just krunk my blog over too it. good deals. so yeah, if you guys make it to see this, props to you. if not, you will probably just be getting more pissed at the lack of updates, because they will be nonexistant, seeing as the blog only publishes to this page now.
wang wong. i needed a break from blogs, again. hopefully i can get fully back into the swing of things, when i start working again without ryan, which will leave me with absolutely nothing to do in the office, except blog and sleep. oh yeah, check you guys later. all hail bobsville.
Monday, September 03, 2001
from trav:
wanks moving out.... wtf?
think about it (wank). live it in your head.
is it worth it?
yes, it is worth it. it needed to be done. the opportunity presented itself, so i had to take it. it sucks, i may be an ass, but it was worth it to me. i hope you and air can see why i did what i did. if not, sucks, but especially after being with me tonight, seeing how i was acting, as compared to how i was acting in the old house, it was worth it. my tension is lifted. worries gone. this is a first day in a long time i haven't spent thinking about solitary things that gave me reason to get through the day. i know you guys can't understand how i felt, how it could be that bad, but it was. i was on the verge of something terrible. no longer am i entertaining thoughts of death or worse :P
i was in a bad spot. i went from rage right back into hardcore depression. it was bad. i hadn't felt like that since i was kicked out of college, and before that jeez, i don't remember. it was best that i remove myself from that spot, before something bad happened to me...
i'm tired, i need sleep. blog mc blog tomorrow.
btw, trav is so money, and he doesn't even know it. he had every right to be a dick, and i salute him for it. sorry it had to happen, but in my opinion, it had to happen. and yes trav, your theme song is Nookie, not Break Stuff. i hope you see why i picked that for you now ;) there's a reason you can't pick your own theme song. go and listen to the lyrics
